5th grade "dates"

[JESW]

I have a dd11 in 5th grade and no way, no how would that be allowed! I wouldn't even drop her off at the movies alone to go with just girls!

Dd has been to two socials (dances) at school already and I know that some of the girls were asked by boys and dd & her friends thought that was so funny! My dd has friends who are boys, but no "boy friends".

Wednesday night I brought her up to the school for a Talent Show. I sat with some other moms and let her hang out with her friends and there was a mix of boys & girls but no couples. We talk about this stuff all.the.time and I tell her that she is way too young for it all and thankfully (for now anyhow) she agrees with me.

Fifth grade is the start of middle school here and lots of different opportunities for academics and special interests so I am encouraging her to try out many new things and make new friends - but that doesn't include boy friends!

My saying to her always is that she has the rest of her life to be an adult but only a small part of it to be a kid so enjoy being a kid when you can!

Jill

 

[TinklednPants]

I did it. As did all my friends. No big deal.

 

[mjkacmom]

When I was in 6th grade, every Friday night, everyone would go to our town's little movie theater, and kids did "date." It was pretty mild - a little kissing going on (my best friend's 6th grade boyfriend finally "came out" 10 years ago - I guess since he didn't reach puberty yet, he didn't know he was gay).

Lucky for me, I've had no issues with dd13 or ds11, although I've heard there are boyfriend/girlfriend situations in elementary school. When I ask, it appears they don't actually go anywhere together.

 

[luvmy3]

Dd is in 6th grade and there are kids that are "going out" but I don't know any that have gone on real dates yet. I wouldn't drop dd off at the mall with a group of friends yet, but she does go to 5th/6th grade dances every few months. They are chaperoned but parents don't stay. We also have a local dance club for 6th-8th grade kids, it is not chaperoned and you just drop your kids off. Some of dd's friends are allowed to go, my dd is not and won't be until 8th grade (maybe).

 

[puffkin]

I did it. As did all my friends. No big deal.

Me too. I don't really see what the deal is either if they are going out in a group and seeing a movie or something. It was pretty much the norm here, especially once you hit 6th grade (12 years old). Dating to a 12 year old is MUCH different than dating to an adult. It is more about hanging out with friends (boys and girls) without parents being right there. I was in that age bracket 18 years ago and I don't really think it is a big deal at all

 

[disneyjunkie]

Although my own kids didn't get dropped off without a parent until they were in junior high, I do wonder if the girl's parents KNEW there were going to be boys there?

I bet none of the parents involved knew about the "date".
This most likely is nothing more than a bunch of boys telling a lie they knew the other boys would fall for.

It is too young to date, but at 5th grade kids here are taking public transportation to school, or walking alone.

I started riding the city buses to school with my younger sister and two older cousins when I was in the 3rd grade. (my sister was in 2nd grade and my cousins were in 4th and 5th grade).


By 5th grade, it was common to go to movies, skating rinks and ride the subways with groups of friends.

 

[mjkacmom]

DD is almost 13 and in the 7th grade and quite honestly is having a difficult time finding other girls who are not allowed to date, be dropped off at the mall, stay up all night on the phone, etc....it's difficult to maintain your friendship circle if you can't find others with comparable restrictions. She does have two very good friends but I've watched the circle get smaller and smaller in the last two years.

Your dd knows kids who stay up all night on the phone? Lucky you - those are very fond memories for me (had my own line - I remember falling asleep on the phone!). Dd13 and her friend usually just text (and she turns her phone off at night - loves her sleep). Now they all have webcams, so at least they're acutally talking again! They get dropped off at the movies, but so far, no dating.

 

[eliza61]

My son told me today that three "couples" in his 5th grade class went on a movie and mall date last weekend. They were all dropped off. These kids are 10 and 11 years old. WTH??? My kid isn't even allowed to go to the mall with friends yet. The boys in this story are the three worst kids in the class (actually the whole school). Bad words, sexual talk at school the whole bit. But, the girls, I know their mothers and I thought they were smarter than this.

This is just too weird to me. I didn't date until I was a freshman in high school. Would you let your 10 or 11 year old go on a mall date?

No way. to each his own though. My sons were not allowed to exclusively date until the 11th grade. I relaxed the rule once for my oldest and as soon as he started dating his grades plummeted. that was the end of that.

I am pretty lucky with my 2nd born. He's on 3 sports teams at school so between practice and homework, the ladies are the last thing on his mind.

 

[tinkntraining]

When I was in 6th grade, every Friday night, everyone would go to our town's little movie theater, and kids did "date." It was pretty mild - a little kissing going on (my best friend's 6th grade boyfriend finally "came out" 10 years ago - I guess since he didn't reach puberty yet, he didn't know he was gay).

Lucky for me, I've had no issues with dd13 or ds11, although I've heard there are boyfriend/girlfriend situations in elementary school. When I ask, it appears they don't actually go anywhere together.

When my DDs (now 14 and 15) started talking about their friends in middle school who were "dating", I asked a few questions and found out what "dating" meant. It means they present themselves as boyfriend/girlfriend, but they don't go anywhere together. It usually doesn't mean any kissing or any PDA -- they're just "dating". My girls "dated" twice in middle school and never went anywhere, never shared a kiss, heck, the boys didn't even call or text them. Most times they didn't even sit at the same table for lunch. But if you ask them, they were dating. And that kind of "dating" is okay for me. They're testing the waters, their very first tip-toe into the world of the "opposite sex". And I think that's age-appropriate. I learned not to get my panties in a bind until I asked some questions. I quickly found out that dating in 2010 is not the same as dating in 1984.

Now, OP -- your situation seems a lot different. It sounds like those kids (babies, really) did have a "real date", and I think that's way too young. Good Lord, what will they be doing when they're 16???

 

[beattyfamily]

No way would I allow, encourage or help in any way my 10, 11, 12 year old to go on any kind of 'date'.

I didn't 'go with' anyone till I was 13 and it was on the down low. My parents would never have allowed it. It was 16, period. So we just hung together with the town kids outside our houses. He'd steal my brush and I'd chase him to get it back. Playing dodge ball, he'd always try and hit me. That was the extent of it.

I have a 10 year old and a 13 year old and they know how I feel about dating so young. There is nothing wrong with crushes, talking about boys.... but there will be no dating or going steady that I allow or know about. Now if my 13 year old secretly 'goes with' a boy at school the way I did at 13, so be it.

My girls will not officially or actually date till age 16 and maybe group dates at aroud age 14. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

They are only young once. No need to rush things. That's what I always tell my girls. Dating is to find a potential husband someday so there's no need to be doing that now! Plenty of time for that later.

 

[czycropper]

I have a 6th grader and their "idea" of the kids going on dates is a group of boys tell a group of girls "lets sit together at such & such movie"....well fast forward to the movie and all the girls are on one side and all the boys on the other. Yes, I have witnessed this with my own eyes-when I took a group of DD's friends to see New Moon. Most of the Mom's around here are the theatre.

 

[Gabes_mommy]

I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16. I actually thank my parents for that now.

My friend used to teach 6th grade and a few of her male students were "dating" and she caught them having a truly horrifying conversation about the things they were doing with the girls. I can't go into details because this is a family site, but let's just say it turns my stomach thinking about it.

My friend is really fiesty and she called the parents and filled them in. The parents were very upset.

So all these "dates" sadly are not always innocent.

 

[AustinTink]

I think if it was a date of the innocent variety, like many of you have described, I wouldn't be as shocked. But, I can't express to you how "fast" these boys are in this scenario. They have been dropping f-bombs since 1st grade. They aggressively touch the girls at school! I've caught them in the library getting friendly. These boys are constantly failing and in detention. It seems all they are interested in is the opposite sex. It makes me wonder what they witness at home. Very sad.

 

[JessicaR]

Too young! Of course thats just my opinion. I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16 and even then had strict dating rules enforced. Not saying that was the right way either. My boys are 12 and 16 and so far there hasn't been any dating.

 

[NAB]

I let my son go to church dances when he was in grade 5...lots of drama there. All the guys and girls thought they should be dating. If you danced with a girl all night you were "dating".

My son is not allowed to go out to the show or anything like that and he is in grade 7.

I almost wish I never let him get into this trap of thinking he needs a girl friend. I would take him playing video games all day instead.

He is 12 and not allowed to go anywhere alone with a girl. No shows , heck he doesn't even go to the mall with guy friends alone. Never asked either though.

 

[SydSim]

... but there will be no dating or going steady that I allow or know about. Now if my 13 year old secretly 'goes with' a boy at school the way I did at 13, so be it.

They are only young once. No need to rush things. That's what I always tell my girls. Dating is to find a potential husband someday so there's no need to be doing that now! Plenty of time for that later.

 

[Ember]

You know, I read things like this and always think that if your child wants to "date" they're going to do it anyway. I can't tell you the number of conversations I've overheard 5th and 6th graders have about meeting a boy somewhere (almost always with some friends in tow) without their parents finding out. Heck, when I was that age I remember my friends doing it. If you create a situation where your child can't tell you the truth, they will lie to you. So I think the parents that are dropping their kids off at the theater and picking them up right after aren't doing a bad thing at all. The kids probably held hands or maybe snuck in a kiss. Oooo! (Yes, I've heard this end of the gossip as well. Dating drama in elementary school is pretty mild. It mostly consists of passing notes and holding hands at lunch.)

When I was in elementary school I held a boys hand. In grade 7 I went roller skating and "couples skated" (one person skated backwards, his hands on my waist, mine on his shoulders) with a boy to slow songs. I had my first kiss in grade 8 and met my husband in grade 11. Somehow I don't think I missed my childhood because of any of this. You know, if you want to get technical, I think my first kiss was in grade 1... Some boy kissed me and ran away. I cried. I'm pretty sure this didn't scar me either.

Noticing boys (or girls) is part of growing up, not the end of it. And it's about grade 5 or 6 that children start maturing and start noticing. I'm sorry, but so long as you've taught your child well they're not going to start having sex just because they have a crush.

 

[AustinTink]

When I was in elementary school I held a boys hand. In grade 7 I went roller skating and "couples skated" (one person skated backwards, his hands on my waist, mine on his shoulders) with a boy to slow songs. I had my first kiss in grade 8 and met my husband in grade 11. Somehow I don't think I missed my childhood because of any of this.

Uhh... yeah. That's typically the way it goes with dating, junior high and high school. I'm talking about 10 year olds.

 

[SydSim]

If you create a situation where your child can't tell you the truth, they will lie to you.


Noticing boys (or girls) is part of growing up, not the end of it. And it's about grade 5 or 6 that children start maturing and start noticing. I'm sorry, but so long as you've taught your child well they're not going to start having sex just because they have a crush.

I do understand what you're saying, but I also feel that setting guidelines and timelines are good, I don't think that it's creating a situation where my child can't tell me the truth. If I thought that, I'd let her do anything and everything she wanted - lest she lie and do it behind my back I hear this argument a lot with allowing teens to drink alcohol in a parent's house

I am well aware, and perfectly comfortable with DD having crushes. I will not encourage a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and I won't support her in dating at this age (meaning taking her and said boyfriend to the movies, etc.) That can happen in a couple of years when I feel that she is mature enough to handle certain situations.

Of course, I realize that she may sneak

 

[cheermom1]

I do understand what you're saying, but I also feel that setting guidelines and timelines are good, I don't think that it's creating a situation where my child can't tell me the truth. If I thought that, I'd let her do anything and everything she wanted - lest she lie and do it behind my back I hear this argument a lot with allowing teens to drink alcohol in a parent's house

I am well aware, and perfectly comfortable with DD having crushes. I will not encourage a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and I won't support her in dating at this age (meaning taking her and said boyfriend to the movies, etc.) That can happen in a couple of years when I feel that she is mature enough to handle certain situations.

Of course, I realize that she may sneak

I have to agree my dd tells me everything yes I know she does ..I don't freak out when she tells me something we talk about and come up with what we both can live with...I said that b/c I set up time lines and guidelines for my kids and you know what? she thinks it is a good idea!! she started dating when she was 16, group dates at 14 that was not negotiable...now I will say that I remember when i was 14 and I had a "boyfriend" my mom freaked on me and made me brake up I never did that my kids I let them *think* they had a boyfriend since all it was is a school thing and they hung out at school ...

as far as "dates" at the 3rd, 4th, 5th grade um NO!! I would never ever talk my kids to the movies and drop them off so them and a child of the opposite sex can watch a movie on a "date" ...for that matter I never dropped them off to watch a movie without adults there either geez ..that is way to young to be out like that without adults...