18 year old curfew??

[Mickey02]

Do you think midnight is a reasonable curfew for my 18 year old daughter?

My daughter is a senior this year and a very good kid. I know I can trust her but this weekend she was out until after 1:00. I spoke to her the next morning and she was at a friends house. She is now grounded for next weekend. Since we are so close to graduation and her leaving for college in another state I am wondering if I should extend her curfew or leave it at midnight. She will soon be responsible for making her own decisions. Do you think I should ease up??

 

[bicker]

At 18, it does become a dodgy thing. Keeping overly-tight control is as likely as not to back-fire, one way or another. It is time, I believe, to switch to a more negotiated set of arrangements. Curfews should be agreed-on by both you and your daughter; she must be made to understand that it's your house, she owes you reasonable consideration of your concerns and priorities; but that still leaves room for her to be a young adult. She's not a renter (unless she's paying rent, of course) but she's not a child any longer.

 

[andromedaslove]

Honestly? She is 18, and although she hasn't graduated yet, she is considered an adult. It is very hard for a teenager to understand why, when by all laws they are considered adults, they have to listen to their parents curfew rules. Also if she is going to be leaving for college in 2 -3 months, she is then going to be making all of those decisions on her own. I think maybe you should ease up on her, let her be more in control of deciding when she comes home. She needs some practice in a safe environment, before going to college where some kids just go buck wild.

 

[azgal81]

There is another page with 2 pages of replies with someone asking how reasonable it is to give an 18 year old a curfew a few threads down. Maybe look there as well.

My thoughts on the matter are your daughter is an adult (18) does she really need a curfew?? I think you should go with the as long as you know where she is it's okay thing.

I never had a curfew growing up my parents didn't think I needed one. It is however your house so I guess it would be up to you!

 

[lulugirl]

Since she's a good kid and you trust her, I wouldn't enforce any curfew.
As a teenager I never had a curfew, I always told my parents where I would be. They trusted me and I never violated that trust, if I told them I was at a certain location that's exactly where I was.

 

[ducklite]

I had a curfew at 18. I think it was midnight weekenights and 1:00am weekends, although my parents wanted to know where I was and what I was doing--even if I was out clubbing. It was the height of the disco craze, and my girlfriends and I went out dancing 2-3 nights a week, although we never drank on school nights and one of us was always the DD on weekends...we were pretty darn responsible teens looking back at it.

Bottom line, your house, your rules.

My son is almost 20, and while he doesn't have a set "curfew", I expect to know where he is and when he is going to be home...and a few times I've asked him to be home earlier than he had planned for one reason or another.

Anne

 

[JELBoggio]

What my parents did for me the summer before college was just ask me what time I thought I'd be home. If I would be later than the time mentioned, I was to call them. I thought that was reasonable. I felt more like an adult then and was happy that my parents thought I could handle it. We never had any problems. Your DD sounds like a good "kid" and that she can handle it. Good luck!

 

[Michie]

I know I posted on the other thread about curfews, my 21 and 19 year old have one when they are home from college. A lot of it has to do with the fact that they are LOUD when they come in. They put something in the microwave and you can hear the buzzer ALL throughout the house. Or they will start a load of laundry turn that annoying buzzer on the dryer, or one will be on one side of the house, the other on the other side, and one will holler at the other, you get the drift.

The oldest was 18 his senior year, and he had a curfew. He was one of the few in his class that did, he was also one of the few that was not allowed to drink...that was/is a problem in our community, parents allowing their 18 year olds to drink since they are adults, and even allowing others in their home to drink, so that had a lot to do with it.

Not saying that this is a connection, but when my boys were home, they were discussing this, and they were talking about how many of the girls that did not have curfews also became pregnant. Not saying their is a connection, just that my boys were talking about this. And really there isn't anything to do after say 12 in our area. Walmart is still open, that is about it..

 

[bsnyder]

Is she grounded because she missed her agreed-upon curfew? If so, I could support that. But after that punishment, it's probably time to renegotiate the curfew, or do away with it altogether. She's not going to have one when she goes off to college. Maybe it's time to go with a system of her telling you when to expect her home, based on what her particualr plans are. And then hold her to it.

 

[minkydog]

We stopped having curfew when DS turned 18. I figured he was old enough to make a decision and be responsible. At 18-19 it's kinda silly to tell them how to run their life. In less than a year he's gonna be fully responsible; better to get some practice while living at home, as long as they don't abuse the parentals

I lock the door at 11pm during the week. After that time he had to either be inside or sleep on the carport. A couple of times he tried to sneak in at 3am, but our powerful Watch Poodle ratted him out and woke up the entire family Now he either calls to let us know he's going to be a little late(12mn) or he finds someplace else to invade.

 

[minkydog]

I know I posted on the other thread about curfews, my 21 and 19 year old have one when they are home from college. A lot of it has to do with the fact that they are LOUD when they come in. They put something in the microwave and you can hear the buzzer ALL throughout the house. Or they will start a load of laundry turn that annoying buzzer on the dryer, or one will be on one side of the house, the other on the other side, and one will holler at the other, you get the drift.

I am so feeling your pain. We have DS19 and his friend& foster brother, also 19 and they are like a pack of golden retreiver puppies.Or maybe baby bulls

 

[Disney Doll]

What my parents did for me the summer before college was just ask me what time I thought I'd be home. If I would be later than the time mentioned, I was to call them. I thought that was reasonable. I felt more like an adult then and was happy that my parents thought I could handle it. We never had any problems. Your DD sounds like a good "kid" and that she can handle it. Good luck!

That's how my parents and I handled it when I was an older teenager and in my 20's and still living with them.

I pretty much gave them an idea of approxiamately when I'd be home, and if for some reason I was going to be significantly delayed or some other drastic change had occurred, I called them.

 

[Mickey02]

Thanks for all the input. I think I will let her know that I am extending her curfew to 1:00 but if she abuses it it goes back. She is always home by 9:00 on school nights so that has not been an issue. I have allowed her to pretty much come and go as she please because she has earned my trust but I also told her if she abuses that she loses it. She is on "Mock Trial" team at school they have all really bonded as friends so she is hanging with them watching movies and doing fun high school stuff. Since she is my last kid I am thinking I should ease up. With the first one I never would have considered it! My how things change. (I hear that from the older kids all the time)

 

[Desnik]

I did not have a curfew at 18. I didn't even have one at 17!!(I graduated HS at 17) I will not give my kids a curfew at 18. 18 is an adult and if your child is responsible, has been raised right I see no issue of needing a curfew. However I will do what my parents did with me.

Know where they are going and with who and an estimated time to be home. Give a phone call if it will be later. Nowadays it's easier because of cell phones. When I was a kid my parents knew all my friends. They practically lived at our house. When we would go out my parents were comfortable with us together and I would tell them where we were going and what time I thought I would be home. If it was going to be later then I would give them a call. Yes I went through my party days and sometimes would come home as my dad was leaving for work!! He didn't like that and I respected it and made sure that didn't happen again!
At 18 I had a job, and my own car. I was paying my own bills, so I guess it would have been weird to have a curfew!

 

[Swimnoid]

My DD didnt have a set curfew her senior years in high school but I needed to know when she was going to be home, where she was and all that. And she needed to call if she was going to be late. Then she would forget to call and she'd be in trouble. Now she is in college away but when she is here she extends me the same courtesy of letting me where she is and when she will be home. Afterall, I dont have a curfew but I let my DH know where I will be and when I'll be back.....common courtesy.

 

[kristen821]

I haven't read the post, but I would give her a curfew for weekdays, but no curfew for weekends (since she is a good kid) I would be sure she let you know where she is and approx time she will be home so you know when to be worried. If she is going to be late I would tell her to call you no matter what time it is.

 

[barkley]

i lived at home until i was 28 and paid rent from my first year of college on, but that did'nt exempt me from the rules of the house. while i did'nt have a curfew there were expectations about what was a reasonable time to return home on school/work nites vs. weekends, and it was considered a matter of respect and safety to let my mom know where you planned on spending the evening and an aproximate return time. her expectations included a telephone call no matter the time if you would be returning home more than 30-45 minutes after you had originaly "planned" (her reasoning was she would rather be awoken by a phone call than to wake up and realise i was several hours past due and worry i had experienced car trouble or been in an accident).

this may come up when my kids get to highschool age (they will both be 19 year old grads)-but i've already started talking to dd (11 1/2) about how age does'nt exempt a person from the rules and courtesies of the house they reside in. i point out that her dad (my dh) calls to let me know he's arrived safely at out of town bsns. trips-not because it's a rule in our house, but because we care about each other and don't want anyone to needlessly worry.

 

[bicker]

not because it's a rule in our house, but because we care about each other

That's really got to be the foundation of all conduct for "children" over 18 years old. I know with my own family, some of the parents just couldn't adjust to having "children" over 18 that they basically chased their own children into horrible situations: bad relationships, dangerous living conditions, etc.

 

[aprilgail2]

I didn't even have a curfew in high school so I can't even imagine a college kid having a curfew. I know on weekends we didn't even go OUT until after 10pm because thats when the bands start playing etc in the clubs. I know most weekends from the time I was 17 ( I had fake ID and the drinking age was 18 then) I didn't come in until the club closed at 3am....I wasn't a drinker so my was ok with me hanging out at clubs watching the bands and dancing as long as I wasn't driving home drunk. She was a REALLY light sleeper so my dad put a door out the back of the house out of my room so I wouldn't wake her up coming through the front door and walking through the house when I was coming in late. I had a friend (she was 18 and in local college) who's mom would tell her she had to be home by 11pm-(when we didn't even leave until 10 pm to go out!) so basically every time she wanted to go she would tell her mom she was sleeping at one of our houses, she would call at 10 to say goodnight like she was in for the night, and out we would go and she would just come home with one of us and go to sleep at 3...

 

[Mickey02]

Tiffany is still in High School not college. Since she has always had a curfew and her older siblings did too. I am concerned about totally doing away with it. I do like the no curfew but making responsible decisions about when to be home.