4th baby shower

[MichelleVW]

I'm in the "First Baby Only" camp. I never saw showers as a "celebration of a baby" just as "this is their first baby and they need stuff" I always buy things for new babies, be it the 1st or the 10th, but I wouldn't be happy about a shower for the 10th.

 

[famofsix]

I did register for the 1st baby. I did not expect a shower for any of the others but my friends wanted to have showers. I was pressured to register as well so I did for the 2nd child. For the third and fourth again my friends wanted to celebrate. I felt weird but I did not register for them. The 4th we did give everything away so it was a huge blessing to receive a car seat and stroller.

SO I guess OP the parents of the bundle of joy may not be the ones wanting a shower since it's the 4th but people just wanna party anyway

When the baby is born I usually give a gift anyway but if there is a shower I send a card when the child arrives instead of a gift.

 

[r4blessings]

I think while people originally saw showers as a "first baby only" tradition, times are changing and more showers are being seen as a celebration of the arrival of a new life. My very dear SIL threw me a shower for all four babies!

First baby I had the traditional shower (like a bridal shower, where all family were invited, my moms friends, my mil's friends, neighboors, etc) And I was lucky to be given so many beautiful baby things.

Second baby, SIL threw me a "Sprinkle" . She only invited close friends and immediate family and it was a lot of fun, and I have a ton of pictures and it was a nice way to celebrate. Mostly I received clothes (I knew I was having a boy) or picture frames, or small momentos.

I was also told that I wouldn't be able to have any more children so I gave it all away. When we found out I was pregnant with baby #3 we were thrilled and because it was a girl after two boys, my SIL threw me a "Think Pink" party! Same group of close friends and family and mostly pink clothes or blankies.

Then came baby #4 (also a mini-miracle!) and she hosted a small brunch and let people know that they didn't have to bring a gift, but to please come and help us celebrate the end of long and hard pregnancy and to share the joy. She did organize a "food shower" where all my close friends and family signed up to bring dinner one night each for the few weeks after the baby was born. That was priceless!

So I think if the expectation of the host is that you should just come and share the joy and happiness and celebrate the arrival of a baby with the expectant mother, I don't think there is ever anything wrong with second showers!

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

I really don't see what's the big deal. Nobody is being forced to go to anyone's shower. If you don't want to go, don't go. It's as simple as that. However, don't judge other people who have a different opinion on the matter than you do.

I guess I do not view a shower as just a celebration or a party -- to me the point of a shower is to shower the honoree with gifts they need to set up house or a nursery.

I have a different opinion. When I have kids, I don't expect a shower for any of them. However, I see the point of such an event as to "shower" the baby, not just with gifts, but with love and affection. I actually think that's where the term came from.

I also don't think there is any such thing as an "oops" baby...every baby is a gift.

I'm so glad, Disney Doll, that I'm not the only one who has a problem with calling a baby "an oops". There aren't too many parents who would appreciate their children being referred to as "mistakes".

 

[famofsix]

If you can't go cheerfully, just don't go.

I'm not a fan of large families, so I tend to draw the line, too.

I agree with your 1st point.

I am confused by your second statement

 

[mumom95]

My kids are 18 months apart, son first then daughter. I had a couple of showers for my son, none for my daughter, which I didn't mind. But now, whenever my daughter looks through my sons scrapbook and sees pictures from his baby shower, she always asks why they didn't have a party for her. A few times she has even cried and asked if noone was happy about her being born. I tried to explain to her that the party for him was because I needed things and that I didn't need anything with her. So she asked if that means a party is just for getting gifts, and I said of course not a party is to celebrate, and she then goes back to asking does that mean no one wanted to celebrate for her. At that point I just hugged her, because there wasn't much more I could say.

If you don't like the idea of it, just don't go, it is that simple. But let the people who want to celebrate, celebrate.

 

[LittleBlue22]

I attended my sil's babyshower for baby #2. I was NOT happy about attending, but had to b/c we were in town the week of her shower. The older sibling (our niece) is 3. They knew they were having another baby, yet threw their stuff out any way. WTH! I just saw the shower as her way of being selfish and just wanting "new" instead of recycling what she already had. That's the kind of gal she is. Even if you end up having the opposite sex, you can still keep some things.

 

[momof3disneyholics]

Anyone ever get invited to a baby shower for a couple's fourth kid? This was an oops baby and they had sold all their stuff and now need everything again. Does this seem right? Why should I have to pay for your selling all your stuff in the first place? Am I being mean? What are your opinions? They even registered!

Well, considering I just had my fourth, I had a baby shower and was very grateful that I did. I had 7 years between having my twins and having my new baby and I gave away all of my baby things and needed to buy everything new again.

 

[EthansMom]

I don't have a big problem with baby showers for second, third, or fourth children. Stuff wears out, clothes can be the wrong season, etc...

I think it's ridiculous when women throw out the baby stuff they have to get new for the next (planned) baby. My SIL kinda did that... had to have a new portacrib for each of her three kids although there was nothing wrong with the first one, also new cribs, high chairs etc... But since I didn't pay for any of the new stuff, what business is it of mine?

My advice, get a moderately priced gift that is something they'll really use. When I was invited once to a baby shower I kinda objected to, I kept my mouth shut, and took a gift basket of diapers, wipes, changing pads and rash ointment.

 

[hipchickie]

I am suprised that so many people are for 2nd (and beyond!) showers. Showers are meant for people just starting out. Etiquette pretty clearly dictates that this is not acceptable. They certainly should not be throwing it themselves.

No one is saying that you can not celebrate a child, but the very term shower means that the sole purpose of the party is to get gifts from people. Want to really celebrate the baby? Have a party after the child has arrived! Or have a party and clearly state no gifts please.

People are more than welcome to buy you a gift, and be excited for your new baby - it is not necessary to have a party to force them to.

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

Hipchickie, this is going to sound snide but I don't really mean it to. If you read the rest of the thread, you'll see that some of us disagree with the meaning of "showers". In fact, I just posted about that. Also, you'll find that many people aren't concerned with "etiquette" or with what other people think. I think many of us have moved passed "the way you are supposed to act" of the 1950s. (Can you tell that I hate that word "etiquette"?)

 

[Hixski]

I'm so glad, Disney Doll, that I'm not the only one who has a problem with calling a baby "an oops". There aren't too many parents who would appreciate their children being referred to as "mistakes".

I tell DH that he was a "Big Oops"! His DM is 93 and he is 48. You do the math. He was 10 lbs and 24 inches long when he was born. Considering his mother and oldest sister (25 at the time) were pregnant at the same time I would say his mother was not planning any more. His mother would be the first to tell you that DH was NOT planned. DH has grown up and not been traumatized by being an "Oops".

 

[HelenePA]

my ds is an "oops". I love him just as much as his sisters! Oops just means a surprise.. you know a surprise is right?? a surprise is something you didn't know you wanted til you got it.

 

[barkley]

I really don't see what's the big deal. Nobody is being forced to go to anyone's shower. If you don't want to go, don't go. It's as simple as that. However, don't judge other people who have a different opinion on the matter than you do.



I have a different opinion. When I have kids, I don't expect a shower for any of them. However, I see the point of such an event as to "shower" the baby, not just with gifts, but with love and affection. I actually think that's where the term came from.



I'm so glad, Disney Doll, that I'm not the only one who has a problem with calling a baby "an oops". There aren't too many parents who would appreciate their children being referred to as "mistakes".

if the idea is to shower the baby with love and affection-why is it almost unheard of, save an unanticipated early delivery of a child, to hold a baby shower AFTER the birth of the baby? they are traditionaly held BEFORE the baby has arrived in order to 'shower' the parents with items of need or want for the child (want on the parent's part).

there are many ways to celebrate an event such as the birth of a child that does not carry with the invitation to the celebration the expressed message that an attendee is to bring a gift (any invitation with the word 'shower' in it infers that acceptance to attend includes bringing a gift). 1st shower, 2nd shower or subsequent-it's not a celbration for the mom or the baby- it's a 'shower' for the expressd purpose of gifts.

i don't mind baby showers, but i do think they are rather tacky when i'm invited to someone's who i realy don't interact with on a regular basis-and i suspect i'm only invited by virtue of being in their address book (admit it-we've all 'been there', were close to the bride or groom before they were married-maybe were even in the wedding party, nothing 'bad' or acrimonious happens, people just grow apart or lose touch-5 years later you get an invite to the baby shower, at that point i think everyone involved knows it's not utilizing the opportunity to 'get together', it's to get a gift ).

 

[Mickeyluver37]

I am in the shower for every baby camp. I am actually having 2 showers this time around, and no, I'm not throwing either. I had two for DD, and none for DS 2 years later. I can relate to the poster with the empty baby book pages for that one! A good friend of mine had a small shower for her 2nd baby 2 years after the first, and they were both boys. It was a small, family gathering, and she didn't register. I thought it was very nice and I had no problem buying her a gift.

What drives me nuts is that no one seems to have a problem with having baby showers for a new baby in a 2nd marriage though. Dh and I shouldn't get a shower, but if I was his new and improved wife, then it would be ok?

And I don't think whether the baby is an "oops" or not has any relevance on a shower. This baby was not an oops, and we are very grateful that we are getting 2 showers, but if we weren't we'd just buy what we needed. And yes, I registered.

 

[hipchickie]

Hipchickie, this is going to sound snide but I don't really mean it to. If you read the rest of the thread, you'll see that some of us disagree with the meaning of "showers". In fact, I just posted about that. Also, you'll find that many people aren't concerned with "etiquette" or with what other people think. I think many of us have moved passed "the way you are supposed to act" of the 1950s. (Can you tell that I hate that word "etiquette"?)

No, I don't think it sounds "snide" - I have read the rest of the thread, and if you read my post, I am suprised so many people feel that way. I disagree with you as to the meaning of shower (of course, in this regard, I am right as the term shower is derived from to "shower" with gifts).

I am not a sheep following the herd - sorry if that upsets you or something

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

my ds is an "oops". I love him just as much as his sisters! Oops just means a surprise.. you know a surprise is right?? a surprise is something you didn't know you wanted til you got it.

As an adult, people might not have a problem with being called an "oops" in a joking kind of way but I couldn't imagine actually saying that to/about a child. Oops to me implies a mistake not a surprise. There aren't too many people who open up the door to their home on their birthday to find all their closest family and friends yelling "Surprise!" at them who respond with "Oops!"

if the idea is to shower the baby with love and affection-why is it almost unheard of, save an unanticipated early delivery of a child, to hold a baby shower AFTER the birth of the baby?

I didn't think this was unheard of. Maybe it depends where you come from. I think the timing of a shower has to do more with convience and anticipation. I truly believe that showers are more about love and excitement than they are about gifts. They might not be used that way by everyone but I think that was the initial intention and I think it's a lovely way to celebrate.

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

As for the origins of baby showers, a quick google search will show you that historically they were held AFTER the baby was born. This site (http://ezinearticles.com/?Baby-Shower-History&id=300331) says:

The “baby shower” as we celebrate it today began after World War II. Family and friends gather together, in a party atmosphere, to celebrate the birth of a new baby.

In almost everything I've read, gifts are included but the emphasis of a baby shower is on the celebration.

Just thought that might bring some perspective to where I'm coming from.

 

[MichelleVW]

Omg...my oldest DD was a MAJOR OOPPSS...I mean major....totally bad situation, but I wouldn't trade her for the world.....just because you call it an "oopps" baby doesn't mean you love it any less!!

 

[HelenePA]

I think you are reading more into oops than you should.. none of us treat our children like oops's.. they were just unplanned, an oops, They are NOT mistakes, they are VERY much wanted. Hell I dont even know how my son even came to be! Trust me when I say a higher power than what is on earth had a hand in him being around today! I wouldn't trade him for the world!