A Glossary of Choral Music Terms, quite funny

CapeCodTenor

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I think you'll get a kick out of this. My voice teacher just email these to me. I don't know who actually came up with these, but they're funny. Just thought I'd pass these along.


A Glossary of Choral Music Terms:

Tonic:
A smooth liquid generally enjoyed over ice after choir rehearsal.

Dominant:
In a choral relationship, usually the soprano.

Augmentation:
Delicate surgery for altos involving the implantation of "falsettos".

Leitmotif:
Like a regular motif, but less filling.

Score:
Basses 8, Tenors 0.

Riff:
What happens when someone takes your choir robe.

Contralto:
An alto who has been convicted of a felony.

Polychoral Motet:
Six parrots singing "Exultate Justi".

Aleatoric Music:
Music composed by the random selection of pitches and rhythms.
Frequently found in the performance of the choir anthem.

Basso Continuo:
When the conductor can't get the fools to stop singing.

Castrato:
The highest male voice (some alteration required.)

Etude:
What comes right before the Beatitudes.

Concerto Grosso:
An accordion concert.

Glissando:
What directly precedes the highest note in the soprano part.

Grand Pause:
When the conductor loses his place.

Perfect Pitch:
Throwing an accordion into a dumpster without hitting the sides.

Cantus Firmus:
A singer in good physical condition (as opposed to "Cantus
Flabbioso".)

Antiphonal:
Screening all your calls.

Sackbutt:
A choral singer over 65.

Choral Partitas:
Small choir get-togethers that are frequently interrupted by the
police.

Fantasia:
An alto in a leather choir robe.
 
My DD (16), who is in A Cappella choir and drama, will love these! Thanks for posting!
 
Polychoral Motet:
Six parrots singing "Exultate Justi".

spittake.gif


:rotfl:
 

:rotfl:

How about some instrumental jokes?

Why is a lawnmower better than a bari sax?
You can tune a lawnmower.

Why is a bassoon better than an oboe?
It burns longer.

What's the definition of a triad?
Three French Horns playing in unison.

How do you get two oboe players to play in tune?
Shoot one.

Did you hear about the drummer who lost one of his drumsticks?
He became a conductor.

Why do clarinet players put their instrument on the dashboard of their car?
So they can park in the handicap spot.

How is a seamstress different from a flutist?
The seamstress tucks up the frills. :bitelip:

What do you call a baritone at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Twelve. One to change the bulb and 11 to brag how they could have done it better.
 
jimmiej said:
:rotfl:

How about some instrumental jokes?

How many clarinet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they have to go through a whole box to find just the right bulb.
 
What do you get when you drop a baby grand down a mine shaft?

A flat minor.
 












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