This is the worst week of my life

Discussion in 'Budget Board' started by BlueIvy, Sep 4, 2013.

  1. BernardandMissBianca

    BernardandMissBianca <font color=red>I just love a dancing banana!<br>< Moderator

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    Go on the trip. The kids need some time away just as much as you do.
    The budget is doable as long as you are careful.
    I suggest bringing a small notebook just to keep tabs on the money you spend.
    I'd also only take a certain amount into the parks every day and leave the rest locked in the safe in your room or keep it in a separate compartment in your purse. That way there is no chance of overspending.

    Check allears.net for menus and pricing(at Disney), that will give you an idea on meal costs.
    One of my favorite meals at WDW is the 1/2 rotisserie chicken at Cosmic Rays. It's $10 but it could very well feed all three of you. I usually split it with one of my boys.

    Good luck OP, I hope everything gets resolved soon and you and the kids can move forward.
    Please come back and tell us how your trip went.
    I hope you all have a great time and make wonderful memories!
     
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  3. Colleen27

    Colleen27 DIS Veteran

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    I'm sorry you don't have better family support. That makes it so much harder to deal with everything. I would strongly suggest seeking out a support group through a woman's organization when you get home, to help you process it all and to connect with other people who understand. I'm a big-time introvert myself, but I've found it to be absolutely essential to sort of push past that in certain situations in order to form some connections with others.

    It is good to hear that you weren't living with your boyfriend or otherwise financially entangled to the point of having a hard time leaving. :goodvibes That makes a bad situation a little less bad - at least you don't have to think about how to afford the apartment on your own or worry about him cleaning out joint accounts or anything like that.

    If I were in your shoes, I would take the trip and make a point of letting the police and your landlord/property manager know you're going to be gone. If you have an alarm system, be sure to set it too. Since your ex knows your trip dates, he might think it is safe to come around while you're gone and it could be a chance for the police to arrest him.
     
  4. sookie

    sookie DIS Veteran

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    OP - can you double check and make sure you did not purchase trip insurance?
     
  5. mrorke

    mrorke Earning My Ears

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    Please understand that some people have a hard time trusted things posted on websites due to all the scam artists out there.

    However, if what you posted is in fact true....dear G*d in heaven I hope you are ok and I hope that jerk is caught and punished to the fullest extent of the law.

    Take the vacation, clear your head and enjoy your precious children.

    Stay safe.
     
  6. NYCDiane

    NYCDiane DIS Veteran

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    I wouldn't count on that. You were with him for 8 months. He had access to your keys. He could have easily made a copy of your housekey without your knowledge.

    You need to:

    Change ALL locks

    Change ALL passwords

    Change you phone number

    GO TO COURT AND GET AN ORDER OF PROTECTION

    Let your job know you had a bad breakup in the event he goes there looking for info on you or calling there with stories about you.

    Let you landlord know you're going away and NO ONE is to have access to your apartment for ANY reason regardless of what they claim. Give the LL a way to contact you while you're gone (email, text, phone)

    No matter how much he or his mother cries to you about how "sorry" he is or that he'll never bother you again, you STILL HAVE TO PURSUE CHARGES AGAINST HIM. If you don't, he WILL come after you again. He will also abuse other women in the future.

    You have to stay strong in this, get your protective order, and pursue the charges. It's doubtful you will have to testify in court ---- he'll probably cop a plea. All you have to do is stay in touch with the District Attorney and be sure he is prosecuted!!! (I don't get why the cops haven't arrested him yet???? Didn't you tell them where he's staying and where he works and what kind of car he drives????)
     
  7. fabulousfive

    fabulousfive DIS Veteran

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    You've gotten lots of good advice already, so all I wanted to say was have a good time on the trip with your kids. There's no way I would allow him to interfere with your highly anticipated Disney trip with your kids. It sounds like it's exactly what you need right now. Enjoy the pampering & special time with your little ones.
     
  8. bumbershoot

    bumbershoot DIS Veteran

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    So very much yes.

    I was a kid in the situation, but not on NYC, in San Jose CA. I still have issues trusting or, really, respecting police officers because of how many times they ended up chatting in the front yard with my male parent, while my mom was crying and bruising up and wanting them to arrest him. The old boy network was HUGE in those days.

    It's different, on the whole, now. People being abused have options.


    OP do you have a YWCA that you can call? They act as shelters for women and children in situations like yours.


    So that detail was just too much for you? Why?

    That detail was the one thing that resonated with me. I did it once, too. Called the supposed ex who wasn't an ex at all, and we chatted. The guy I was dating, or thought I was dating, thought it was hilarious. It really stoked his ego. I'm LUCKY that's what it did for him. It could so easily have gone the other way. It's a pretty common thing to do out of anger and shame and just unspeakable RAGE when you find out you've been betrayed like that. And you want the other person to know that THEY have been betrayed, too.

    My father was peaceful and kind and sweet. Until the day he wasn't. The ONLY warning sign my mom had was that he stood her up on her first date. Of course, he was about 17 at the time. And plenty of people could get beyond that, end up married 60 years with that as nothing but a funny story. He showed nothing else for years.

    Anyone who thinks that ALL violent people are obviously violent from day one are fooling themselves and have obviously never been anywhere near a situation involving violence.


    And by getting literally *out of the country* they will be FAR safer than they would be even in a home with new locks.

    Ever notice that windows can be broken? Houses can be burned down? etc? It's going to be a heck of a lot harder for this person to get to them while they are on a cruise ship.

    When my dad did his raids on our home, he kindly called to threaten my mom. She GOT OUT, with us. We went elsewhere. We hid. I WISH we'd been able to hide on a cruise ship. All we had was friends in other houses.


    Because it's the ONE THING in the whole world she can control right now.




    Exactly.


    Absolutely.



    His mom is hiding him.

    And Diane, I'm so so sorry for what happened to you in the past. :hug::hug::hug:
     
  9. squirrel

    squirrel DIS Veteran<font color=deeppink>

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    You could pack some oatmeal pkgs. (if you like oatmeal) and use the coffeemaker to heat water to cook the oatmeal. The food courts at Disney will have hot water.

    Packing snack items is easy and works well even when not on a budget. Kids get hungry while waiting in line for a ride. Saves waiting in lines for snacks.

    You can get free ice water at any CS location. Add some Crystal Light, Nestea, etc. if you don't like the taste of FL water.

    I know when we were little eating the sugar cereal on our holidays was a treat.

    Grabbing some items at a grocery store would save a lot-fruits, packaged carrots, muffins, etc.


    Sorry you are going through this but I agree going on the trip will be safer for you and the kids. You will have fun, even though right now you can't imagine it. Disney has a way of making you forget for a while.
     
  10. stitchlovestink

    stitchlovestink DIS Veteran

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    Bolding is mine....

    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Do NOT do this!!!
    It is against the law to bring any food like that off of the ship thru customs and if you are caught, the fines are VERY STIFF!!! Only food that is in sealed packaging is allowed to be brought off of the ship. If it has been opened, it is supposed to be thrown away before you go thru customs. I, personally, would not risk it. IMO it is not worth it for a few free cookies or whatever....but that is JMHO. :)
     
  11. Mom2Christina

    Mom2Christina Earning My Ears

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    I am very sorry to hear of the ordeal you have been through. I completely understand that you do not want to disappoint your children and have planned for this trip for so long. BUT, I am going to suggest that you reschedule the trip for so many reasons....first off your physical and emotional health. You need to recover from the bruising. I am not sure how walking miles in the park is going to feel in the condition you are in. I know bruises can hurt for days after. Second, your heart is just not in it now as much as you want it to be, please ask yourself if you will be thinking of what just happened or if you can truly focus on enjoying time spent with your children with things so unresolved back home.

    I understand the love of Disney as much as many people on this board, I moved to California partly because I love Disneyland so much. I have also went on a vacation to Disney when I was dealing some painful situations in my life (not the same as what you are going through, but painful, nonetheless) and I honestly think I would have been better postponing my trip. Forgive me if I have missed whether you can reschedule or not...

    I did not recall reading anything about your financial situation at this time, other than you could not afford the hotel so you came back home. I am not asking you to divulge this information, but were you getting help from him to pay the rent/bills, if spending the money on the trip is wise at this time.

    Just wanting you to consider all of the aspects of going on a trip at this time. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best...don't ever let him back into your life, it becomes a pattern and if you think it was bad this time, next time it could be worse. You and your children deserve better, remember that.
     
  12. auralia

    auralia DIS Veteran

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    dont forget you can get free ice water at any counter service location to save on beverages. It can save 2-3$ per person per meal if you just drink water. If you did two adult size meals to split between you at 12$ per person (water to drink) per meal time that is 24x3 if you do breakfast too which is 73$ per day. I would bring some boxes of pop tarts or slim fast bars etc for breakfast/snacks. We do pop tarts for breakfast and bring protein bars for a snack and then a big meal around 3ish during budget trips and we are usually good to go!
     
  13. eliza61

    eliza61 http://www.wdwinfo.com/dis-sponsor/images

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    I do understand that but what I don't understand is if you believe a random stranger is a scam artist, big deal. move on. I never understand the strange phenomenon of picking fights and calling names with perfect strangers.

    Does calling a perfect stranger a liar make folks feel better? Does arguing with some one you don't know from a bucket of paint over stuff that in no way effects your life make you feel superior?

    I just don't get it. The internet is not mandatory, as far as I know, there is no legal requirement to participate. :confused3
     
  14. Colleen27

    Colleen27 DIS Veteran

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    Most trip insurance pays only in specifically defined situations. I'm not sure whether this would be one of them.

    Its a protective thing - by believing there are always signs, you can believe that it'll never happen to you or your daughter/sister/granddaughter/other loved one because "We're just smarter than that". Yes, there are violent men who may as well have "ABUSER" tattooed in red letters on their foreheads, it is so obvious. And maybe if that's the only type you've ever seen you could think they're all like that. But in my life I've seen two other types of abusers that aren't so obvious - those that are simply expert in manipulation, systematic isolation, and basically "grooming" a victim long before she sees any flash of violence, and those who lack coping skills and fall into destructive, violent patterns in times of stress. And those aren't as easy to see through.
     
  15. crisi

    crisi DIS Veteran

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    Blue Ivy,

    I'm sorry your story is being doubted. Do understand that the internet is full of scams of people publishing false sob stories and getting cash. You don't need to ask, people are often so generous, and gullible, that they will offer. You haven't done a lot of posting here, which means we don't "know" you - although that doesn't always help - con men will spend months sucking a crowd in. We've had it happen here, and it can make a community ugly.

    Everyone else, its probably best to believe Blue Ivy's story at face value because domestic violence is insidious and horrible and victims deserve our support - and don't send her cash no matter how your heart is wrung, unless you have personal knowledge of the situation. If you wish to help financially, domestic violence shelters all over the country can use your donations - and a lot of people escaping these situations are in far worse shape than Blue Ivy.
     
  16. nunzia

    nunzia You can't top pigs with pigs, but you CAN top Toys

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    So, to your original question, YES it can be done and YES you can and will and should have a grand time. I had an abusive first husband back in the days when the cops would talk to him in the yard while the cop told me to not make him mad...ok..things change, and my son is a cop and I have utmost respect for most. BUT..IMO protective orders are pretty much worthless unless the man is afraid of them and that keeps him away..hopefully in this case he will. I say forget changing locks, etc...MOVE..I'd get away from the environment where all this happened and the place where he felt comfortable. Sure, he could propbably find your new location, but anything to make it a bigger hassle is good. I'd change my phone number, tell co workers he is not to be trusted, etc. So have fun and in the quiet times of your trip, plan how to disappear from him as much as possible. Press charges and do not back down! That is something that drives my son nuts and probably causes seasoned cops to seem less than empathetic..over and over...domestic violence calls, and then charges are dropped by the woman. Do not ever believe one time is the only time..Best of luck to your family.
     
  17. Chm635

    Chm635 Earning My Ears

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    Saying a prayer for you and your children. I think you have received great advice and hope you enjoy your trip. I love your kids were excited about grapes, with that enthusiasm, I have no doubt you have a great trip in your future and have done a really awesome job as a mom. Hang in there.
     
  18. dsneprincess

    dsneprincess DIS Veteran

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    OP, I hope you and your kids have a fabulous time! I know my son doesn't like TS restaurants at home (slow food, as he calls them) because they eat up precious park time. Most portions are big enough to share, especially that chicken at Cosmic Rays someone else mentioned. An idea for arrival day at POR is to take boat to Downtown Disney, Earl of Sandwich is quick, tasty, inexpensive and shareable. In regards to food, we eat much less at Disney because of the heat and humidity we aren't used to and the excitement/busyness of our surroundings. I think souvenirs are a bigger deal, especially for your kids. I would want them to bring home a reminder of this trip as a beacon of hope that everything is going to work out to a new normal because none of you will ever be the same. I am sorry your family reacted as they did, I just can't imagine how awful that was.

    Go on your trip, try to relax and enjoy your kids and respite: you are going to be coming back to face a mess and are going to have to make some tough decisions. Rest up, relax, heal with your kiddos and strengthen your defenses.....unfortunately, you probably haven't seen the last of thug ex or his mommy.

    Best of luck to you!
     
  19. mrsklamc

    mrsklamc <font color=blue>I apologize in advance, but what

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    In the future, if you come across a thread like this, and for some reason feel compelled to comment, you could say something nice to the OP and then remind people not to give money to strangers on the internet.

    Even if you think there's a small chance OP is telling the truth, consider for a moment how you would feel about what you said if you found out it was true. What kind of person would it make you to say what you said to someone who was standing in front of you having been beaten so badly she was missing skin on her face?
     
  20. savannie

    savannie Mouseketeer

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    What a terrible ordeal to go through right before vacation. I'm so sorry all of this happened. You really have two issues you need help with: the incident with your ex-boyfriend and your Disney trip. This is a great place to get help with both, but you really need to get someone on your side with the ex situation. If you don't have a family member that will help you or any friends to speak of then I'd highly suggest calling one of the domestic violence hotlines for other options. You can also visit your local church. I'm not sure which part of the country you live in, but churches here (the south) are more than happy to help anyone in your situation (whether they're a Christian, atheist, agnostic, or whatever--don't let your religion stop you from seeking help). A bigger church would be better than a smaller one, probably, because they have more resources. I would get this situation settled to the point where you'll feel safe when you get home before you do anything else. You'll be worrying your entire trip if you leave the situation open when you go. And be sure you completely sever any communication with your ex. I know there must be a lot of heartbreak over this, too, but you have to make it extremely difficult for him to find you right now.

    As far as the Disney trip goes:

    I would call to see if you can push everything back a week or two, so you have a little more time to get things in order before you go. If this isn't an option then leave everything as it is, and just do the best you can before you go.

    I think the money you have for food will likely be more than enough. I would make a detailed budget of where that money is going to go. Then I'd stick to that budget when you get there. List out the total money you'll have to spend, then itemize all those little things you mentioned in the first post. Maybe even put the money in individual envelopes, and put them in a very safe place, so you know when you've run out for that specific category. I'd budget a set amount for the kids to spend on treats each day--$5-$10 or so. Tell the kids that it's their money at the beginning of the day. They'll usually spend less and be more careful with money if they know that it's "theirs."

    Since you have a small appetite, consider sharing meals with one of the kids. I know lots of people have given tips on meals to eat at Disney World, but you're not actually going to DW at all, right? I'm not familiar with Universal, but see if there are places on these boards that serve larger portions of food (like the Flametree BBQ place in AK). You can order two meals here and split to save money. Also, the one night you're at POR you should consider ordering the make your own pasta. It is a ton of food. I'm a small eater, but I seriously could have made about 5 meals out of that one box of food.

    Another option is to consider having two big meals, and eating a snack for the third. I always budget for three full meals at Disney, but we never eat all that food. You could eat a big breakfast around 9 or 10 and probably just snack for lunch. Then eat dinner around 5 or 6. Or you could do the opposite plan and just eat several tiny meals throughout the day. Sometimes kids eat better in small amounts when they're excited.

    You can stock up on little souvenirs and snacks before you go. The $1 Tree has lots of things like candy and stuff. You can get little pouches that you add to water to flavor it for days in the park.

    I really think you'll be fine on money. I am very type A, and I've budgeted our trip like crazy. It's just two adults going on ours, but we're eating one Disney meal and one regular table service meal at a nicer restaurant. We're staying for 8 days, and I'm budgeting a little less than double what you have for the whole trip. You'll be fine on money. Just plan it out, and then take care of securing your stuff while you're gone. Definitely let the police know you'll be on vacation. One year I discovered that our entire street happened to be going on vacation at the same time. I called and told the police department and they immediately offered to send a patrol car around often. I'm sure they'll keep an eye out for you. Try to stay calm, and maybe spend some time watching Disney Cruise videos on Youtube with your kids. It might get you excited about going again!
     
  21. dancin Disney style

    dancin Disney style <font color=blue>I found one to share with some fa

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    I haven't read through the entire thread but here are my money saving tips....

    cups of ice water are free at any place that sells food/snacks...you will need the hydration anyway and it can save you approx. $8/meal.

    We often only eat 2 meals a day while at WDW....late breakfast(it's also the cheapest meal you can buy) and then an early dinner with a midday snack if needed.

    Stick with CS meals and look for things that you can share....ie the chicken and rib combo. You might need to hang around the food counter for a few minutes before you order to see the portion sizes.

    Carry a few snack items with you to fill in for your kids....granola bars or crackers. That way you can fill tummies and still get an ice cream or whatever. You should be able to bring a few of these type of items from home. See what you have that will pack easily in your suitcase.


    BTW, last week we were vacationing in Orlando and only went to WDW for one day. My DD is 14 and pencil thin but eats like a horse. We spent $84 on food that day, for the 3 of us....but we had several snacks as well as lunch and dinner including dessert at lunch. At one meal we got a large soda to share but other than that we only had ice water.
     

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