8th grade "graduation"

[luvsJack]

and



How do you know who had new clothes or not? Maybe it's because my kids go to a gigantic school, but I would have no clue.

To the OP, I would have DD wear a dress she already owns if I couldn't afford it. If I could afford it, I would offer her money to buy some summer clothes she would wear more than once instead of getting a dress.

A dress to wear for a few hours underneath a gown is not worth it.

There were 94 8th graders and 12 didn't pass, so we aren't talking about a huge number. All the girls are facebook friends and all posted pictures when out shopping for their graduation outfit and most of the boy posted griping about having to do the shopping for their clothes.

 

[NYCDiane]

Thanks for all the responses and advice, everyone!!!

I know she has a pretty sundress and she also has some other dresses in her closet. We'll go through those this weekend. If there is absolutely nothing, I'll hit Kohls, JCP, Target, etc and see what I can get with a $25 limit.

I can't even imagine anyone knowing if it's new or not. There are so many kids "graduating" that they had to break it up into more than one ceremony and many of her besties won't even be in her ceremony.

 

[MSSANDRA]

My daughter will be done with 8th grade this year. Of course, they're having a "graduation" ceremony and a dance. She's not interested in the dance but will be attending the "graduation" ceremony.

According to her, all the girls are getting new dresses for the ceremony (even though they will be covered with a cap/gown and there is no "afterparty" ---- once the ceremony is over, that's it)

Anyway, I'm honestly not in a position to spend $50-$75 on a dress for this. First, to me, there is no "accomplishment" involved. They went to school for 9 years because they HAD to, not because they wanted to. If there's going to be a ceremony, why not one for the parents who had to get them up everyday, make their breakfasts, get them to the bus on time, help with projects and homeworks, chaperoned class trips/parties, etc etc etc etc????

Back on topic..... On the one hand, I honestly don't have the $$ to lay out for a one-time use dress (chances are, she won't wear it again and I'll end up giving it away). On the other hand, "everyone" is getting a new dress and I don't want to be the "mean" one.

Sigh..........

A couple of thoughts. First..I do get it about "graduations" being overdone. I our area, children graduate from preschool, kindergarten, 5th grade, 8th grade, and of course high school. The ceremonies are more of award or recognition type things. The 8th grades do dress up. The girls wear dresses (some I am sure are new, some are not) and boys shirts and ties. It is important to the children. If you truly do not have any money to buy a dress, then as someone said, "it is what it is" and your child will have to do without . If however it is simply not a priority for you, I would try very hard to find someway to compromise and allow your child to feel good about this occasion. Perhaps let her earn some money or give her a modest budget and suggestions on ways to make that amount of money work.

My bigger concern as a teacher and a parent is your attitude toward the hard work your child has completed in middle school. Yes, parenting is hard work but it is a parents responsibility to support their child by getting him or her to school, supporting them as they complete assignments and being involved. Middle school is a tough time. It establishes a lot of new routines, more difficult and independent assignments and presents a lot of new social skills to master! Chances are your child grew in so many ways in the past three years and deserves a lot of credit for that. To not at least acknowledge that is quite disrespectful to your child.

 

[Gina-Gina-Bo-Bina]

Gina, I agree with you completely. I think maybe it's a regional thing? Grade 8 graduation was a big deal here. Not limos or anything! But a pretty dress and a ceremony at the local high school, and dinner at a restaurant afterwards and a dance. It marked a big change in dd's life! It was primary school for 9years with the same kids and now they were transitioning to high schools with thousands of students.
I didn't resent it at all and the other parents were all smiling and snapping pictures. It was a lovely day!!

Grade 8 grad is also considered "something" here because many kids who have gone to elementary school together part ways as they move into different high schools.

Only of our city secondary schools hosts the arts program, only two offer a special hockey program, etc. so its not a given that they will transition with their friends to the same high school.

For my own son, he moved from the public elementary system to the catholic high school system (opting for a much smaller school community and the school known locally for its basketball focus) leaving ALL of his social group behind. So grade 8 graduation is the "end" of an era for many students.

Our elementary school also hosted a themed dance after the ceremony, and even though there wasn't a whole heck of a lot of boy/girl dancing going on, it was one last fun event before school ended for the summer and life took many students in a different direction. If I were the OP, and her daughter has an interest in attending, I would encourage her to go. You're only 13 (or 14) once.

 

[Gina-Gina-Bo-Bina]

Chances are your child grew in so many ways in the past three years and deserves a lot of credit for that.

 

[Mama Who]

Thanks for all the responses and advice, everyone!!!

I know she has a pretty sundress and she also has some other dresses in her closet. We'll go through those this weekend. If there is absolutely nothing, I'll hit Kohls, JCP, Target, etc and see what I can get with a $25 limit.

I can't even imagine anyone knowing if it's new or not. There are so many kids "graduating" that they had to break it up into more than one ceremony and many of her besties won't even be in her ceremony.

Maybe a new pair of sandals or earrings to go with the previously worn dress would do. My kid has needed new shoes every summer so far, so that could easily be an expense you were going to incur anyway.

 

[aprilgail2]

Honestly, every girl did have a new dress with very few exceptions and most felt sorry for those girls. I would move heaven and earth to figure out a way to help ease the pain of peer pressure in this age group when I am the one who holds the reins. I can't fix the curly hair or the awkward moments, but I can do a dress. Goodness knows I have a couple of dresses that I have only worn once or twice.

I totally agree- I know for our 8th graders they have the dance and then the graduation and most of the kids do not wear the same dress to both and many of the kids go out shopping for new dresses in groups of just the kids (thats half the fun of it!). There is no way I would not get her a new dress for graduation (especially since she is not going to the dance and won't need two dresses!!!). If money was tight I would have been putting away just 1.00 a week for the school year since graduation was coming this year to be sure I had the money for a new dress for your daughter.

 

[NYCDiane]

A couple of thoughts. First..I do get it about "graduations" being overdone. I our area, children graduate from preschool, kindergarten, 5th grade, 8th grade, and of course high school. The ceremonies are more of award or recognition type things. The 8th grades do dress up. The girls wear dresses (some I am sure are new, some are not) and boys shirts and ties. It is important to the children. If you truly do not have any money to buy a dress, then as someone said, "it is what it is" and your child will have to do without . If however it is simply not a priority for you, I would try very hard to find someway to compromise and allow your child to feel good about this occasion. Perhaps let her earn some money or give her a modest budget and suggestions on ways to make that amount of money work.

My bigger concern as a teacher and a parent is your attitude toward the hard work your child has completed in middle school. Yes, parenting is hard work but it is a parents responsibility to support their child by getting him or her to school, supporting them as they complete assignments and being involved. Middle school is a tough time. It establishes a lot of new routines, more difficult and independent assignments and presents a lot of new social skills to master! Chances are your child grew in so many ways in the past three years and deserves a lot of credit for that. To not at least acknowledge that is quite disrespectful to your child.

All the "graduations" and "ceremonies" children get these days are ridiculous. They grow up thinking they should get a trophy, award, or a big celebration for everything they do, whether they come in first, second, third, forty fifth, or don't even place. What happens when they finally grow up and are out in the real world?? What are they going to expect? When they do a job, the boss is going to clap and praise them for doing what they're supposed to do? Or even if they do a crappy job, they're still supposed to be able to keep the job and hopefully catch up eventually??

Anyway...... Regarding my daughter, I do congratulate/good job her when she does well (and she does do very well). I tell her I'm proud of her organizational skills and how I always get good reports from the teachers and other staff about her. I recognize her achievements now and always have. However, I'm not going to make a huge deal, give her a party, etc just for doing what she's supposed to be doing. Just as I, as her mother, don't expect a huge deal to be made about my job of raising her to be an independent, smart, respectful, goal-oriented young woman. I did what I was supposed to do as a parent.

When she graduates high school, I will make a big deal. When she graduates college, I will make a huge deal. When she completes graduate school, I will make a tremendous deal.

 

[SenecaWolf]

When my DD 'graduated' from middle school we got her dress, shoes, jewelry and hair accessories from Debs for about $60. Whats nice is that it was a really cute dress that could be worn over the summer too so we got some more use out of it. I am not looking forward to 2 years from now....senior prom gown...class night dress...graduation dress...all within a few weeks of each other and God forbid she wears the *gasp* same dress! So thankful that my second kid is a boy and I can get away with a nice suit coat and pants and just change up the shirt

 

[Gina-Gina-Bo-Bina]

All the "graduations" and "ceremonies" children get these days are ridiculous. They grow up thinking they should get a trophy, award, or a big celebration for everything they do, whether they come in first, second, third, forty fifth, or don't even place. What happens when they finally grow up and are out in the real world?? What are they going to expect? When they do a job, the boss is going to clap and praise them for doing what they're supposed to do? Or even if they do a crappy job, they're still supposed to be able to keep the job and hopefully catch up eventually??

While I completely agree that the graduations and ceremonies have gone to the extreme in many cases (particularly the cap and gown ceremonies for the 3 and 4 year olds in preschool), I don't think the kids with a good foundation at home are being ruined by these kinds of events. Perhaps I am just fortunate to be surrounded by a host of motivated young people who have a drive to succeed . Or maybe they are a product of the encouragement of parents who love them and are happy to celebrate the milestones of their life, big or small.

I just hope, somewhere along the way, you find it inside you to celebrate the lovely young woman you are blessed with and enjoy the graduation day, even though you don't agree with the event itself. I hope she doesn't feel the animosity that seems to be coming through in your posts (which maybe I am misreading, so forgive me if that's the case). I hope she can enjoy the last hurrah of elementary school as her classmates will be doing, because feeling like you stand out or are different from your peers is a tough spot for a grade 8 girl. And I hope that, when all is said and done, your girl feels love and encouragement and pride from her momma. If you have taught her to be strong and motivated and focused and dedicated, she will be all those things (and more) regardless of the fluffy ceremonies and graduations that she marks along the way.

 

[Patience]

My daughter's school had a "bridging" ceremony at the end of 8th grade and the kids just wore their school uniforms because it was held at the end of a regular school day (we are a uniform school for all grades). However, when I "graduated" from junior high, we had a graduation ceremony and I wore a new dress.

I would buy her an inexpensive new dress. My daughter is graduating from high school on June 9 and wanted a white dress. We found one when we were in Myrtle Beach, SC a few weekends ago for only $30. She picked it out before we knew the price and I was certainly pleased at how little it cost. We still have to buy some shoes to wear with it though...

I am curious about why the OP says her daughter won't wear the dress again. My daughter loves to wear fun, casual dresses in the spring and summer and will often choose a dress over shorts. OP, if you buy her a casual sun dress (as opposed to a "church" dress), maybe she would wear it again to go to the mall, out to eat, etc.

 

[angierae]

All the "graduations" and "ceremonies" children get these days are ridiculous. They grow up thinking they should get a trophy, award, or a big celebration for everything they do, whether they come in first, second, third, forty fifth, or don't even place. What happens when they finally grow up and are out in the real world?? What are they going to expect? When they do a job, the boss is going to clap and praise them for doing what they're supposed to do? Or even if they do a crappy job, they're still supposed to be able to keep the job and hopefully catch up eventually??

I love when people talk about "kids these days" and it's thing that I had. I had a huge preschool graduation party outside, with little caps and we got to paint our teacher's car like the high school kids do. We had a 5th grade graduation in the gym. 8th grade I was in a different district but we had a huge "8th grade prom" type dance, and then of course high school.

I graduated in 1993. That was nearly 20 years ago, and I had all these same graduation things that people are attributing to "kids these days."

And yes, when I do a really good job on a project, my boss praises me, and tells me what a valuable member of the organization I am.

 

[RitaE]

I understand the irritation with all the ceremonies, but 8th grade graduations have been around for a really long time. I still have a picture of ME at my 8th grade graduation, in my new dress. It's actually one of the last photos I have of me with all my Grandparents so it means a lot to me. Every school I know of has had either an 8th/9th grade graduation depending on when they move kids to the high school - for a really, really long time.

I just can't tell if your irritation with this is an actual feeling toward the event or just the fact that money is tight and you don't want to buy a new dress. It is what it is, especially if she'll have a gown over it anyway.

I guess I shouldn't mention that with both of my kids the traditional gift is the computer they need for High School?

 

[SaraJayne]

I love when people talk about "kids these days" and it's thing that I had. I had a huge preschool graduation party outside, with little caps and we got to paint our teacher's car like the high school kids do. We had a 5th grade graduation in the gym. 8th grade I was in a different district but we had a huge "8th grade prom" type dance, and then of course high school.

I graduated in 1993. That was nearly 20 years ago, and I had all these same graduation things that people are attributing to "kids these days."

And yes, when I do a really good job on a project, my boss praises me, and tells me what a valuable member of the organization I am.

I also graduated in 1993 ~ and had none of those things, other than high school graduation.

OP, if your DD doesn't find anything suitable in her closet, I would go with previous suggestions and check out Kohl's, JcPenney, Forever 21 or even Plato's closet.

Good luck!

 

[rosanne91]

I love when people talk about "kids these days" and it's thing that I had. I had a huge preschool graduation party outside, with little caps and we got to paint our teacher's car like the high school kids do. We had a 5th grade graduation in the gym. 8th grade I was in a different district but we had a huge "8th grade prom" type dance, and then of course high school.

I graduated in 1993. That was nearly 20 years ago, and I had all these same graduation things that people are attributing to "kids these days."

And yes, when I do a really good job on a project, my boss praises me, and tells me what a valuable member of the organization I am.

Thank you soo much for your positive words!!!!
This thread seemed to become very negative, very fast.
Sometimes its nice to sit back and be proud of what you have accomplished, whether you are 14 or 74. Middle school can be tough for kids, and high school (even though tough as well) can be a new beginning.

 

[pandamom]

All the "graduations" and "ceremonies" children get these days are ridiculous. They grow up thinking they should get a trophy, award, or a big celebration for everything they do, whether they come in first, second, third, forty fifth, or don't even place. What happens when they finally grow up and are out in the real world?? What are they going to expect? When they do a job, the boss is going to clap and praise them for doing what they're supposed to do? Or even if they do a crappy job, they're still supposed to be able to keep the job and hopefully catch up eventually??

I graduated 8th grade June 5, 1981 (31 years later and I still remember the date) and it was a bigger deal than my daughter's 8th grade graduation tonight. I remember the new dress and shoes (a rarity back then) and all the fanfare clearly and I still have the cap tassle. DD's graduation only has the gown (no cap /tassle) and she opted for dress capri's /blouse under her gown instead of a new dress (we tried dress shopping but it didn't go well lol).

OP good luck and congratulations to your daughter.

 

[undertheradar]

8th grade graduation here is way overblown! The warning letters come out about no limos, tuxes, no reserving seats before Noon, etc. The kids are dressed up, no caps and gowns. The whole thing takes place outside in the heat and sun. Honestly, save it for high school graduation. That should be considered a milestone, 8th grade - no way. 2 hours to celebrate surviving 9 years of school if you include kindergarten. There are many better uses of school time.

 

[luvsJack]

All the "graduations" and "ceremonies" children get these days are ridiculous. They grow up thinking they should get a trophy, award, or a big celebration for everything they do, whether they come in first, second, third, forty fifth, or don't even place. What happens when they finally grow up and are out in the real world?? What are they going to expect? When they do a job, the boss is going to clap and praise them for doing what they're supposed to do? Or even if they do a crappy job, they're still supposed to be able to keep the job and hopefully catch up eventually??

Anyway...... Regarding my daughter, I do congratulate/good job her when she does well (and she does do very well). I tell her I'm proud of her organizational skills and how I always get good reports from the teachers and other staff about her. I recognize her achievements now and always have. However, I'm not going to make a huge deal, give her a party, etc just for doing what she's supposed to be doing. Just as I, as her mother, don't expect a huge deal to be made about my job of raising her to be an independent, smart, respectful, goal-oriented young woman. I did what I was supposed to do as a parent.

When she graduates high school, I will make a big deal. When she graduates college, I will make a huge deal. When she completes graduate school, I will make a tremendous deal.

I graduated high school in 81. I had a preschool graduation, a kindergarten graduation, an 8th grade graduation, high school and college graduations. And it didn't make me expect anything when I got into the "real world".

Leaving 8th and going to high school is a milestone and celebrating it is not going cause a child to think anything in the "real world", it just gives them great memories of times with their friends and of their parents recognizing these milestones.

 

[chimilady]

All the "graduations" and "ceremonies" children get these days are ridiculous. They grow up thinking they should get a trophy, award, or a big celebration for everything they do, whether they come in first, second, third, forty fifth, or don't even place. What happens when they finally grow up and are out in the real world?? What are they going to expect? When they do a job, the boss is going to clap and praise them for doing what they're supposed to do? Or even if they do a crappy job, they're still supposed to be able to keep the job and hopefully catch up eventually??

Again, I'm 37 and when I was little we all got participation trophies when we played sports, I had an 8th grade graduation dance and ceremony (where I won a few awards which was a complete shock to me) and a number of other things you think are ridiculous and I turned out just fine. Busted my rear to get into a great college, with a great GPA and was president of my college class. I work hard at my job, love to pick up new skills and have a love of learning. I learned hard work does pay off and it's nice to be acknowledged, and I learned that not everyone is talented in all areas, but effort does matter. I learned how to give praise and recognition to others: my peers, my classmates, my colleagues. I don't understand all of this negativity and frustration. People, kids, adults, everyone likes recognition for hard work, this is a universal feeling. These things you complain about aren't new and I don't understand why all of the hate. It makes me really sad that you can't see the joy in the accomplishment and instead are so bitter and mean about it. At least put on a pretty face and pretend to be happy for her in a moment she will remember throughout her life. It's not just an accomplishment for her by the way, it's an accomplishment for you too, and again, I'm shocked you don't see it that way. It's one thing to start a thread asking about whether or not to pony up money for a new dress, it's another to squash any feeling of happiness and accomplishment that kids experience.

 

[NVDisMom]

and



How do you know who had new clothes or not? Maybe it's because my kids go to a gigantic school, but I would have no clue.

To the OP, I would have DD wear a dress she already owns if I couldn't afford it. If I could afford it, I would offer her money to buy some summer clothes she would wear more than once instead of getting a dress.

A dress to wear for a few hours underneath a gown is not worth it.

I know because I know these kids well and spoke to each of them the day of, that night or the next morning. I, or DH, made it a point to compliment them, they are girls after all, and most told me thank you and that it was a new dress (or that they were wearing a new one if I spoke with them earlier in the day). Others, the mom told me, mostly complaining how expensive it was, and then there were the few that said, I borrowed it from so and so, or its from Mom's closet, or "thanks, Mom didn't want to get me a new dress..." or something to that effect. One poor girl was in jeans and a tshirt, she was so mad at her Mom. She doesn't wear dresses, ever, and asked for one for the occasion. She was told no outright and didn't think to ask around to borrow. Poor kid!