1 Year after a relatives wedding & still no thank you...WWYD?

[Gigi22]

To the OP, the next gift, if you feel so inclined, to your remiss relative could be a charming and well-written etiquette book--Miss Manners, possibly? (Which is a bit catty, but if the boot fits...) Or an note to the effect that you had donated a certain sum to a charity of your choosing. The charitable donation will ensure that your time and effort go to someone who will appreciate them.

 

[DaisyLynn]

I think receiving a thank you is nice, but I generally don't even notice if I'm not sent one.

Reading through this thread has reminded me of why I do not attend weddings of those we are not close to. If it's a good friend or close family member, I know if they received their gift, have used it, etc. That's enough for me!

ETA: FWIW, I sent out thank you cards after my shower/wedding/etc. I do think it's a nice gesture.

 

[Ember]

Or an note to the effect that you had donated a certain sum to a charity of your choosing. The charitable donation will ensure that your time and effort go to someone who will appreciate them.

I really like this idea and intend to use it for those rare situations where I do need to give a gift to someone to selfish to appreciate it.

 

[Ms.Grumpy]

In my family thank-you notes are not the norm. There is only one cousin who sent out thank you cards after her wedding. All my mom kept saying was, "what a waste of money to send them out. She already said thank you when I gave her the gift, why does she need to send a card."

 

[LunchladyDoris]

People here aren't talking about giving a thank you note for gifts they've already been thanked personally for (and I don't mean a "blanket" thank you to anyone who left a gift in that pile even though I don't know what it was thank you!) We're talking about no gift acknowledgement.

I'm seriously surprised by all the people who claim to mail off gifts and never even wonder if they were received.

So because the cousin didn't even acknowledge the gift, the op isn't going to send her any more? It would make sense if the OP a year ago and asked "Oh did you get (blank) I mailed it off and wanted to make sure it got there." But that isn't the issue here, the issue is that a year later the OP is still wondering about a thank you note.

 

[Goobergal99]

I personally think this is so petty.... and I honestly would not even notice that I didn't get a thank you from a year ago.... How sad that ppl keep track of these things. It's a piece of paper with some cheap statement of mediocre appreciation, I mean really

 

[OceanAnnie]

The replies really run the extreme. I'm surprised. It seems like the OP is getting a lot of heat for expecting a thank you, (which *I* think is still the norm), and the receiver of the gift is given a free pass. The world is upside down. Get showered with gifts and don't acknowledge them, that's a pretty good deal! Kind of like the song title, "Money for Nothing".

People spend their time and money for a gift. There is nothing petty about expecting the gift giver to acknowledge personally (I think a phone call is fine), that they received the gift. I know in some instances people have called to find out if a gift was received because it was expensive (cash, large gift) and wanted to locate it if not.

 

[wdwfan16]

It was my wife's first wedding. 95% of the attendees were either friends or family (her side) who did not know me when I was married the first time. For all intents, it was a first wedding. We did not have a gift registry because we agree that it was tacky to even expect a gift, much less tell others what to buy for us.

We sent out thank you cards to everyone, including my friends and family who we told not to buy us a gift because they had attended my first wedding (they all gave a gift, anyway).

My point is that people should give and receive with no expectations. It makes life so much sweeter...

I did not have a registry. I don't believe in them. I got married to be with my husband and we are still married after all these years. I sent out thank you cards for all the gifts we got.

 

[horseshowmom]

I personally think this is so petty.... and I honestly would not even notice that I didn't get a thank you from a year ago.... How sad that ppl keep track of these things. It's a piece of paper with some cheap statement of mediocre appreciation, I mean really

With all due respect, I think it's equally sad and petty that people can find it acceptable to shrug off someone's effort to do something to bring them joy and feel no need to acknowledge that effort. I truly do not understand that thought process. However, everybody is certainly entitled to their own opinion.

 

[Ember]

With all due respect, I think it's equally sad and petty that people can find it acceptable to shrug off someone's effort to do something to bring them joy and feel no need to acknowledge that effort. I truly do not understand that thought process. However, everybody is certainly entitled to their own opinion.

It says a lot about our attitude as a society, doesn't it? Soon we'll all be grunting at each other and grabbing food from each others hands because it's petty to expect any sort to manners from people.

 

[jrmasm]

It says a lot about our attitude as a society, doesn't it? Soon we'll all be grunting at each other and grabbing food from each others hands because it's petty to expect any sort to manners from people.

 

[Scurvy]

It says a lot about our attitude as a society, doesn't it? Soon we'll all be grunting at each other and grabbing food from each others hands because it's petty to expect any sort to manners from people.

But we're so busy . . . we don't have time for manners!

 

[cheermom1]

Everyone is forgetting the fact that it has been a year. I suspect that the op has had contact with this relative and could have easily asked her about the gift but she hasn't. If she had she would have gotten her answer as to why she hasn't gotten a thank you. I don't really think the girl is trying to rude and if she was asked she would probably say thank you and sorry that she got she upset by not doing so earlier. It is also possible that she may not even realize she didn't say thank you. if I were the op and I was this concerned (after a year?) I would just ask the girl. I mean sheesh how hard is that?

 

[paintnolish]

Well, it is almost 2 years after our wedding and about 1/3 of our guests never got thank you cards. Why? Dh was supposed send them to the guests he knew, and I sent cards to the guests I knew. I sent mine out promptly. After much nagging, dh started them, but he never finished them. I have no problem throwing him under the bus to those friends and family members, either.

 

[mommy2allyandaveri]

I would positively, absolutely do nothing. I'd move on. I don't sweat the small stuff.

Me too. DH and I have been married for nearly 8 years. I am still hearing about the thank you that one of his relatives swears they never received. I did send it, I swear! Not saying she has sent them and you haven't received them, I'm just saying - Let it go. Not worth being upset over IMO.

 

[disykat]

Everyone is forgetting the fact that it has been a year. I suspect that the op has had contact with this relative and could have easily asked her about the gift but she hasn't. If she had she would have gotten her answer as to why she hasn't gotten a thank you. I don't really think the girl is trying to rude and if she was asked she would probably say thank you and sorry that she got she upset by not doing so earlier. It is also possible that she may not even realize she didn't say thank you. if I were the op and I was this concerned (after a year?) I would just ask the girl. I mean sheesh how hard is that?

What you're missing is that it would be RUDE to ask her about the gift! It would point out to the receiver that she had not acknowledged the gift.

 

[cheermom1]

What you're missing is that it would be RUDE to ask her about the gift! It would point out to the receiver that she had not acknowledged the gift.

see it is a cycle that needs to be stopped. It is not rude to ask if the gift got there to make sure it is not lost!

 

[OceanAnnie]

What you're missing is that it would be RUDE to ask her about the gift! It would point out to the receiver that she had not acknowledged the gift.

But that is the whole point of thank you notes, to not put the gift giver in that position in the first place.

 

[jrmasm]

But that is the whole point of thank you notes, to not put the gift giver in that position in the first place.

Huh, I thought the whole point of a Thank You note was to say thank you.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Huh, I thought the whole point of a Thank You note was to say thank you.

That too.