A BAD situation...What would you do

[goofie4goofy]

Last month my DH and I decided to take my Mom to WDW in Dec. It is to celebrate his birthday and her retirement. My mom insisted on paying for her own room and gave me her CC to do so. I booked 2 rooms, 1 on my CC the other on hers. Her CC bill came and apparently WDW made a mistake and put both room reservations on her card.

The problem comes in here:

In a nasty tone she tell me we have to talk. She shows me her CC bill with 2 charges on it. She tells me that she already called the CC company and the charges were made the same time (duh!) and what am I going to do about it. I had just walked in and her tone shocked me. I said I would call WDW and straighten it out and she says to me what about the money, I'm paying interest on this. She was so rude and nasty (as she always is) and treated me as if I was trying to steal from her. My husband then walks in and she started in with him telling him how impossible I am....well that was it! Now my DH does not want to go with her, and he told her so. He feels that we should not be spoken to that way. Her response was - Good I didn't want to go anyway. Nice huh! I did not even get to offer her a check for the amount.

My DH and I take her out for upscale dinners, Limo shopping trips to Manhattan, I drive her everywhere (does not drive) take her on expensive vacations (where we pay all). We were going to pay for everything for her on this trip too (except the room..which she insised on paying for), I have ADR's for all the great restaurants including V&A's. We have always been more than generous to a person who I now realize does not deserve it.My DH always treates her with kindness and respect...then with this he just will not take her garbage anymore. We would never take anything from my mother, It was a mistake made by WDW. We are just so hurt that she would think this way, and react in such a manner. She does have a nasty demeanor about her at all times, but this time it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

A part of me will feel guilty going without her but I refuse to be stuck in the middle of my DH and my Mom. My DH and I always stick together and never take sides againt one another.

What would you do in a sticky situation like this?

 

[shyjade]

I would leave her behind and go have some much deserved fun with your husband! Sounds like she is not appreciative of your efforts and all that you do for her. Save your marriage: its time to go without her, especially after the way she spoke to both of you! I got angry just reading your post, I can't image how disgusted your husband must feel. Just because you're her daughter doesn't give her the right to treat you (or your husband) that way!

 

[MinnieFan]

I am so sorry - I have a mom like this too, so I understand.

Go with your DH and I hope you have a wonderful trip!

 

[alloyd1170]

I second that. If she isnt appreciative of all the things you do for her, wouldnt allow you to explain what happened and give you time to straighten things out, then I would show my appreciation to her actions by leaving her home. I would even go so far as to make rsvps for another week just in case she still plans on going (and not tell her about it). Ive got a mother in law who is unappreciative of her son and our kids (its a long story) but thankfully shes confined to a nursing home so we dont have to take her anywhere!

alison

 

[Letsbgoofy]

You sound like a great daughter (and you like Goofy!). I'm available to be a replacement mom anytime you want to take me on vacation - and I love to shop in the city too.

Seriously though, leave her home and have a great time with your DH.

 

[emnrich]

My heart and prayers go out to you. My wife semi-jokes that we put the "funk" in dysfunctional families. We both come from wacko families, maternal and paternal on both sides. I agree with the previous poster, thank God/fates/whatever you believe in that you have a supportive husband, willing to stand up to take care of his wife. Have a good cry or hissy fit over her rudeness, and then move on to making vacation enjoyable for you and your husband. Sounds like you two deserve a break. If I had any pixie dust, I'd send it your way.

I will also pray for your mom. She is blessed to have a daughter who loves her and takes care of her. She chose to have you, not the other way around. She has responsibility to you, but while I always show my mom respect and love, she knows that I won't put up too much of her crap. Respecting our parents doesn't mean being walked all over by them. From what you have posted, you have no reason to feel guilty. You should be proud of yourself, as should your mom.

Have a wonderful time!!!!

 

[KimWDW]

Leave. Her. Behind.

She sounds toxic.

I'm glad your DH is supportive. You two will have a great time together. Don't feel guilty leaving her behind. From the sounds of it, you've done more for her than most kids do and she does not appreciate it.

 

[Quinn222]

I'd leave her behind and go and have a great time. She's being craxy. WDW did the exact same thing to me (on my card.) It was no big deal to get it fixed.

 

[live and let live]

Hey

Try not to feel bad if you and your husband go without your mam, just think of it as alone time and like a second honeymoon if you all went together it may spoil you and your husbands time alone together in a magical place after whats been said. Do what you feel is best for both you and your husband

Hope everything works out fine for you both and enjoy your trip

 

[Robo]

Why is it that I get the feeling you might have EXPECTED something like this would happen when you used her CC in the first place?

I try to avoid these situations when I know the "danger" lurking in the shadows.

I know that you feel extra emotional because you think that you owe her extra kindness because she is your MOTHER...
But, if I read your post correctly, she does not seem to put much value in treating you well because you are her DAUGHTER.

Family respect needs to go at least a BIT "both ways", don't you think?

I would be VERY CAREFUL about EVER handling her CC again.
Those kind of "I didn't buy it, YOU must have bought it..." disputes can be DOOZIES.

 

[AJKMOM]

I have a MIL like this: go by yourselves. Call WDW and get her a refund, pay her what you owe her for the credit card mistake, and don't say any more about it. Just plan to go and have a great time without her.

 

[PixiePop]

I agree. Go and have a great time with DH, it sounds like you both deserve it.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

What would you do in a sticky situation like this?

Honestly? I would stop trying to win the affection of a woman who clearly has emotional problems. Then I would get myself into counseling to deal with my own psychological issues caused by growing up with such a selfish, unkind woman for a mother. It is NOT your fault she treats you this way, but it IS your fault if you continue to tolerate it. I hope you and your dh will go WITHOUT her and have a magical time!

 

[TheZeppo]

By the sounds of it your mother is a spoiled brat. You and your husband should take this trip by yourself and leave her at home to stew in her own juices. Maybe then she'll learn to be a little more appreciative.

 

[mariettadisney71]

Leave the excess baggage at home. She is a grown person who needs to be responsible for what she says. She said she didn't want to go. Wait, that sounds like the same conversation I give my teenage DD. Cancel the res and go yourself with your DH. It is your life, not hers. You tried to be nice and got stepped on. Sorry to be blunt, but life is too short.

 

[goofie4goofy]

It is so nice to know I am not alone. Thanks for all your words of widsom.

My DH and I have thought for some time that she may have emotional problems. She has some kind of superiority complex and also feels she is entitled to all things. My Dad used to keep her under control, but since he passed away it has been a free for all. I just had another conversation with her in which she told me that she really does not want to go and never did because this is the time my DH and I should enjoy and we don't need a 70 year old dragging around after us. Then she brought up another CC mistake from 3 years ago from a dinner at Emeril's at Universal, in which the waiter messed up. She was then back to the CC charge and she said that whe has to pay interest on it, after she told me she paid it in full. So that started another go around with her screaming at me saying You are definately not detective material, believe me I have worked with them for 25 years and you are really stupid. What! First of all I am not a detective. Then she started telling me how she is not feeling well and sat down and clutched her chest...no I am not kidding.

 

[jjarman]

It is so nice to know I am not alone. Thanks for all your words of widsom.

My DH and I have thought for some time that she may have emotional problems. She has some kind of superiority complex and also feels she is entitled to all things. My Dad used to keep her under control, but since he passed away it has been a free for all. I just had another conversation with her in which she told me that she really does not want to go and never did because this is the time my DH and I should enjoy and we don't need a 70 year old dragging around after us. Then she brought up another CC mistake from 3 years ago from a dinner at Emeril's at Universal, in which the waiter messed up. She was then back to the CC charge and she said that whe has to pay interest on it, after she told me she paid it in full. So that started another go around with her screaming at me saying You are definately not detective material, believe me I have worked with them for 25 years and you are really stupid. What! First of all I am not a detective. Then she started telling me how she is not feeling well and sat down and clutched her chest...no I am not kidding.

What a manipulator! I agree with the previous posters. Pay her the credit card charge and maybe put in another $10 for "interest", cancel her room and then go to the happiest place on earth without the old biddy. She sounds just like my dear SIL's mother. She is one who has to have her way or there is heck to pay.

 

[PrincessMo]

I am so sorry sweetie! At this point, at least for awhile you might want to avoid talking with her without your DH around. Nothing good seems to be coming of your conversations. I feel so badly because you are clearly making a good effort and you are getting nothing for it. Maybe tonight you should go out for a nice dinner & movie or something just to relax and forget and you might want to try to promise yourself that at least for one night you won't think or talk about her. Just a suggestion.

Take care of yourself....you are in my thoughts!

Have A Magical Day!

 

[KEH]

I agree with everyone else. Go without her. And don't feel bad.

 

[jhorstma]

Seriously. I had similar issues w/my dad (co-dependency in that case) - I finally went to counseling when it started affecting my marriage - it wasn't fun or short, but it worked and now I have better relations with both my wife and my dad. You're using this board to vent your frustrations. That's fine, but it sounds like a trained professional could really help you. I'm not saying that counseling will necessarily help your relationship with your mom, but it will help you deal with the obviously tough issue of not getting the love/respect/caring that you would expect to get from her.