17 and home alone? UPDATE post 83

[tink20]

Would you let your daughter (17) stay home 4nights/5days (in the summer) by herself. She has her own car, granparents live about 15 mins. away (and are retired), our neighbors would be there if needed, and my niece, (who is 20) would be there at night (works 7-5).

I am not really excited about this option, DH says, it would be fine (he is her stepdad, so I don't know if he would feel differently if she was his biological child).

I am hoping she will go on the trip, but if her boyfriend can't go, she says she doesn't want to go. He doesn't know if he can go with us yet.

 

[jlewisinsyr]

You let her drive by herself a 3,000 pound weapon that could kill someone and you're worried about her spending a few days home alone (and not even home alone in the evenings)?

Sure you should make sure there understood groundrules and tell your neighbors (and tell her that you talked to them to watch out for her - and parties).

 

[hereyago]

Yes, she is almost 18. By this time she should know how to "cope" without you being there. Are you having reservations about what the boyfriend coming over or just overall safety wise concerned?

 

[lizabu]

She won't be alone if her cousin is with her. I would have Grandma and Grandpa arrange a couple surpise drop bys just so she isn't tempted to have people over or party.

 

[abdmom]

Yes.

 

[Geeky]

I absolutely would not, allow her to stay alone, and would not allow my daughter to give me an ultimatum (my boyfriend goes or I don't.).

I say she goes with you, but I suppose I'm strict...

 

[Kellydelly]

Unless she has a reputation for being a troublemaker, I don't see why not?

 

[tink20]

Yes, she is almost 18. By this time she should know how to "cope" without you being there. Are you having reservations about what the boyfriend coming over or just overall safety wise concerned?

No, I don't care if he comes over, they have been dating 2-1/2 years, and we love him. I just am worried, about the other things, locking doors, turning off the stove, or the hair straightner, or if she gets in an accident, and I am 8hrs away. I am a worrier, I can't help it.

 

[minkydog]

I would and i have. My DD is going to be 18 in April. We started letting her stay home from campouts about 2 years ago. And we've let her stay home alone a few 4-5 weekends. I know my daughter and she's not a party girl. She abides by the rules. We have neighbors close by who would let me know if there was something unusual going on. Of course, what she chooses to do privately might surprise me. But i think not.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

I was home alone occasionally at 17 due to dad's work. BUT my grandparents lived across the street!

If she is trustworthy, I say give it a try. I think it's a little selfish to pull the if boyfriend can't go approach, but whatever. I'd never stay home for a boy - regardless of the location!

 

[1queen]

The ultimatum is what also bothers me- not going because her boyfriend isn't going. Healthy teenage relationships should not be like that. If it is a family vacation, she needs to go. If it was work related, or if she had to stay home for work or school that would be different. If you are uncomfortable just ask grandparents if she could stay with them, or see if she could stay with some close friends different nights.

 

[canadianjovigirl]

Yep at 17 i was done school and on my own and my oldest who is not quite 17 is done school and on her own while taking college prep classes and works for a year before starting post sec full time..............

 

[tink20]

I absolutely would not, allow her to stay alone, and would not allow my daughter to give me an ultimatum (my boyfriend goes or I don't.).

I say she goes with you, but I suppose I'm strict...

I could make her go, but she rides thrill rides, and DH, myself and DS do not. So, the past three trips, we have taken, my niece, her friends, and last year her boyfriend went. She needs someone to hang out with.

 

[mamacatnv]

Absolutely as long as the maturity level was there.
I too am a worrier, but in the grand scheme of things you can't prevent stuff from happening and you can't spend your entire life within reaction distance.

I do however agree with other posters that I would be upset that she is choosing boyfriend over family. I know circumstances are always different but a 6-7 day family vacation would pretty much be a command performance in my house. Heck family vacation is still pretty much a command performance for my DS who is 21 but still living on my dime

 

[browneyes106]

I agree with others, if she is trust worthy, I would let her stay home alone. When I was her age I stayed a week by myself while my parents went to a wedding out of state. Several of my relatives lived close by and checked me a few times.

 

[morethananyonex]

I stayed home for weekends/long weekends for the first time when I was 15/16. I proved to my parents I could be trusted and they left me for longer periods of time after that.

I don't think OP should force her daughter to go just because it's a family vacation like someone suggested. If she doesn't want to go and you're fine with that, I'd say 4-5 days alone (not really though, since you mentioned a cousin staying overnight?) with vehicle access and grandparents there in case of emergency is a perfect "test" to see how she does alone.

I have to say though, I'd expect her boyfriend to be sleeping over, even if you have your niece there. If she has a boyfriend he'll most likely be there too.

 

[tink_n_pooh]

My parents split up when I was 16, 2 months before my 17th birthday. I lived with my father (my choice) and he works nights. I was essentially "on my own" from the day my mother left since my father left for work before I got home from work (I worked after school) and didn't get home until after I left for school. I only had parental supervision on the weekends if my father wasn't working and I'm fine (FWIW, this was about 13 years ago)

So yes... I don't see any problem with leaving a 17 year old home alone for a few days.

 

[ICF]

My 1st month of college I was 17......

Is the issue that she would be home without you there or that she is home alone in general? This time next year I would guess she would be in college, so I think she'll be ok.

 

[SookieStackhouse]

Just from experience, being that age and left home alone... it was a lot of fun. It was kind of an adventure, I enjoyed it a lot.

However, the one red flag is the boyfriend. That could be a real problem.

 

[Jennasis]

I did at that age, many many times.