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[vhoffman]

 

[flying_babyb]

This may sound bad, but why not tell your kids that your going to help people even less fortunate. take them to a shelter, help serve dinner, let them see the true christmas spirt. they need to see that mommys doing all she can and thats dang good. I bet you did great with christmas shopping.

 

[princessdisneybelle]

I'm really sorry you are feeling like this at this time of year. I can understand it though. I am a senior in high school. My parents don't make alot. My dad is in the Army. I overheard my parents being upset because they can't afford what they want to get us. It's because they are paying for my wedding at Disney. Honestly I think parents get more upset then we kids do when there isnt alot on Christmas morning. We had Christmas's where the livingroom was full of gifts and other when we just got a few things. My mom always did fun things with us though, and that made the day great. So make it a fun day and I'm sure your kids will be happy!

 

[vhoffman]

******

 

[vhoffman]

I'm really sorry you are feeling like this at this time of year. I can understand it though. I am a senior in high school. My parents don't make alot. My dad is in the Army. I overheard my parents being upset because they can't afford what they want to get us. It's because they are paying for my wedding at Disney. Honestly I think parents get more upset then we kids do when there isnt alot on Christmas morning. We had Christmas's where the livingroom was full of gifts and other when we just got a few things. My mom always did fun things with us though, and that made the day great. So make it a fun day and I'm sure your kids will be happy!

Thanks, Princess!
Nice to hear from the "other side". I realize the best gift I could give my kids (and dh) is to get out of this foul mood, but it just won't go away. I realize my mood is affecting everyone, including me. I need to just chill out and realize that our finances will be stable for the next few weeks, nothing is going to happen, all the gifts are paid for, I just wish I could enjoy myself.

 

[DVCLiz]

You know those kids are going to love the laptops you got them!!! Don't underestimate your kids - they may have pouted at the mall (normal kid behavior) and may even be disappointed at their Christmas "haul", but they'll come around. And you'll have an opportunity to tell them after Christmas, without the gift-giving pressure, that your DH is changing jobs, and what that means for your family right now.

In the meantime, try to spend some time with them doing free Christmas things. Riding around to see the Christmas lights, watching Christmas videos on TV, playing board games, making something by hand (food or a simple craft) are all ways to get a little bit into the spirit. And I think it's OK to say "I'm just going to get through it the best I can" for you this year.

Hope you can have a Merry Christmas this and every year!!!

 

[Whosemom]

Hang in there!

You know the song with whistling in it from "The King and I"? The kid is faking being brave, and the next thing you know, he's not afraid. And haven't you ever kind of gone along with ....you know....when you didn't really want to and then had fun? Pretend to have a good time for your kid's sake, and you might look back at the end of the day and have enjoyed it. On the other hand, what the heck, we all give you permission for an off year - I had one last year, and didn't have any reason. bah humbug.

One year we went through something similar. My DH left a job that was a little different, no good matches out there for his skills (he ran a drag strip). Anyway, we went from 100K one year to 70K the next (I had a baby and quit my job) to 14K the next!! talk about your wild ride. He was unemployed for 10 months. Then when he got a job it was $10/hr! And we got by swimmingly!

You might as well start making adjustments now. We have kept with some of the things, even though things are going much better financially now.
The less than perfect car is ok. The YMCA is ok. (or maybe you just have to drop it for awhile) The $2 movie theater is still a night out at the movies. It makes me gag to grocery shop anywhere but Aldi's. Cable TV is history. If you don't like what's on regular TV, the library has zillions of movies. I think it also curbs the "gimme's" that our kids watch PBS and videos and see less comercials.

For us, that time was a great time of growth in our relationship with each other and our relationships with God. If you haven't gone to church, or synagog, now might be a good time to start.

The hardest part is your pain. There's no getting around the whole insurance thing, is there. yuck.

 

[vhoffman]

 

[graygables]

My kids know that whining=NOT getting what they want. If that means we walk out of whereever and go home, then so be it (they are 10 & 8). My reaction is never to get peeved, either, I just matter-of-factly tell them the way it's going to be and I'd better not hear any cr*& about it.

I highly recommend Veggie Tales Madame Blueberry as well as the Berenstein Bears and the Gimmes, yes, even at their age. Your kids are old enough to understand the financial realities in your house and need to wake up and smell the coffee. Read about Laura Ingalls Christmases with oranges and tin cups and corn cob dolls that they were GRATEFUL for. An attitude of gratitude is needed and it needs to start from you. I know all about financial stress. My DH is off anywhere from 3-4 months of the year, depending on the weather and I have NO insurance at all. It was cancelled (and I wasn't aware of it) just before a series of tests and an MRI of my brain. Woo-Hoo on those medical bills. Even so, I express gratitude in front of my children every single day. I'm grateful for electricity. I'm grateful for a dishwasher. I'm grateful Target has $4 generics for my DD's and my meds. I'm grateful that I found something I lost. Lots of things cross my path daily, little things that I can model gratitude with. Something I am trying to live by right now is "In EVERYTHING give thanks" Not *FOR* everything, but IN it, even if it is that we all woke up and are breathing today.

I read this today and it had a huge impact on me. What do *I* feed the wolf???

"An old Cherokee is telling his grandson about a fight that is going on inside of himself.

He said it is between two wolves.
One is evil, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.
The other is good, joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility,
kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his
grandfather, "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, 'the one I feed.'"

This year, we've been working really hard on the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control and it is paying off with a quiet season of family and happiness. It's not too late...set aside some time each day to gather together as a family and tell 5 things you are grateful for until Christmas! Write them down and hang them on your tree where everyone can see them. Spend lots of time together as a family after Christmas doing the same thing. Look back over the year and take stock of the blessings you have (not just things, btw). We buy a new puzzle every year and spend that week working on it together. It's inexpensive, but provides a lot of family cooperation and conversation.

 

[vhoffman]

 

[SGB13]

greygables-
You are very wise.

 

[Whosemom]

Oh hey! Great idea! Maybe even a paper chain garland. Tomorrow is the first day of break, I think I'll have my kids do that and challenge them to see how long they can make the garland!

 

[Quincy]

I can relate, we are having money problems as well. The only way my kids are getting gifts this year is we had points from a credit card and cashed them in for toy r us gift cards. As far as the gym membership goes, I don't think $45 is too much for an upscale gym. If he doesn't want to go because his car needs a paint job.... that's silly. How many people is he really going to see in the parking lot?? And are they really going to scoff at him?? Maybe if they do they are not someone you want to know anyway. I say this knowing exactly how you feel. We live in a wealthy neighborhood, where people are very free with their money. It's hard when a friend says let go to lunch and all I can think is I can't spare the $20 for lunch. Make Christmas more about family, being together. My SIL recenlty passed away, and BIL is devestated so right now we are thankful to have each other. Also my kids are a little younger so they have no idea, and it's eaiser to buy them a lot of cheap gifts to satisfy them. Have a great holiday, it is what you make it.
p.s. I have back problems also, and my doctor was strongly against spinal fusion. He says after if you are still in pain there is no way to fix it after that and your left to suffer. I know that's one opinion so do some research. My mother has suffered with back problems for several years, had a fusion, and she's miserable and will be on pain killers the rest of her life. It's awful to watch.

 

[Zoemakes5]

Recently at church we had Layity sunday, where the service is done by regular ole' people. Something they were talking about was just so "precious" to me. I tend to fall into the "mood" at Christmas. It's the end of the year, and I always look back and it's never what I wanted it to be. The concept was about focus and how easy it is to compare ourselves to those that have more. More stuff, better health, better car, etc. And, how those who are happy compare themselves to those who have less, better health, etc. The gentleman who was talking was telling us about his grandmother, who had arthritis and was so upbeat, and when he sat down and talked to her about it, she said "Half my friends are dead, another quarter have cancer or such serious life threatening disease, I thank god for choosing something so "small" for me." And, when a friend was talking with him about wishing he had a nicer car, and then he took his friend for a drive to where there's alot of homelessness and whole families were living in cars.
Anyway, it really opened my eyes and made me think.
I think it would be great to say to your kids, "you know, I'm losing track of what the holidays mean. We're going to go volunteer as a family this weekend at a homeless shelter so we can all get a perspective about what we can truly be thankful for."
I make my kids "earn" some of their spending money by serving others. Might be a good time to start something like that, no matter how much money you have now or in the future. Having the money doesn't do much if they don't appreciate it.

 

[vhoffman]

 

[graygables]

Hey, Graygables

The story about the wolf is really working for me! I've been thinking abut it all day. There's so many triggers for my foul mood--back pain, medical bills, whiney kids............well, I just kept thinking I'm NOT going to fee that wolf, and it really works! Now to feed the nice wolf...I prefer to think of him as a sweet puppy...whatever works!

I just read a story in Good Housekeeping about a couple who have a deaf/blind child. I couldn't get through it, I felt so sad for them (although he seems to be doing well). I look at my 2 kids bursting with health and realize I have much to be grateful for.

Well, off to feed the puppy! Maybe I'll get the Christmas spirit after all!

(I've been trying to feed the right wolf today, too...it's hard sometimes!!!)

 

[dementia412]

Not to be a jerk, but .... you are honestly thinking about paying hundreds of dollars for a paint job when you are seriously worried about your DH finding another job?! You bought laptops (plural, as in each kid gets one) for Christmas when you need expensive surgery?! You have bills piling up, but keep the gym membership!? Now, does any of that make any sense whatsoever from a logical point of view?
We went through (and are still trying to did our way out of) a situation like that. My DH had a pretty good job, then right after we wasted a huge amount of money on Christmas (every CC was at the limit, had NO cash, nothing),,, my DH was let go. He spent six months looking, only to end up with a terrible job that didn't pay worth a darn. It took him three more years to finally get a halfway decent job, and he still makes a lot less than he did back then. When I think back I really wish someone had told me to stop being an idiot... that I could not continue buying new kids clothes (just go to Goodwill for a while), or to rent a movie instead of paying out my nose for the theater.... we'd be in a much better state right now.
I hope he finds something good and soon, but remember that if he doesn't.. then this couple of months of annoyance could turn into long term disaster unless you protect yourself now!

 

[vhoffman]

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[graygables]

Oh, geeez!

Just when I was feeling a little better, someone decided to flame me!


First, the laptops--they were refurbrished, employee discount, bought when dh was still working and no lay off in sight. so sorry, should have checked with you first!

Insofar as the gym membership, my dh has a heart condition. He's overweight and needs to exercise. He's also used to having a place to go everyday, sorry we didn't get a cheaper memberhsip in a dump/ should have checked with you, again, sorry. Getting out of the house in a nice, upscale environment is important to his self-esteem, as well as important for his health.

The paint job for his car--well, its a matter of self-esteem and image. He can't even go to job interviews with the car he has. The last several interviews he had we rented a car for the day. We figure a paint job for the old (paid for) car is a better use of OUR money. It would cost less than the rental cars.

You know, I didn't ask for financial advice. I happen to be a CPA and can manage our finances quite well, thank you. I was feeling down and wanted a little encouragement. I almost was feeling better, then someone like you comes along and tells me what a jerk I am! Well, Merry Christmas to you, too!

FEED THE PUPPY! We all make different choices with our money based on what we personally feel is important. We have taken trips to WDW when it might not have been the wisest use of our money to some, but it certainly was the best use of it FOR US. We happen to choose trips to WDW over other things (like paying off medical bills that we make monthly payments on) b/c life is short, you can't take it with you, and children are only young once, but the bills will always be there. If you choose to spend your money on a gym membership or a paint job b/c that's what makes your hubby feel better about himself, then so be it. It's YOUR money and no one else's business how you spend it. Here, have a serenity steak...

 

[vhoffman]

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