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[Pembo]

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[Frantasmic]

Don't you all have to know how to play the piano?

 

[LiteBrite]

Don't you all have to know how to play the piano?

Hubby was a staff (not senior) pastor for 14 years before he resigned for he and I to become missionaries. I had to laugh at your comment, because when our senior pastor's wife told her mother she was marrying a preacher, her mother's response was "But you don't even play the piano!"

Fortunately for her, I do play the piano, and we had tons of other talented musicians around, so she never has had to.

To answer the OP's question, I always felt pretty much like an unpaid staff person. As the wife of one of the pastors (large church, 9 pastors on staff), I was expected to be involved in everything, and as a musician I was called on even more than some of the other pastors' wives. It got pretty exhausting, and eventually I learned how to say no to some things, although that was never made easy for me.

 

[Deb in IA]

Our minister's wife is never at church on Sunday, rarely attends any events at our church, and doesn't play the piano or sing in the choir.



That's because she's an ordained minister herself, and is the associate rector at another Episcopal church 20 miles away.

 

[golfgal]

I sure HOPE our minister's wife doesn't show up at church, but we are Catholic and that might cause some issues . Really though, some good friends of ours is a minster/wife and she is pretty involved in the church, sings in the choir, teaches Sunday School, leads a ladies circle, etc. Their first parish was in a very small town, 500 people, and she felt very uncomfortable there because she was "the minister's wife". They moved to a town that is about 10,000 people and she is much happier there because she can make friends outside of the church and be a regular person.

 

[Uncle Remus]

I was at a meeting about fixin' up the local animal shelter in my li'l town and this woman and I struck up a conversation after the meeting. Well, one thing led to another and she said crap, so I got a li'l more relaxed in my language and said hell. Then she said the other word for crap, but I got this sayin' You got somethin' in your mouth I wouldn't have in my hand, so I didn't say that word, but stayed with the crap 'n hell words, not knowin' her very well. So as we were partin' ways, she offers me her card and after I got to the car, I look at it. She's the wife of the local Lutheran minister!!
I hated to see them retire 'n leave the community. Then we got that condescending, holier than thou that built that in your face $350,000 house across the road in a community where the locals are so glad they make $7.00 an hour.

 

[budbeerlady]

We had a ministers husband. He did the sound at church. It doesnt matter to me if he was involved in anything. Together they led the youth group which I think was nice but not mandated.

We now have a pastors wife (new pastor about 2 months ago), I do not notice if she comes or not. He for some reason feels the need to announce it from the pulpit if she is sick and cannot make it, but I wouldnt have noticed otherwise. (She has this bizare thing about sitting up front with the kids during the childrens worship. She gets up out of her pew, makes her way downt the center aisle and sits in the front pew during childrens worship time. That is a bit irritating just because I have no idea why she feels the need to do it? So I guess I would now notice if she didnt do it.)

I think O.P should do whatever she is comforatble with. I assume you are just as busy as I am, and if you dont have time for bible study or miss a service I wont know the difference. (I might not be there either.)

 

[Buckalew11]

Ours is very active in our church. Yes, I grew up with her sister so I knew her before she was the minister's wife. She is a very "typical" minister's wife in my opinion. I am not sure where she draws the strength to put up with what it takes for that kind of life...oh, yeah, I guess she would draw that strength from the Lord! It isn't written law that she be at everything but she usually is and if she wasn't, I'd say people would talk about her absence and what could possibly be going on with them that she wasn't there.
I am not a real social person and like alone time. I would make a horrible minster's wife but DH would make a horrible minister so... LOL

 

[Certifiable WDW Nut]

Hi Pembo - please keep the good questions coming. I'm loving the questions and the answers.

My husband just submitted his application for rabbinical school. So, if everything goes as plan, in five years or so he'll start his second career as a rabbi and I'll start my second career as a rabbi's wife. To say I'm a bit nervous is an understatement. I've been in corporate America for almost 20 years now in technical and operations roles. I'm having a really hard time imagining myself as a "touchy-feely" leader of the sisterhood and like groups. I keep hoping maybe we'll land some place where I just have to show up at services and smile a lot.

 

[DisneyDmbNut]

i have a question...
Our preacher was up one sunday saying we shouldn't be worried about material things..shouldn't buy expensive houses and such because we should put up our treasures in heaven..

I look over at his wife..who, has a brand new COACH bag that sells for $498 sitting next to her...
So..where are her teasures!
LOL

 

[Aidensmom]

My pastor's wife has been a friend of mine since before she was the pastor's wife. She has always been quite involved in the church, so being married to the pastor didn't really have an effect on that.

Honestly, I am not sure what a typical minister/pastor's wife is supposed to be like. My friend has always been a lot of fun to be around, and she has always been someone to look up to as far as her behavior is concerned.

 

[Towncrier]

My mom is the typical preacher's wife. During my dad's career, she wore several hats from church secretary to the person who folds the bulletins for Sunday service. I guess that my picture of the "preacher's wife" was based soley on those experiences growing up. Fast forward to today. The past two ministers who have served our congregation were married to women who made it clear that the husband was the employee of the church. Although both ladies were active in the church, the biggest mistake you could make would be to ask them to relay a message regarding church business to their husbands. Uh uh. No sir. Not their job. And although this attitude was completely foreign to my upbringing, I can honestly say that I respect their stand. Afterall, I was the preacher's son and I might have a better understanding than the typical lay person.

Having had the pleasure of meeting both you and your DH on several occasions, I can honestly say that I would have never figured out that he was a preacher and that you were a preacher's wife. And I do mean that as a compliment. You seem way too "normal". I applaud the fact that your DH can have a life outside that of his service to the Lord and that your family is not completely consumed by his profession. I sure wish that my dad could have set aside that mantle occasionally to be "just a dad" to me and my siblings. I love him dearly, but it wasn't until he retired that I felt that he had time to be just a regular guy.

 

[Nanu57v]

Yes, I think there are stereotypical expectations for what a pastor's wife should be. And I do think playing piano is one of them!

I never thought how stereotypical my thoughts about that are!

Anyway, our PW is not a ministry lead or anything, but she teaches Sunday school and is always in church when her DH is (unless she is away).

Our associate pastor's wife is on the worship team, sings special music, and helps with the youth group. She also used to lead the children's ministry, but stepped down from that after her 2nd child.

At the church I work at (yes, I work at a church I don't attend), the PW helps with the youth group and attends the church.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Our Pastor's wife is there most Sundays, but she usually only attends the First Service and then she goes home.

She works at a full-time job so she doesn't do ALL the committees, but she does some. She doesn't help with Sunday School or Vacation Bible school or the youth program at all because she doesn't feel those are her strengths. I know that she does alot of Nursing Home visits and I know that she has led a couple of nighttime Bible Study classes.

Not only does she not play the piano or organ, she doesn't even sing in the choir.

 

[Aimeedyan]

Our pastor's wife is active in areas that she is interested in but she feels no guilt about not being the stereotypical pastor's wife. She is an ordained minister herself and had a much higher GPA in seminary then he did She is a brillant theologian and writer and her talents are used in many ways.

I am a minister, my hubby stays pretty low and out of the limelight. He is active in things he enjoys but there is no expectation for him to do anything more than what he wants. Same with the other spouses. They all find their niche at church and are not expected to do anything more than any other church member.

During the interview process, that was one thing I wanted to hear from churches. Thankfully this church was telling the truth when they said that he won't be expected to be anything other than any other church member. He's not on staff, he's not being paid, he is not to be treated as such.

 

[Keli]

My pastor's wife is at every service and she plays the organ (she also plays the piano but usually not in services, lol) and decides which songs will be sung every sunday until lately (she's done this job for years and years, it's a lot of work). Now she plays on sundays but only every other month. I dread when it's not her month because she's very talented and the music is wonderful when she plays and not so much when she doesn't. Also as media director (me), she's very easy to work with while the other organist is usually difficult for one reason or another.
She doesn't come to ladies work days or things like that though.

My youngest sister is a pastor's wife. She also plays the piano and organ. She's very, very talented.
Dsis attends every service, every prayer meeting, every other meeting, and works at her church during the week when no one else is there. She has a real burden for her city and works relentlessly trying to do everything she can to help the church reach her city.
She even worked a part time job for a while (which was very difficult to fit in around all the other stuff she was doing for the church) and using a big portion of the money to renovate things in the church so it would look nicer.
It's nothing for her to be called to play the music at a funeral of a person she's never met (and won't be paid for) because the person who died is a member's brother's sister's cousin's best friend or whatever. And she does it all with a smile. Can you tell I have a lot of respect for her and her efforts?

Being a pastor's wife in our organization is a full time, unpaid, job in itself. I'm very thankful we have woman willing to fill this role. Of course, even though I'm just a member of the church I do a lot of work every week too as media director. I've been doing this for a couple of years and before that I found lots of other jobs to do. That's not unusual in our organization. Many, many members work long hours for the church. The pastor is the only paid position. Technically everyone else is unpaid but honestly, I don't think anyone that works for the Lord is truly unpaid. I feel like the Lord blessed those that work for Him.

 

[Buckalew11]

i have a question...
Our preacher was up one sunday saying we shouldn't be worried about material things..shouldn't buy expensive houses and such because we should put up our treasures in heaven..

I look over at his wife..who, has a brand new COACH bag that sells for $498 sitting next to her...
So..where are her teasures!
LOL

Maybe he was preaching to his wife. I'm betting her treasures are in her COACH bag!

Can't let this go...

So what if the minster's wife carrys a COACH bag. Maybe it was a gift. Maybe she saved for it. Maybe she chose to have it instead of something else. I mean, really, there are a lot of women carrying expensive bags (etc.) why shouldn;t she "want" one too? Purses aren't my vice but WDW trips are. I threw a woman out of my shop for voicing her opinion about my WDW trips one too many times. What business of it is her's? None. Really, why would a church member care so much. Sure, if the church is hurting and really can't afford the minister or if he isn't doing his job and grabbing the paycheck. No, I don't think a minister needs gold faucets in his house but I don't think a minister shouldn't be able to have nice things or go to nice places.
Not saying all this because of your comment above... I'm just venting because I can imagine what a hard time a minister's family has with this topic.

 

[JadenLayne]

Our preacher's wife is a wonderful lady. She is a full time 3rd grade teacher and always takes part in everything at church too. She's very friendly and outgoing and is well, wonderful. Shes so funny. She sits in the front row and you can just see the love they share even when he is preaching and mentions her.

Oh she doesn't sing in the choir or play the piano that I know of.

 

[Becky2005]

Let's see...I've met my pastor's wife. She's really nice & I think she's funny. She's not there every Sunday and no she doesn't play piano. We haven't had a piano player in a long time, we had one but they left & apparently no one else in our congregation knows how to play (including me...I don't have a clue).

She does help out quite a bit though.

My 9 year old's friend's dad is a minister and I know his wife too. I have no idea what they do in their church, I know it's contemporary & I think it's pretty casual.

I never really gave it a thought. I guess I never really had an expectations of them.

 

[shortbun]

Pretty sure my minister is a gay woman without a partner right now. Can't help you. When I was growing up, the minister's wife went about her own life and volunteered at church like any other mother. She was at church just about every Sunday with their unruly children(my friends!) and we all colored on the walls of our Sunday school room equally when the teacher left the room! Lol!