5th grade girls = rude, selfish, and spoiled

[Cindyluwho]

I have been a middle school teacher for 21 yrs., and have done extensive research on this. I've presented professional seminars for teachers entitled "Weapons of Mouth Destruction - Relational Aggression, Not Just for Girls Anymore".
!

Yasmina, do you agree with the majority of the above posters and the OP that the main culprits are girls who come from affluent families? The few girls in my DD13s class that are bullying are from poorer backgrounds. They were also the first ones to kiss (ahem) the boys and stay out all night on weekends.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

Coto, my heart goes out to you and your DD.
My 2 DD are 13 & 16 and understand what you're saying.
It only gets worse in middle school.
But by high school the girls seem to be more accepting of each other.

My older DD always had a group of friends that each day someone was in the doghouse. It's amazing to see them all go out now and not want to kill each other.
My 13 DD friends were never as bad. But I have seen them do similiar things
to each other.

 

[allicat]

My DD is in seventh grade-never had any big problems but there is always drama going on.
Im noticing in DD's school, seems like "popular" is when you do things that are wrong, then you are considered cool. DD is involved in school but thats not considered the "in" thing to do either. The "in" group are the ones who are making out at parties, running loose at the mall, getting in fights, etc.
Im thankful that DD is smart enough to see that these kids are not like her and she doesnt want to be with them. Luckily, she has a nice group of friends.

 

[Buckalew11]

Lots of drama here in TN also. It is everywhere but DD goes to a private Christian school (not affluent families though) and it is bad there also. In fact, I was talking to a person employed by the school and they told me not to worry that DD (13) did not feel like she "fit in". She said, "Trust me, you do not want her to 'fit in"." Yikes!

This year has been the worst. If I thought it would be better somewhere else, I'd move her. But, DD will not be fitting in anytime soon. And, she needs to learn how to handle "mean girls" because there happens to be a lot of "mean women" in this world also!

 

[DisneyPhD]

My daughter is in second grade. I was driving her to her piano lesson last week and she just started sobbing out of the blue. She was upset because she isn't "popular". I asked her if she could tell me what popular means. She said it means "cool". I told her that it also means someone who is well-liked and who has lots of friends. I asked her if she has lots of friends (she does) and if they like her (they do). I also asked where the heck this came from and who told her she wasn't popular or cool. Of course it was the BFF - the best frenemy who lives next door who is the ultimate queen bee in training. I am at my wit's end with this kid, but we keep the peace because neither family is going to be moving. Good luck to you because I only see my child's problems getting worse before they get better.

Yep, my DD has one of those also. They meet in K. DD and 2 other girls are the girls the rule the school in my DD's class right now. Really it is the one girl the keeps everyone else on their toes and it a bit of out control. If it is this bad now I can just see it in 5 years. I encourage DD to be friends with more then just this girl and branch out some. Still she cares so much what this girl thinks. Thank goodness this girl has a rather good mother who tries to keep it under control some. Still I have noticed she gets her moods from her mother, her mother is just more mature and has it under control. Even then I avoid her when I see she is in one of those moods. Aside from this situation, everyone else seems very real and nice around here. My nice is in HS in the same town and most of the kids seem very nice. I also grew up in the same town and there were a lot more mean girls back then.

It might very well be situational to your area and you might want to consider moving (drastic I know and not always possible.) If not just changing schools and branching out some.

I remember 5th and 6th grade was the very wrost when I was a kid. It was still elementary school and the girls were mean. Every week the queen bee picked a new kid to hate and everyone would follow along and hate this girl. Then it seemed like it was a new kid the next week. Everyone (but one girl) seemed to get their turn at being hated.

Then we moved on to Jr. high and it was actually better. There was more friends to pick from, not the same group of girls. The meanest girls didn't even end up being that popular and the stress did come down a lot. Does she change schools next year?

Even then, there are so many schooling options now a days. If you DD truly hates it look into alternatives. Just because we all lived with bullies growing up doesn't mean our kids have to endure it.

Best of luck to her and you. It can hurt so much so see our dearly loved child hurting. Learning to deal with it can be good for her, but then again she can learn to be strong in other ways and maybe making some changes might be good too!

So yes, there are mean girls everywhere, but some places are a lot worse then others. Some are a lot better.

 

[HeyIt'sMe]

My DD is in 5th grade too. Yes, 5th grade girls can be mean!

In 4th grade my DD and several other girls got to be really good friends. They all went to each other's b-day parties and really got to be close, Well, that was elementary school; now they are all in internediate school - and meeting new kids from the other 4 elementary schools in our town. One of the friends in DD's old group has a new group of friends that DD says are MEAN. One day my DD went up to talk to her friend at lunch and one of the 'mean girls' said "Go away. No one wants you here". These girls never let anyone talk to DD's old friend. And she obviously doesn't have the backbone to stand up for herself and speak for herself. Now, that's sad.

 

[wilderness01]

It's here too and it only gets worse. Middle school is the absolute worse, so I am hoping high school is better. The pecking order is just stupid in junior high. We have a few trouble makers. One really is the very worst and has been lying/causing trouble since the 3rd grade. It is really discouraging that young girls can be so, so mean.

 

[Sparx]

I went through the same thing in 1st-7th grade. There was one time where I was the only person in the class not invited to a birthday party. I was just different than all the children around me, and I was shunned for it. Up until about 8th grade, I had no where to be. I didn't fit in with any group, but then I found a niche where I was accepted. highschool got better. I wish I knew the magic words to make it better. my childhood would've had less tears, if I did. The only thing I can say is that it does get better. i promise.

 

[hentob]

I went through the same thing in 1st-7th grade. There was one time where I was the only person in the class not invited to a birthday party.

What kind of parent would EVER let this happen

Wow.

 

[cotomom]

OP, I know this is very emotional for you but....saying that the girls are mean because their parents buy them $70 jeans is like saying that girls who can't afford $70 jeans are white trashy. If that is the message you're DD is hearing from you it might be her attitude towards those girls at school that is creating the chaos. Setting her up to dislike or disrepect others because of their income is never right.

No, I'm definitely not saying they're mean because they're wearing $70 jeans. That has nothing to do with their behavior. I was trying to say I wish that materialism and 'things' didn't matter so much where we live at this young of an age.

 

[Tiffer]

No, I'm definitely not saying they're mean because they're wearing $70 jeans. That has nothing to do with their behavior. I was trying to say I wish that materialism and 'things' didn't matter so much where we live at this young of an age.

But you had to know this about the area when you chose to live in Coto It's the superficial capital o the universe.

BTW.. for your DD

 

[rcraw45425]

I also am seeing that the "mean ones" are not necessarily the ones that come from the more monied families. DDs are all the time told that they get everything they want because their Dad is a Doctor, but that's not true. We try to set boundaries for them, they don't dress any nicer than any other child in their school. Yes, we do go to Disney, but only if we can afford it. They are told "no, you cannot have that" just like any other kid should be told. I know of several, mostly girls with single mothers, that are allowd to have anything that they want, have no supervision, and are roaming the mall alone at the age of 11-12. Mine know better than to even ask, in fact, Kelly, the older, just went to her first boy/girl birthday party, for a girl turning thirteen. I was a little taken aback, as was she, to find out that boys were invited, but most of the boys have been in school with them since Kdg. It was still weird though. I know of several in Amy's 5th grade that are already pairing up and "going out" of all things! I have to say that in most cases the kids involved have parents or a parent that is "from a different era than DH and I" (we're both in our 40s, some of these are still in their 20s). I just try to keep abreast of everything going on and give advice/encouragement where needed. Oh yeah, hugs from Mom help a lot too! :

 

[cotomom]

But you had to know this about the area when you chose to live in Coto It's the superficial capital o the universe.

BTW.. for your DD

While I agree that where I live is ONE of the superficial capitals, the sad thing is EVERY SINGLE girl that we've had issues from is NOT from Coto.

I've finally caught up reading all, and in all seriousness, sadness, I think the 'superficial capital' label could easily be stated for ALL of southern CA. And from the sounds of other posters, many many other locations in the US.

Give 'em cell phones, give 'em jeans -- I get that it might be way more prevalent where I live... my main 'problem' is the lack of respect or kindness I'm seeing. That's what hurts my heart the most.

I **know** there are nice girls out there. I'm not saying EVERYONE is rude, selfish, spoiled. Obviously I was venting in a major way from my original post.

You all have made me feel much better knowing that I'm not going it alone. And that my dd isn't alone. And I truly appreciate that!

 

[rcraw45425]

cotomom, I wish we were closer, we could get our "normal girls" together! I wish you luck!

 

[cotomom]

cotomom, I wish we were closer, we could get our "normal girls" together! I wish you luck!

Thanks! LOL I wish we could too!

 

[tiggersmom2]

What kind of parent would EVER let this happen

Wow.

Let me tell ya honey.....

I went to one of the "premier" private school in Georgia, Stratford Academy. Those kids were jackals and the parents were too!! The worst thing was....the "popular" girls would have birthday parties AT SCHOOL and bring a cake. They would then cut the cake (and the teacher helped them) and distribute it out. Everyone would get a slice except for the "geek" table.

I can remember as a child just hoping and praying I got a slice, I never did......this went on for years.

My children will NEVER know that heartbreak, never. I was never picked during PE to be on anyone's team and was just outcasted from the get go. It all changed when I went to the local public school during my last year....everyone loved me, I was popular....

 

[clutter]

Funny, I've been noticing how 4th grade and (so far) 5th grade has been so wonderful for the girls in my dd's school. It's been amazing to see how well the girls generally get along and aren't mean. Our school is fairly affluent, but the parents really stay involved and are non-materialistic. Maybe I'm living on another planet?

 

[Tiffer]

While I agree that where I live is ONE of the superficial capitals, the sad thing is EVERY SINGLE girl that we've had issues from is NOT from Coto.

I've finally caught up reading all, and in all seriousness, sadness, I think the 'superficial capital' label could easily be stated for ALL of southern CA. And from the sounds of other posters, many many other locations in the US.

Give 'em cell phones, give 'em jeans -- I get that it might be way more prevalent where I live... my main 'problem' is the lack of respect or kindness I'm seeing. That's what hurts my heart the most.

I **know** there are nice girls out there. I'm not saying EVERYONE is rude, selfish, spoiled. Obviously I was venting in a major way from my original post.

You all have made me feel much better knowing that I'm not going it alone. And that my dd isn't alone. And I truly appreciate that!

I lived in MV and in Monarch beach. Coto is definately the superficial capital of Orange County. And that is a huge accomplishment in the OC! Dove, Ladera...all Coto wanna be's. lol Some sections of Newport aren't far behind though.

They even divide within Coto. the "good" and the "bad". The $$$$ homes and the regular homes, I think in the main gate to the left?? Can't remember...are looked down upon by the $$$ houses.

 

[va32h]

Come on DFW Dis-ers, let's share our stories of the Highland Park snobs (it made the paper when the first black family moved in a few years ago) or the notorious pretentious Plano moms!

Texas crazy is a particular brand of crazy...we are, after all, home to the Murdering Cheerleader Mom!

Yes, girls are mean. They were mean when I was young, but I think nowadays we just have so many more ways for them to express that meanness. They can IM, create webpages, send nasty text messages...one boy in my daughter's class last year had a Myspace page and wrote some really nasty things about her. Fifth graders trashing each other on Myspace!

 

[Debbie H]

I also am seeing that the "mean ones" are not necessarily the ones that come from the more monied families. DDs are all the time told that they get everything they want because their Dad is a Doctor, but that's not true. :

My dd was in high school and it was still going on. DH is a surgeon and she received that treatment also from teachers. Girls are mean as snakes. She had heard about an after prom party that "everyone" was going to and she asked the girl who was having it what time, etc. The girl promptly told her she wasn't invited. She was heartbroken and embarassed. We flew her and her date to Houston (dh & I were there for a function) and they had a blast! (She ended up marrying him, she is now 31, a lawyer, and has 2 beautiful boys).
My other dd had a 13th b'day party and only 1 person showed up. The others thought it would be "funny" not to show. I was the one that was heartbroken. Who would do this to a child? How do those parents let this happen? I think it made her a stronger person. She is now 21 and doing a semester in Budapest.

Just hug them, love them, and let them know this world is full of a**holes!