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[Pembo]

.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

Can you tutor her at her home where she wouldn't have an audience??

 

[DisneyFan06]

I am a current intern in a kindergarten classroom and I am rather used to these disturbances because I am around them daily. However, I never experienced this with an older child. I hope someone can help...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Two sides of the coin....

If you quit tutoring her in the library she might get worse/better, it is a gamble.
If you continue tutoring her in the library she will have to restrain herself or not be tutored by you.

Tough call...which is the right path to take?

 

[lovetoscrap]

I think in this case I would require a parent to remain in the library (in another area) during the tutoring session so that if the child acts up you can immediately take them to the parent and let them deal with it. You are there to tutor, not discipline and parent. If the parent can calm the child down out side and bring her back before the session is over then you can continue, otherwise you try again the next session. And I would also charge for the session whether it goes for the full time. You have put out your time to be there so you deserve to be paid.

 

[my4kids]

I'm not a teacher, but a parent of a few kids who have gone through 3rd grade and a current 3rd grader, so between friends and helping out in the classrooms, I have seen a lot of 3rd graders. I think that behavior is extremely strange for a child that age, and that there must be another problem. You are not the parent so you can not request that the child seek the help of a guidance counselor or phychologist (mild Asbergers maybe?) but I think I would mention to the parents to discuss it with the school couselor. That just sounds extremely odd for that age.

 

[MrsPete]

I think in this case I would require a parent to remain in the library (in another area) during the tutoring session so that if the child acts up you can immediately take them to the parent and let them deal with it. You are there to tutor, not discipline and parent. If the parent can calm the child down out side and bring her back before the session is over then you can continue, otherwise you try again the next session. And I would also charge for the session whether it goes for the full time. You have put out your time to be there so you deserve to be paid.

I vote for this idea. I would NOT tutor her in her home or your home -- too many times kids say "something happened", and it's hard to prove that you're innocent. A tutoring job isn't worth it. I'd want to meet in a public place.

Also, if this happens at school and during tutoring, it probably happens at home too. It'd be useful for you to see how the mom/dad react to the tantrums.

Did anything specific happen that "set her off"? Just grasping at straws -- perhaps she doesn't know her multiplication tables, and it frustrates her to be unable to answer the questions, so she "goes off" instead of answering. I'd start keeping a record of exactly what preceeds the problem behavior -- and see if the teacher will do the same. If you could find a pattern, you'd be halfway to solving the situation.

 

[ADisneygirl]

What are the parents reactions to this? Were they surprised she had a tantrum in a public library? If it were me, I would not feel comfortable tutoring a child away from the parents who was prone to outbursts, whatever the reason. I'd continue in the home or I'd discontinue it and ask the school if there are other children in need of tutoring.

 

[Tinijocaro]

This may not be just an ordinary tantrum. I teach a 11 year old boy violin- he gets very frustrated at times, and has to completely stop, bend over and put his head in his hands. He even sort of growls in anger. This shocked me at first, but after a few of these I learned how to manage the lesson so he doesn't get to that point- change the subject for a minute or two, talk about the weather or whatever.

I knew he had some issue, but just didn't know what till I spoke to his public school orchestra teacher. He has Asberger's (sp?) syndrome. Do you think his mother would have clued me in?

Maybe your student has an issue like this that the parent hasn't revealed to you. If you aren't her school teacher, you wouldn't have access to records stating this. While I understand privacy issues, I think any teacher of a child has a right to know, so they can be prepared to deal with things as they come up.

 

[daisyduck123]

I am a first grade teacher and also, btw, did a lot of tutoring about 20 years ago.

I would tell the parents that one of them needs to stay at the library during the tutoring sessions from now on. If they don't comply, then I'd quit tutoring her....there are plenty of other tutoring positions out there.

 

[SpecialK]

I am a teacher and a parent of a current third grader. I don't see this behavior as all that atypical. Third graders are expected to do a lot more work than they did in first or second grade. Some kids have a hard time adjusting to the change. I assume she's struggling with her schoolwork since she needs a tutor. If she's frustrated because she doesn't understand, she may be acting out to deflect attention away from that.

 

[mom2taylorandemily]

This may not be just an ordinary tantrum. I teach a 11 year old boy violin- he gets very frustrated at times, and has to completely stop, bend over and put his head in his hands. He even sort of growls in anger. This shocked me at first, but after a few of these I learned how to manage the lesson so he doesn't get to that point- change the subject for a minute or two, talk about the weather or whatever.

I knew he had some issue, but just didn't know what till I spoke to his public school orchestra teacher. He has Asberger's (sp?) syndrome. Do you think his mother would have clued me in?

Maybe your student has an issue like this that the parent hasn't revealed to you. If you aren't her school teacher, you wouldn't have access to records stating this. While I understand privacy issues, I think any teacher of a child has a right to know, so they can be prepared to deal with things as they come up.

I was also leaning towards this as well. I am a contract Sub. Teacher and I have the luxury of working with all the children. I have worked with DD, LD, ED and profoundly impaired. I also work with kids that have other social issues. I can't make a diagnosis, but the cues sound like Asperger's Syndrom. Do you know if Mom and Dad have had the child evaluated by the school? Maybe you can suggest it at your next meeting. If the child has AS there are ways of coping and you can learn ways to help the child learn.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Barb, I agree with those who said it's possible it's Asperger's. Alex has a mild case of Asperger's and he has very low tolerance and is impatient. Thank goodness it's not that bad. I have come to recognize when he's feeling frustrated/overwhelmed and have learned how to "defuse" the situation. I know that telling Alex "I need a hug" and getting a bear hug from him works wonders in calming him down. That's risky to do when it's not your child. Good luck to you. I would ask the parents if she has ever been diagnosed with AS.

TC

 

[SandiH]

Wow - I'm surprised how a few people have jumped straight to Asperger's as a possible problem without looking at what else it could be. I teach students with high functioning Autism and Asperger's syndrome as well as have an aspie child. Although trantrums are a trait of those on the Autism spectrum, there are many other reasons a child could and would throw a trantrum, even in public. It could be the child has a learning disability, ADD/ADHD, a communication disorder, processing disorders and the list could go on. There could be a variety of things going on in the family that could be causing the child to be stressed.

With that said, it seems like you need to get more information from the parents and perhaps school regarding the child. Does the child have a documented disability and if so what is it? What strategies is the school using to help the child in the classroom? Does the parent/teacher have concerns about a disability and if so, have the asked to school or physician for testing?

I agree with those that have said have the parent in close proximity to your tutor sessions. The parent needs to be available to deal with the child during melt downs. I wouldn't be apposed to having the tutoring session at the child's house but would probably not want it done at my house. I would think having the child in her own environment might be helpful (could also be distracting depending on the child). Although it's your job as a tutor to work with the child, I'm sure the parents don't want you working on behavior modification the whole time. Although as a tutor, you should be able to notice a child getting stressed and be able to redirect them (at least most of the time)

Good luck with your situation - having a child melt down on you is very frustrating.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

I think in a tutoring situation you'd be safe to inquire, but I know that in Missouri our Spec Ed Director had an inservice at the beginning of each school year and we were instructed to never discuss this with a parent. We had to refer the student or the school would be liable for the cost of outside testing.

 

[SandiH]

I think in a tutoring situation you'd be safe to inquire, but I know that in Missouri our Spec Ed Director had an inservice at the beginning of each school year and we were instructed to never discuss this with a parent. We had to refer the student or the school would be liable for the cost of outside testing.

Never discuss what with a parent??? That their child is struggling and might qualify for special education and support??? We are not supposed to suggest outside testing but each school district has an obligation to look for children that might have disabilities and test them to see if they qualify for specialized instruction and provide appropriate services if the child qualifies. That is a federal law - IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act). Anyone working with a child has the right and obligation to discuss concerns with a parent whether its a coach, a tutor, a child care provider, a camp counselor or a teacher. Notice I didn't say diagnosis - I said discuss.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

Never discuss what with a parent??? That their child is struggling and might qualify for special education and support??? We are not supposed to suggest outside testing but each school district has an obligation to look for children that might have disabilities and test them to see if they qualify for specialized instruction and provide appropriate services if the child qualifies. That is a federal law - IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act). Anyone working with a child has the right and obligation to discuss concerns with a parent whether its a coach, a tutor, a child care provider, a camp counselor or a teacher. Notice I didn't say diagnosis - I said discuss.

Why so hostile?? I'm just sharing how I've been told to handle it in a classroom setting and that they'd probably be fine "discussing" it in this situation seeing as it's private tutoring.

 

[SandiH]

Why so hostile?? I'm just sharing how I've been told to handle it in a classroom setting and that they'd probably be fine "discussing" it in this situation seeing as it's private tutoring.

I'm not hostel - sorry if you took it that way - I'm just trying to understand why a teacher in a classroom situation wouldn't be allowed to discuss concerns with a parent about their child and why the might be struggling. It's required by law to look for children that might be in need of special education services.

You haven't answered my question - why can't concerns be discussed with a parent in your situation? How does one then qualify a child for special education services if it can't be discussed? If you are talking about suggesting outside evaluations - then I agree, that's not something one says lightly to a parent or the district can be held liable to pay for it but school district has staff (school psychologists and special education teachers) that are qualified to assess children for disabilities. Please clarify for me why you can discuss concerns regarding disabilities with a parent?

 

[SwedishMeatball]

I'm not hostel - sorry if you took it that way - I'm just trying to understand why a teacher in a classroom situation wouldn't be allowed to discuss concerns with a parent about their child and why the might be struggling. It's required by law to look for children that might be in need of special education services.

You haven't answered my question - why can't concerns be discussed with a parent in your situation? How does one then qualify a child for special education services if it can't be discussed? If you are talking about suggesting outside evaluations - then I agree, that's not something one says lightly to a parent or the district can be held liable to pay for it but school district has staff (school psychologists and special education teachers) that are qualified to assess children for disabilities. Please clarify for me why you can discuss concerns regarding disabilities with a parent?

Hey, I just followed the rules of my district. I couldn't do nearly as good a job of explaining it as our director did, who was a very dedicated and concerned teacher, but it did have to do with liability concerns. We were instructed to refer to the Spec Ed department and they would then conduct observations and schedule a conference with the parents, which would include the classroom teacher. I was comfortable with that the few times that I had concerns. I never had a parent upset that I didn't approach them before consulting with people qualified to make the determination. In the couple instances that parents approached me first, I would explain our district procedures for referal and they were always understanding. I actually think it was a good policy.

 

[SandiH]

Now that you've given more information and explained it - it makes sense. You made it sound like at first that no one discussed concerns with a parent and that had me confused. You didn't qualify what your position in the school was and that although you weren't allow to discuss it with parents - you referred them to specialist who could discuss when appropriate with parents. That's different that I'm not allow to discuss it. Can you see where I'm coming from?

I've been in districts where parents were involved in the initial SAT meeting and parents weren't involved in the SAT meeting - I personally think it's better to have the parents there because you can gain more information from them but to each his own. As long as teachers and districts are trying to help kids and provide services when they qualify - that's what's important. District procedures aren't.