A "going off to prison" gift

[PneumaticTransit]

Soap on a rope.

 

[SC Minnie]

I am assuming this is your spouses family. I would stay out of it and let them decide.

Personally, so I would not. Although would be glad he is off the street he shouldn't have been driving while intoxicated. He could have killed someone or injured them for life. Sorry, no sympathy.

 

[MagicalMom]

Do you usually buy him a Chrsitmas present? Is so it might seem really odd that you don't this year. It would be like saying "You've beena bad boy so santa didn't get you anything this year." I don't know, couldn't imagine being in that situation. Hope he gets the help he needs.

 

[Daxx]

While I think most convicted persons deserve a second chance, he's blown his 2nd and 3rd. A gift card to me would be enabling him. Prison is supposed to be hard for a reason. I feel so bad for his mother though. She has my best wishes.

I agree w/you on this one!!!! Thanks for putting it so concisely!

Also, OP, you've already made a contribution to his prison stay through your tax dollars. You've been more than generous w/that, alone.

 

[MagicalMom]

Also, OP, you've already made a contribution to his prison stay through your tax dollars. You've been more than generous w/that, alone.

That's the truth!

 

[disykat]

Oh man this oughta be good.

So rather than get him gifts, we're going to chip in on a gift card to the place.

If I usually bought him a gift, I'd do it. While I wouldn't go out of my way to put extra money in his account for the heck of it, if I was planning on giving a gift this actually makes sense to me. I'm all about practical gifts - and this is certainly practical! I'm guessing he'll have money in his account one way or the other (mom, other family, his own funds, etc) so why buy him something different?

Hopefully he'll learn his lesson through incarceration, I doubt having the ability to buy toiletries or whatever will make his stay too pleasant for that.

 

[ilovepcot]

I'd contribute ONLY if the mom asked me point blank to do it. Wouldn't want to cause her any more heartache or unhappiness. Sad situation.

 

[ely3857]

I would contribute, bil probably wont know or care who has paid but mil (who is the one I would want to keep happy) would know wether you chipped in or not.



Jodie

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

Boy, the sick side of my mind can come up with endless "gift basket" possibilities!

In all seriousness, though, no matter how sweet his mother is, I would consider this enabling. Unless there's a way you could contribute specifically to something that might help him, such as AA meetings or some such, I would politely decline and point to his history.

 

[Keli]

I am feeling completely different about this than virtually all of you. But then maybe I am the only one with a loved on in prison. For something he did, completely his own fault/choice. And he will pay for it the rest of his life (some major thefts, never harmed anyone or anything like that, a non-violent person, at least he was before he went to prison but that's been years ago).

Every prison is different with different rules/regulations. At this prison (a federal prison) they are only issued the jumpsuit/outer clothes and shoes. As someone else mentioned, no socks, underwear, soap, deorderant, toothbrush, toothpaste, nothing at all like that. And there are not enough prison jobs to go around so you have to have senority to get one. That means the first couple of years you are in prison you either go without underwear, socks, soap, etc or someone sends a money order with your name on it that prison officials put into your account at the prison store. Then you can go get these necessities and the amount you spend is debited from your account (you can only spend what is in your account, as you can imagine they don't offer credit, lol).

After you've been in prison for a while you will be able to get a job that pays something like .20 hour. That sounds like such a little amount, and it is, but it is enough to cover your necessities and you won't need family or friends to hlep you out then.

It's not like that contributing a few bucks to this account is going to allow this guy to live in the lap of luxury while he's paying his debt to society. Believe me, he'll be paying the price no matter how much soap he can buy.

I would give my MIL some money (doesn't need to be a whole lot, $10-20) for him. I just would, whether he deserves it or not. It just seems like a little human kindness to me.

 

[TheDisneyBunch]

WOW! I think I would find it rude that they even asked. I have lost family members and my hubby lost his dad to drunk drivers! He never got to know his dad as he was hit and killed by one when hubby was just 3 and his brother was 6 months old. 3 times is so bad, he deserves to be in prison with nothing! Maybe it will straighten him out.

So to answer your question no way would I chip in on anything for him!

 

[Tink33]

I am feeling completely different about this than virtually all of you. But then maybe I am the only one with a loved on in prison.

I would give my MIL some money (doesn't need to be a whole lot, $10-20) for him. I just would, whether he deserves it or not. It just seems like a little human kindness to me.

You are not the only one with a loved one in prison. I agree with everything you said. This is the season for forgiveness and compassion.

If it was your child in prison, what would you do? What would you want your family to do?

 

[mickeyfan2]

I would refuse to do it on principal.

 

[Kitty 34]

No, I wouldn't contribute. Maybe a nice note to MIL offering {{{{hugs}}} for her for what she's going thru but that's the best I would do in this circumstance.

 

[wilderness01]

I am all for compassion and forgiveness as well. However this is his 3rd offense so no I would not. This is a subject very near and dear to my heart as we were victims of a drunk driver as well. No one, not even the court system, has showed compassion with what we have had to live with, and we were one of the "lucky" ones. I hope your BIL gets the help he needs before he kills someone or causes an injury that the innocent other person will have to live with for life.

 

[Daxx]

I am all for compassion and forgiveness as well. However this is his 3rd offense so no I would not.

Exactly how I feel! I can forgive and be compassionate, but not when it's the third time around. Lesson should have been learned after the first incarceration.

 

[msdznyduck]

Even though your MIL is a sweetie, and is trying to do what she considers the best for him, I wouldn't contribute. I would let DH make the decision.......it's his family. I would stay out of it. (but then I am a coward anyway... )

 

[tiberius]

I sure am glad I am not in your position, I would probably respond with a greeting card that said something like "I sure am glad you didn't kill anyone this time!' in the card.

 

[chris1gill]

Okay, I'm also a bit baffled there is a prison store that sells gift certificates apparently... that's a bit odd to be honest...

So here is my moral opinion.... He's going to jail for a reason... it's not even his first offense for this... he needs to wake up and smell the coffee & I doubt the prison store sells what he needs....

He needs intervention.... say NO to the gift cert. say YES to intervention proceeds... has this family given any thought to NOT enabling his behavior?

 

[MissMinnie]

Wow, you are in a tough spot. I work with someone who has been arrested twice for drunk driving and has not learned his lesson. He constantly complains about how his life is so hard since he lost his license, comes to work late all the time, has come to work drunk, and thinks that it's okay to still have a few drinks. He is not getting any type of help at all, refuses to. He refuses to admit he has a problem. If your BIL is anything like this guy, I would not contribute. He needs a lesson in tough love. If he has finally admitted that he has a problem and is willing to turn his life around, then I would give him a small amount for soap, etc. I guess what I would do would all depend on his attitude toward his behavior and situation. I am not without compassion for those who screw up, but I would refuse to help someone who cannot get that they are responsible for their behavior and refuse to get help when needed. I would like to know how long the prisons let people go without soap and toothpaste. I would think that could cause some type of health hazard with all those germs.