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[JVL1018]

If I just joined my church I would have no idea who the ministers wife even was. She sings in the choir and helps with the church fair, but she is not very involved.
I think it's a bit odd to tell the truth. But I grew up going to a church where the pastor's wife would stand at the door with the pastor when everyone left, ran the childrens choir, did VBS among other things and was a real presence in the church.So I'm just used to something different.

 

[golfgal]

Hi Pembo - please keep the good questions coming. I'm loving the questions and the answers.

My husband just submitted his application for rabbinical school. So, if everything goes as plan, in five years or so he'll start his second career as a rabbi and I'll start my second career as a rabbi's wife. To say I'm a bit nervous is an understatement. I've been in corporate America for almost 20 years now in technical and operations roles. I'm having a really hard time imagining myself as a "touchy-feely" leader of the sisterhood and like groups. I keep hoping maybe we'll land some place where I just have to show up at services and smile a lot.

My BIL was talking about becoming a Rabbi several years ago. I KNOW my SIL would NOT make a good Rabbi's wife. Actually she would be a fun one and pretty straight forward in how she approached everything but it would probably turn a lot of people off, that and the fact she was Catholic at the time , she has since converted. She did say no way to the Rabbi thing because at the time part of the schooling included 2 years in Israel so I don't blame her for not wanting to live there.

 

[Pembo]

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[binny]

Don't you all have to know how to play the piano?

Well Im a PK and my mom was pretty Atypical I think.

She didnt play piano ( a big no no in the churches we were in)
and she( and my dad) let me go to dances and movies and they caught all kinds of heck from the old timers for that.

Our pastors wife now works at the church and is a greeter but I dont think she is overly involved.

We go to a great church. Last night after Trunk or treat I found our pastor ( mind you we have a church of about 1000 people and lots of them were helping) on the main floor vacumming. In his sweats I might add.

I love our church!

 

[Certifiable WDW Nut]

My BIL was talking about becoming a Rabbi several years ago. I KNOW my SIL would NOT make a good Rabbi's wife. Actually she would be a fun one and pretty straight forward in how she approached everything but it would probably turn a lot of people off, that and the fact she was Catholic at the time , she has since converted. She did say no way to the Rabbi thing because at the time part of the schooling included 2 years in Israel so I don't blame her for not wanting to live there.

Well, I did the conversion thing earlier this year so that's done. At the school my DH is applying to, the Israel requirement is one year, so we've decided I will stay here with the kids and earn a living while he spends the year in Israel. We do plan on visiting for a few weeks during winter break. Now we just have to wait until February to see if he is admitted and then I can start my five year count down to retirement and my "second" career.

 

[missypie]

Here's one for ya! Our town has one of those Baptist "mega-churches" where the sanctury is really a theare with a huge stage, multiple screens, etc. etc. The campus looks a lot like a shopping mall. We visited one time and were blown away by the huge GIFT SHOP. Not only did the senior pastor have lots of books and videos for sale, but his WIFE had a series of EXERCISE VIDEOS for sale. Now granted, she's a lovely woman. But to all of you pastor's wives who are feeling like too much is expected of you, be glad you don't have to put on your spandex and star in an exercise video!!!

 

[tkd lisa]

I go to a large church with a correspondingly large staff.

Our senior pastor's wife does a variety of things at the church, but she's not "in your face" about it. She used to run the ladies bible study, but she's turned that over to someone else.

I would say that about 1/2 of our pastor's wives (I mean multiple pastors, each with one wife, not multiple wives per pastor ) are fairly involved. The other half aren't. One of the ladies who was very involved (sang in choir, ladies praise team, overall praise team, ran a life group, and was the administrator for her husbands' ministry) has recently dropped all of her music committments. She said that she felt over committed, and after a lot of prayer and discussion with other people, she lightened her load.

I completely supported her decision, so in answer to your original question on expectations, I think they should be as involved as they feel comfortable with.

 

[disykat]

Our ministers spouses are pretty much like any other member of the church.

Neither of of ministers spouses right now is very musical. I did take piano as a child from two different teachers - both minister's wives. One thing that kept me going is that I wanted to grow up and marry a minister!

 

[Pembo]

./

 

[goofygirl]

For those of you that know me in rl, I'm not the stereotypical minister's wife. In fact if you tell me you'd never have guessed my dh is a minister, I take that as the greatest compliment of all.

However, I know there are expectations out there........

So, do you know your minister's wife? is she active in the church or does she stay out of sight? Do you care either way? Anyone have a minister's husband?
Do you have expectations for them? Would you expect her to be at church every Sunday, at every event, involved in everything?

And to those who have met me....stop laughing now as you think of how un-minister's wife I really am.

My priest's wife is unique because....she's also a priest! In the Episcopal Church, women can be priests, and priests can marry. My church's priest met her in the seminary and he married her just over a year ago. So, she is not the stereotypical "preacher's wife" since she has her own priestly career and her own church. We don't see her on Sundays because she is presiding at her own church. She's been to other events at my church though and I've met her a few times and she's a very nice person. They are a happy pair together.

 

[Cindy B]

LOL about the mega church gift shop and the minister wife had exercise videos for sale as well!

I had to laugh about that comment. I've had to view the exercise videos and participate in meetings where the ministers wife hawked the exercise videos and "inspirational books".

I had some tough experiences with ministers wife in my former church.. she drove the fancy car, had the bag, did the private school thing for her kids, but was totally unavailable to anyone.

Interesting!

 

[mom2taylorandemily]

I am a United Methodist Ministers daughter. My mom for as much as I can remember has always felt as though she lives under a microscope. Everything she has ever done is suspect and out there for all the parishoners to see, scrutinize, evaluate and criticize. All the way from the way she cleaned house to the way we as children were dressed and then everything inbetween. All I can say is, please remember that the Preacher's family is just people. Their kids try and do things that all kids do. But if and when we get caught it always seem to be sooooo much worse than if anyone else does it.

Life for my mom has always been tough. She was expected to be at church with my dad anytime the door was openned, she was expected to attend classes or teach them, lead choirs and be involved in all the women's activities.

I do not expect the same from our minister's wife as what was expected of my mom. She is just a person, who is married to the preacher.

 

[themepark]

One of my very best friends is a minister's wife. She does not play the piano or do anything musical. She is a kindergarten teacher in the public school system. In the church, she volunteers in Sunday School, VBS, and with the youth. She usually attends one of the two Sunday morning services. She is definitely her own person and hates being referred to as "the preacher's wife". She takes no part in the business of the church, planning the worship, or anything else besides volunteering like any other church member. She says it does get to her at times that she and her children are scrutinized and expected to act/be a certain way. She is an amazing person who does seem to balance it all though. One thing she said to me recently is that people expect her to be a super strong Christian because she is a minister's wife but it is something she struggles with everyday. As someone else said, she is just a person who is married to the ministers. She and her husband (who you would also never know is a minister if you met up with him outside the church) are very much in love and are the nicest, most down to earth people you will ever meet. They are just like the rest of us raising families, having faults, fears, strengths, weaknesses, and living a full life with lots of love and friendships. All of what I described here is precisely what makes them be able to reach out to so many people. I have seen them both sweeping, putting up tables, painting, spreading mulch, etc.. around the church...just like everybody else.

 

[juligrl]

For those of you that know me in rl, I'm not the stereotypical minister's wife. In fact if you tell me you'd never have guessed my dh is a minister, I take that as the greatest compliment of all.

However, I know there are expectations out there........

So, do you know your minister's wife? is she active in the church or does she stay out of sight? Do you care either way? Anyone have a minister's husband?
Do you have expectations for them? Would you expect her to be at church every Sunday, at every event, involved in everything?

And to those who have met me....stop laughing now as you think of how un-minister's wife I really am.

We have a female minister who is married to another minister who has his own church so we rarely see him. The minister we had before was also married to another minister (in another denomination at that) and even though she didn't have a church, she really wasn't involved with ours at all. She did take the pulpit a few times when her husband was attending conference and such, but other than the sporadic Sunday, Christmas & Easter, and occasional covered dish dinners, she really wasn't involved.

In retrospect, it's been a decade since we've had a minister's spouse attending services regularly, and over two decades since we've had a spouse take an active role in the church. We're a pretty traditional congregation and I don't remember a spouses involvement or non-involvement ever being an issue. Times change and even our mostly older congregation realizes that for the most part.

IMO, if you have no interest in being involved then don't become involved just because it may be expected of you. Keep in mind though that your husband is probably the one who has to hear about it. How does he feel about it? If it's not an issue for him, don't let it be for you!