.............................

[C.Ann]

.........

 

[mrsv98]

maybe nothing visible but some kind of social disorder springs to mind. As long as the girl os well and happy I suppose there is nothing wrong, especially if dad "vets" the situation. If it were me, no way would DD be doing all that without me giving everything the old eyeball, but I am fairly paranoid!

 

[S. C.]

She must trust ex-husbands judgement. :

 

[C.Ann]

maybe nothing visible but some kind of social disorder springs to mind. As long as the girl os well and happy I suppose there is nothing wrong, especially if dad "vets" the situation. If it were me, no way would DD be doing all that without me giving everything the old eyeball, but I am fairly paranoid!

-------------------

 

[SwedishMeatball]

I would have walked out to the car and introduced myself to the mom.

 

[srferson]

The only thing that pops into my mind is some sort of social anxiety disorder. Those can be crippling if they're severe. And meeting new people could be a challenge that she only faces if absolutely necessary. Perhaps she simply takes the father's word on how reliable and responsible your daughter and her family are.
Not to say that's the case. Obviously I don't know this woman, but that's what popped to my mind.

 

[srferson]

Well, obviously I took my sweet time typing while you all covered the topic of social anxiety disorder.

If she dates and belongs to clubs and organizations it seems like it wouldn't be a social anxiety disorder. It also doesn't seem like she'd be particularly anti-social in the general sense.

How strange.

 

[I'mNoPrince]

We have had plenty of parents like this .

DD is an Only so we invite friends all the time . DD is not allowed to go anywhere with anyone until we meet them (would prefer to spend a dinner or lunch out together if at all possible)

With them in HS it's getting even harder but we are sticking to it ,it's not that much to ask.

I wouldn't let someone just come and pickup my car for a drive why in H3!! would I just let them take my Kid . I know we are all busy now and time is precious but man .

We take her Bowling a few weeks ago and her friend shows up with the 4 boys DW ask where her mother is ,she says at work so I just got a ride with them. DW states well you could have called me I would have came and got you ,do you need a ride home.Girl says no mom knows.

Well it hit the fan when she got home and DD got drug into it as she was with her at the bowling alley. The MOM was shocked she was out with Boys in a car until 12:30am . I was like how could she not know or ask who she was going to be with.

I told DW she should have just made her get in the car or call the mom directly to find out why but that's just me being a DAD of a DD15 going on 25

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Lots of parents like this, esp. when there are older siblings.

I do have to admit changing how I scrutinized things from my oldest and then was more easy going on the younger dd.

But as someone else said, I would have walked out and introduced myself. I have done that plenty of times.

 

[Nancyg56]

It is odd but I agree with the others, the first time she picked up her DD I would have escorted the child out to the car and introduced myself.

 

[mjkacmom]

Dd12 has a friend who's slept over several times, and I've never even seen the parents. Usually her sister drops her off and picks her up. The thing is, none of dd's other friends' parents have met them either, so it's not like they're taking someone else's word that we're normal. I don't know all of dd's friends' parents, since she started JH, but she's never been over anyone's house of someone I haven't met. She did go shopping with one girl and the girl's mother once after school, at a local store, to buy clothes for a play they were in together, but I ended up meeting the mom a month later at the play.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

Thought this might be something interesting to ponder....

DGD (10) has a best friend - same age - who I will call "Mary".. They have been best friends for over 2 years now - having met in school..

Mary's parents are divorced - and she spends split time with them - even during the week.. Within the past year, Mary's mom moved into my DD's neighborhood (really nice for the girls )..

Mary's dad has been to my DD's house many times - as well as coming up here to the lake twice this year so far..

Mary often sleeps over at my DD's house - has spent the weekend up here at the lake - and just returned from a 4-day trip with my DD and her family..

Mary's mom has never stepped foot in DD's house - ever.. If Mary is sleeping over, her mom will call from her cell phone out in the driveway to say she's there.. She won't even come to the door and ring the bell.. She allows Mary to sleep over; be picked up from school by DD; go to parties and family functions with DGD; come up here to the lake for the weekend; and most recently, go on this 4-day trip..

Mary's mom has never laid eyes on my DD, her DH, me, or DGD's other grandparents (who often take the girls various places)..

She will talk to DD on the phone - to give her permission for these various things - but will not have any face-to-face contact.. (There's no physical reason - scarring; overweight; dirty; sloppy; etc. - and her ex still says she's an attractive woman..)

Why would someone do that? We've been thinking this was quite odd for a long, long time - but the 4-day trip was the real zinger.. For all she knows, my DD and her DH could be living in filth; using drugs; partying and drinking till all hours of the night; leaving the girls alone; or what-have-you..

Mary's dad has no explanation - just, "Well that's Jane for you.." Mary is an honor roll student; sweet; polite; funny as all get out; and seems very happy and well adjusted..

Can you think of any reason that a parent would behave like this?

DGD isn't allowed to sleepover at Mary's because my DD and her DH have never seen her mom - nor would she ever be allowed to "go" anywhere with Mary and her mom until her mom makes a personal appearance so DD and her DH could figure out if there's some sort of problem with her..

I'm just curious - more than anything else..

Ever known a mom - or dad - to act this way? And if so, what was the reason?

Why hasn't your daughter made it her business to meet the mom? Why hasn't she walked Mary out to her Mom's car and introduced herself?

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, I think it's strange.
And frankly, I don't blame your DD for not letting DGD go anywhere with Mary's Mom until they meet.

And as far as those asking "why hasn't your DD gone out to the car?"...well, not for nothing, but if my kid was sleeping at someone's house, I'd be making it my business to go to the door and take a gander at the house, not waiting for the "lady of the house" to come out and pay homage to me.

Based on ex-H's comment, my guess is there is some sort of "oddity" there.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

lazy

 

[wishspirit]

-------------------

We have considered some sort of "social disorder", but she has a full-time job; dates; belongs to several clubs/organizations; etc..

And I agree - my child (and DD's child) would never be allowed to do all of that stuff without getting to know the parents face-to-face - and seeing their home..

As someone recovering from agoraphobia, not everything is black and white.

I had no issues going to work or going to my (young) Lions Club meetings, cause I knew the people there. However meeting new people was potentially very scary to me, those who didn't know about my 'funny turns' may judge me for them, so I tended to stick with people who ether knew, or had no fear of panicking with.

Show a bit of compassion before judging, and maybe suggest her walking out to meet her at the car sometime!

 

[trip]

I would have walked out to the car and introduced myself to the mom.

I've done this before.

 

[luvthatdisney]

When I read this I laughed as it it me! Not really me, but I am just like that woman. And I hate it!!!!

I work in a school and talk with people all day every day, but they approach me (in person or on the phone). I have a very hard time approaching people myself. I do not know why, but I cringe everytime I have to make the initial contact with someone.

When I have to do this, I will work out in my mind a million times what I will say and anticipate their response. I work myself into a tizzy over the stupidest things. I guess it is a form of social anxiety. As another poster said, if I know the people I am fine, but if I am in a new setting with no one I know I am very very shy and standoffish.

I also hate cold calling someone - even people I know. Many times I will get my DH to call for me and then put me on the phone. If people call me, I am fine. Crazy I know, but I am now in my 40's and I feel I have improved somewhat. Not quite as bad as I used to be.

I am the Mom in the car on the cell phone. If the parent comes out to meet me I am fine, but I will not go to the door. DH is great at talking to people, so we make a great pair! He usually makes the initial contact and then will introduce me. We know how to make it work for us! It is not that I do not want to know the parents of my children's friends, I just cannot approach them myself.

Just remember we are all different and the OP's situation may be different from mine, but there may be a reason for it.

 

[mjkacmom]

Well, I think it's strange.
And frankly, I don't blame your DD for not letting DGD go anywhere with Mary's Mom until they meet.

And as far as those asking "why hasn't your DD gone out to the car?"...well, not for nothing, but if my kid was sleeping at someone's house, I'd be making it my business to go to the door and take a gander at the house, not waiting for the "lady of the house" to come out and pay homage to me.

Based on ex-H's comment, my guess is there is some sort of "oddity" there.

But her ex has been in the home many times. DH hasn't met many parents of our kids' friends, and doesn't feel the need to meet them, or to see their homes. Since her dd's dad seems to think this family is okay, maybe the mom trusts his instincts?

 

[NotUrsula]

Honestly, my first thought is pets. Does your DD have a dog or cat?

My MIL despises cats, and she essentially refuses to set foot inside our home unless it is a dire emergency. She prefers to stay safely at the bottom of the front steps, out of what she feels is pouncing range. (She's wrong, of course, but we'll keep that our little secret. )

 

[C.Ann]

Well, I think it's strange.
And frankly, I don't blame your DD for not letting DGD go anywhere with Mary's Mom until they meet.

And as far as those asking "why hasn't your DD gone out to the car?"...well, not for nothing, but if my kid was sleeping at someone's house, I'd be making it my business to go to the door and take a gander at the house, not waiting for the "lady of the house" to come out and pay homage to me.

Based on ex-H's comment, my guess is there is some sort of "oddity" there.

??