A lady was mean to my 4 year old today..

[Scurvy]

I say it jokingly but if a child ever said those things to an adult we would have a thread on here about how the youth of today is just so disrespectful, rude and suffering from the entitlement mentality.

I absolutely think a child has the right to tell a stranger who asks his name "It's none of your business" because it isn't their business. It would be totally wrong for a random adult to ask a strange child his name. There's nothing wrong with the child saying it's none of their business. Children should be taught to be polite and to respect adults, but not to the extent that it compromises their safety. Giving their name to an adult could compromise the child's safety, and the child should know that they don't have to give their name just because someone asks. There's certainly a more polite way to phrase it, and that might be preferable, but I don't think responding "It's none of your business" would be rude. It's just a statement of fact.

If someone posted on here that a child told them to stop tapping on something because it was annoying, I would agree that it was rude of the child to do so. (In this case I think there's a difference between what would be appropriate for an adult vs. a child. I don't think the adult was rude for telling the child to stop, though it would have been far more polite to have asked the mom to have the child stop, or to at least have asked the child to stop rather than telling him.) If someone posted that a child said their name was none of the adult's business, I'd say the child was smart!

 

[Mermaid02]

I had no idea so many people would find a 4 year old child so irritating.

 

[Missy1961]

for fun only....this could be the other side of the story......lest you want to judge the old lady based on the facts presented.

Annoying Kids vent

Just got home and had to vent......on my way home from the Dr.'s office already in a bad mood due to some disturbing test results and ran into McDonalds to pickup a quick meal before heading over to visit my sister in the nursing home. I fear she may not make it until the end of the year, but that is another story for another day. Anyway, I sit down in the 1st empty table I find. It was a mother and child, but I wasn't really noticing them when I sat down...I just wanted a clean and empty table to eat. Not 2 mins into my meal the child starts tapping on my purse.....more than once. I give the mom a look and she tells little "Johnny" to not touch my other people's things. Then "Johnny" starts in on the bench....banging away like he's playing the drums or something. The mom of course just smiles and says nothing to him, so I ask him sternly to stop that he is annoying people with his thumping. The kids then tried to start a conversation with me and asks my name. Really? Don't parents these days teach their kids to not talk to strangers any more? Now, I realize this was a McDonalds and not a five star restaurant, but is it too much to expect that I can have 10 mins to sit down and eat food without this type of interuption??!?!

In hindsight, I should have kept my mouth shut and not snapped at "Johnny", but what is it with parents and kids these days?!?! It wasn't like this when I was a parent, we had discipline....kids could get spanked in school without lawsuits and knew their place in the world. 1st my poor sister, who's confined to a motorized scooter, had to deal with a screeching kid in walmart a couple of weeks ago and now this little monster can't keep his hands to himself and not annoy others.....parents these days!!

 

[Scurvy]

I am definitely and extrovert so that makes it easy for me but I look at it like this: We are all stuck sharing this planet and at times we are spent sharing a very small place on it. If we engage with each other like civilized people (or not yet civilized completely like a child will be) that time will be more pleasant and we just might make a few more friends. Just offering my perspective.

I think that's the key difference here. You look at this from the perspective of an extrovert, while I see it from the perspective of an introvert. There are times when I enjoy talking to those around me, but usually if I'm trapped in a line somewhere I'd rather just think or listen to music than have to interact with people I don't know. While there are times when I'm open to making new friends, most of the time I find it more pleasant if I am not expected to converse with the people who happen to be around me. It sounds to me like you feel that the default should be that we all talk to each other unless someone indicates that they don't want to. On the other hand, I think the default should be that we don't talk to people unless they indicate (by eye contact or a smile, or something like that) that they do want to. I don't think that makes either of us rude, but it does have the potential to lead to a situation where one of us is left thinking that the other was rude during an encounter.

 

[FireDancer]

No, what's lucky is that you've apparently never had anything befall you that left you unequipped to engage with other people, even temporarily.

That's fortunate, not evidence of a better character or an indication that you have "more patience" which is how your original post came across.

I'm pretty even tempered, I just don't let things bother me ,especially if those things are out of my control. To do so seems like a waste of effort. On the exceedingly rare occasion I am in a bad mood I don't project it. That is all. I wouldn't be upset at a 4 year old because I had a bad day. I'm a live and let live kind of person.

I am surprised at how many people in the world have an Eeyore-like personality. Enjoy life, you only have one of them. It doesn't make me better than anyone, I just think it makes life more pleasant.

 

[MIGrandma]

Doesn't the kid get his own side?

More discrimination against children...

No, he doesn't. He's only 4, he's too young to "get a side."

 

[glitterkittyy]

I'm pretty even tempered, I just don't let things bother me ,especially if those things are out of my control. To do so seems like a waste of effort. On the exceedingly rare occasion I am in a bad mood I don't project it. That is all. I wouldn't be upset at a 4 year old because I had a bad day. I'm a live and let live kind of person.

I am surprised at how many people in the world have an Eeyore-like personality. Enjoy life, you only have one of them. It doesn't make me better than anyone, I just think it makes life more pleasant.

Great, now you're picking on Eeyore.

 

[FireDancer]

Great, now you're picking on Eeyore.

Yeah, he once yelled at me for walking past him at a brisk pace and knocking off his tale. It was quite traumatic and lead to years of therapy.

 

[glitterkittyy]

Yeah, he once yelled at me for walking past him at a brisk pace and knocking off his tale. It was quite traumatic and lead to years of therapy.

Were you 4 at the time? So rude of you!

 

[RadioNate]

I absolutely think a child has the right to tell a stranger who asks his name "It's none of your business" because it isn't their business. It would be totally wrong for a random adult to ask a strange child his name. There's nothing wrong with the child saying it's none of their business. Children should be taught to be polite and to respect adults, but not to the extent that it compromises their safety. Giving their name to an adult could compromise the child's safety, and the child should know that they don't have to give their name just because someone asks. There's certainly a more polite way to phrase it, and that might be preferable, but I don't think responding "It's none of your business" would be rude. It's just a statement of fact.

If someone posted on here that a child told them to stop tapping on something because it was annoying, I would agree that it was rude of the child to do so. (In this case I think there's a difference between what would be appropriate for an adult vs. a child. I don't think the adult was rude for telling the child to stop, though it would have been far more polite to have asked the mom to have the child stop, or to at least have asked the child to stop rather than telling him.) If someone posted that a child said their name was none of the adult's business, I'd say the child was smart!

I agree. I absolutely would expect my child to NOT give a stranger his name. Do we not teach the 'don't talk to strangers' mantra any more?

I don't for one second think that all adults talking to kids are dangerous but I would wonder why a person without children with them is talking to my child. That seems odd to me. Elderly people, I tend to give a pass to.

 

[MichelleVW]

I had no idea so many people would find a 4 year old child so irritating.

Really?? I love my kids, but I honestly don't find random 4 year old's adorable just because they are 4.

 

[Scurvy]

Really?? I love my kids, but I honestly don't find random 4 year old's adorable just because they are 4.

There are people of all ages that I like, but I've never found any age group that didn't have the ability to be irritating! There are plenty of wonderful four year olds, but that certainly doesn't mean that all four year olds are wonderful all the time. I really wish it did, though!

 

[NHdisneylover]

Doesn't the kid get his own side?

More discrimination against children...

4 year old's side might go something like this:

Mommy took me to McDonald's for lunch today because she is the best mommy in the whole wide world.
A lady sat at the table next to us and she had a really neat purse (I think it might be an alligator purse). I wanted to see, but when I started to mess with it Momy said not to touch other people's things so I stopped and started drumming instead. Did you know the McDonald's booths make really good drums?! I was making up a pretty good song, but the lady with the alligator purse (maybe she's Miss Lucy) said it was anoying to her and I should stop. Maybe she doesn't like drums It was getting pretty boring just sitting there eating my lunch with no one to talk to so I asked the lady what her name was (because maybe it IS Miss Lucy) but she said it wasn't any of my business. I was suprised because usually every grown up wants to talk to me. I was sad because now i will never know if she is Miss Lucy. But not very sad and so I started to play with my Happy Meal toy.
Then Mommy seemed to think it was a very big deal and I should be really sad, so I was (because Mommy knows everything) and we got to go see pupies. I like puppies, but alligators are better. I wish I had a pet alligator.
Now we are home and it's boring with no one to talk to because Mommy is on the computer. I think I'll play with my cars now.

(note--I am a mommy not talking to my kid at the moment and on the computer--not really a serious slam)

 

[Missy1961]

4 year old's side might go something like this:

Mommy took me to McDonald's for lunch today because she is the best mommy in the whole wide world.
A lady sat at the table next to us and she had a really neat purse (I think it might be an alligator purse). I wanted to see, but when I started to mess with it Momy said not to touch other people's things so I stopped and started drumming instead. Did you know the McDonald's booths make really good drums?! I was making up a pretty good song, but the lady with the alligator purse (maybe she's Miss Lucy) said it was anoying to her and I should stop. Maybe she doesn't like drums It was getting pretty boring just sitting there eating my lunch with no one to talk to so I asked the lady what her name was (because maybe it IS Miss Lucy) but she said it wasn't any of my business. I was suprised because usually every grown up wants to talk to me. I was sad because now i will never know if she is Miss Lucy. But not very sad and so I started to play with my Happy Meal toy.
Then Mommy seemed to think it was a very big deal and I should be really sad, so I was (because Mommy knows everything) and we got to go see pupies. I like puppies, but alligators are better. I wish I had a pet alligator.
Now we are home and it's boring with no one to talk to because Mommy is on the computer. I think I'll play with my cars now.

(note--I am a mommy not talking to my kid at the moment and on the computer--not really a serious slam)

that's good. But maybe it really is like this:

I went to McDonalds with mommy. I really like McDonalds & my mommy is the best mom in the hole world. I wanted to talk to a lady but she wouldn't talk to me. Then me & mom went to look at the pupies. We came home & I played with my cars.

 

[NHdisneylover]

that's good. But maybe it really is like this:

I went to McDonalds with mommy. I really like McDonalds & my mommy is the best mom in the hole world. I wanted to talk to a lady but she wouldn't talk to me. Then me & mom went to look at the pupies. We came home & I played with my cars.

It would if the mommy had not made a big deal about how mean the lady was--making that stick in the 4 year old's head

 

[Skywalker]

Love the 4-year-old's side, NHdisneylover!

This kind of reminds me of this one time my friend and I were at McDonald's having a coffee and a pretty quiet and serious discussion about something that happened to her at the time. There was little girl, probably about 4 actually, who came over to our table to talk...so we smiled at her and said hi.

Not even a minute later she's back again, standing there staring at us. So we kind of smile again but go back to our conversation. Then, she talked to us again. By now I am looking around wondering who her parents are and I see this woman absolutely beaming with pride looking over at her little daughter. I give the mom a tight smile and then continue to ignore the girl while my friend and I lower our voices even more and have our talk.

She stared for a long time and we ignored her, until finally I couldn't take it anymore and I said, "excuse me but we are trying to have a private discussion, okay? Maybe you should go sit with your mommy."

The mother came over to get her daughter, shooting daggers at us the whole time, and I heard her say, "don't worry baby, some people are so rude."

Apparently we were rude because we did not want our break to be dominated by some random kid.

And I said it in a nice way, not a rude way at all!! But I guess nothing less than ooohhing and ahhhing over her child would do for her.

 

[Mermaid02]

Really?? I love my kids, but I honestly don't find random 4 year old's adorable just because they are 4.

If the events happened like the OP stated I can't imagine snapping at a 4 year old. I might get up and move- I might move my purse- I might say "you really shouldn't talk to strangers" and I might even give the Mom a "look" - but I would NOT snap at a child for such innocent activity.

 

[PaulaSB12]

Yeah, conversation is definitely an art form and I know how to use non verbal queues to know when to end a conversation, but you won't know if someone is open until you engage them. If they aren't open I don't just continue to talk to them. Like most things though to be good at it you have to do it.

Kids definitely don't know how to use queues but just like eating and walking and using the toilet they have to learn by doing.

I am definitely and extrovert so that makes it easy for me but I look at it like this: We are all stuck sharing this planet and at times we are spent sharing a very small place on it. If we engage with each other like civilized people (or not yet civilized completely like a child will be) that time will be more pleasant and we just might make a few more friends. Just offering my perspective.



I wasn't patting anyone anywhere, this is a thread about children so most patting would be inappropriate I was just putting a perspective and opinion out there, nothing more. I was also unaware that being outgoing was something to be lucky about.

But by engaging with someone who isn't an extrovert but someone who is shy you could be making them very uncomfortable.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Love the 4-year-old's side, NHdisneylover!

This kind of reminds me of this one time my friend and I were at McDonald's having a coffee and a pretty quiet and serious discussion about something that happened to her at the time. There was little girl, probably about 4 actually, who came over to our table to talk...so we smiled at her and said hi.

Not even a minute later she's back again, standing there staring at us. So we kind of smile again but go back to our conversation. Then, she talked to us again. By now I am looking around wondering who her parents are and I see this woman absolutely beaming with pride looking over at her little daughter. I give the mom a tight smile and then continue to ignore the girl while my friend and I lower our voices even more and have our talk.

She stared for a long time and we ignored her, until finally I couldn't take it anymore and I said, "excuse me but we are trying to have a private discussion, okay? Maybe you should go sit with your mommy."

The mother came over to get her daughter, shooting daggers at us the whole time, and I heard her say, "don't worry baby, some people are so rude."

Apparently we were rude because we did not want our break to be dominated by some random kid.

And I said it in a nice way, not a rude way at all!! But I guess nothing less than ooohhing and ahhhing over her child would do for her.

Sadly, there are more and more parents for which that is the case. Sad for teh child, who will not learn to cope and suddenly hit the "real world" and not know what to make of it.

 

[merryweather20]

If the events happened like the OP stated I can't imagine snapping at a 4 year old. I might get up and move- I might move my purse- I might say "you really shouldn't talk to strangers" and I might even give the Mom a "look" - but I would NOT snap at a child for such innocent activity.

If the events happened like the OP stated, then the woman didn't "snap".

In fact the woman's actions are on level with what you suggest

You said you'd give the Mom a look, and not that you'd smile at the boy like she wanted. You said that you'd make a comment instead of giving out your name like the Mom wanted.