Underage drinking parties UPDATED INFO POST 68.....

[LisaR]

Meh, when I grew up, that is all we did on the weekends was go to parties and drink (and drugs). Nothing else to do. Heck, my mom even bought the alcohol for my friends and I from the time we were 13. Most parents knew what we were doing. And it didn't ruin my life, I am now a Nurse Practitioner.
When my kids are in high school and want to go to a party, I just want them to know to not get in a car with people under the influence.

I'd be pissed if a parent was supplying booze to my 13 year old to take to a party where they would be drinking and doing drugs.


My friends and I did a great deal of drinking in high school (only we were resourceful enough to get our own booze). By the time I was 21 and finally legal to drink, it really lost its appeal for me.


DH and I always comment how "Mary Poppins" our kids and their friends are. Seriously, these are some pretty straight laced kids at the moment and that isn't me being naive. The things we were doing at their age compared to them is But they seem happy and I'm not complaining. My DD was asking me tonight how I went to so many haunted houses in high school because I really am a big chicken. After thinking about it, I realized I was hammered most of the time so it didn't bother me. I really am a horrible parent yet they seem to be turning out pretty darn good.

 

[Mandychelle79]

This is something that DH and I will have to discuss, a lot.

I live in a very rural area, serviced by the state police, who are very rarely in our area since they have to cover the entire county. There is enough room between houses that the neighbors may never know there is a party going on, or more likely invited to it.

Did I attend these parties,, heck yeah. Did I do things that were illegal, heck yeah, did my parents know, yes. Did they approve, not so much, but it was more of a I would rather know you are out and drinking so we can get you home safe if needed vs sneaking out. I see myself doing the same for my kids.

By the time I went away to college, I didnt have the WOW im not under my parents rules so I can go and try this now.

 

[Mickeyrella]

I never attended or desired to attend these parties is high school or college. I don't drink, I never have, and I've never wanted to be around people who did. There really are people out here like me who are totally turned off and disgusted by drugs/alcohol and that type of "fun"! I love to have real fun, I'm almost always on the go doing things with friends and family and traveling, but a bunch of losers sitting around getting wasted, not my idea of a good time!

That is kinda going to the extremes. There are people out there that drink moderately without getting wasted. Not trying to say you are wrong, just that extremes are always bad. I drink but never in my life have I gotten wasted. Drinking doesn't mean that you can't have fun any other ways.

 

[ILoveToRun]

I'd be bummed if I missed a fun party!

 

[NHdisneylover]

Boy am I glad that I live where the legal drinking age (meaning to buy t themselves and drink it without parental consent) is 16 for beer and wine. Seriously, the concept of kids getting into major trouble with the police and school and possibly affecting their ability to go to collage, etc over being at the wrong party at the wrong time is far too much of a nanny state and far too big of a consequence in my mind (NOT talking about driving drunk--only about BEING at the party).

Over the summer my DD15 shared an insight which I think is really true--she said that everyone says you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, and that makes sense EXCEPT these days the consequences have gotten so big that you are destroyed by mistakes instead of getting to learn from them--which means you pretty much have to be perfect all the time from the get go. This is why she feels that she and many of her peers suffer from increasing levels of anxiety and depression n her generation.

I think she is on to something. In my generation (highschool late 80s/early 90s) teens worried about how their parents would react and what consequences they would face at home if they got caught out at a party--but no one had to worry about their life being changed (loss of sports spot that affects college, etc) unless they were really stupid (drank enough to seriously harm themselves ,drove, etc).

Teach your kids not to be stupid, that's what it comes down to. Drinking in itself, isn't stupid. Lots of people do it. Binge drinking is stupid, drinking and driving is stupid, as is drinking pass your threshold.

That is kinda going to the extremes. There are people out there that drink moderately without getting wasted. Not trying to say you are wrong, just that extremes are always bad. I drink but never in my life have I gotten wasted. Drinking doesn't mean that you can't have fun any other ways.

Yep! That would be me. I have been drunk only once in my nearly 40 years. I was 15 (in Spain and it was totally legal)and had not had alcohol before and dd not know how it would hit me until it was too late. Even then I was woozy and things felt not steady but I was not drunk enough to be sick or to have a hang over the next day. I went to lots of parties in highschool and college. Mostly I did not drink at them at all, but I made sure that none of my friends did anything stupid and I enjoyed the music, etc.
Heck, these days I have wine (one small glass--more than that can feel an effect, which I do not personally enjoy)with dinner most nights and attend lots of local festivals at which beer and wine flow freely--but virtually no one is "wasted"

 

[aprilgail2]

MTE!

Man have times changed since the late 80's! I can't think of a single person I knew in high school who actually asked permission to go to a kegger at a friend's house. That's blows my mind...

I dn't recall ever asking my mom for permission LOL- I usually just "went to the movies". If my daughter went I would hope she would not drink enough to get drunk since to many things can happen but also if she has even one drink I would rather she called me for a ride than had to "sneek" to the party and then drive herself home. She is only 12 but I have been drilling it in her head that if she drinks, even when underage, to call me for a ride home, there will be no punishments or lectures-I will gladly get up at 3am to go pick her up as long as she does not drive home!
My daughter was hit (t-boned) yesterday in the car she was coming home from school in by a drunk driver blowing a red light-she was hit on the side of the car she was sitting on-right behind the driver. One of the witnesses came up to her and told her she must have a guardian angel because she was one lucky little kid to come out of that with just a bruised knee. Since I grew up I have always been anti drinking and driving- I would rather she called home for a ride than had to drive and endanger other people!

 

[NAB]

18 is the legal drinking age here so I guess I don't see the big deal.

Drinking age in Canada I believe is 19 now.

I would not let my child go to one. But kids are sneaky.

 

[mhsjax]

High school kids with beer? Oh noes! Heh.

Who knows exactly what parties/where their h.s. senior is every minute?

Would I care if a high schooler went to a party with booze? Not at all. Would I care if a high schooler went to a party with booze that was likely to get busted by cops out in some rural house? I'd care they were dumb.

I don't see how this would affect someone's whole life unless we're talking about people driving drunk, that's an entirely, entirely different matter.

And just how do you think these kids are getting home? I know the parties I went to in HS were no where near my house and by the grace of God, I was never in a wreck. I never drive but my friends did and they were in no shape to drive. Adults know better, it is up to us to teach kids. I refuse to say that because I did it, it is ok. one mistake can ruin a life or my kid or God forbid, someone else's. We had that just after graduation here, the kid was about to leave for college, underage and the driver and he had been drinking. Car was t-boned, and the passenger is dead. I am shicked at the lack of concern, just because it has always happened doesn't make it right. Lots of things have been around, doesn't make them right.

 

[SaraJayne]

And just how do you think these kids are getting home? I know the parties I went to in HS were no where near my house and by the grace of God, I was never in a wreck. I never drive but my friends did and they were in no shape to drive. Adults know better, it is up to us to teach kids. I refuse to say that because I did it, it is ok. one mistake can ruin a life or my kid or God forbid, someone else's. We had that just after graduation here, the kid was about to leave for college, underage and the driver and he had been drinking. Car was t-boned, and the passenger is dead. I am shicked at the lack of concern, just because it has always happened doesn't make it right. Lots of things have been around, doesn't make them right.

What?! Your city doesn't have a subway, bus or taxi your child could take home?

 

[mhsjax]

What?! Your city doesn't have a subway, bus or taxi your child could take home?

Shocking, isn't it. Seriously, when I think back on it, these parties were held in a field off of a 2 lane winding road, the fact that none of us got killed or killed somebody is nothing short of a miracle.

I have started drilling into my kids that they have to call me for a ride, even at 2 am. No questions and no trouble. I never want to get that phone call that my child is dead or had killed someone. Luckily, they have all tasted alcohol and absolutely can't stand it. So I may not have a problem. They are also very strong willed, like their mom, and they will not be talked into anything, never have been.

 

[luv2mickey]

Eh, where I grew up this was a pretty typical weekend thing, from the party to the drinking to the parents complaining. My parents thought they kept close track of me but obviously had no idea what was really going on.

Do you really think this weekend is going to change their future? In what way?

I don't know how old you are but the consequences are greater now then they used to be, so this could change their future. In our state you lose your scholarship money for college if you have an alcohol conviction. My kids are college age and one a senior in high school and my son had to sign a document for college saying he had never been convicted of anything and as my daughter is applying for colleges they ask her on the apps about alcohol convictions in addition to other offenses.

Ditto to all the comments about drinking and driving one accident could change your life forever.

 

[NHdisneylover]

And just how do you think these kids are getting home? I know the parties I went to in HS were no where near my house and by the grace of God, I was never in a wreck. I never drive but my friends did and they were in no shape to drive. Adults know better, it is up to us to teach kids. I refuse to say that because I did it, it is ok. one mistake can ruin a life or my kid or God forbid, someone else's. We had that just after graduation here, the kid was about to leave for college, underage and the driver and he had been drinking. Car was t-boned, and the passenger is dead. I am shicked at the lack of concern, just because it has always happened doesn't make it right. Lots of things have been around, doesn't make them right.

This is one of the major reasons that think countries that make drinking legal a few years before driving s have it right.
I knew soooooooooo many people who would not call home (even those whose parents had told them they could) because they were afraid of the trouble they would get n for drinking--so they took stupid chances and drove instead (and that was when the stakes and consequences were much lower than now).
By the time those same people were legally old enough to drink--most had been lucky and not had an accident so then they had gotten "used to" having some to drink and still driving and insisted they could handle it and kept doing so I think it makes more sense to allow drinking at a younger age--and not allow the driving so that the kids ARE getting rides home with no fear of being n trouble for the party--and that terrible habit is never set up.

 

[mhsjax]

This is one of the major reasons that think countries that make drinking legal a few years before driving s have it right.
I knew soooooooooo many people who would not call home (even those whose parents had told them they could) because they were afraid of the trouble they would get n for drinking--so they took stupid chances and drove instead (and that was when the stakes and consequences were much lower than now).
By the time those same people were legally old enough to drink--most had been lucky and not had an accident so then they had gotten "used to" having some to drink and still driving and insisted they could handle it and kept doing so I think it makes more sense to allow drinking at a younger age--and not allow the driving so that the kids ARE getting rides home with no fear of being n trouble for the party--and that terrible habit is never set up.

Really, so by following your logic, DUIs and people getting killed by drunk drivers would never happen. Drinking and driving isn't allowed yet adults do it all the time. YOu think teens would follow rules better than adults.

 

[Poohforyou]

I drill "ONE mistake can change your future" into DD all the time. And I think she actually listens. Two weekends ago there was a party that her and her BFFs were going to attend. When they heard how big it was going to be they decided not to go because "the big parties always get busted" and they didn't want to get into trouble.

My dd is in 8th grade and we've been talking about this for quite some time. I did some really stupid things in HS but that doesn't mean I'll turn the other way if my child starts doing this same thing.

I can't say I'm surprised by some of the lackadaisical attitudes on this thread but I am saddened by it. As parents I feel we should be disappointed by the choices some teens make and lay down the law that it will not be tolerated.

We live in an affluent area where many parents think this is no big deal and I just hope as my dd gets older she continues to make good choices.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Really, so by following your logic, DUIs and people getting killed by drunk drivers would never happen. Drinking and driving isn't allowed yet adults do it all the time. YOu think teens would follow rules better than adults.

I certainly do not think it would "never" happen--but I DO think it would happen less.

Think about it--f someone cheats on a test and they get away with it, they are more likely to do it again and again and eventually start to think of it as a "normal" thing. They get to the point that they feel like they know what they are doing and how to do it and they won't get caught and nothing bad will happen to them.

I have seen that very thing happen with drinking and driving too. Someone was worried about it and dd it anyway but driving super slowly, etc. That went okay so the next time they worried a little less and drove a little less slowly. By the tenth time that person is hopping in the car convinced they can "handle it" and driving at normal speeds.

All I am saying is that I DO feel that the overall number of people willing to drive while impaired would go down if the incentive to "sneak" home by driving after illegally drinking were taken away by having rules similar to some other countries in which the drinking is legal for a couple of years before the driving is. It keeps someone from taking those first few drives when they are still worried about it (even if they are not rule follower type kids--if your teen and nearly all of their friends are not legally able to drive then you probably wll have some system n place to get them home from whatever get together--alcohol or not, right?)

 

[Mandychelle79]

And just how do you think these kids are getting home? I know the parties I went to in HS were no where near my house and by the grace of God, I was never in a wreck. I never drive but my friends did and they were in no shape to drive. Adults know better, it is up to us to teach kids. I refuse to say that because I did it, it is ok. one mistake can ruin a life or my kid or God forbid, someone else's. We had that just after graduation here, the kid was about to leave for college, underage and the driver and he had been drinking. Car was t-boned, and the passenger is dead. I am shicked at the lack of concern, just because it has always happened doesn't make it right. Lots of things have been around, doesn't make them right.

Around here, everyone either has a Designated Driver or friends willing to take the keys from them. Most of the parties are the sleep over variety.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

And just how do you think these kids are getting home? I know the parties I went to in HS were no where near my house and by the grace of God, I was never in a wreck. I never drive but my friends did and they were in no shape to drive. Adults know better, it is up to us to teach kids. I refuse to say that because I did it, it is ok. one mistake can ruin a life or my kid or God forbid, someone else's. We had that just after graduation here, the kid was about to leave for college, underage and the driver and he had been drinking. Car was t-boned, and the passenger is dead. I am shicked at the lack of concern, just because it has always happened doesn't make it right. Lots of things have been around, doesn't make them right.

This is an excellent post. I remember being in high school and college and hearing that the designated driver was the person who was least drunk at the end of the night. Sometimes it was the person who only had 2 or 3 drinks. I even knew friends who insisted that they were better drivers when they were drunk or had had a few too many, because they paid much closer attention to what they were doing. Kids tend to think that they are 10 feet tall and bullet proof.

 

[mhsjax]

Around here, everyone either has a Designated Driver or friends willing to take the keys from them. Most of the parties are the sleep over variety.

Not when I grew up. I just don't believe it with kids, adults have a hard time with designated drivers, I don't believe that kids are mature enough to do the same thing. They can tell you what you want to hear, but I do not for 1 second believe it. If you have kids that don't like to drink, then chances are they won't be going to these types of parties, no one wants to stand there with a bunch of drunk kids and be the only sober one. Yep, I guess I live in the only area where kids drink and drive, silly me.

 

[mhsjax]

I certainly do not think it would "never" happen--but I DO think it would happen less.

Think about it--f someone cheats on a test and they get away with it, they are more likely to do it again and again and eventually start to think of it as a "normal" thing. They get to the point that they feel like they know what they are doing and how to do it and they won't get caught and nothing bad will happen to them.

I have seen that very thing happen with drinking and driving too. Someone was worried about it and dd it anyway but driving super slowly, etc. That went okay so the next time they worried a little less and drove a little less slowly. By the tenth time that person is hopping in the car convinced they can "handle it" and driving at normal speeds.

All I am saying is that I DO feel that the overall number of people willing to drive while impaired would go down if the incentive to "sneak" home by driving after illegally drinking were taken away by having rules similar to some other countries in which the drinking is legal for a couple of years before the driving is. It keeps someone from taking those first few drives when they are still worried about it (even if they are not rule follower type kids--if your teen and nearly all of their friends are not legally able to drive then you probably wll have some system n place to get them home from whatever get together--alcohol or not, right?)

I 100% disagree with your line of thinking.

 

[mhsjax]

This is an excellent post. I remember being in high school and college and hearing that the designated driver was the person who was least drunk at the end of the night. Sometimes it was the person who only had 2 or 3 drinks. I even knew friends who insisted that they were better drivers when they were drunk or had had a few too many, because they paid much closer attention to what they were doing. Kids tend to think that they are 10 feet tall and bullet proof.

Exactly.