6 Days Before Our Trip, DH Just Left Me

[elemusing]

just saw your post and wanted to say how sorry I am. My heart breaks for you. HUGS! to you!

Angie

 

[goofyshell]

Just bumping and hoping to hear from the op. Prayers and pd to you and your kids. Please do let us know how you are when you can.

 

[MorganLeFey]

If worried about him coming into the home while youre at WDW - pay someone to stay there.... a neighbor college kid home from school even.

Id be more worried about HIM coming in, then a neighbor.

And let the police know whats going on too.

I would NOT do that.

as a legal matter, the OP's dh has a legal right to be there, the neighbor does not. if there were a confrontation, the neighbor would be "in the wrong" since he is only an invited guest of the OP.

if the DH came to the house while the OP was home and the polcie were summoned because of a confrontation, it would be a "domestic incident".

if the neighbor were there instead, it could bre "trespassing" or "breaking and entering" -- a very messy business for the neighbor, and with the OP 7 hours away, one that couldn't be resolved immediately.

I would NOT do that to my neighbor.

 

[ead79]

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry! My prayers are with you as you try to sort this all out.

 

[brerrabbit]

I just wanted to say I am very sorry that this has happened to you right before your trip that the kids were so looking forward to. I want to preface what I am going to say by saying that regardless of the reason your husband has left he is acting very selfish in the matter given that the children were looking forward to their trip. The least he could have done was wait till after the trip. I don't know you, or your husband so I cannot comment on your situation, nor do I feel qualified in any way to give you advice on what your next action should be. The only thing I wanted to add was thaat I possibly know and understand some things your husband is feeling. I love my wife very much and have been married to her for 24 years this August. We have a wonderful life and two great children. We have friends, and activities and hobbies and really enjoy life. Dispite all that there are times when as a man I feel very unloved, and very unappreciated. It is a common condition in men that they feel around 40 years old. Another name for it is yes "mid life crisis". But in reality the emotions and feelings that create the MLC are very deep rooted psychologically. Men are the hunter gatherers and thus need to feel in control. They tend to also need somewhat constant recognition for their efforts. When things are not going their way and they have work problems, or are passed over for promotions or feel they are not providing everything they can to their families they feel inadequate and can easily slide into severe depression. I am not saying like others that there is definately another woman because in cases where the type behavior I am describing occurs there is typically not another woman. The man goes into the woe is me mode and will be heard saying things like, "all anybody around this house cares about is whether I bring home a paycheck" They feel like nothing they do is right. What others would see as gentle proding by a wife like "don't forget to pick up your laundry today, or don't forget your sons baseball game tonight" become verbal barbs to them. They think that they are worthless and unworthy of love from anyone. They draw away from every one in their life.

I have no idea what your situation is but as someone who has seen this happen and experienced similar feelings I am just putting it out there as a possibility. This is a situation that can be overcome and you can get past it so I guess I offer it as a form of hope. Then again I could be totally wrong and it could be something else all together but in any situation I wish the best for you and your family.

 

[DwarfMaster]

Dear OP,



I know everyone's situation is different ~ but here was mine...
DH decided 3 weeks before our family Cruise that he just wasn't happy & he left. I couldn't bear to tell my kids that we weren't going on a Cruise that we'd been plannig for over a year....it also was Non-Refundable. So I quickly sold his ticket to my mother & we had the best vacation of our lives. It was the beginning of our new lives together...Just me & the kids.

I'm not sure if you're ready to start a new life on your own....but it was perfect timing for me to just get away, clear my head & enjoy some quality time with my kids who had a long hard road ahead.

Good Luck with whatever you decide.

 

[chell]

Hugs and prayers headed your way. Hope you can update us soon.

 

[Chicago526]

I took the liberty of looking up some Georgia divorce law on divorcenet.com, for the OP's and our own education. OP, there are also links to help you find lawyers and counseling in GA.

http://www.divorcenet.com/states/georgia/ga_separation


It looks like OP may have grounds that DH "deserted" them:

In Georgia, you are legally separated if you are no longer engaging in marital relations and you consider yourself to be in an actual state of separation. You can be separated even if you are living in the same household as your spouse. To file a case for divorce, you must be in such a state of separation. The court will not grant you a "legal separation". Rather, you must swear that you are in an actual state of separation and then the court can grant a divorce... The courts distinguish between separation and "desertion", which is when one of the parties leaves without the intention of returning. If the other person forces you to leave, that is "constructive desertion." You won't be penalized by the court if you leave for your own protection or that of the child(ren).

What she should do if he serves her with divorce papers:

I just received a complaint for divorce from my spouse, now what?
Quickly contact and consult a family lawyer. You have 30 days to "answer" the complaint in writing. The answer allows you to give "your side of the story" and to admit or deny each claim in the complaint. You may also file a "counterclaim" and seek a divorce in response to your spouse seeking a divorce.

Can I get the court to help me immediately?Either spouse may request a temporary hearing where issues of child custody, visitation, child support, alimony, debts and possession of property may be resolved on a temporary basis until final resolution. The judge will issue a temporary order that applies only until the time of the final trial. The temporary order may also prohibit the transfer or selling of assets, or prevent one party from interfering with the other party, or from interfering with the party's children.

Child Custody

What about my children?
Typically, until a court ruling or agreement, married persons share custody. The judge will try to fashion a custody plan which is in the "best interests of the child." The judge will consider many factors including the age and sex of the child, and the ability of each parent to care for and nurture the child. A child who has reached 14 years of age may generally choose which parent will have custody. A child who is age 11, 12, or 13 may speak to the judge, but the judge is not required to follow the child's wishes.

Can I share custody?
Yes. The court can award joint custody instead of sole custody. There are two types of joint custody: (i) Joint legal custody, where both parents have equal rights and responsibilities for major decisions concerning the child; and (ii) joint physical custody, where physical custody is shared by the parents in such a way to assure the child substantially equal time and contact with both parents. In awarding joint custody, the court may order joint legal custody, joint physical custody or both. Regardless of the label, the parties should attempt to agree upon (or the court will decide) who has the right to make a decision affecting a child if the parties cannot agree.

Alimony and Division of possessions

What is alimony?
Alimony is a support payment by one spouse to another which, based upon various factors may be appropriate in a particular case. Alimony is generally not available to a spouse who caused the dissolution of the marriage by their adultery or desertion. Alimony may be for a limited time period or until the spouse receiving alimony dies or remarries, or may be paid in one lump sum. Again, the court will review the Domestic Relations Financial Affidavit (see sample on web site: www.kesslerschwarz.com) when determining the issue of alimony. Factors the court will consider in determining alimony include the length of the marriage; health of each party; assets of each party; and the contributions of each party to homemaking, child raising, and career building of the other party.

What happens to "our" possessions now?
Marital property is generally all property acquired during the marriage, except for that property received by gift from a third party or by inheritance. Each spouse is entitled to an "equitable" (which does not mean equal) share of all marital property acquired during the marriage. There is no set formula or percentage amount used to divide marital property; however, credit may be given to a party who has contributed "separate" or "premarital" property to the marriage. Georgia case law sets forth a complicated formula to determine how the contribution of "separate" property to the marriage is to be handled. Contact a lawyer to discuss this matter if it is an issue in your situation.

 

[Claudia1]

If the OP does go on the vacation, maybe she could video everything..... and I mean everything..... in her house before she goes. If he does clean it out or if something is missing, she would have proof that it was there when she left.

It would take some time to open drawers, closets, etc.... of everything that should not be taken but it might help. A running commentary could supply details.

Just a thought.

Hugs & prayers for the OP

Editted to add:
I would also be concerned about incoming mail while I was gone.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

I just wanted to say I am very sorry that this has happened to you right before your trip that the kids were so looking forward to. I want to preface what I am going to say by saying that regardless of the reason your husband has left he is acting very selfish in the matter given that the children were looking forward to their trip. The least he could have done was wait till after the trip. I don't know you, or your husband so I cannot comment on your situation, nor do I feel qualified in any way to give you advice on what your next action should be. The only thing I wanted to add was thaat I possibly know and understand some things your husband is feeling. I love my wife very much and have been married to her for 24 years this August. We have a wonderful life and two great children. We have friends, and activities and hobbies and really enjoy life. Dispite all that there are times when as a man I feel very unloved, and very unappreciated. It is a common condition in men that they feel around 40 years old. Another name for it is yes "mid life crisis". But in reality the emotions and feelings that create the MLC are very deep rooted psychologically. Men are the hunter gatherers and thus need to feel in control. They tend to also need somewhat constant recognition for their efforts. When things are not going their way and they have work problems, or are passed over for promotions or feel they are not providing everything they can to their families they feel inadequate and can easily slide into severe depression. I am not saying like others that there is definately another woman because in cases where the type behavior I am describing occurs there is typically not another woman. The man goes into the woe is me mode and will be heard saying things like, "all anybody around this house cares about is whether I bring home a paycheck" They feel like nothing they do is right. What others would see as gentle proding by a wife like "don't forget to pick up your laundry today, or don't forget your sons baseball game tonight" become verbal barbs to them. They think that they are worthless and unworthy of love from anyone. They draw away from every one in their life.

I have no idea what your situation is but as someone who has seen this happen and experienced similar feelings I am just putting it out there as a possibility. This is a situation that can be overcome and you can get past it so I guess I offer it as a form of hope. Then again I could be totally wrong and it could be something else all together but in any situation I wish the best for you and your family.

Thanks for your post. It was honest and enlightening.

Lori

 

[laura001]

Just bumping hoping the OP will let us know how she is doing....

 

[bevtoy]

Bumping to see how she is doing too.

 

[lillygator]

OP - sorry I have no words of wisdom, but I hope you are doing ok and that everything works out for the best.

Hope you can update soon although I am sure that is the last thing on your mind.

 

[chell]

 

[Annie68]

 

[lillygator]

Hope everything is ok....

 

[Keggy]

Looks like you have been given lots and lots of advice.

So, here are so more

Kelly

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

hugs to OP!!!

 

[grimley1968]

OP, I hope things are ok with you. Please let us know, at your convenience, how you're doing. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.

I agree with others that there has been some awesome advice and encouragement in this thread. Chicago526 and Brerrabbit, for example, gave some wonderfully detailed information that can help in your situation and maybe some others as well.

Again, I hope you're ok and that you and your kids can move on with a happy life. Take care.