A friend of my son's attempted suicide

[missypie]

A 13 year old girl from church that my son has been tight with since infancy (literally) attempted suicide a few days ago. She's still in the hospital and will go from the hospital to a psychiatric facility. We are pretty good friends with the parents, but they have not called us with the news. At this point, everyone from church is praying, but no one is doing anything else. I'm trying to think what I would want if I was in the family's shoes and I think I would just want to be left alone for a while to sort things out. I hate to bother them with a "Can I do anything?" call (we live over an hour away from each other, so they are very unlikely to take us up on the offer.) Maybe a card to the parents saying they are in our prayers? What do you think?

 

[pw2pp]

I think a card would be nice.
My Dental Hygienist's 15 year old daughter committed suicide a couple of months ago.
I am so sorry to hear this. It is just so sad when kids feel they have nothing to live for.

 

[NHAnn]

That's sad

I'm not sure I would want to be left alone at this point (a few days later)or not. I think a note is a good idea...or even a call (chances are they might be screening calls with a machine if they're not up to talking to people) to leave amessage that they are all in your thoughts and prayers?

How is your son doing? If he's quite close to this girl, I'd be concerned how he's handling it too
I'll keep you all in my thoughts!

 

[Rajah]

Coming from someone who just lost someone to suicide:

Send a card letting them know they're in your prayers, and that if they need anything, call you.

If you think they're really busy, some food would be good, too. If you know their dietary needs, that is. Something like a sandwich or veggie platter worked well with us.

 

[Keli]

I think if this were my family I would want all the support I could get from every source. I'm pretty sure I would appreciate all cards, phone calls, visits, or any other show of support.

 

[missypie]

Thanks for asking. DS is surprised and baffled. He spent about an hour talking with her the night before the suicide attempt...according to him, normal chit chat with no hints of what was to come. (Mind you, he's a 13 year old boy, so I wouldn't expect any profound psychological insights from him.)

 

[winniedapooh]

A phone call, cards, emails etc. Let them know you are there for them and thinking of them. Often people are afraid of what to say and it is OK to say that, better than saying or doing nothing and them then feeling as though no one cares. With all of the gadgets out there now a days to censor calls or emails, if they just can not talk or repsond right now at least they will know they are being thought of. Terribly difficult situation. How is your son doing with it?

 

[Dan Murphy]

Great ideas here, missypie, I really have none to add. But would like you to know this young lady is in my prayers and good wishes that she gets the help she cried out for. Hoping all goes well. And God bless you too, for caring. My best for your son also.

 

[Lachesis00]

How terribly sad....

 

[faithinkarma]

Definitely send a card. They need to know people are not judging them. Any positive words will be appreciated.

 

[Serena]

I'm sorry.

 

[BHFan25]

I would send a card also. They need to know people really do care during this time of need in their lives. I have a client whose 19yo son committed suicide and that was such a tragedy. I hope this young girl can get everything worked out. Life is rough. We need each other to help us through. She has my prayers.

 

[mommytotwo]

I would go ahead and send them a card. I think they need all the support and comfort they can get. Maybe you could send them a small gift like having a bakery send them a box of pasteries or a cake or pie. Something that they could snack on, or even serve to guests that may stop over at their house. I know at our house, when a situation where someone gets sick or passes away, we always have people come to visit, and since we are busy with all kinds of things, it is hard to get out of the house to go to the store at times.

 

[stemikger]

Just let them know you are there. Sending food might be a good idea.

My prayers and thoughts are with everyone involved.

 

[Mercy]

It is always so hard to know what to do in these situations. You always feel like you are invading their space and may want to be left alone, but in reality they might be wondering why friends have not called. Since you said you are friendly with these people a call would be appropriate, you can gage their mood.. if they want to talk about it or not, then take it from there. If you don't want to call, I think a card or some sort of contact would be nice, especially if you are friends.

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

Like just about everyone else said..send a card and let them know you are there to listen if they need someone to talk to.

I'm sorry your DS has to go through this..it must really be a shock to him.

TOV (former suicide attempter)

 

[zurgswife]

I'd also send a card....


Very sad but hopefully she will get the help she needs...

 

[RitaZ.]

So sad that a 13 yr. old girl feels that the only solution to whatever pain she is experiencing is suicide. I can't imagine what her parents and family are going through.

If you are friends, I would call them. I like the card idea to let them know that you are thinking about them, and you can offer to help them in any way that you can. I agree that they all need the support though.

 

[Trish Bessette]

I would definately call them. Just let them know you care and are there for them. If there are any other siblings maybe you can offer to take them for the day and do something fun with them.

Sending food or even flowers would be appreciated I'm sure.

Thinking of you and your son.

 

[bmt337]

My step daughter attempted suicide when she was 14. It was a serious attempt. It rocked our world and nearly destroyed our marriage. We were numb for weeks afterwards. I wouldn't call. No matter how genuine you might be, it puts them on the spot to feel they have to share information. I'd bake something (casserolle) and drop it off with a card, saying they are in your prayers. )Its thoughtful and leaves the door open just enough that if they need something they might get a hold of you. After my stepdaughters attempted suicide, she couldn't bathe alone, shave her legs alone, have a glass, use a razor, be alone with the younger kids, she couldn't have a knife, her meat had to be cut for her. WE all became victims. It was one of the hardest things that we had to get through. Then there was all the second guessing, the why's and how come? We sat for hours second guessing the decisions we made with her. Family looked at us as if we had somehow missed the mark. Why hadn't we seen it coming or that we were somehow the problem, how could things be so bad that she would be willing to take her own life rather than share what was wrong with us. Not all kids have problems they overcome. I hope she can.