11yr old friend a cancer patient :(

[zoemurr]

We found out yesterday that one of DD's friends (not a very good friend, but definitely runs in our circles) was hospitalized with non-Hodgkins lymphoma this weekend.

I haven't heard much from anyone, and of course want to help.

I know that everyone is different, but if anyone has experience with this please let me know.

Do you think she'll be in the hospital for a long time?
I want to send some small gifts. Of course books/games.. do you think she would be allowed to use some clay or playdough?
Is there any food/candy that would be good.. or are there dietary restrictions? I realize no one may want to eat at all.

I was thinking of sending 7-10 small gifts to be opened over the course of a week and wanted some "different" types of things.

Thanks.

 

[princessmom29]

My sister had a childhood friend with this. The chsnces of a remission are really good. That being said she will be pretty sick for a while, and the chemo is tought. She will likely be in an out of the hospital during chemo. She may need blood transfusion, and it can require a bone marrow transplant in some cases. She would probably appreciate anything you send her that will keep her occupied in bed. best of luck to her and her family

 

[Snowy-girls]

Hope you don't mind me posting .
There is a boy in Dd7 school with this+he is (as the OP said)in and out of hospital receiving treatment.Although the first time he was hospitalized,he was there about 2weeks.
I think that is a great+kind thing you plan on doing and will certainly cheer her up.
May i also point out,as Dd's school sent out letters to all parents,that if you decide to visit her,don't go if you have flu/cold like symptons,chest infections etc..as she will have a very low immune system at the moment+throughout her treatment+something as simple as a cold to us could mean they end up with something serious like pneumonia.
In saying that this is the most curable cancer in children.
Hope all is well.x.

 

[SCHBR'smom]

Just hearing about seriously ill children stabs you in the heart.
My oldest DD's friend recently had to have brain surgery. We bought a duffle bag and had her name embroidered on it for her to take her belongings to the hospital in. She loved it. She wasn't able to do much, but color. So, I'm sure anything that could help occupy the time would be much appreciated.

 

[billwendy]

Wow - we are living a similar reality in our family as DN, 11 was dx with medulla blastoma right before Christmas - he is doing radiation and chemo right now.

Anything that will make her laugh - does she have a portable DVD player ? then maybe some new movies??? how about an ipod? could you get her some new music or an itunes gift card? Does she like crafts? maybe a small craft kit that she can work on bedside? I know my guy has become attached to many nurses/therapists - maybe she has too and would like to make things to give them?

ITs tricky with food, cause the chemo seems to mess up the taste buds - my guy only likes chocolate milkshakes from burger king - lol!! but any favorite snack that she likes would be good to help her keep eating.

How about some cute hats? fingernail polish? things to help her still feel girly!!!

I think she will just love being thought of!!!
you are so sweet!!!

 

[zoemurr]

to the PP.. I love the nail polish idea.

I heard a bit more today.. I guess they told all of the 5th graders what was going on (of course I only got bits and pieces from DD). Some girls saw her the other day and said her spirits were high.

She must be starting chemo as they were told that her hair would probably start falling out this week.

I don't know what kind of media she has as we don't know her that well, but I assume her parents would purchase anything helpful at this point.

I have a huge stash of toys 'cause I am a big bargain shopper. Most of this I have and I was going to pick up some more:

twistable crayons and coloring books/plain paper
latch hook kit
playdough
20 questions game
nailpolish
funny socks
bead set
magazines/books
treats

If anyone has more ideas please let me know. (we'll probably bring a few things once a week until she is up and around..) I'm also planning to buy a pillow case and bring it to school to have all the kids/teachers sign it. We'll try to go over on Friday if she's allowed visitors. I'm not really close at all with this family.. but I can't get rid of this awful feeling in my stomach.

My DD said that the school will be sending out letters soon with some facts. Her mother also is a teacher there, so I'm glad they will have an amazing support system already in place.

 

[portocall]

My sister had non-hodgkins lymphoma. She really like puzzle books. They kept her busy. She was in the hospital for two weeks the first trip, but was rushed back four days later for another two weeks. She spent most of the first year in the hospital. She did survive, but it was a miracle since hers was t-cell 4th stage with leukemia..

Her ideas: music, teeny bopper magazines, food-lots she craved junk food on chemo, puzzle books....

 

[JennCa]

I would avoid food all together unless you intend on food that the family might eat when they are with her. Or I would imagine the family may appreciate help if you delivered frozen meals that they could heat up easily and eat whenever. They might also enjoy gitftcards for fast food type places since they still need to eat and won't have a lot of time.

Just my 2 cents, people are very generous in the beginning of an illness and it is nice to be so thoughtful. Hopefully this she will receive some extra attention months from now when she is still going through treatment and the help may not be pouring in like before.

Just ideas: scented girly lip balms/lotions (some of the meds make you feel nauseaous and these really help), books, simple puzzles, movies, games like Yahtzee. I'm sure she would appreciate little get well cards with all the latest news.

Hopefully she won't be in there too long and her treatment goes easy. I've heard that one is very treatable.

Jenn

 

[bigbabyblues]

A take on the pillowcase for the kids to sign...

My neighbor made one for another neighbor (child) who was moving. She put craft paint on the kids' hands and had them put their handprint on the pillowcase and wrote their names under it. It was very special to the child who received it.

I think it's wonderful that you're helping out, and I'm sure it will be appreciated.

One thought, if her parents are at the hospital with her, you could offer to let them go eat while you sat with her? That may depend on her condition, of course.

 

[Bluetickmom]

As a parent of a childhood cancer survivor, let me say that it is wonderful that you want to reach out like this!

The girly idea's are good one's. Also the movies. When chemo is really kicking your but sometimes all you can do are movies. Things like playdoh and crayons are easily obtained through childlife, so I would focus on things that she can't readily get at the hospital. The color wonder or elmer's paint things are good because she can use these while reclining without making a mess.

A big one, if she has siblings please remember them too. A cancer diagnosis rips a family to the core and it is especially hard on the siblings. Just a little something that let's them know that you are aware that they are going through a difficult time to would be wonderful. Even though they aren't the ones sick, it is still hard for kids to watch their sibling get showered in gifts and attention while they are dealing with their own fears.

Also, if you want to do something for the whole family, a whole meal brought to the hospital is wonderful. We were inpatient for 9 months and I remember every single time we were able to eat something that didn't come from the hospital cafeteria.

There is lot's more that could be done to help the family, if you want to discuss it further you can feel free to PM me. I am willing to discuss any of our experiences with you. We are very open about this whole experience.

 

[JackJack08]

As a parent of a childhood cancer survivor, let me say that it is wonderful that you want to reach out like this!

The girly idea's are good one's. Also the movies. When chemo is really kicking your but sometimes all you can do are movies. Things like playdoh and crayons are easily obtained through childlife, so I would focus on things that she can't readily get at the hospital. The color wonder or elmer's paint things are good because she can use these while reclining without making a mess.

A big one, if she has siblings please remember them too. A cancer diagnosis rips a family to the core and it is especially hard on the siblings. Just a little something that let's them know that you are aware that they are going through a difficult time to would be wonderful. Even though they aren't the ones sick, it is still hard for kids to watch their sibling get showered in gifts and attention while they are dealing with their own fears.

Also, if you want to do something for the whole family, a whole meal brought to the hospital is wonderful. We were inpatient for 9 months and I remember every single time we were able to eat something that didn't come from the hospital cafeteria.

There is lot's more that could be done to help the family, if you want to discuss it further you can feel free to PM me. I am willing to discuss any of our experiences with you. We are very open about this whole experience.

Congrats to you and your family! And cudos to you for being so open with others! I totally agree with you, not to forget the others in the family.

I personally loved the idea, of the large duffle with her name. You could fill it with some crafts, teeny bopper mags (dd9 says these are a must!) and everything else suggested. What about a board game? The kids love Connect 4, or some type of game that doesn't take much room. I'm sure they are avail. at the hospital but kids love to have their own "stuff".

I'm sure whatever you do will be welcomed.

 

[Soon2B4]

I am also a parent of a child who is almost 2 years past chemo. While my son was very young, it does take a toll.

Everyone had wonderful ideas and I have to say I second all of them. I found it hard to come up with anything new since everyone had such wonderful ideas! The first time my DS was in, it was for almost 2 weeks. Food for the family is a wonderful idea. My DS's hospital had a fridge and microwave so we could heat up food.

And this is more of a suggestion for the family than something you can do, but what about wigs for kids? They are based out of Rocky River, Ohio. That will definitely help her while going through chemo. They are no cost to the family and they don't have to travel to Ohio. There are forms to fill out and they have to be signed by her oncologist. Here is the link.

http://wigsforkids.org/

Also, make sure they get in touch with Make-A-Wish. That is a wonderful organization!

 

[cancer_survivor_06]

I don't know what she is into and I was 10 yrs older than her when I diagnosed w/ HD but one day while I was in the hospital one of the volunteers came around w/ a bunch of scrap book things and a book w/ knitting needles and some fun yarn that I was able to make a scarf and a hat. No flowers and fresh fruits of veggies is what I was not allowed to have during treatments and they weren't even allowed in the hospital (MDA) due to bugs and pesticides.

 

[zoemurr]

I am also a parent of a child who is almost 2 years past chemo. While my son was very young, it does take a toll.

Everyone had wonderful ideas and I have to say I second all of them. I found it hard to come up with anything new since everyone had such wonderful ideas! The first time my DS was in, it was for almost 2 weeks. Food for the family is a wonderful idea. My DS's hospital had a fridge and microwave so we could heat up food.

And this is more of a suggestion for the family than something you can do, but what about wigs for kids? They are based out of Rocky River, Ohio. That will definitely help her while going through chemo. Here is the link.

http://wigsforkids.org/

Also, make sure they get in touch with Make-A-Wish. That is a wonderful organization!

I hope your son is doing well.
Is it appropriate to contact Make a Wish if the prognosis (at this point) is good?

Also, we live in an affluent neighborhood. Both her parents work full time and I assume have decent medical coverage. I am interested in starting a fundraiser. The hospital is close to their home, so they are not paying for a hotel. I hope this doesn't sound stupid, but do you think they will need a lot of extra $$? I realize they will have missed work time, but with good insurance do you think they will still have a lot of out of pocket medical expenses? My DH has a very good job and I know I would feel weird excepting $ if we really didn't need it.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Not OP's responsibility, but maybe you could make the suggestion at school that his girls' classmates get together and make a get well video for her. I'm sure that would pick up her spirits immensely, knowing her classmates are thinking of her!

 

[Soon2B4]

Is it appropriate to contact Make a Wish if the prognosis (at this point) is good?

Make a Wish is not for just terminal patients. That is a common misconception. They are for any child who is diagnosed with a life threatening condition. This is directly from their website.

Do children need to have a terminal illness to be eligible for a wish?
No. All children with life-threatening medical conditions are eligible to receive a wish. Wishes are not intended to be a "last wish," but an endorsement of life and a gift of hope. For many children, a wish becomes a turning point, renewing their courage and determination to fight for a future.

I thought Make-A-Wish was only for children diagnosed with terminal illnesses.
No, the Make-A-Wish Foundation grants wishes to children with life-threatening medical conditions. In fact, more than 80% of the children we have granted wishes to are still alive today. Wishes are not intended to be a "last wish", but an endorsement of life and a gift of hope.

Does the family's financial status matter?
No. Economic background does not affect whether a child is eligible for a wish.

 

[zoemurr]

To the PP who talked about the video... that is an AWESOME idea. I will go right in and see if I can do it tomorrow.

 

[Jacob'sMom]

I also am a mother of a child who is currently battling cancer. I really cannot add to much because there are some wonderful suggestions on this thread. My son was in the hospital for a month this past November but we have some wonderful friends who supported us in more ways than we could have imagined.

One of the best things I remember was a huge goody basket that two of my friends put together. It was full of little stuff like small bags of chips, cookies, granola bars, tissue, pocket crossword puzzles, handy wipes, candy, magazines, chapstick, gum, $5 gift certificates for the cafeteria, a bag of quarters, etc. They also pooled together some of their kids DVDs and loaned them to us to use. Which was great because we did not have a lot of Disney movies. All the rooms in the children's hospital my son was in had PS2 so he could watch movies. Since this is an 11 year old girl, I would suggest getting her some girly stuff. Like lotion, girly stationary, maybe a journal to record her thoughts.

I will say that we did get our limit of stuffed animals. Don't get me wrong, we appreciated everything my son received but we received so many stuffed animals that I ended up giving some to Toys for Tots. We just did not have room for all of them, plus my son does not really play or cuddle with stuffed animals. He is a blankey boy.

As for the money situation, I can understand where you are coming from. I could not imagine taking money from my friends much less strangers but my friends talked some sense in me. They came together the first week and put together multiple fund raisers for our family. After we started adding up dr co-pays, hospital co-pays, rx co-pays, gas, fast food (for us) while son was in the hospital, the out of pocket costs really start to add up so you might want to look into some sort of fund raiser to help them out. Especially if one or both of the parents is taking time off from work to stay with their daughter.

My thoughts on Make-A-Wish, once you see a child go through a gizzillion spinal taps, bone marrow biopsies, chemo treatments, having a central port put in their chest, loosing their hair and all the other TERRIBLE side effects that go along with chemo, you would give a child heaven and earth if you could.

I pray that your DD's friend is feeling better soon.

 

[Jacob'sMom]

I also am a mother of a child who is currently battling cancer. I really cannot add very much because there are some wonderful suggestions on this thread. My son was in the hospital for a month this past November but we have some wonderful friends who supported us in more ways than we could have imagined.

One of the best things I remember was a huge goody basket that two of my friends put together. It was full of little stuff like small bags of chips, cookies, granola bars, tissue, pocket crossword puzzles, handy wipes, candy, magazines, chapstick, gum, $5 gift certificates for the cafeteria, a bag of quarters, etc. They also pooled together some of their kids DVDs and loaned them to us to use. Which was great because we did not have a lot of Disney movies. All the rooms in the children's hospital my son was in had PS2 so he could watch movies. Since this is an 11 year old girl, I would suggest getting her some girly stuff. Like lotion, girly stationary, maybe a journal to record her thoughts.

I will say that we did get our limit of stuffed animals. Don't get me wrong, we appreciated everything my son received but we received so many stuffed animals that I ended up giving some to Toys for Tots. We just did not have room for all of them, plus my son does not really play or cuddle with stuffed animals. He is a blankey boy.

As for the money situation, I can understand where you are coming from. I could not imagine taking money from my friends much less strangers but my friends talked some sense in me. They came together the first week and put together multiple fund raisers for our family. After we started adding up dr co-pays, hospital co-pays, rx co-pays, gas, fast food (for us) while son was in the hospital, the out of pocket costs really start to add up so you might want to look into some sort of fund raiser to help them out. Especially if one or both of the parents is taking time off from work to stay with their daughter.

My thoughts on Make-A-Wish, once you see a child go through a gizzillion spinal taps, bone marrow biopsies, chemo treatments, having a central port put in their chest, loosing their hair and all the other TERRIBLE side effects that go along with chemo, you would give a child heaven and earth if you could.

I pray that your DD's friend is feeling better soon.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Jacobs'sMom:

So sorry to hear your son and family are having to deal with this terrible disease. Stay strong and know your many DIS friends are praying for your family during this difficult time.