I have tremendous empathy for you, I truly do. That stinks for you and your family! But, and I realize this isn't easy to hear and please understand it's in no way a criticism of you, you also sound like you were/are planning to be a high utilizer of your insurance, which is a major part of what is pushing everybody's insurance costs higher.
My family and I are extremely high utilizers as well, due to my son's special needs which require a slate of physicians and medical professionals that rivals the phone book, and I have no doubt that our medical costs far exceed what we pay in each year. Look at it in this way: If you and your company were paying $1,500 per month, combined, for your health insurance policy, and you have a $5,000 out of pocket maximum for the year, your total contributions to the risk pool would be $23,000, which would likely not even cover the cost of your upcoming surgery and post-op care, leaving other contributors to the pool, i.e. your colleagues, to cover your other care for the year. The same goes for a pregnancy, or any major care. The issue is those other contributors are also using medical care for their own surgeries, babies and routine care, and there's not enough money to cover the medical payments, so costs rise, either through higher premiums or through cost-sharing devices such as deductibles and copays.
The challenge is that the solutions are things nobody wants to consider, including me, because they are distasteful solutions! The amount of money spent on end-of-life care is astronomical. Billions of dollars are spent each year to prolong life a few days, a week, a month, but the alternative grates at our sense of humanity for obvious and fair reasons. Expensive tests are ordered, not only to generate revenue for the physicians and medical device manufacturers but also because we, as patients, want no expense spared to save our lives. Case in point: my daughter had a low WBC count at a routine test that involved three follow-up tests and a few trips to a pediatric hematologist at a specialty clinic to make sure it wasn't leukemia. I would have accepted nothing less, but what was the cost of that, to conclude she just had a slow recovery from a harmless bug? Part of the economic theory of covering everyone with insurance is a larger insurable pool, which spreads the risk, but some people chafe at the mandate. Single payor puts everybody in the pool, but chafes at some others who oppose it. Every solution has detractors, and so we have to come together to find a solution.
So what is the solution? It's complicated beyond my ability to solve...