5th grade girls = rude, selfish, and spoiled

[Disney Doll]

I feel for you. I live in a town that is fairly affluent overall, although I live in the "normal" end of town. But there are a lot of those "soccer Mom driving big SUV and oh I don't work how sad that you have to" types living here. It's the mean girls all grown up! Thank God I don't have kids or they'd be dealing with the offspring of these women...I can't even imagine.

Mean girls turn in to mean women. It's all in how they are raised. Most of the mean girls I knew growing up were raised to think that the sun rose to shine on them.

 

[wdw4us2]

I feel for you. I am beginning to think this type of behavior is occuring in most places rather than being isolated to various parts of the country.

DD (now 16) never had to deal with this. She has always had equal numbers of girl friends as well as boy friends. When the girls started with the drama, she spent more time with the boys. Now they all hang out together and do almost everything as a group.

Maybe you should see if there are some nice boys that your DD could hang with in your neighborhood or through some other activity. You rarely experience the drama with girl/boy friendships that you do with girl/girl friendships.

 

[Mermaid02]

it's not just girls. My son is in 5th grade and the boys are mercilessly picking on him. They have labelled him "gay" (because he is smart, sensitive and kind) and they treat him like a leper. A couple of weeks ago a newer kid in the neighborhood started playing with him at our house- he was there everyday after school for almost a week and then all of a sudden he starts riding his bike by our home yelling rotten things at my son. Jack had tried to play with him at school and some of the other kids made fun of him for it.

Kids are mean. I worry about Jack eventually turning mean because of the way he has been treated.

 

[GotFids]

I can understand how you feel! My dd11 had the same issues...she wanted to be friends with everyone and couldn't understand why she wasn't included in things. She is very innocent for her age. At the last sleepover she was invited to was from a neighbor that had moved to another city close by and I had assumed it was the daughter that was in the same grade as my dd that wanted her to come over. The next day the mom apologized to me that her older dd had pretty much ignored my dd and went with another girl their age to call boys!!! So my dd played with the younger sister who is 10 and she had a wonderful time and it didn't bother her at all.

My daughter is home schooled and the group is through Orange County School District and it's called C.H.E.P. ( Community Home Education Program) It's wonderful, she loves it. They get together every week for "Middle School Day" and the kids are all like my dd, they are sweet, kind and a bit on the goofy side. They all get along wonderfully and she's been invited to trick or treat with the group! She's also very involved with dance/theater and guitar, so she has friends at her lessons, but there is most assuredly cliques there!!! My dd is not one of the "cool" kids and I'm so glad for that! I wish you well...Just remember how sweet she is and you are fortunate to have a sweet girl!

 

[gypsydoodlebug]

My own DD is four -- just this week after some sassy talk at home, I told my boss I thought she was going to be one of THOSE girls -- you know, the kind in movies who walks down the halls in slow motion with a couple of wannabes trailing behind her as they flip their hair and smooth their lip gloss while the halls literally part like the Red Sea to let them through. In slow motion.

In all serious, you have to do what you can to curb that kind of behavior when you start to see it. Unfortunately, it's just not noticed/dealt with at home. I was bullied in the 8th grade (really. I've blacked it out), but in high school just let myself be me and had a fabulous group of nerdy friends whom I adored.

Don't know/ don't care what happened to those girls now, but I know that I'm successful and married.

Good luck with the drama, y'all -- I'm using you moms with older girls as guinea pigs to see how to handle this stuff in the (not-so-distant) future

 

[HollyJoy]

We are going through the same 5th grade drama here, only my dd is dealing with some friends not getting along, and her being caught in the middle. I'm proud of her though, for she seems to be handling it quite well, but there times.... The whole 3some thing is out now.. lol It has to be even numbers. Crazy.. Hang in there!

 

[Sherri]

I'm so sick of all the girl 'drama' in 5th grade. I'm ready to pack up and move somewhere else.... where everyone isn't fake and self absorbed. Somewhere where parents teach their children manners and right from wrong.

I'm tired of prank phone calls, people promising my dd sleepovers or playdates only to have it never come, unreturned phone calls, 1 way playdates (you know, where the playdate is never ever reciprocated at their house). I can't believe that 90% of the 5th graders have cell phones... and shop daily/weekly at the mall for the top of the line $70 jeans...

So, is there someplace that still exists where people are just nice? You don't have to love everyone, but can't you at least be nice/polite? geesh...

Like my dd has the plague. And she's not 'new' to the school. And she doesn't smell.... or look funny or ???????? I feel HORRIBLE for her. In tears most days, doesn't understand what she's doing wrong, why people say one thing and then do another. At first I thought it was a token 1 or 2. But it's now more like 80% of the girls.

Off my soapbox now.

Its so strange that you should say this. My best friend (old neighbor) moved to So. CA over the summer and said the same thing and her dd is also in 5th grade. Honestly though I told her that girl drama happens everywhere on different scales, she said she didn't notice it here nearly as much, but 5th grade is worst then 4th grade so chances are drama may have occured here as well had she stayed.

 

[kinntj]

My DD5 has already had one girl pick on her this year in Kindergarten. I can't wait until she gets older.

At least the little girl got sent to the principals office and had a talk with her parents. They need to nip this now before she gets older and could get worse.

My DD goes to gymnastics and soccer outside of school, so she has some great friends there too. Her best friend in school is a boy, even though she has several friends in school. All the moms that volunteer just love her.

 

[palmtreegirl]

My DD is in 5th grade and we home school but all her activities are non-home school based and so far she hasn't had any problems. My DD has a lot of self confidence though, unlike myself at her age, thank goodness. I was terribly shy and as a result I was picked on all the time but I was always too afraid to stand up for myself. How's your DD's self confidence level? I think the more confidence a kid has ,the less they'll get picked on. Could you get her involved in some activities she loves? How about karate? It's supposed to be a great self esteem boosting activity.

 

[Stitchfans]

Yes it is all over. DD is in 8th grade and experiences the same things.

 

[Hannathy]

I'm surprised it took until 5th grade! It started in Kindergarten for my DD. She was called a baby because she had a sweatshirt on with Minnie Mouse and her jeans weren't from the limited! It was a miserable few years until she could go to the charter school for the highly gifted and met and became friends with a lot of kids just like her and didn't dwell on clothes or whose house was biggest or had the best car. You have my empathy.

 

[freckles and boo]

My daughter is in second grade. I was driving her to her piano lesson last week and she just started sobbing out of the blue. She was upset because she isn't "popular". I asked her if she could tell me what popular means. She said it means "cool". I told her that it also means someone who is well-liked and who has lots of friends. I asked her if she has lots of friends (she does) and if they like her (they do). I also asked where the heck this came from and who told her she wasn't popular or cool. Of course it was the BFF - the best frenemy who lives next door who is the ultimate queen bee in training. I am at my wit's end with this kid, but we keep the peace because neither family is going to be moving. Good luck to you because I only see my child's problems getting worse before they get better.

 

[Minnie_me]

I've found that these little demon girls like the ones you mention are simply a product of their parents' indulgences. Kids can't spoil themselves.

I'm so glad we live where we do. We're in a rural farming community, but only 20 minutes from "the city" where we can go to the theater, go shopping, go to sporting events, etc. So we really have the best of both worlds.

The girls in my DD's 5th grade class are mostly down to earth. Yes, there's friendship drama occasionally, but it usually centers around one specific girl who's been nothing but trouble since Kindergarten. Other than that, the girls are kind and caring.

Not one of them has a cell phone (and their parents would never allow it). Never has there been a promised invitation that didn't materialize. Some of the girls like to shop at Abercrombie, thanks to older sisters, but most of them are just fine shopping at Old Navy and Target.

 

[rie'smom]

I'm so sorry that your daughter is being hurt. It's a sad thing that girls can be so darn mean. At this moment, all is good for my 8th grade DD. Unfortunately, this can change. The good thing is it will get better and I hope this happens soon.
IMO, it's why men rule the world. If all girls and women would stick together, imagine how empowering it would be!

 

[vettechick99]

OP, I am being nosey. Are you from Coto, like on Real Housewives?

If so, not every town is like that! I'm sure I don't get the whole story, but the daughters on that show are like all girls around the country, but 10 Xs snottier! Not only that, I couldn't believe some of the incorrect grammar I heard those high schoolers saying. One said "pacific" instead of "specific". Oh my. How about you start listening in school instead of socializing?

Anyway, I taught 4th and 5th and in our school it really isn't too bad. But I know that all changes once they hit middle school.

Hope it all works out! I don't look forward to this with my DD.

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

If cotomom means Coto de Caza, you have your problem right there. You live in a horribly snobby, pretentious area. You don't appear to be snobby or pretentious, but that whole area (coto, RSM, Ladera) is just Stepford come to life. Try going north to Fullerton, Huntington, or even Laguna Niguel and Dana Point and you have a whole new standard of living and attitudes to come with it.

 

[rcraw45425]

OMG! I have two girls 10 & 12, so I have a 5th grader and a 7th grader. I have seen this so much, not necessarily with my two, but with others that have trouble being accepted, or are targeted by the bully girls. Older DD Kelly is lucky to be a bright well rounded child, but boy is she anal. She is in band, the only girl on her school's golf team, in accellerated classes. Her younger sister is a typical 2nd child, happy go lucky, oh well, I got a B instead of an A on that test, you get the picture. Well, after the girls had golf lessons today (younger started lessons with older, older is not happy because they will be on the same team next year and vying for the same Varsity, JV or B team slots) we went to Target to pick up supplies for a 7th grade project. Amy (younger) often mentions a girl that she has known since like 1st grade, who has become a bit of a bully. She also is notorious for making up tall tales. She is one who eats with her mouth open, while talking, which literally makes Amy nauseous to the point where her lunch comes home untouched. Well Amy has a best friend, we'll call her A, who is the sweetest child the Lord ever created. She is polite, quiet, loves animals (became a veggie because she can't stand to think of an animal being slaughtered). Well, the bully, K, torments her. I had no idea how badly until her mom told me in Target today about how the little girl is always coming up to A and smacking her in the cheek. CHild literally has bruises on her jaw bone! And she will pinch her on the pressure point on the collar bone and threaten to tell the teacher a lie about her if A tells! I could wring that child's neck I am so angry right now. She knows better than to try that with Amy, she definitely holds her own, even the boys will tell you that, even though she's the smallest in the class. This one (K) has made snide remarks about Amy and A whenever the teacher calls on them to do something "special". One remark that comes to mind is "do you always get everything you want, oh wait, did I say that out loud?" Oooooooo!

Kelly is always telling me about the girl cliques in 7th grade, how they are all like frenemies, buddy buddy one minute then at each other's throats the next. But surprisingly it seems like the drama is centered around 5th grade. 6th grade can't come soon enough for us, hopefully our bully will be rezoned since she's already lying to be in our school!

 

[Tiffer]

I'm so sick of all the girl 'drama' in 5th grade. I'm ready to pack up and move somewhere else.... where everyone isn't fake and self absorbed. Somewhere where parents teach their children manners and right from wrong.

I'm tired of prank phone calls, people promising my dd sleepovers or playdates only to have it never come, unreturned phone calls, 1 way playdates (you know, where the playdate is never ever reciprocated at their house). I can't believe that 90% of the 5th graders have cell phones... and shop daily/weekly at the mall for the top of the line $70 jeans...

So, is there someplace that still exists where people are just nice? You don't have to love everyone, but can't you at least be nice/polite? geesh...

Like my dd has the plague. And she's not 'new' to the school. And she doesn't smell.... or look funny or ???????? I feel HORRIBLE for her. In tears most days, doesn't understand what she's doing wrong, why people say one thing and then do another. At first I thought it was a token 1 or 2. But it's now more like 80% of the girls.

Off my soapbox now.

Well, do you live in Coto??? If so....I am not surprised nor should you be.

 

[Tiffer]

If cotomom means Coto de Caza, you have your problem right there. You live in a horribly snobby, pretentious area. You don't appear to be snobby or pretentious, but that whole area (coto, RSM, Ladera) is just Stepford come to life. Try going north to Fullerton, Huntington, or even Laguna Niguel and Dana Point and you have a whole new standard of living and attitudes to come with it.

Well, other than the Fullerton, HB suugestion. Dana/Monarch Beach area, Laguna Niguel, are the best out there, IMHO.

My SIL is a wanna be Coto snob, She lives in Dove and her life's aspiration is to buy in Coto, now that her St. John's dream was shattered when her DS got kicked out. Now he is in SMC, so she feels good about life again.
Pathetic social climbing.

 

[yasmina]

There are alot of books available that address this topic, and tons of research. Google "mean girls", "girl aggression", "girl bullying" and "relational aggression", and you'll be amazed at what you can learn. Cheryl Dellasega wrote the book "Girl Wars" as well as "Queen Bees Grown Up". Look up the names Charisse Nixon & Rachel Simmons. This last is the author of "Odd Girl Out". Lifetime made a movie out of this book and it is my favorite.

All of these authors and more have not only identified the unique nature of girl aggression, but they offer suggestions for schools and parents to help, whether your daughter is a victim, the bully, or a witness.

There is alot of good information out there, and I encourage you to read as much of it as you can. There are programs out there that can address these issues.

The fact is, that while this behavior has been documented as young as pre-school, it peaks in grades 5-8, then tapers off through high school. Unfortunately, boys have started to do some of the same behaviors, because they see girls getting away with it. After Columbine, all schools implemented bully-prevention programs, but most of these emphasized traditional physical bullying. Girl aggression, which is all about power, can have the same devastating effects: depression, low achievement in school, even suicide.

The one poster was right about the behavior lasting into adulthood, if not checked, and not just the bullying. You can recognize alot of these behaviors at any school parent meeting.

I have been a middle school teacher for 21 yrs., and have done extensive research on this. I've presented professional seminars for teachers entitled "Weapons of Mouth Destruction - Relational Aggression, Not Just for Girls Anymore".

While it's not good that it's happening to your daughter so young, she's young enough to build good defense skills before it gets worse. Good for you for being a parent who recognizes that something needs to be done now.

Good luck and good reading!