1 Year after a relatives wedding & still no thank you...WWYD?

[DisneyBamaFan]

I would positively, absolutely do nothing. I'd move on. I don't sweat the small stuff.

Agreed - we don't give gifts with an expectation of a thank you, though we hope to get one. In fact, I wouldn't know if we might have missed receiving a thank you note. We just don't give it a minutes thought...

 

[disykat]

Meh, I would be a little annoyed but would I remember it a year later? Nope. Would I send a gift again? Yeah. I mean, if she thanked me as she recieved by gift then that is fine with me. I don't need a letter for validation.

People here aren't talking about giving a thank you note for gifts they've already been thanked personally for (and I don't mean a "blanket" thank you to anyone who left a gift in that pile even though I don't know what it was thank you!) We're talking about no gift acknowledgement.

I'm seriously surprised by all the people who claim to mail off gifts and never even wonder if they were received.

 

[cheermom1]

i'm pretty sure it's not your cousin TRYING to be rude or anything, but a baby takes up a LOT of your time, ESPICALLY in the first year. she probably just hasn't been able to get around to sending out thank you's


idk i wouldn't get upset over it, but i guess that's just me. i don't go to a wedding expecting a "thank you" i go because i'm happy for the couple.

Exactly

 

[wdwfan16]

I know that at my wedding I said "Thank you to everyone for all the gifts" I didn't go around to everyone and say thanks a hundred times nor did I send thank notes. I just didn't have the time, I was preggo plus being a new wife and then having her I was very busy and if someone got mad b/c they didn't think I thanked them "properly" than they can bite me. I don't care if they send me another gift either b/c that just means they have no understanding of situations like that anyway.

but if the op knows that this girl hasn't said thank you in the past than why get mad when she doesn't one time? if she is so worried about stop it giving the gifts if all you want in return is a thank you. or better yet call her and talk to her. how hard is that???

eta: personally if I had given a gift that I didn't get a thank you for I don't think I would have even noticed..

So being knocked up at your wedding allows one to not have to thank somebody for the gift?

I have never seen the bride stand up and stay thank you for the gift and this is all I am going to do. It took me longer to write out the check than it did to be told thanks.

 

[cm8]

So being knocked up at your wedding allows one to not have to thank somebody for the gift?

I have never seen the bride stand up and stay thank you for the gift and this is all I am going to do. It took me longer to write out the check than it did to be told thanks.

, you are such a HAM!! But I do understand what you are saying.
I lost a 14carat/diamond gold earring while shopping for a gift card for my sister's used to be best friend who stole her ex boyfriends wedding, and that heifer didn't even say Thanks!!, Saw her in the mall and she asked me if I would come to her party, I was like( hell to the nahhh) I am not sure I can make it, but I was like, ( you could have at least said thanks for the card and gift card. She made it a priority to send out TY cards to all she wanted to and some (like me) didn't get any. I was mad about that for a minute, but I let it go.......and now I know that she will not be getting anything from me anymore! LOL

 

[Jennasis]

I generally take the cashing of my check as "thanks". I couldn't tell you if I've ever gotten a thank you card from my cousins or other relatives, because I just don't give a shiny rat's patoot about such things. I know I sent ones out after my wedding, but that's about it.

 

[Scurvy]

Sorry but where I am from I wouldn't have batted an eye if I didn't get a thank you. I had several close friends that I was involved with their weddings and it was so stressful that I wouldn't have expected them to remember to thank me later. but they did say thank you while they opened the gifts to everyone. I guess I don't get why something like that is a battle that is worth fighting over. I mean we should know most people that we go to their wedding well enough to know if they appreciate the gifts, right?

If that's the norm in your social circle, then I'm sure that no one in your circle would be offended by the lack of an individual thank you. It isn't the norm in most circles, however. Unless a bride knows for sure that all of her guests feel the way you do, it's very rude not to thank each person individually for their gift. Of course being a new mom is tiring and takes up most of your time, but most people have time to dash off one thank you note a day until they've written them all. One card takes less time than most posts on the Dis do, and many new wives and moms have time to post on here! It may take months but eventually they will finish. Plus, as another poster mentioned the bride's husband can also take responsibility to write some of the cards.

Still, despite the fact that it's generally considered rude not to send a thank you card I think the real issue here (as disykat pointed out) is that the person didn't even acknowledge receiving the gifts at all. She should have made a point to thank the OP and to let her know she received the gift, even if she didn't have time to write cards.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

 

[OceanAnnie]

Yuck.

 

[cheermom1]

If that's the norm in your social circle, then I'm sure that no one in your circle would be offended by the lack of an individual thank you. It isn't the norm in most circles, however. Unless a bride knows for sure that all of her guests feel the way you do, it's very rude not to thank each person individually for their gift. Of course being a new mom is tiring and takes up most of your time, but most people have time to dash off one thank you note a day until they've written them all. One card takes less time than most posts on the Dis do, and many new wives and moms have time to post on here! It may take months but eventually they will finish. Plus, as another poster mentioned the bride's husband can also take responsibility to write some of the cards.

Still, despite the fact that it's generally considered rude not to send a thank you card I think the real issue here (as disykat pointed out) is that the person didn't even acknowledge receiving the gifts at all. She should have made a point to thank the OP and to let her know she received the gift, even if she didn't have time to write cards.

I get what you are saying but at the same time she is family and I suspect that the op has had some kind of contact with the her last year and could have easily have just asked if she got it the gift to make sure she got it and it was not lost. that would have given her her answer if she was being rude or just overwhelmed...

 

[RadioNate]

I just skimmed the 8 pages...

OP - I totally get where you are coming from. My mom would be beyond livid if I didn't receive a thank you note in that situation. I don't know why she cares but SHE would be up in arms about it.

I agree that the cousin should have sent one. We all got married and had babies and managed thank you notes. Assuming everything is normal, she should be able to also.

In pure passive agressive fashion I might shoot her an email and remark that you heard she emailed you a thank you note but you didn't receive it so you wanted to make sure she had the correct address so she could share 'news' with you.

 

[wdwfan16]

I find it funny that the bride-to-be, whether pregnant or not, has time to plan her wedding and send out a wedding invitation but does not have time to send a thank you. So you have time for me to try to get a gift but no time for me once you get my gift. Got it.

 

[Ember]

So being knocked up at your wedding allows one to not have to thank somebody for the gift?

I have never seen the bride stand up and stay thank you for the gift and this is all I am going to do. It took me longer to write out the check than it did to be told thanks.

Ah yes, weddings! Events where couples take time to register for the gifts they feel they have coming, or attempt the impossible task of finding a polite way of demanding cash only... They spend so much time planning and thinking about gifts, but then can't be bothered to say thank you for them.

Weddings especially are not inexpensive. For me to have the money to give a wedding gift means I've taken it out of my own budget and am probably doing without something that month. Some people can spend $100 without blinking, but that's a lot of money to me. And then someone can't even bother to say thank you? Forget it. Busy, pregnant, tired... There is no excuse for not saying thank you. Call, write, send an e-mail, I don't care. But a personal thank you is a requirement in my book.

I mean, if you can find the time to plan a wedding, then you can find the time to say thank you for the gifts.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I find it funny that the bride-to-be, whether pregnant or not, has time to plan her wedding and send out a wedding invitation but does not have time to send a thank you. So you have time for me to try to get a gift but no time for me once you get my gift. Got it.

Not sure about you, but getting gifts never entered our mind as we planned our wedding...

 

[OceanAnnie]

Not sure about you, but getting gifts never entered our mind as we planned our wedding...

All I know, is every wedding I have ever attended, the bride and groom had a gift registry. Every single one.

 

[Ember]

Not sure about you, but getting gifts never entered our mind as we planned our wedding...

If you're speaking of your second wedding (You mentioned on another thread that you were divorced once and I just read that thread, I promise I'm not cyber stalking you!) then that's only proper. Gifts aren't expected at a second wedding, though this doesn't stop most people from registering anyway.

However, not expecting a gift is not an excuse for not saying thank you after receiving one.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

All I know, is every wedding I have ever attended, the bride and groom had a gift registry. Every single one.

Hmmm, not ours. And it was a Long Island wedding, too...

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

If you're speaking of your second wedding (You mentioned on another thread that you were divorced once and I just read that thread, I promise I'm not cyber stalking you!) then that's only proper. Gifts aren't expected at a second wedding, though this doesn't stop most people from registering anyway.

However, not expecting a gift is not an excuse for not saying thank you after receiving one.

It was my wife's first wedding. 95% of the attendees were either friends or family (her side) who did not know me when I was married the first time. For all intents, it was a first wedding. We did not have a gift registry because we agree that it was tacky to even expect a gift, much less tell others what to buy for us.

We sent out thank you cards to everyone, including my friends and family who we told not to buy us a gift because they had attended my first wedding (they all gave a gift, anyway).

My point is that people should give and receive with no expectations. It makes life so much sweeter...

 

[OceanAnnie]

It was my wife's first wedding. 95% of the attendees were either friends or family (her side) who did not know me when I was married the first time. For all intents, it was a first wedding. We did not have a gift registry because we agree that it was tacky to even expect a gift, much less tell others what to buy for us.

We sent out thank you cards to everyone, including my friends and family who we told not to buy us a gift because they had attended my first wedding (they all gave a gift, anyway).

My point is that people should give and receive with no expectations. It makes life so much sweeter...

I understand your point, I do. The gift registry probably came about for a number of reasons over time; because people didn't know what to get a couple, the couple were asked repeatedly for ideas, and/or the couple didn't want duplicates items.

Thank you's serve a few purposes, probably the most important is letting the gift giver know the item was received. It's a courtesy that used to be quite common.

 

[4greatboys]

I wouldn't say anything either. They should have sent a TY note but didn't so if you need to get that kind of acknowledgement then don't send them anymore gifts.

It took me a good 6-9 months to get out thank you notes after my wedding. Shortly after we were married my mom discovered she had cancer. My time was spend either working or caring for my mom. TY notes were not a priority for me at the time. One of my in laws friends sent me a letter telling me she had not rec'd a TY card yet. WTH? I was pissed.