7 months pregnant and husband having an affair...what now?

[TRK0011]

I just wanted to drop in and let you guys know how we were doing.

Most importantly, baby is doing well. He's measuring right on track, kicking and wiggling around in there. I have a new OBGYN who is absolutely wonderful, I like her a lot, and I've been to visit the new hospital I'll be delivering at. I have a birth class scheduled this week, which my mom is coming to with me. We also went out and bought the stuff we needed for the baby, so the nursery is pretty much ready now. I feel better knowing that we're ready for him whenever he arrives.

I'm still not doing great, but I'm hoping time will make things easier. DH and I are on speaking terms, he's being nice right now but every now and then he gets really upset. I don't think he had any idea I would do this, and he's been left to deal with the fallout. Many of our friends have called to ask what happened, and I've told them - most of them were horrified, and said they would never talk to DH again. His family don't know everything, but they know enough to be devastated as well - at least two people in the family told him never to contact them again, but called me to offer support. I just don't think DH thought people would react this way, and it's making him see just how horrible what he's done was.

 

[tigercat]

Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I live in Ontario as well. I can't remember what town you were going to. Keep strong and I am really glad everything is going okay with the baby.
tigercat

 

[goofyintoronto]

I just wanted to drop in and let you guys know how we were doing.

Most importantly, baby is doing well. He's measuring right on track, kicking and wiggling around in there. I have a new OBGYN who is absolutely wonderful, I like her a lot, and I've been to visit the new hospital I'll be delivering at. I have a birth class scheduled this week, which my mom is coming to with me. We also went out and bought the stuff we needed for the baby, so the nursery is pretty much ready now. I feel better knowing that we're ready for him whenever he arrives.

I'm still not doing great, but I'm hoping time will make things easier. DH and I are on speaking terms, he's being nice right now but every now and then he gets really upset. I don't think he had any idea I would do this, and he's been left to deal with the fallout. Many of our friends have called to ask what happened, and I've told them - most of them were horrified, and said they would never talk to DH again. His family don't know everything, but they know enough to be devastated as well - at least two people in the family told him never to contact them again, but called me to offer support. I just don't think DH thought people would react this way, and it's making him see just how horrible what he's done was.

From one Canadian to another, know that your in my thoughts. Sending you a lot of pixie dust.

Im so happy youre on the right track. Glad the baby is doing well. It helps when you have a doctor you actually like.

I think you need some time apart from DH. Meaning, contact should be very minimal. If you get upset whenever you speak to him, that stress cannot be good for the baby. If DH wants to know how you and the baby are doing, he should have thought about that before he made it clear to you that he wanted nothing to do with the baby when you indicated you were prego. Instead, he has an affair with a university student. If he wants updates re: the baby, perhaps your mom or dad can speak with him instead.

I hope youre still seeking therapy.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Thanks for the update. I've been worried. So happy that the baby is doing well. So glad your family is there for you to help you through this. Lean on everyone now, so many people are offering their support. Hang in there, you did the right thing!

 

[mrsklamc]

I'm so glad baby is doing well, and even though you don't feel like you are, you are doing great just by being there!!! Safe and away from that lunatic.

Stunned that he really thought this was ok....

 

[abdmom]

From one Canadian to another, know that your in my thoughts. Sending you a lot of pixie dust.

Im so happy youre on the right track. Glad the baby is doing well. It helps when you have a doctor you actually like.

I think you need some time apart from DH. Meaning, contact should be very minimal. If you get upset whenever you speak to him, that stress cannot be good for the baby. If DH wants to know how you and the baby are doing, he should have thought about that before he made it clear to you that he wanted nothing to do with the baby when you indicated you were prego. Instead, he has an affair with a university student. If he wants updates re: the baby, perhaps your mom or dad can speak with him instead.

I hope youre still seeking therapy.

I totally agree with the above. You need your strength both emotionally and physically to deal with being pregnant right now and to be a good mom in the coming months and years. Take care of yourself. That means if communicating directly with him upsets you, then don't do it.

 

[usnuzuloose]

I am glad baby is doing well! Please take care of yourself and try not to stress. Your baby needs you. It is not an easy process. Thank You for updating.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

Thanks for the update! Glad to hear you are doing well!

 

[Andtototoo]

I just wanted to drop in and let you guys know how we were doing.

Most importantly, baby is doing well. He's measuring right on track, kicking and wiggling around in there. I have a new OBGYN who is absolutely wonderful, I like her a lot, and I've been to visit the new hospital I'll be delivering at. I have a birth class scheduled this week, which my mom is coming to with me. We also went out and bought the stuff we needed for the baby, so the nursery is pretty much ready now. I feel better knowing that we're ready for him whenever he arrives.

I'm still not doing great, but I'm hoping time will make things easier. DH and I are on speaking terms, he's being nice right now but every now and then he gets really upset. I don't think he had any idea I would do this, and he's been left to deal with the fallout. Many of our friends have called to ask what happened, and I've told them - most of them were horrified, and said they would never talk to DH again. His family don't know everything, but they know enough to be devastated as well - at least two people in the family told him never to contact them again, but called me to offer support. I just don't think DH thought people would react this way, and it's making him see just how horrible what he's done was.

I am glad to see that you and the baby are doing as well as can be expected. Good luck with your new life!

I also wanted to let you know that I witnessed a similar situation with my father and I want to say that you are doing the right thing not only for yourself, but for your son. My mother took my father back in a similar situation and it has had long-lasting effects on both me and my sister, especially my sister. I'd also say his behavior is par for the course with selfish jerks like that:

When I was 19, my father decided to leave my mother to chase after girls my age. He went to bars and hit on my former classmates. Yeah, disgusting. He was SHOCKED, I tell you, SHOCKED that friends and family thought he was a stupid fool and cut him out. (Foolishly, my mother took hiim back after that escapade and when they divorced -- far too late -- 10 years later after he verbally denigrated her for those 10 years, he was SHOCKED yet again. He was shocked she left him and shocked when friends and family thought he was a stupid fool and treated him accordingly.) People like that are so self absorbed and so convinced that if they want to do it ipso facto it's a good thing, they are SHOCKED when reality smacks them in the face. My father spent the rest of his life trying to justify his behavior or when that failed, ignore what he had done. If anyone tried to talk to him about it, he'd deny it or change the subject. Then, when that failed, he tried to tell people that my mother had moved away and when that failed, that she had died.

Which is a long way of saying that your soon-to-be-ex may never really admit to what he's done, so don't expect it.

 

[momrek06]

I just wanted to drop in and let you guys know how we were doing.

Most importantly, baby is doing well. He's measuring right on track, kicking and wiggling around in there. I have a new OBGYN who is absolutely wonderful, I like her a lot, and I've been to visit the new hospital I'll be delivering at. I have a birth class scheduled this week, which my mom is coming to with me. We also went out and bought the stuff we needed for the baby, so the nursery is pretty much ready now. I feel better knowing that we're ready for him whenever he arrives.

I'm still not doing great, but I'm hoping time will make things easier. DH and I are on speaking terms, he's being nice right now but every now and then he gets really upset. I don't think he had any idea I would do this, and he's been left to deal with the fallout. Many of our friends have called to ask what happened, and I've told them - most of them were horrified, and said they would never talk to DH again. His family don't know everything, but they know enough to be devastated as well - at least two people in the family told him never to contact them again, but called me to offer support. I just don't think DH thought people would react this way, and it's making him see just how horrible what he's done was.

Good to hear from you, OP!!!

 

[CarolAnnC]

I just wanted to drop in and let you guys know how we were doing.

Most importantly, baby is doing well. He's measuring right on track, kicking and wiggling around in there. I have a new OBGYN who is absolutely wonderful, I like her a lot, and I've been to visit the new hospital I'll be delivering at. I have a birth class scheduled this week, which my mom is coming to with me. We also went out and bought the stuff we needed for the baby, so the nursery is pretty much ready now. I feel better knowing that we're ready for him whenever he arrives.

I'm still not doing great, but I'm hoping time will make things easier. DH and I are on speaking terms, he's being nice right now but every now and then he gets really upset. I don't think he had any idea I would do this, and he's been left to deal with the fallout. Many of our friends have called to ask what happened, and I've told them - most of them were horrified, and said they would never talk to DH again. His family don't know everything, but they know enough to be devastated as well - at least two people in the family told him never to contact them again, but called me to offer support. I just don't think DH thought people would react this way, and it's making him see just how horrible what he's done was.

I am delighted to hear that the baby is doing well and you have gotten everything ready for the baby and the nursery. Your mom is great and I am happy she is able to attend the classes with you.

As far as your husband, well I agree with the PP's who said keep contact minimal. Let him speak to your parents if he is "concerned" about how you are. Otherwise, for most issues he should be able to speak to your lawyer, or get one of his own to deal with things.

You need to be shielded from him, for now, as he may feel pressure from family and friends to try to get you back. Let him be with his teen "friend" and he needs to leave you alone. The less stress the better, for you.

Kudos to you, you are a very strong person and you are going to make a fabulous mother!

 

[TRK0011]

I just wanted to add that I have seen a counselor, twice now with another appointment next week. I'm not great with opening up to people, but she's nice and I think it will help to have someone to talk to.

Talking to DH isn't upsetting me to be honest, it's just odd. He seems so upset that I left, and so hurt that pretty much everyone is horrified at what he did. I don't get it - did he really think people would think this was OK? He's an intelligent guy, how did he not see these reactions coming? I almost feel sorry for him, then I remember that he did these things TO ME and it makes me mad at him again.

My stress levels have certainly gone down just from being away from him and his interactions with this girl. Last he told me, the two of them weren't really speaking but I didn't ask why. I do know she and her family are going to visit California in a few weeks and the mom wants to meet up with him because she has baby gifts for me - so I guess she has no idea what happened. I'm kind of interested to know what he's planning on telling her!

 

[DVCJones]

So glad your stress is down and you are on your way to making a great life for yourself and baby.

As far as your H goes, reality has begun to crash down on him. His little fantasy land is going up in flames and he will not be able to ignore the reality of the consequences of his actions. Once the truth is out, he will be shunned by anyone who is moral and decent.

You are stronger than he ever thought you were. ...and that should make you feel good!!!

Thanks for the update. Still wishing you the best!

 

[Disney Doll]

OP, you might want to tell him next time he tries to update about his adulterous relatinship with a teenager that you're not even remotely interested in listening to his troubles. he's been nice right now??? Big deal...a little too little and waaayyyy too late.........

If he wants an update about the baby,then update him about the baby. Beyond that, you have nothing to say and certainly sholdn't concern yourself with the storm that he's brought upon himself.

He's shocked that people would react this way? Is he smoking crack? Did he honestly think people were going to be patting him on the back and telling him "Good job for leaving your 7 months pregnant wife for a crazy teenager"?????????? Talk about a fool.......they deserve each other....

Karma baby, karma...here it comes.......

 

[pigletgirl]

Still thinking about you OP!!! Glad to hear your baby boy is doing well!

 

[zurgswife]

Glad to see that you and your baby are doing well. Glad your in therapy it will help you sort through the feelings that are yet to come. Your an amazing mommy and don't for get it. I'm glad that your parents have been such a great support for you.

Time will pass that he may beg for forgiveness and want you back make sure that you know what your answer will be when that happens so your not swept off your feet in a moment of emotions... thinking of you. Good Luck

 

[Jessica14]

I just wanted to send along my continued support. I'm glad your Mom will have the opportunity to be with you at the birthing classes. What a wonderful bonding experience for the two of you! They sound like phenomenal people from what you have described.

On another note, its very nice that so many friends and family have offered you support. I was concerned that the would twist things. That he doesn't get it is very interesting and thank goodness you don't have to deal with it anymore.

Best of everything,
Jessica

 

[StephMK]

Fantastic news that you are healthy and safely in Canada. It is pretty amazing that DH did not think through the consequences but also not surprising. Hang in there and look forward to the birth of your son. You did the right thing!!!

Too bad you can't be a fly on the wall when that girl's parents come to visit. I would guess they will lie but who knows.

Take care of yourself!

 

[Imzadi]

DH and I are on speaking terms, he's being nice right now but every now and then he gets really upset.

I don't think he had any idea I would do this, and he's been left to deal with the fallout. I just don't think DH thought people would react this way, and it's making him see just how horrible what he's done was.

He seems so upset that I left, and so hurt that pretty much everyone is horrified at what he did. I don't get it - did he really think people would think this was OK? He's an intelligent guy, how did he not see these reactions coming?

He sounds like a a really self absorbed, emotionally immature SOB who doesn't have the wherewithal to think outside of himself.

Just because he's intelligent does and of a certain chronological age doesn't mean he is at the same level of emotional maturity. He seems to still be at the level of a 16 year old there.

Ask your counselor to explain the difference. FBI & police profilers, when they are making up a profile of who they think the suspect is, say that determining the age of the suspect is the hardest thing to do. That is because the guy could be 30 but acts like he's 16 - like your husband.

I'm glad you got out now. You and baby are so much better off than having a 16 year old as a spouse and father.

 

[Tuffcookie]

OP, you might want to tell him next time he tries to update about his adulterous relatinship with a teenager that you're not even remotely interested in listening to his troubles. he's been nice right now??? Big deal...a little too little and waaayyyy too late.........

If he wants an update about the baby,then update him about the baby. Beyond that, you have nothing to say and certainly sholdn't concern yourself with the storm that he's brought upon himself.

He's shocked that people would react this way? Is he smoking crack? Did he honestly think people were going to be patting him on the back and telling him "Good job for leaving your 7 months pregnant wife for a crazy teenager"?????????? Talk about a fool.......they deserve each other....

Karma baby, karma...here it comes.......

Heck, let him spill his guts and meantime, make sure you're recording his statements! LOL

OP, Glad you are doing okay.

TC