4:55 a.m. tomorrow morning..UPDATE pg.5

[C.Ann]

And it will be a full year since my DH passed away.. Been having a rough couple of days, but I really think it's due more to some medication the doctor put me on for panic attacks than the actual anniversary date coming up..

Saturday was really, really bad.. DD, DH & my granddaughter had gone away for the weekend and I was here alone.. The medicine makes me tired, so I laid down for awhile and had this strange dream.. A man was holding my hand - but I couldn't see his face.. Every time I tried to look at him, all I would see was a blur- but I could distinctly feel him holding my hand.. When I woke up I was so overwhelmed with emotions, I just started crying and sobbing like crazy.. Couldn't stop for anything.. It was so "raw" - exactly like it was immediately after I got the phone call telling me my DH had passed away..

I called my brother in Florida (he's such a goofy, happy-go-lucky guy ) and eventually he got me to stop crying and we had a nice chat.. Got off the phone and within an hour or so, it slammed me again..

DD called later that night to see if everything was okay down here and when I told her what was going on - specifically about the dream - she reminded me of something I have often said to her in the past year - that the thing I miss most about my DH is "his hands".. Her take on it was that he was holding my hand to let me know that it was okay that I had signed the papers to sell the house and I'm going to be okay tomorrow, on the first anniversary, and every day after that.. I guess that makes sense - but I feel like I hurt more and miss him more now than I did 6 months ago..

By the way - the medication is Ativan.. Anyone else have a problem with it making them very emotional? It also seems to be interfering with my "creativity".. I'm still working on those Memorial scrapbooks for my DH's kids and I can see a definite difference in the creativity and style, pre-med and post-med.. I guess the good news is that I have been evaluated by 2 new doctors and a psychologist now and all of them agree 100% that I am not suffering from depression.. Just going through the normal grieving process (and quite well in their estimation) but suffering from anxiety due to the sale of the house and all of the important decisions that will immediately follow..

Okay - I'm done blabbing now.. Just had to get those thoughts "out there" somewhere..

 

[ktink]

I know there is nothing I could say that would help other than I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[LBAK]

 

[rascalmom]

 

[lilostitch]

 

[Blueeyes101817]

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

 

[tevagirl]

Hey if it helps then blab all you want. You do what ever gets you through the next few days. Hugs.

 

[minniecarousel]

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

Hang in there C.Ann

 

[Rootskate]

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

 

[Cinderella2004]

 

[doxdogy]

 

[kdibattista]

 

[monarchsfan16]

 

[raammartin]

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[bubba's mom]

Hard to believe it's been a year already C.Ann! Seems not that long ago I was "right there with ya" reading just after he passed. I believe he IS with you (your dream) and now you have that "first year" behind you, things will get a little better. Keep yer chin up.......we love ya!

 

[Serena]

Has it really been that long? Wow, and yet it seems like yesterday.

I agree that it's probably your hubby holding your hands. Letting you know it will all be alright.

 

[slo]

Many many hugs to you C. Ann

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

 

[Alicnwondrln]