15 yo boy going to be a father...wow

[Maleficent13]

No trying to sound accusatory in the discussed situation, but men have been known to poke holes in condoms to get even with someone. There is no way to prove otherwise. Are you saying a man who pokes a hole and causes a pregnancy should be let off of responsibility because he used a condom and showed intent to prevent pregnancy?

Not trying to be flip, but I cannot imagine any man I have ever met, ever, doing this! And really, where's the logic? "I'm mad at you, so let me make you have a baby that I'll have to help support for 18 yrs????"

I'm not saying it's never happened, but the concept when I read it made me chuckle.

 

[chobie]

That is what I plan on telling my daughter as well when she is old enough.

So, what is it you are about?

 

[EthansMom]

.

As the parent of both a boy and a girl. I worry about a female lying to my son and a I worry about a male lying to my daughter that "he loves her and she loved him she would have sex".

The lies and deception that go along with sex are on both sides and are equally reprehensible

This is exactly what I plan on telling my kids when they get older. They need to understand that boys and young men are generally thinking about "gettin' some" and girls and young women are trying to get boys to "like/love them". There are so many ways that this causes misunderstandings in relationships both emotionally and sexually.

I plan on telling both of my kids that they should (1) experience intimacies only in relationships (no casual "hookups" which are just a breeding ground for disease) and (2) insist on multiple methods of birth control (because condoms break, girls forget to take their pills, and sometimes a swimmer gets past other methods as well).

Regarding the original post, if it were my son, I would insist on a DNA test. If the DNA test came back that my son was the father, I would help pay for the child support while I make sure that my son finished all of his schooling. I would also pay for the legal bills to make certain that my son had all of the rights (visitation, possibly shared custody) as well as responsibilities afforded to him as a parent.

I wouldn't, however, allow my son or the child's mother to take advantage of me. (I have an aunt who is spending her "early retirement" years caring for twin grandsons who were "dumped" by her son and his former girlfriend. The parents refuse to give up parental rights to the kids but are only see the boys sporadically due to the fact that both parents are drug addicts. Very sad, all around.)

 

[andromedaslove]

I see quite a few huge issues with this.

I haven't seen this mentioned in the thread anywhere, but couldn't she just be lying? It happens all the time, girls say they are pregnant when they aren't, say the baby belongs to one partner when in actuality it belongs to another. If the boy is certain that he used a condom (regardless of wether she was on BC or not) and the condom did not break then the chances that this is actually his kid (if there really is a kid) are pretty slim. Notice I said slim, it does happen, but not very often, at least in my experience.

Also, I understand that men and women make the choice to have sex knowing that a pregnancy could result. HOWEVER, how is it fair for the woman to have the only choice once a pregnancy has occured. I know that it is her body, but it just doesn't seem fair. If a girl were to become pregnant she could have an abortion without the consent of the father, right? Even if he really wanted her to keep the baby. She could keep the baby, even if he really wanted her to terminate. The only time a father has a whole lot of choice is if the mother decides to put the baby up for adoption, because without his signature the adoption won't go through. I don't really know of a way to fix the situation, but it just doesn't seem fair to the guys.

As a teenage girl if I had become pregnant and the guy didn't want me to have the baby I would have let him sign away his rights if I chose to keep the child. It wouldn't have seemed right for me to make the decision for both of us.

Dana

 

[chobie]

I see quite a few huge issues with this.

I haven't seen this mentioned in the thread anywhere, but couldn't she just be lying? It happens all the time, girls say they are pregnant when they aren't, say the baby belongs to one partner when in actuality it belongs to another. If the boy is certain that he used a condom (regardless of wether she was on BC or not) and the condom did not break then the chances that this is actually his kid (if there really is a kid) are pretty slim. Notice I said slim, it does happen, but not very often, at least in my experience.

Also, I understand that men and women make the choice to have sex knowing that a pregnancy could result. HOWEVER, how is it fair for the woman to have the only choice once a pregnancy has occured. I know that it is her body, but it just doesn't seem fair. If a girl were to become pregnant she could have an abortion without the consent of the father, right? Even if he really wanted her to keep the baby. She could keep the baby, even if he really wanted her to terminate. The only time a father has a whole lot of choice is if the mother decides to put the baby up for adoption, because without his signature the adoption won't go through. I don't really know of a way to fix the situation, but it just doesn't seem fair to the guys.

As a teenage girl if I had become pregnant and the guy didn't want me to have the baby I would have let him sign away his rights if I chose to keep the child. It wouldn't have seemed right for me to make the decision for both of us.

Dana

And again I would like to point out that this "unfairness" to guys is a recent thing. Up until the sixites there was no birth control pills for females. It was much harder to prove paternity. Boys would often skip town and go on with colllege and careers while girls had no choice. In the 30+ years were the unfairness has been tipped toward the males, I have not seen them advocating for better birth control for them. There is a male "pill" but the FDA has not released and I don't hear of much outcry for that.

So, it is a bit unfair, financially, but the mom still has 50% of the responsiblity. And 100% of the health risks. I do think that support payments should be decided on a case-by-case basis and not be automatic based on DNA.

 

[azgal81]

I think the 15 year old is equally at fault as the 18 year old. He knew what he was doing he had sex with her sex has consequences. If she does decide to have the baby he should be held financially accountable as well. I don't think any guy should be given the option to not pay child support if the girl decides to keep the baby even if he didn't want to. It takes two to create a baby.

If he did wear a condom they sometimes fail as does birth control. He knew that going in but he still choose to have sex with her.

Although I do see this on a future episode of Maury with the DNA testing!

 

[sgtdisney]

Why is it always the guy's fault when this happens? That's what I want to know. You pay, you play should apply to both sides. First of all, she legally raped him. Statutory rape, is rape. At least that is what I have read here a number of times when the situation is reversed and the consenting sexual partners are an underage girl and an 18 year old boy. Should someone who was legally raped have to pay their rapist for the results of that act? Let's say the sex was reversed and it was a 15 year old girl and an 18 year old boy and the boy wanted the baby. Or he insisted in terminating it. Should he have a say? Forget the old woman's body, woman's choice argument. Most people here, and I have seen it before, would say he raped her and should be punished, not rewarded.

Cut the kid some slack. He says he used protection and that she said she did as well. Either he is lying or she is or maybe both. Ultimately, she committed a crime against him, willing or not. That should definately come into play here.

I would like to comment on what PoohandWendy said as well. I think the inequity of the abortion law in this country is appalling. I agree, it is a woman's body and she has a right to decide what she should do with it. I don't agree with abortion personally, but I understand why a person should have a choice. However, I think it is deplorable that men don't have a choice as well. Just as a woman can terminate or keep a baby regardless of the man's opinion, a man should be able to terminate his "LEGAL" parentage of the same child within a certain time frame before the child is born. It takes two to make a baby and unless both have an equal choice in keeping, they should have an equal choice in not keeping it. I keep hearing how men should keep it in their pants if they don't want to pay child support. How about a woman keeping her legs closed if she doesn't want to be solely responsible for the child as well if she were to keep it. It goes both ways. Both people partake in the act, both can chose not too. However once the child is conceived the man loses all rights and the woman has them all. Where is the equity in that.

I suppose I will get flamed, well fire away. As one of the minority of men here, I personally get tired of the occassional man bashing that takes place here and skip it, but I had to comment on this.

 

[RUDisney]

The only time a father has a whole lot of choice is if the mother decides to put the baby up for adoption, because without his signature the adoption won't go through. I don't really know of a way to fix the situation, but it just doesn't seem fair to the guys.

I don't know the answer to this, that's why I'm posing this question. If a mother decides to offer her child for adoption and the father insists that he wants the baby, would the mother simply sign away her parental rights and the sole financial "burden" of raising the child be placed on the father?

If the woman has the control to make decisions on abortion and whether to keep the child or not, should the man not have the right to say he wants to terminate his rights and offer the child for adoption and therefore be removed from his financial obligations? I understand that if a man wants to be a part of his child's life from birth whether or not he remains with the mother in a relationship, he should help to provide for the child. But, for the woman to have the sole decision in keeping the baby because she knows, or believes she knows, that the father will send her a check each month is wrong. Her decision SHOULD BE based on whether she can financially and emotionally support her child whether or not a check was coming in. If the baby is born into a marriage, both parties should be held responsible for the child, but I don't think it's right to assume that both parties will share everything pertaining to the child if the child isn't born to a committed relationship.

Too often, children are used as the pawns between birth parents. At least if decisions are made based on the child's well-being, maybe some better decisions would be made all around.

 

[RUDisney]

I haven't seen this mentioned in the thread anywhere, but couldn't she just be lying?

I thought of this earlier in the thread, too, but find it hard to believe that she'd, as an adult, say that she's pregnant by a minor. Do 18 yo's NOT realize that they could go to jail because of this?

I had a friend whose girlfriend told everyone she was pregnant. He couldn't believe that it was true because they never actually did "it." Turns out, she wanted money from him "for the abortion." Her sister knew that she wasn't pregnant and told my friend. She could only pretend for so long and then suddently miscarried. The girl had many problems too numerous to mention in addition to this one.

 

[DVC Sadie]

I think the 15 year old is equally at fault as the 18 year old. He knew what he was doing he had sex with her sex has consequences. If she does decide to have the baby he should be held financially accountable as well. I don't think any guy should be given the option to not pay child support if the girl decides to keep the baby even if he didn't want to. It takes two to create a baby.

If he did wear a condom they sometimes fail as does birth control. He knew that going in but he still choose to have sex with her.

Although I do see this on a future episode of Maury with the DNA testing!

Are YOU serious? Please, she is an adult and if the tables were reversed he would have been branded, labeled and be in jail. I have read way too many threads in regards to this issue to have blinders on at this point!!

 

[DVC Sadie]

I thought of this earlier in the thread, too, but find it hard to believe that she'd, as an adult, say that she's pregnant by a minor. Do 18 yo's NOT realize that they could go to jail because of this?

I had a friend whose girlfriend told everyone she was pregnant. He couldn't believe that it was true because they never actually did "it." Turns out, she wanted money from him "for the abortion." Her sister knew that she wasn't pregnant and told my friend. She could only pretend for so long and then suddently miscarried. The girl had many problems too numerous to mention in addition to this one.

Although I am old for this forum I am however not stupid. Please believe that females(women) will, can and be not only deceitful but liars in regards to being pregnant, birth control and actually doing it.

 

[andromedaslove]

I thought of this earlier in the thread, too, but find it hard to believe that she'd, as an adult, say that she's pregnant by a minor. Do 18 yo's NOT realize that they could go to jail because of this?

Yeah but the same thing can be said just for sleeping with him. Does she not realize she could go to jail for this? I don't think it's too much of a stretch that she could be full of crap!! What kind of 18 yr old is sleeping with a 15 yr old anyway? Cause I know at 16 I wouldn't have wanted to be messing with a 15 year old. For girls there used to be this thing about dating people that were younger than you. It was looked down upon. So it sounds to me like there is something "off" with this chick anyway. Just my opinion though.

Dana

 

[poohandwendy]

Just wanted everyone here to know, for the sake of discussion, that I looked up the statutory rape laws in this state and this would not qualify. Actually, the statutory rape law was repealed...but this I found:

3122.1. Statutory sexual assault.

Except as provided in section 3121 (relating to rape), a person commits a felony of the second degree when that person engages in sexual intercourse with a complainant under the age of 16 years and that person is four or more years older than the complainant and the complainant and the person are not married to each other.

So, she was not committing a crime and knowing the boy involved and his family, I would be very surprised if they pushed that issue even if it were a crime.

 

[mickeyfan2]

In my state this would be statutory rape. The age gap here is only two years.

 

[chobie]

I suppose I will get flamed, well fire away. As one of the minority of men here, I personally get tired of the occassional man bashing that takes place here and skip it, but I had to comment on this.

I agree in part with a man being able to choose a financial abortion, so to speak, although a man's wallet and a woman's health are not an equal comparison but they should be able to sign off early enough in the pregnancy for her to have an abortion.

But as far as the man bashing...

There are at least as many posts saying the girl is probably lying because apparently lying about birth control is a common female "ploy". There are also several women commenting that this girl should be charged with statutory rape. So, before you start crying about man bashing you should know that there is just as much female bashing going on.

 

[RUDisney]

Yeah but the same thing can be said just for sleeping with him. Does she not realize she could go to jail for this? I don't think it's too much of a stretch that she could be full of crap!! What kind of 18 yr old is sleeping with a 15 yr old anyway? Cause I know at 16 I wouldn't have wanted to be messing with a 15 year old. For girls there used to be this thing about dating people that were younger than you. It was looked down upon. So it sounds to me like there is something "off" with this chick anyway. Just my opinion though.

Dana

Yeah, I agree, she could be in trouble for sleeping with him in the first place, but if he isn't telling anyone, she can get away with it. Once there is a pregnancy involved and she's claiming that he's the father, she's implicated herself.

I agree with what you say also about not dating younger guys. I would have rather died than date a younger guy when I was in my teens. It wouldn't matter so much at my age now (well, I suppose my DH would care ) but not back then. That being said, my DSIL is 5 years older than my Dbrother, but they were in their 20s when they started dating, too.

 

[poohandwendy]

We can talk about what 'should happen' and what should not...the right and wrongness and unfairness of it all. How laws should change or stay the same. Here, on the Dis, this is a hypothetical situation...it will inevitably drop down to page 3 and life will go on for all of us.

But, in RL, the reality is...a pregnancy is the result of this young relationship of two real, breathing people. Both with hopes and dreams and doors that just slammed shut. Both people and their families will be affected for the rest of their lives. A baby will be born into less than optimal circumstances.

I can only pray that they somehow do everything in their power to beat the odds that are so heavily stacked against them.

The bottom line here is the child who had no choices and hopefully both of these young people will step up to the plate, for the sake of that child.

And, for anyone so inclined...I would just ask for a quick prayer of strength for all involved.

 

[ashjohnson80]

When I was in high school I knew an 18 year old girl that got pregnant by a 14 year old boy, so it happens, sad but true.

 

[DVC Sadie]

I don't know the answer to this, that's why I'm posing this question. If a mother decides to offer her child for adoption and the father insists that he wants the baby, would the mother simply sign away her parental rights and the sole financial "burden" of raising the child be placed on the father?

If the woman has the control to make decisions on abortion and whether to keep the child or not, should the man not have the right to say he wants to terminate his rights and offer the child for adoption and therefore be removed from his financial obligations? I understand that if a man wants to be a part of his child's life from birth whether or not he remains with the mother in a relationship, he should help to provide for the child. But, for the woman to have the sole decision in keeping the baby because she knows, or believes she knows, that the father will send her a check each month is wrong. Her decision SHOULD BE based on whether she can financially and emotionally support her child whether or not a check was coming in. If the baby is born into a marriage, both parties should be held responsible for the child, but I don't think it's right to assume that both parties will share everything pertaining to the child if the child isn't born to a committed relationship.

Too often, children are used as the pawns between birth parents. At least if decisions are made based on the child's well-being, maybe some better decisions would be made all around.

Yes and yes. If the mother wants to keep the child and the father wants to terminate then the parent who wants to keep the child should have the financial responsibility of said child. If the father wants to keep said child then he should be financially responsible for the child.

 

[bimshire]

I keep hearing how men should keep it in their pants if they don't want to pay child support. How about a woman keeping her legs closed...

Agree!