15 yo boy going to be a father...wow

[poohandwendy]

(interesting that this came up after the recent teen pregnancy thread)

My son told me tonight that a boy he played soccer with FOR YEARS, is going to be a father!!!!! His girlfriend is 18 (!!!) and is keeping the baby. He told his friends that he needs to get a job so that he can pay child support.

My son is not close to him, but he said that this biy was pretty shaken in school on Monday. He is telling his friends that she was on BCPs and he used a rubber. (big rolleyes here) Of course this went across the school like wild fire.

Honestly, all I can do is pray for him. Seriously, he is NOT one of those kids you would expect to be fathering a child as a sophomore in HS. Just your average, non-descript, somewhat quiet, honor roll student...

Wow...is all I can say. My son and the rest of the school are just stunned by it all.

(btw, we can debate till the sun stops shining whether or not this baby should be born. As I understand it, right or wrong, the girl is adamant about keeping the baby)

My first thought was...can you say DNA testing? Just to be sure...kwim? Flame me all you want, but I would want to be sure.

Of course, this really hit home with my son...he is just amazed and disappointed that this kids life will be so forever altered. We talked a long time about it. That is always a good thing, but I hate tha it came about because a boy, I have known since he was picking his nose on the soccer field, is facing this.

Sad.

 

[poohandwendy]

Ironically, my best friend who was expecting her 3rd child had a miscarriage today.

So sad that people who really want a baby are struggling with grief and a 15 yo will be thrust into adulthood...

 

[carole88]

No flames here. I would insist on a DNA test if I were the boy's parent.

 

[poohandwendy]

LOL...just wanted to add something my son said. I was like "Holy cow, she is 18 years old...she could go to jail for statuatory rape, possibly", to which my son replied, "yeah, but mom...is putting a pregnant girl in jail the best way to start raising a child together?"...he is right. Damage is done and that would not help...just stunned here.

(it was juts a thought that came to my mind at the time, I do not think I would press that issue if it were consentual anyways, baby or no baby, not at their age differences)

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

Wow! That is a tough situation. I agree with you about the DNA testing. If the boy insists he used a rubber, then you never know. Many 18 year old girls these days have multiple sex partners.

Well, one thing for sure, your son will see first hand how important it is to be very, very careful! When he sees his friend working his **** off to pay for a baby he may very well wind up seeing only on occasion, then I suspect your son will think very carefully before he has unprotected sex! It's sad, but it will be a lesson for many other kids who sees what he is going through.

The girl who grew up next to me had a baby when she was 15; her boyfriend was 14! She could be a grandmother by the time she is in her lower 30s.

 

[poohandwendy]

Well, one thing for sure, your son will see first hand how important it is to be very, very careful! When he sees his friend working his **** off to pay for a baby he may very well wind up seeing only on occasion, then I suspect your son will think very carefully before he has unprotected sex! It's sad, but it will be a lesson for many other kids who sees what he is going though.

That is so true, I just wish the lesson was not at the expense of a young person he knows (and the 18 yo and unborn child). It's just a crying shame, kwim?

 

[malibuconlee]

It happened with my step-cousin at the same age. The girl was about 16 or 17, I can't remember. Not sure what happened as my mom and step-dad were divorced not long after the baby was born, but I do know that after he graduated from high school he was paying child support and seeing the little boy. The maternal grandparents eventually adopted him and at least two of his siblings. She had several children with several different fathers by her early twenties.

I do know my cousin signed papers to give custody to the grandparents.

It's such a shame when it happens so early. We had a girl give birth in 8th grade, and I think one in 7th who had been held back a year.

 

[kristen821]

Wow, if he was really using a condom on she was on bc I would request a dna testing too. I hope he stays in school so he can support this child. I wish him the best of luck.

 

[Alice's Mom]

It's such a shame when it happens so early. We had a girl give birth in 8th grade, and I think one in 7th who had been held back a year.

When I was in Junior High, this girl who sat next to me in Math got pregnant and kept it too, she was 12, by the time she was 15 she had two kids...she ended up home schooled so I have no idea what happened to her. My goodness, if that were me I would have a 16 year old right now

I'm curious about the statutory rape charge. Boys are told to keep clear of girls under 18, same rule should apply. If she were found guilty how would that affect child support rulings? I'm just curious, I am gladly very unfamiliar with this.

 

[Sleepy]

I just hope this boy realizes there is more to having a child than paying child support. Usually situations like these start with good intentions, but eventually the child is pushed aside.

 

[Sleepy]

I'm curious about the statutory rape charge. Boys are told to keep clear of girls under 18, same rule should apply. If she were found guilty how would that affect child support rulings? I'm just curious, I am gladly very unfamiliar with this.

I don't know the answer to that, but I can say my opinion is child support should not be effected by her punishment for statutory rape (if there is one). The child must be supported regardless. My IL's adopted several of their grandchildren and one of them got a 16 year old pregnant when he was 13. There was never an issue of statutory rape, but when the girl took them to court for child support, my IL's tried to get the judge to dismiss child support saying the "father" (I call him sperm donor) was only 14 at that point and not old enough to get a job. The judge told the boy to start moving grass and whatever he could not make to cover the child support, my IL's could pay the rest. Of course, they were appauled. The child should not be punished for the actions of the parents! Regardless of where the parents are, the child still needs to be provided for and whomever has custody of the child would receive the child support. I know my friend had a child with a man who ended up in jail. She got a whole $1.19 a week from him court ruling. (I even saw the checks becasue I did not believe her on the small amount). This was 10 years ago.

 

[marlasmom]

The mother of one of my GAL kids is 16 - the baby is 18 months. The grandmother is 33. The great grandmother is 48. See the pattern here. Not much chance for this kid I'm afraid.

 

[Freyja]

Wow, if he was really using a condom on she was on bc I would request a dna testing too. I hope he stays in school so he can support this child. I wish him the best of luck.

I agree!

 

[LindsayDunn228]

That is so true, I just wish the lesson was not at the expense of a young person he knows (and the 18 yo and unborn child). It's just a crying shame, kwim?

Sorry, but I don't have much sympathy for the boy. He had choice, and he chose to be sexually active at such a young age. Pregnancy is a risk and it's a chance he chose to take.

 

[LuvN~Travel]

Which really makes this thread the one you should sit your teen age boys down and make them read! Definitely point out that there are consequences for their actions. Especially if they get a very strict judge. I think if more judges were that strict, it might just help hold a few of those hormones in check. Well, at least we can hope.
Kim

 

[PattnFmly]

I would insist on the DNA testing too. I know someone who just finished paying child support for a child conceived by a 16 yr old nineteen years ago. But to this day, he has no idea if the child is actually his. She said it was, but mutual friends say she had another lover. But DNA testing wasn't done in the 1980's and he paid the child support for all those years because it was the proper thing to do. The mother has refused testing, said he's on the birth certificate and it's done, but he's hoping his "daughter" will consent to it now that she is of age. It would be nice to know for sure, even at this late date.

 

[poohandwendy]

I just hope this boy realizes there is more to having a child than paying child support. Usually situations like these start with good intentions, but eventually the child is pushed aside.

I imagine his mind is consumed with a thousand things more than just child support. The one thing I mentioned, that he said, is obviously not the sum total of his only thoughts on the matter.

 

[poohandwendy]

Sorry, but I don't have much sympathy for the boy. He had choice, and he chose to be sexually active at such a young age. Pregnancy is a risk and it's a chance he chose to take.

Oh, I don't make any excuses for his actions or hers. I just think the whole thing is a shame. Their lives and the lives of the child are forever altered by mistakes made at a young age. I don't agree with the mentality of 'you deserve it'. Sorry, but their living with the repercussions for the rest of their lives is enough 'punishment' to trump my need to ridicule from the sidelines after the fact.

The whole thing is just tragic, IMO.

 

[simpilotswife]

*sigh* donning my flame suit.....

If she wants it she should pay for it, period.

This boy has no say as to whether he wants to be father. The use of BC clearly indicates his intent to prevent this pregnancy. Since he now has no choice in the matter, he should not have to pay to support it. JMHO.

I disagree with the whole holding a man hostage financially because the woman decides not to terminate her pregnancy. I don't believe that any man should have to support a child if he has indicated that he would prefer pregnancy termination.

The really sad part is that this girl's parents will probably be left holding the bag to raise this child because it'll turn out that she really isn't ready to be a parent. In the meantime this poor boy will still be financially responsible.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I wonder if the girl's parents are planning to be supportive of her and their new grandchild?

I worked with a woman about 14 years ago whose 15 year-old DD got pregnant by her 15 year-old boyfriend. My coworker had just lost her husband (39 years old, brain aneurism). With that grief in her life, she couldn't bring herself to do anything besides help her DD raise the baby.

All these years later, everything has worked out. The DD finished high school and went on to become an RN. She's married now--not to the baby's father. Don't know what happened to him, but the bottomline is that because the 15 year-old mother and her child got lots of support from her family, everything worked out in the long run.