6 Days Before Our Trip, DH Just Left Me

[rileyroosmom]

I can't believe I'm sitting here typing this. After 16 years of marraige, 3 kids (and 6 days before our trip) my dh comes to me tonight and says he is not happy and he is leaving me. I think I am in shock. He told our ds12 who is beyond devastated. He left around midnight. He says there is no one else, just isn't happy. I can't believe I'm typing this to strangers at 1:30am. I don't have anyone to talk to right now. I called my father who is coming here in the morning from Florida. I can't call my girlfriends due to the time. I'm just sick over the whole thing. I didn't see it coming. Things have been a little strained lately, I just chalked it up to a long marraige, the kids, we both turned 40, just a mid life crisis.
Well, thanks for listening. It's sureal to me now that I"m looking at the words.

 

[FreshTressa]

Wow...how terrible.

That is so odd to come out of the blue like that. You must be in total shock.

Are you sure he 'means' it and it is not a cry for help or to work on things?

 

[megan4777]

I'm sorry I can't offer any advice

 

[goofy's friends]

Oh, my gosh. I am so sorry. I'm sending you lots of hugs (icon won't work). I think you should call a friend. I would want to help a friend in need no matter what the hour and I'm sure they would be there for you. I am so sad for you and will keep you and your DS in my prayers.

 

[HomeSweetDisney]

I am so sorry you have to go through this. I doubt it's any consolation but a good friend of mine's parents went through a situation like this. He went to her mom one day out of the blue and told her he didn't love her anymore and that he wanted to divorce. Her mom was really blown away by it but then her dad said he was just going through a mid-life crisis and wasn't thinking clearly. They ended up going to marriage counseling and are still together now. Maybe DH will come to his senses and you two will be able to work things out. But either way, I will keep you in my prayers

 

[jtnsami]

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[2sweetangels]

I am so sorry, lot's of hugs to you.

 

[disykat]

I'm so sorry. I also think you might want to call a friend. I know I'd want to be called.

 

[Rella Bella]

I doubt it's any consolation but a good friend of mine's parents went through a situation like this. He went to her mom one day out of the blue and told her he didn't love her anymore and that he wanted to divorce. Her mom was really blown away by it but then her dad said he was just going through a mid-life crisis and wasn't thinking clearly. They ended up going to marriage counseling and are still together now. Maybe DH will come to his senses and you two will be able to work things out.

Oh you must feel horrible! Maybe he's depressed??
I so hope this happens for you!
It's so good that your family is coming to be with you.
Sending you extra prayers and lots of Pixie Dust!

 

[FreshTressa]

Yes...I am guilty of blaming DH when I am not happy...as if leaving him would solve my problems. Is he mid-life crisis age?

 

[rileyroosmom]

Thanks everyone. I can't call a friend, we recently moved to Georgia from NY and it would just be too strange calling from so far away in the middle of the night. I hope it is a midlife crisis. He definately is not the man I've know for 20 years. I've tried calling his cell, but he's not picking up.
My son tells me my dh told him I'd take them to Disney on Thursday myself. I don't know if I have it in me. My dh has totally taken care of me through the years, I'm embarrased to say I'd be too afraid to drive the 7 hours myself. Any advice, do you think I should still go? I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. My head is in so many places at once. I don't want to give any more pain to my kids by telling them their father left and they aren't going on their trip. I can't believe he has done this to them! I just checked our banking on line and he hasn't taken money, I'm just reeling! Thanks for the support

 

[kapica3]

I'm so sorry for you. What a horrible thing to happen. I also think you should call a friend. That what friends are for. I'm sure if it were something big you wouldn't mind waking up at night to speak to one of your friends who needs you and I'm sure your friend will understand.

In any case I'm glad you decided to type this right now to "total strangers". Right now its all really new to you and I can only imagine the panic and shock of it all. Just keep breathing deeply and realize that you have your children to hold yourself together for. Keep praying. and praying some more. What a horrible thing to do to the family and right before your trip too. What a guy!

Realize that you are not alone, it has happened to many women.... right now it is a shock, but once it sinks in you will probably go through a multitude of emotions, shock, anger, fear, sadness. I know it won't be easy for you but others have done it and so will you. I'll keep you in my prayers. Please pray yourself for peace, strength and guidance. Also, please call your friends, you need them now and they will understand.

 

[Planogirl]

Oh my, what a horrible shock! It is kind of surreal as you say but take it slow and get in touch with someone you know. Hopefully, this can be worked out but right now you just need to take care of you and your kids.

 

[rileyroosmom]

Yes...I am guilty of blaming DH when I am not happy...as if leaving him would solve my problems. Is he mid-life crisis age?

He is 40 so I guess that is mid life crisis age??? He is blaming me and I said do you think sitting in an apartment/hotel w/o me and the kids is going to make you happy? This whole thing makes no sense

 

[miss missy]

Oh boy I am sorry this is happening I do not have any answers, but I want to say hang in there. Your kids need you right now, Try and keep up the strength for them. DO what ever you have to to stay strong and clear headed. I know its hard, but please keep those babies in mind. Do not let them hear too much and do not talk bad about him in front of them. Take a deep breath and get support. ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED FROM PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU.

I am sending you hugs ((((((rileyroosmom)))))))

 

[kapica3]

I never thought of the bank account thing. Do you think you should take the money and move it temporarily before he does? I'd hate to see you "cleaned out" along with everything else. Maybe you should ask your dad for advice. And in the morning call a lawyer. I think you need to know your rights.

About the trip, this is probably going to be the hardest thing. I think you should go. Not just for the kids but for yourself. You said that it will be hard for you to drive the 7 hours. I think it will give you a boost of confidence and a jump start to taking care of yourself and the children once you accomplish that small task. Also IMHO you should go also because life goes on, and for your children I think that the more "normal" you can keep your life and the more of an "we will survive this" attitude you have (at least in front of them) the better.

Again, keep praying, call a lawyer and keep a stiff upper lip. You are a woman, women endure all kinds of hardship that they do not "ask for" every day. You will get through this, trust me.

 

[jtnsami]

This whole thing makes no sense

It never makes any sense. The main thing is don't beat yourself up over this. The first question we always ask ourselves is "What did I do? What's wrong with me that he/she would leave me?" I've been there and know what you're going through. You will get through it whether he comes back or not. Just take care of yourself, lean on your friends, and be there for your children. Most importantly, take care of yourself first.

 

[escape]

I'm so sorry, rileyroosmom. Many, many s to you and your children.

I just don't get the "I'm not happy" line. Happiness comes from within. Maybe it is a cry for help on his part. Is he having some problems elsewhere - like at work, friends, siblings, other outside influences? Try suggesting counseling for both of you before making any rash decisions. You both need to get to the root of the problem and see if things can be worked out.

My heart goes out to you and your family. I wish there was something I could say to make it better for you.

 

[babytrees]

Go on your trip and know that you are in all of our thoughts and prayers through this tough time.

You can and will get through this and I also think you need to talk to a friend....call they will understand.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

I know you are hurting right now but I would move the money out of your joint account ASAP before he does. Protect yourself and the kids first.

Hugs! So sorry you are going thru this.