Ninja Moms Tips for the newly married woman.
In honor of Missys impending nuptials I thought I would throw some tips her way. These tips are designed to help those bashful brides navigate the morass that is marriage.
Tip #1 One of you will snore. The other will claim not to. It makes no difference who is doing the snoring and who is doing the poking as neither one of you will get any sleep.
Tip #2 Avoid those seat was left up arguments by removing it entirely and telling him you are doing the bathroom in Prison Chic. This should be enough to shock him into remembering to keep the seat down at all times. If he should forget and leave the seat up, drag out the tools and make a big show of telling him you have to run to Home Depot and buy a bigger seat removal wrench.
Tip #3 Your freshly minted husband will now feel perfectly comfortable eating up your left-overs without your permission from your last restaurant trip. To avoid this heinous theft hide your left overs in a Tupperware container marked Salad. Its the last place a husband will look for food.
Tip #4 Only buy pink razors with girly smelling shaving cream if you want to avoid having your husband replace his rusty antique blades with one of yours. Enough said!
Tip #5 Closet space! You get all of it; he has the corner of the linen closet, until Macys has a white sale.
Tip #6 The thermostat! Always remember that YOUR hormones determine the temperature of the house at any given season. Men will always try to save money by making the house cold in the winter. They are hairy and have more insulation. Anytime you catch your husband by the thermostat trying to turn it down tell him your ovaries are getting angry and he wouldnt want that.
Tip #7 Do not go to the grocery store together. There is not a shopping cart made that will fit all of your junk and all of his junk. One day you will get old and bored and you will shuffle off to the grocery store together, arguing over the shape of the pasta and whose turn it is to pick the cookies. Now is not the time for that. Shop alone or spend double.
Tip #8 The holidays are really a game of tug of war between your two families. Until a teleporter is invented that will instantly transport you between the two households get used to a lot of driving. If you want to stay home for the holidays then the best way to end the traveling is to have children. When you have children the Grandparents will beat down your door to get inside and you will have to get a restraining order and 3 pit bulls to keep them out. At least you will be staying home for the holidays.
Tip #9 When one of you cooks the other one does the dishes. Ordering take out is not cooking but the one who drives to get the take out is off clean up duty.
Tip #10 Go to bed ANGRY! Your other half will be intimidated and will be less likely to steal the covers in the middle of the night.
Now remember, follow these tips faithfully and you'll be a guest on Dr. Phil's show in no time!
~NM
and not doing a split stay that would include staying at the YC..
