7 months pregnant and husband having an affair...what now?

[NY Disney fan]

I didn't read this whole thread but so sorry to the OP! Many of us have gone through the same thing. Please know we are here for you.

 

[sandramaac]

Yes OP I do hope you are coping ok.

There are now many 'however;s' connected with your thread since you were somewhat active at the start and now no reply to any post in 8 days or so.

You reached out for support and advice and was given that by many--hope some of it helped.

But there is a history on DIS of hoax post, dealing with everything thing to deaths, illness, divorce.

Please after getting so many here to help, please put some sort of closure on this thread so we know you have moved ahead and more impotantly are ok and well as baby. A simple all is ok, a mess, pushcing through...and simple comment would suffice--over 52,000 people have viewed this thread since it was posted!!

By the way OP, I can see you online right now, and your last activity on DIS was at 2:17pm today, just about 15 minutes after I wrote this.

 

[sandramaac]

yes, OP was online--then no more than 2 minutes after I posted the above comment OP was offline


so sad, feel so dupped again---I am no longer going to get sucked into these type of DIS threads--fun one yes, one's like this no more

 

[usnuzuloose]

You know if it isn't true, at least people know how to have concern for others.

 

[TRK0011]

Sorry for not updating in a while, I've been busy with appointments and getting stuff done, etc. I'm sorry for those who thought my not updating meant this was a hoax - I sort of wish it was, I don't think I could have made this stuff up if I tried!

Lots of stuff has happened in the past week since I last posted.

First up was DH announcing on Tuesday night that he wanted to give us another try It came out of nowhere really - Tuesday morning I told him I'd talked to my parents, that I was talking to a lawyer etc. Throughout the day he kept calling me and texting me saying how sorry he was, etc, which I just ignored. Then Tuesday night he sat me down and told me he didn't want a divorce. He said he was sorry, my telling my parents just made the whole thing too real for him and he couldn't imagine me not being there every day. It went on and on while I just sat there in a daze. I have to admit - a big part of me was thrilled, it was what I'd wanted to hear. But I was so confused, I didn't know where it was coming from. I told him I needed time to think, and we could talk Wednesday.

Wednesday he made me breakfast in bed, was being nicer to me than he had in ages. It was absurd. So I asked him what was going on with the other girl. SHOCKER, the two of them were having troubles. She wanted him to move to Seattle to live with her, she wanted him to get a paternity test to see if the baby really was his ( ) and was basically pushing for him to be in a serious relationship and he was getting cold feet. Once I heard this, I knew there was no chance of he and I working things out. What would happen when they started talking again, he'd go running back to her? All I really got from the whole thing was that he has absolutely no idea what he wants, and while maybe I would wait around to see, I was certainly not waiting around with my baby to see what he decided. That wouldn't be fair to him at all. So I told him no, I still wanted the divorce. He cried, said he wanted to die, it would be better for every one if he was dead - it was ridiculous. I was nice to him for a while and tried to make him see where I was coming from, but in the end I was annoyed - I shouldn't be sat there comforting him for having an affair and wanting nothing to do with his child!

Friday I met with my lawyer. He told me I should be a little careful what I post online, which is why I've been thinking about how to update this thread for a day or two. I am well within my rights to go back to Canada now, but I wouldn't be after the baby was born - and once he is born, I might need to come back with the baby to contend custody if necessary. That's something my attorney is looking into.

So tomorrow I meet with my OBGYN again. I'm hoping my blood pressure will have gone down and, if the baby is still doing OK, I can see if perhaps my Dr will let me fly. If I can get the go-ahead from him, I'll be going back this coming week. If not, I have to start looking for train fares - because I am definitely going back. My parents have researched health care and whilst we're still not 100% sure I'll be covered, they have offered to help me pay for medical bills if I need it. You guys were right - as much as I am truly terrified to leave here and can't imagine what it will be like to walk out that door, not knowing if I'm coming back, I have to be around my family right now. I'm going to leave my half of the mortgage and bills with my attorney - he can make sure they get to DH with a note saying that the money is to be used for bill payment, that way he can't later say that I abandoned him or the house or anything. I'm also leaving money to pay for cat food, litter, etc. It's eating into the money I've set aside, but I think this is the best legal option to cover all my bases.

I'm sorry again that people thought this was a hoax - that didn't occur to me when I wasn't updating. I'll update again after my Dr's appointment tomorrow and let you guys know if I'm flying home. I'll also update again once I get back to Canada, if anyone wants to know.

I really do appreciate the support I've gotten here - I couldn't have done this without everyone here. It's funny how sometimes it's so much easier to talk to complete strangers than it is to talk to people you know, but posters here really gave me the strength to talk to my parents and sort things out. So thank you ALL so much.

 

[gottaluvPluto]

Sorry for not updating in a while, I've been busy with appointments and getting stuff done, etc. I'm sorry for those who thought my not updating meant this was a hoax - I sort of wish it was, I don't think I could have made this stuff up if I tried!

Lots of stuff has happened in the past week since I last posted.

First up was DH announcing on Tuesday night that he wanted to give us another try It came out of nowhere really - Tuesday morning I told him I'd talked to my parents, that I was talking to a lawyer etc. Throughout the day he kept calling me and texting me saying how sorry he was, etc, which I just ignored. Then Tuesday night he sat me down and told me he didn't want a divorce. He said he was sorry, my telling my parents just made the whole thing too real for him and he couldn't imagine me not being there every day. It went on and on while I just sat there in a daze. I have to admit - a big part of me was thrilled, it was what I'd wanted to hear. But I was so confused, I didn't know where it was coming from. I told him I needed time to think, and we could talk Wednesday.

Wednesday he made me breakfast in bed, was being nicer to me than he had in ages. It was absurd. So I asked him what was going on with the other girl. SHOCKER, the two of them were having troubles. She wanted him to move to Seattle to live with her, she wanted him to get a paternity test to see if the baby really was his ( ) and was basically pushing for him to be in a serious relationship and he was getting cold feet. Once I heard this, I knew there was no chance of he and I working things out. What would happen when they started talking again, he'd go running back to her? All I really got from the whole thing was that he has absolutely no idea what he wants, and while maybe I would wait around to see, I was certainly not waiting around with my baby to see what he decided. That wouldn't be fair to him at all. So I told him no, I still wanted the divorce. He cried, said he wanted to die, it would be better for every one if he was dead - it was ridiculous. I was nice to him for a while and tried to make him see where I was coming from, but in the end I was annoyed - I shouldn't be sat there comforting him for having an affair and wanting nothing to do with his child!

Friday I met with my lawyer. He told me I should be a little careful what I post online, which is why I've been thinking about how to update this thread for a day or two. I am well within my rights to go back to Canada now, but I wouldn't be after the baby was born - and once he is born, I might need to come back with the baby to contend custody if necessary. That's something my attorney is looking into.

So tomorrow I meet with my OBGYN again. I'm hoping my blood pressure will have gone down and, if the baby is still doing OK, I can see if perhaps my Dr will let me fly. If I can get the go-ahead from him, I'll be going back this coming week. If not, I have to start looking for train fares - because I am definitely going back. My parents have researched health care and whilst we're still not 100% sure I'll be covered, they have offered to help me pay for medical bills if I need it. You guys were right - as much as I am truly terrified to leave here and can't imagine what it will be like to walk out that door, not knowing if I'm coming back, I have to be around my family right now. I'm going to leave my half of the mortgage and bills with my attorney - he can make sure they get to DH with a note saying that the money is to be used for bill payment, that way he can't later say that I abandoned him or the house or anything. I'm also leaving money to pay for cat food, litter, etc. It's eating into the money I've set aside, but I think this is the best legal option to cover all my bases.

I'm sorry again that people thought this was a hoax - that didn't occur to me when I wasn't updating. I'll update again after my Dr's appointment tomorrow and let you guys know if I'm flying home. I'll also update again once I get back to Canada, if anyone wants to know.

I really do appreciate the support I've gotten here - I couldn't have done this without everyone here. It's funny how sometimes it's so much easier to talk to complete strangers than it is to talk to people you know, but posters here really gave me the strength to talk to my parents and sort things out. So thank you ALL so much.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. In the long run I think you will be happier and so will your child. Remember to take baby steps. Good luck in your new adventure and I truly pray that it turns out well for you.

 

[SaraJayne]

Sorry for not updating in a while, I've been busy with appointments and getting stuff done, etc. I'm sorry for those who thought my not updating meant this was a hoax - I sort of wish it was, I don't think I could have made this stuff up if I tried!

Lots of stuff has happened in the past week since I last posted.

First up was DH announcing on Tuesday night that he wanted to give us another try It came out of nowhere really - Tuesday morning I told him I'd talked to my parents, that I was talking to a lawyer etc. Throughout the day he kept calling me and texting me saying how sorry he was, etc, which I just ignored. Then Tuesday night he sat me down and told me he didn't want a divorce. He said he was sorry, my telling my parents just made the whole thing too real for him and he couldn't imagine me not being there every day. It went on and on while I just sat there in a daze. I have to admit - a big part of me was thrilled, it was what I'd wanted to hear. But I was so confused, I didn't know where it was coming from. I told him I needed time to think, and we could talk Wednesday.

Wednesday he made me breakfast in bed, was being nicer to me than he had in ages. It was absurd. So I asked him what was going on with the other girl. SHOCKER, the two of them were having troubles. She wanted him to move to Seattle to live with her, she wanted him to get a paternity test to see if the baby really was his ( ) and was basically pushing for him to be in a serious relationship and he was getting cold feet. Once I heard this, I knew there was no chance of he and I working things out. What would happen when they started talking again, he'd go running back to her? All I really got from the whole thing was that he has absolutely no idea what he wants, and while maybe I would wait around to see, I was certainly not waiting around with my baby to see what he decided. That wouldn't be fair to him at all. So I told him no, I still wanted the divorce. He cried, said he wanted to die, it would be better for every one if he was dead - it was ridiculous. I was nice to him for a while and tried to make him see where I was coming from, but in the end I was annoyed - I shouldn't be sat there comforting him for having an affair and wanting nothing to do with his child!

Friday I met with my lawyer. He told me I should be a little careful what I post online, which is why I've been thinking about how to update this thread for a day or two. I am well within my rights to go back to Canada now, but I wouldn't be after the baby was born - and once he is born, I might need to come back with the baby to contend custody if necessary. That's something my attorney is looking into.

So tomorrow I meet with my OBGYN again. I'm hoping my blood pressure will have gone down and, if the baby is still doing OK, I can see if perhaps my Dr will let me fly. If I can get the go-ahead from him, I'll be going back this coming week. If not, I have to start looking for train fares - because I am definitely going back. My parents have researched health care and whilst we're still not 100% sure I'll be covered, they have offered to help me pay for medical bills if I need it. You guys were right - as much as I am truly terrified to leave here and can't imagine what it will be like to walk out that door, not knowing if I'm coming back, I have to be around my family right now. I'm going to leave my half of the mortgage and bills with my attorney - he can make sure they get to DH with a note saying that the money is to be used for bill payment, that way he can't later say that I abandoned him or the house or anything. I'm also leaving money to pay for cat food, litter, etc. It's eating into the money I've set aside, but I think this is the best legal option to cover all my bases.

I'm sorry again that people thought this was a hoax - that didn't occur to me when I wasn't updating. I'll update again after my Dr's appointment tomorrow and let you guys know if I'm flying home. I'll also update again once I get back to Canada, if anyone wants to know.

I really do appreciate the support I've gotten here - I couldn't have done this without everyone here. It's funny how sometimes it's so much easier to talk to complete strangers than it is to talk to people you know, but posters here really gave me the strength to talk to my parents and sort things out. So thank you ALL so much.

Thank you for the update. I'm glad to hear you have a good plan in place and your parents are aware of what's happening. The only other advice I'd give you is please take your cats with you.

I'm wishing you nothing but peace in the coming weeks, as you anticipate the arrival of your little one.

 

[angwill]

Sorry you are going through this. I'd go back home to your parents. I don't know much about custody issues, but if you have the baby in CA does your husband have to sign something allowing you to take the baby out of state to live? You need to keep the baby away from the wacky girlfriend. I'd move back right away and start a new life. Prayers for you.

I agree I would file for divorce and put the house on the market then move to Canada. Then when he gets tired of the girlfriend he won't try and form a bond with the baby and make it hard on you to move. Canada has you covered on delivering the baby and your parents will be there to support you. I am so sorry you had to find out the truth about your husband the way you did. One blessing is you are still young and his lack of interest in your baby should be a blessing in disguise once your son is here. You probably can't see it now but I think you will in the future.

I edited this because I just saw your follow up. I am happy to see you are being strong and doing the best thing for yourself. The way your DH is behaving after your telling him you were done is typical and they don't change. You just made him see the reality of how badly he screwed up his life and it is now hurting him the way he hurt you but he brought it upon himself. Good luck and I do hope all works out for you.

 

[Debbie Jean]

In the days to come please remember that you have lots and lots of people alll over the country and even the world who will be praying for you and your little one...

 

[eebadeeba]

I have been following the tread. Just want to say that I wish the best for you. I am glad you have family that you can go home to. Your child has a strong mama. Good luck with everything.

 

[minnie56]

Oh thank god you are okay and making steps to get as far away from him as possible! Life is all about consequences, he is finding that out!

PLEASE, take the cats ...many people do horrible things out of spite.
Or at least, take them to a good friend willing to have them. Don't let them get caught in the midst of this horrible sadness.

BIGGEST hugs

 

[wdwmom0f3]

yes, OP was online--then no more than 2 minutes after I posted the above comment OP was offline


so sad, feel so dupped again---I am no longer going to get sucked into these type of DIS threads--fun one yes, one's like this no more

Well, she has either decided to stay and does not want to hear what we have to say about that or its a hoax. Either way its very sad.

Oops! I was quoting this post and missed the update. That's what I get for being in a hurry earlier. Thank God that she came back to let us know what was going on. I was starting to believe that he had talked her in to staying.

 

[SaraJayne]

Well, she has either decided to stay and does not want to hear what we have to say about that or its a hoax. Either way its very sad.

The OP has posted an update, post 425. Please read it.

 

[princessbride6205]

OP - I appreciate that you updated! I'm glad that comments here were helpful to you in some way. I commend you for how strong you have been throughout this ordeal. You've reached out for help, taken action, and are making important decisions. I'm a pretty strong person, but I think I may have melted into a puddle if I was going through the same situation. It's obvious that you are trying to make the best choices for yourself and your little guy, even though those choices are far from easy. I hope you are able to travel soon!

 

[pigletgirl]

Thanks for the update. Don't listen to his sweet talk and do what is necessary for you and your baby boy! Will be thinking about you!

 

[Ilivetogo]

OP - Best of luck to you. I'm glad you're going back home. I wish you all the best. I will be watching for your further updates.

.

 

[Scurvy]

Oh thank god you are okay and making steps to get as far away from him as possible! Life is all about consequences, he is finding that out!

PLEASE, take the cats ...many people do horrible things out of spite.
Or at least, take them to a good friend willing to have them. Don't let them get caught in the midst of this horrible sadness.

BIGGEST hugs

This is what I was thinking as well. People do horrible things when they are angry, and if he doesn't particularly care about the cats and knows that the Original Poster does care about them, I hate to think what he might do. He could simply throw them out of the house, or dump them at a shelter, or even have them put to sleep. The one thing I don't think he would do is actually care for them. So OP, if you are leaving and you care about those cats, either take them with you or find a friend or rescue group to take them for you. I think you have to assume that he will destroy or dispose of anything you leave behind that he knows you care about, and that includes the cats.

 

[Jessica14]

OP, so glad you have updated us and have made some decisions. You are a very strong woman and although I don't know you, I'm very proud of what you are doing. Please let us know as best as you can what is happening! We all care so much about you and your little one's well being during this difficult time!
Jessica

 

[DizDaD7]

The OP has posted an update, post 425. Please read it.

Lol what she said...she must've missed that one.

 

[goofyintoronto]

Thank you for the update. I'm glad to hear you have a good plan in place and your parents are aware of what's happening. The only other advice I'd give you is please take your cats with you.

I think the OP has a lot on her plate/enough to worry about. yes it would be nice if she took her cats, but there are other things that take priority.

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