A lady was mean to my 4 year old today..

[Missy1961]

It would if the mommy had not made a big deal about how mean the lady was--making that stick in the 4 year old's head

yeah, you're right. Yours is more accurate.

 

[C.Ann]

"Mean"? Is this what we're calling "mean" now?

He tapped on her purse - she didn't like it and said so.. At that point mom should have said, "Please don't bother other people - we're here to eat.." Tapping the bench and asking the ladies name was the child "pushing the envelope" - obviously ignoring mom - as well as this woman's desire to not be bothered.. How does that make the woman "mean"?

As others have said, maybe she wasn't feeling well.. Maybe something tragic had just happened in her life.. Maybe she just plain doesn't like kids.. Still doesn't make her "mean"..

 

[ckay87]

Yea it's mean. There are standards of behavior for people of all ages, and both parties here were somewhat guilty of breaking them if you ask me.

"None of your business" is not an acceptable response to that question when posed by a 4-year-old, IMO.

And before you (all) get on MY back, be aware that I have BEEN that lady. Not so long ago I sat down to have a little something to eat. I was in a BAD mood and just wanted a minute of peace and there was some family who had to sit right next to me and let the kid drive me nuts. But no matter how much I was annoyed, it goes against some deep instinct of mine to speak words such as those aloud (especially to a little kid). I like to call that instinct "manners." I thought it, I did my invisible eyeroll and I left in an even worse mood. But I could never have said such words aloud to a little kid who I didn't know (now my own kids....I can verbally abuse them like a champ )

 

[Mermaid02]

If the events happened like the OP stated, then the woman didn't "snap".

In fact the woman's actions are on level with what you suggest

You said you'd give the Mom a look, and not that you'd smile at the boy like she wanted. You said that you'd make a comment instead of giving out your name like the Mom wanted.

I don't consider "None of your business" (I consider that snappy) on par with "you really shouldn't talk to strangers"

 

[merryweather20]

I don't consider "None of your business" (I consider that snappy) on par with "you really shouldn't talk to strangers"

I would consider your statement worse actually. "None of your business" is simply the truth. With "you really shouldn't talk to strangers" you are trying to parent the child and tell him what to do.

 

[merryweather20]

Yea it's mean. There are standards of behavior for people of all ages, and both parties here were somewhat guilty of breaking them if you ask me.

"None of your business" is not an acceptable response to that question when posed by a 4-year-old, IMO.

And before you (all) get on MY back, be aware that I have BEEN that lady. Not so long ago I sat down to have a little something to eat. I was in a BAD mood and just wanted a minute of peace and there was some family who had to sit right next to me and let the kid drive me nuts. But no matter how much I was annoyed, it goes against some deep instinct of mine to speak words such as those aloud (especially to a little kid). I like to call that instinct "manners." I thought it, I did my invisible eyeroll and I left in an even worse mood. But I could never have said such words aloud to a little kid who I didn't know (now my own kids....I can verbally abuse them like a champ )

But.... it wasn't any of his business. I've had to pull that phrase out myself a few times. People often ask me personal medical questions, and it isn't any of their business, so I tell them. They generally apologize, which is appropriate, you can't call someone mean for not giving out personal information to strangers

"Such words aloud" which words? "Not your business" all good words. A simple statement that was on par with ignoring the child. I'd have no problem saying them in church.

Your invisible eye-roll wouldn't have worked here either. The OP was not pleased that the lady didn't smile at her boy.

 

[luvmy3]

I agree. I absolutely would expect my child to NOT give a stranger his name. Do we not teach the 'don't talk to strangers' mantra any more?

I don't for one second think that all adults talking to kids are dangerous but I would wonder why a person without children with them is talking to my child. That seems odd to me. Elderly people, I tend to give a pass to.

I was speaking about a situation like in the OP. I wouldn't expect my child while alone somewhere to tell a random stranger that approaches him, his/her name. However if we were seated in McD's and an older woman came and sat next to him, and asked him his name, I have no problem with him telling her. If he told her none of your business I'd be mortified and make him apologize.


BTW, where I come from, answering a question with "none of your business" is considered quite rude.

 

[NHdisneylover]

yeah, you're right. Yours is more accurate.

But yours would be dead on had the boy not been swayed by mom's reaction

 

[pearlieq]

I can't think of what would be offensive about a gentle, neutral, or even aloof "it's none of your business". Simple statement of fact.

Is it the friendliest thing the woman could have said? No. But she's really under no obligation to be friendly.

I guess if she truly snarled it I could see it as being offensive, but it's hard to reliably judge tone. We see what we expect to see and it sounds like the OP was already miffed by the time the exchange got to that point and would have interpreted any statement in the most hostile way possible.

 

[AKL_Megs]

"Mean"? Is this what we're calling "mean" now?

He tapped on her purse - she didn't like it and said so.. At that point mom should have said, "Please don't bother other people - we're here to eat.." Tapping the bench and asking the ladies name was the child "pushing the envelope" - obviously ignoring mom - as well as this woman's desire to not be bothered.. How does that make the woman "mean"?

As others have said, maybe she wasn't feeling well.. Maybe something tragic had just happened in her life.. Maybe she just plain doesn't like kids.. Still doesn't make her "mean"..

I totally agree. When mom saw that the lady wasn't going to be tolerant, she should have corrected her son. I don't think the woman was being mean. I wouldn't really like it if some french fry greasy fingered kid flicked my purse, either.

 

[JerseyJanice]

This thread was an entertaining read!

As many PPs have said, this is a teaching moment for the 4 year-old. Not everyone in the world wants to interact with strangers (whether children or adults). It's their perogative, and others have to respect that.

 

[Scurvy]

BTW, where I come from, answering a question with "none of your business" is considered quite rude.

That might vary by area, or perhaps the difference is in the delivery. In my experience, it would probably be considered rude to say "None of your business!" in an unpleasant tone. If someone asked "What's your name?" and you responded "It's none of your business" in a calm tone, it wouldn't be considered any more rude than saying "I don't tell my name to strangers." It is, after all, an accurate statement. It is no one's business unless the person being asked decides that it is the other person's business. It might be a bit abrupt, and there are nicer ways to answer, but it isn't rude. And while it is not acceptable to respond to rudeness with rudeness, a person would be unquestionably rude to ask the question in the first place, and shouldn't be surprised if they receive a terse or abrupt response.

 

[Mermaid02]

I would consider your statement worse actually. "None of your business" is simply the truth. With "you really shouldn't talk to strangers" you are trying to parent the child and tell him what to do.

interesting.......... I see your point.

Someone recently just posted the woman was really under no obligation to be nice and that is true. There are all kinds of people in the world....

 

[luvmy3]

That might vary by area, or perhaps the difference is in the delivery. In my experience, it would probably be considered rude to say "None of your business!" in an unpleasant tone. If someone asked "What's your name?" and you responded "It's none of your business" in a calm tone, it wouldn't be considered any more rude than saying "I don't tell my name to strangers." It is, after all, an accurate statement. It is no one's business unless the person being asked decides that it is the other person's business. It might be a bit abrupt, and there are nicer ways to answer, but it isn't rude. And while it is not acceptable to respond to rudeness with rudeness, a person would be unquestionably rude to ask the question in the first place, and shouldn't be surprised if they receive a terse or abrupt response.

I do not see a 4 year old child asking someone their name as unquestionably rude. He probably looked at that woman the same way he looked at another 4 year old at the park, who he would have probably walked up to and and asked their name too. After that incident, maybe his mother could have taught him the difference between approaching someone like that woman but until that he was probably just trying to make friends with the woman, so to speak. I can't believe that one would consider that unquestionably more rude than her response to an innocent question from a 4 year old To each his own I guess

 

[ckay87]

But.... it wasn't any of his business. I've had to pull that phrase out myself a few times. People often ask me personal medical questions, and it isn't any of their business, so I tell them. They generally apologize, which is appropriate, you can't call someone mean for not giving out personal information to strangers

"Such words aloud" which words? "Not your business" all good words. A simple statement that was on par with ignoring the child. I'd have no problem saying them in church.

Your invisible eye-roll wouldn't have worked here either. The OP was not pleased that the lady didn't smile at her boy.

I'm sitting here thinking about this for a second. No, I've honestly never said "none of your business" to anyone, ever. I'd reserve that for some really vulgar, deliberately-obnoxious questioning by another adult. To an innocent (albiet annoying) child, I'd be more gentle, even on a bad day.

This, then, is a difference in our interpretation of that phrase. To me it's really nasty, but maybe it means different things to different people.

 

[nutterbutter2010]

Has nothing to do with this story, but the ONE AND ONLY time I actually ate inside a McD was with my DH. This rather large man sat at the table next to us, and right in the middle of our meal, lets out the biggest, most disgusting fart I'd ever heard in my life!!!!
I swear the seat fibrated!!!! DH and I looked at each other for a moment, and then he just gets up hysterically laughing, and goes and sits at another table, leaving me there to fend for myself. There were a lot of other people in there - now they were all looking at me!!!! I'll never eat inside another fast food joint again!!! LOL

 

[merryweather20]

I'm sitting here thinking about this for a second. No, I've honestly never said "none of your business" to anyone, ever. I'd reserve that for some really vulgar, deliberately-obnoxious questioning by another adult. To an innocent (albiet annoying) child, I'd be more gentle, even on a bad day.

This, then, is a difference in our interpretation of that phrase. To me it's really nasty, but maybe it means different things to different people.

Vulgar? I'm honestly perplexed. No expletives, no name calling, and according to the OP it wasn't screamed. Where is the "nasty" part?

I pulled my phrase book and there it was Definition: "a gentle rebuke". Yup, she didn't write the kid a cheque for $1,000,000 and give him a free pony, but she did quickly and yes, gently end the conversation.

 

[ckay87]

Vulgar? I'm honestly perplexed. No expletives, no name calling, and according to the OP it wasn't screamed. Where is the "nasty" part?

I pulled my phrase book and there it was Definition: "a gentle rebuke". Yup, she didn't write the kid a cheque for $1,000,000 and give him a free pony, but she did quickly and yes, gently end the conversation.

In my last post I did NOT state that the phrase was vulgar, I stated that I would reserve my use of the phrase as a response to a more vulgar question (such as "what kind of underwear do you have on?"). More importantly, though, I conceded that (quoting myself) "it probably means different things to different people." Without getting out my dictionary, I just mentioned that it sounds pretty nasty to me.

$1,000,000 and a free pony? Now you're just mocking my interpretation of the phrase and that's silly. You can take this or leave it....where I come from, we simply don't respond to questions with "none of your business."

 

[Scurvy]

I do not see a 4 year old child asking someone their name as unquestionably rude. He probably looked at that woman the same way he looked at another 4 year old at the park, who he would have probably walked up to and and asked their name too. After that incident, maybe his mother could have taught him the difference between approaching someone like that woman but until that he was probably just trying to make friends with the woman, so to speak. I can't believe that one would consider that unquestionably more rude than her response to an innocent question from a 4 year old To each his own I guess

Sorry, I was still thinking about a child saying it was none of an adult's business when I wrote that. I do still think it's a rude question to ask an adult, even coming from a child - but of course the child would have no way of knowing that unless someone told them, and no one would likely tell them that unless they had asked someone their name to start with. It's much less rude coming from a child who doesn't know better than it would be from an adult. I still don't think the woman's response was necessarily rude unless she said it in a hateful tone of voice. If it was said in a pleasant (or at least neutral) tone, and was "It's none of your business" rather than "None of your business!" (which does strike me as a bit hostile), then I don't think it was rude.

 

[ols386]

To the op.....that old lady was just being grouchy. People like that are irritating. It sounds like you handled it appropriately. Saying anything back to the ole witch would have only made for a worse situation, and you did correct your ds, and tell him that it's rude to touch other people's things. Really wasn't much more you could do.