A Dr. Laura Caller, Upset with fiance over his dog. WWYD?

[Darsa]

COming on late to this one, but I have to agree with:

Personally, I think he is the one who deserves better not her.

This sounds kinda like one of those marriages that would end up in that "married less than a year" thread. She *must* have known before she said "yes" that there was a dog involved, and I'm willing to bet that she knew she was allergic beforehand too. She sounds pretty controlling to me, as others have mentioned.

 

[luvmy3]

There are also a lot of us here who people are just assuming that we have no experience with severe allergies when we do indeed. My mother has EXTREME allergies to cat dander. She has had skin issues, immune system issues, breathing issues, she's even had her throat close completely up. She is also a HUGE cat lover. She has 3 cats and at some points has had as many as 5 all indoors. She has gone through misery and agony for those cats because she loves them. She has changed the paint, the carpet to tile, the air filtration system. She has tried pills, shots, creams, inhalers the list goes on and on. Bottom line though was that she didn't give up until she had found a complete system that works for her to be able to keep her cats. Before I get bludgeoned to death, I understand that this MAY not be possible for everyone. But, the point is that there are many of us who agree that the woman is the problem, and our feelings don't necessarily stem from the idea that we have no experience with severe allergies. We're not all just rubes who think a simple Claritin pill will work for everyone.

To do those things for yourself because you are a cat/dog lover and it makes you happy is one thing, but to be expected to just because it can be done to make someone else happy is just not the same.
Anyway, to me, its both their faults, they both went into a relationship knowing that the dog would be an issue.

 

[NYPDwife]

I didn't have a problem being around my DH and I was that allergic. My allergies became worse as the exposure to the allergen was greater. At first nothing, then engaged started getting worse. By the time we were married I was sick constantly and had full blown asthma a year later. So maybe she didn't know she was that allergic. I didn't know until after we were married. Should my DH have divorced me in favor of the cats???

Since apparently you just want to argue my opinion on things, I'm just going to zip it because you are all knowing and you are right and I must give you my obeisance because again, you are all great and all knowing and my opinon must be so wrong

 

[disykat]

We're not all just rubes who think a simple Claritin pill will work for everyone.

Did I use the word "all?" Just reread the thread and see how many people suggested a pill.

Why assume she hasn't tried all the things you've suggested already? I have all those things but it still wouldn't be reasonable for me to live with a cat. My doctor would be infuriated and IMO, my health insurance would have valid reason to cancel on me.

This is BOTH their faults IMO. There is no indication that they didn't both know what they were getting into. They BOTH forced it to come down to this choice by deciding to get involved. He can't force her to live with a dog any more than she can force him to get rid of his dog.

 

[disykat]

Since apparently you just want to argue my opinion on things, I'm just going to zip it because you are all knowing and you are right and I must give you my obeisance because again, you are all great and all knowing and my opinon must be so wrong

This is a weird reaction to having a discussion!

 

[Ember]

Wow. That is a sentiment that I can not relate to at all. Cats over children.

The comment was meant lightheartedly. We've already made the choice to be child free and it had nothing to do with the possible allergies of a child. Something could change and nothing is set in stone, but thus far we both seem pretty firm on the idea.

But, now that I have the idea in my head, this is my new reason to all the rude people who just won't let the subject drop! (You know, those people who simply insist the life isn't worth living if you don't procreate and feel the need to tell you why your life is wrong...) "Well, if the child was born with allergies it's not as though the cat is going. And then I'd be stuck trying to get rid of a baby!"

 

[Planogirl]

When I first started a relationship with my current DH, I had two cats. He mentioned that he didn't like cats and I told him that that was too bad and that we came as a package. If he'd been allergic and couldn't (or wouldn't) control it I wouldn't have started a relationship with him.

By the way, DH loves cats now so our story ended well.

 

[iwrbnd]

If she really loved him she wouldn't ask him to give up something he's loved for 10 years. I would never do that to someone! She should wait. The dog won't live forever!

 

[NYPDwife]

This is a weird reaction to having a discussion!

I say it b/c a few people before me had the same sentiment, yet you chose my post to quote. I also put the sarcastic smiley to let you know that I'm not taking it too seriously.

 

[Jennasis]

My Dsis just got engaged to a guy whose son allergic to everything. DSis has two cats. The son (5 years old) adores my sister's two cats even though he used to be terrified of anything with more than two legs. The ex wife of DSis's fiance tried to make Dsis and Dfi get rid of the cats claiming they were abusing the boy by keeping him around animals he is allergic too. The dad took the kid to the allergist and had him tested and he is not allergic to the cats (go figure), but the boy told them he would take any medicine he had to so that they could keep the cats.

Now that's love.

 

[momx2]

I agree with all these posters. If her allergy is so severe that the dog must go she knew this before getting engaged.

Those that are comparing this to a child born into the house with allergies have no basis of comparison. The situations are not the same.

My son has severe cat allergies as well as other animals but cats are severe. He is 16 and already knows by trial and error that he cant visit a house or pet store that has a cat. It isn't a compromise or an issue of taking medication, he just can't. How does a person with such a severe allergy ) I consider it severe if she cant live with the dog) get involved with, date and eventually get engaged to a man with a dog that she is allergic to. This makes no sense.

It sounds to me like she is wondering where she fits and is pulling a power play, me or the dog. Of course the whole story would be best before making judgments. I looked on Dr Laura's site and the story will likely be posted since her other shows subjects are.

First, I want to clear one thing up with everyone...I did not compare this to a child situation. I asked the question, because I was wondering how the posters would handle it if it was a child. I never compared the two situations.

Second, I didn't know how allergic I was until after we were married. I never knew I had any cat or dog allergies at all. I knew about dust, etc. After being my exposure increased, so did my allergy. Not I can walk in a house and basically know if there is a cat there, but not then.

I'm not saying what this lady did was right, but we don't know the whole story and I am trying to show you guys that there are 2 or 3 sides to every story. Who knows???

 

[momx2]

Asthma and allergies here- respiratory symptoms- eye symptoms- hives I have the WHOLE package. I also have a 12 year old weimaraner that makes it all worth it. I take several meds so Maddy and I can live together and she is worth EVERY bit of it! I have had these allergies my whole life and knew what we were getting into when we got her. I think if you are an animal lover, you will go through a lot in order to love your animal. The "woman" doesnt' care for his dog and is using her allergies to force his hand. I would wager she just doesn't like animals period.

I was running out of sick days at work. I stayed sick constantly because my immunity was too busy fighting the allergy to fight anything else. BTW, I loved the cats, especially one...she was my baby. Also, we didn't get rid of them we kept them, but eventually they were moved outside so I could be healthy. IMO, one shouldn't continue to jeopardize their health for an animal, love them or not.

 

[momx2]

Since apparently you just want to argue my opinion on things, I'm just going to zip it because you are all knowing and you are right and I must give you my obeisance because again, you are all great and all knowing and my opinon must be so wrong

Goodness! I never said I knew it all. I was only relaying my personal experience with the same situation to let people know that not everyone knows they have horrible allergies in the beginning. They can develop and get worse over time. I don't know anything except what I have personally experienced...that's all. You can go back to worshipping yourself now since you are the only one allowed to have an opinion.

 

[Mermaid02]

Asthma and allergies here- respiratory symptoms- eye symptoms- hives I have the WHOLE package. I also have a 12 year old weimaraner that makes it all worth it. I take several meds so Maddy and I can live together and she is worth EVERY bit of it! I have had these allergies my whole life and knew what we were getting into when we got her. I think if you are an animal lover, you will go through a lot in order to love your animal. The "woman" doesnt' care for his dog and is using her allergies to force his hand. I would wager she just doesn't like animals period.

I was running out of sick days at work. I stayed sick constantly because my immunity was too busy fighting the allergy to fight anything else. BTW, I loved the cats, especially one...she was my baby. Also, we didn't get rid of them we kept them, but eventually they were moved outside so I could be healthy. IMO, one shouldn't continue to jeopardize their health for an animal, love them or not.

I'm sure your allergies are MUCH worse than mine....

I stayed at my Mom's after my recent surgery.... it's amazing how much better I felt....no animals. However, I couldn't WAIT to get home to my dog. My Mom has white carpet so Maddy only came over twice while I was recuperating.

IMO you deal with your allergies your way and I'll deal with mine my way.

 

[SundaeAfternoon]

But, now that I have the idea in my head, this is my new reason to all the rude people who just won't let the subject drop! (You know, those people who simply insist the life isn't worth living if you don't procreate and feel the need to tell you why your life is wrong...) "Well, if the child was born with allergies it's not as though the cat is going. And then I'd be stuck trying to get rid of a baby!"

This!

 

[SundaeAfternoon]

Yes!

But seriously, Dr Laura said the girl deserves better? Why? What did the guy do wrong? I think the dog just saved this guy from a lifetime of misery married to a witch. Sorry the dog was there first and for 10 years at that! If its now a problem why? Didnt they have a dating period? What did she do during that time?

Never read or saw Dr Laura and it seems I'm not missing out on anything.

I totally agree! He deserves much better than her. What a witch. I can't imagine having my dog for 10 years (well, much less 10 minutes) and one day just getting rid of him for some other person. Oh, it would never happen! If a man tried to do that to me, I'd be showing him the door ASAP!

 

[momx2]

I'm sure your allergies are MUCH worse than mine....

I stayed at my Mom's after my recent surgery.... it's amazing how much better I felt....no animals. However, I couldn't WAIT to get home to my dog. My Mom has white carpet so Maddy only came over twice while I was recuperating.

IMO you deal with your allergies your way and I'll deal with mine my way.

I wasn't trying to tell you how to deal with your allergies. I'm sorry if you took it that way.

I am finished trying to defend myself on this thread because evidently if you have any difference of opinion other than to always favor the pet (and I'm not saying you said that just quoted you above due to your believing I was offering you allergy advice) then you are wrong. I was only trying to offer the other end of the argument and why the caller, MAY not have known of her allergies. BTW, I really do love animals and have owned other outside cats since then. I would love to have an outside dog, but my cat loving DH hates dogs, not allergic, just hates them.