The title says it all really. I'm 7 months pregnant with our first child and I found out yesterday that my husband has been having an affair for a little over a year. I honestly don't know what to do with myself - I keep going from angry to heartbroken to confused...it's all just such a mess. What do I do now?
Some of the details I found out from him:
-The girl he's having the affair with just turned 19 and just started her first year in college. That's right, she was literally JUST 18 when the affair started and was still in high school. She lives in another state and is the daughter of a friend of the family - DH has only actually met her three times when the family came to visit. The affair was mostly emotional, but there were aspects of it conducted over Skype, and things were physical when they saw each other (although he says they never slept together). DH and I are 29, so there's a 10 year age gap.
-This girl has some severe mental issues going on. She suffers from severe depression, has been known to self-harm and has tried to kill herself once. Since she found out I found out about the affair (literally about 24 hours), she's sent me the most evil text messages - telling me I should just kill myself rather than be a single mother, that I must be pathetic that my husband would cheat on me, etc. I showed them to DH, stupidly thinking he couldn't know how horrible she could be - he basically didn't care.
-This baby was unplanned, and where I grew to be excited over time, DH has made it clear from the beginning he didn't really want him. He blames me because I was on the pill, and he thinks I must have forgotten to take it or something. When I was confronting him about the affair, he said that he felt like his life was going to be over, that he would always resent me for getting pregnant (he takes no responsibility for this, like it was an immaculate conception or something) etc. I feel so, so terrible for my baby boy that his father could say things like that about him
-All my family lives in a small town in Canada, whereas DH and I (and all his family) live in California. I haven't told anyone about this yet because I don't know what to do. My parents are comfortable financially and I know they would take me back in a heartbeat, but my father just retired and they're having a great time travelling and enjoying each others company - I'd hate to impose upon them with a newborn baby. DH and I own a house, and if we divorce I should get half of everything, but that wouldn't happen overnight.
-For those wondering what DH wants to do (if anyone is still reading), he says he's miserable with me and would be miserable with a baby - and that this girl
makes him happy. But then he tells me he can't bring himself to divorce me and regardless, I'm on his health insurance and we need to stay married until the baby gets here. I just can't believe he could choose to leave his wife and unborn child for a relationship with a college freshman! When I asked if the affair had been continuous for the last year, he admitted that it hadn't, and they'd had ups and downs because she could be cruel and hurtful at times. I can't put into words how horrible it makes me feel that he would choose this person over me - how bad am I that he would pick someone like that instead?
I think that's it - like I said, I haven't told anyone this stuff so this is the first time I've gotten it all out like this. I should add I am a regular Diser, but this is all such a nightmare, I'd rather not have it linked to my normal account at this point.
I don't know what I'm looking for here to be honest - I guess advice on what to do next. I know there have been threads like this in the past so I know there must be other Disers out there that have been through something similar, although I hope they are few and far between, I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.
