Most people are familiar with Bill Engvall's "Here's Your Sign" shtick.
But to real book readers, and I'm not talking about the TV Guide or Enquirer, but the real classics, but those of you that have more than "Twilight" sitting on their bookshelves, you might remember an old routine that Mad Magazine used to do called "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions". by Al Jaffee I think.
Tell me, isn't "Here's your sign" a direct ripoff?
Not that I would ever accuse someone of plagiarism.
Reason I bring it up is because I had a great "Here's your Sign" moment last night.
I have a hard time understanding the words when I watch tv, a frequency defect I guess, so to keep the volume level reasonable, I often watch with my headphones connected to the stereo. Then my brilliant son came home and after looking at me said, "Listening to the tv through the headphones, huh?"
"Nope, ears are cold, here's your sign."
True story.
Tuesday, Jan. 27th, day before D-Day. (departure day)
I am lying on the couch finishing reading the paper while Diane is at work cleaning a house. It was almost time to start all the last second errands you have wait till the last day to run, and then pack.
Phone rings.
"Yes dear, no dear, I haven't dear, I will dear, Ok dear. Don't worry."
"I'm sorry,"
"Dear".
It was my boss.
Ok, ok, kidding, ,,, it was Diane. A VERY concerned Diane.
She had been lisnening to the news and it would appear a ginormous ice storm is heading right between us and our beloved Florida, stretching from Arkansas through Ilinois into Kentucky and up into Tennessee and Ohio. There is now way around it and according to her, DEATH will await all who enter it.
I told her I'm not panicking, they always make is sound worse then what it turns out to be, and I'll keep an eye on it.
20 minutes later the phone rang again, her again. This time after watching tv, she thinks we ought to put our departure off a day, "Will you please turn on the Weather Channel and see what they are saying?"
I'm sorry, I don't delay trips. Even when our flight was delayed, I offered to fly it myself. ( hey, I had both flight simulators PLUS Wing Commander on my first PC.)
But I did agree to turn on the Weather Channel.
And they blew me away!
They made Smidgy sound like the eternal optimist, which is not easily done when it comes to driving dangers.
Even the announcer had been replaced by Chicken Little.
It was moving in tonight, Severe cold followed with snow and turning into sheets of rain turning into ice with sleet, gusts up to 40 miles an hour, freezing rain, hail, thunderstorms and locusts.
WHile listening to the dour predictions, I did the only thing I could do under the circumstances, I put my fingers in my ears and ran around the coffee table singing "LA LA LA LA LA".
I spent the rest of the day watching the stupid weather channel, and after she came home told her I guess we are NOT leaving in the morning. She breathed a sigh of relief, and all I wanted to do was drink.
Thus, the Grump was born!
This also meant I had to change our Knight's Inn ressy, and a place in Winter Garden where we wanted to look at homes.
The next day crawled by, and from what I saw on the tv, no doubt we made the right choice.
Thursday, we depart, a day too late in my opinion. We ended up pulling out about 4:30 in the morning, late for us but there was no real reason to leave earlier. Normally we stay somewhere in Georgia the first night after driving as far as we can, and try to get to Disney, or Universal, depending on the trip, as early as we can.
Since we are just going to a Knight's Inn in Kissimmee, there's no real point in getting there early to try to get the good room view.
For what we want, it would be a parking lot view of the back of our Santa Fe, which hopefully is no more than 7 feet from the door, for easy unloading conditions. (hey, YOU try picking up this cooler)
Now, as for the route, here we go:
The problem is, if you leave during the week, you hit Atlanta always around rush hour, and my navigator just hates going through Atlanta which can have as many as nine lanes all going in the same directions at times. The problem is that almost all routes that go to Florida have to go through Atlanta. The only interstate alternative is to head east but even then it will add about 88 and a half miles to the regular route, and it goes right through the heart of the Smokies, not an enticing idea for a January road trip.
Then there is the other bone of contention between many learned Illini drivers heading southeast. Route 57 or route 65?
They both have plusses and minusses.
With 57 you go all the way down Illinois and avoid Indianoplace and Louisville, then you pick up 24 in Nashville. But the top speed limit is 65.
Route 65 takes you through Indiana which has a speed limit of 70 and goes right to rt. 24 also, but you have to go through the cities I mentioned. While 65 is no scenic route, it blows away the Illinois road.
If you go over an overpass on 57 they put up a sign and call it "scenic overlook", it's that boring. Plus, it's windy, your gas mileage will suck.
We took 57, I wanted to give the ice storm as much of a chance to clear up as it headed east, before WE headed east. I know there is a certain Rhonda that checks in here now and then that swears by 57, but she is A: a woman, and B: lives in Berwyn, so you have to take her opinion with a grain of salt.
THIS time, even though I was ready to slash my writs by the time we got on rt. 24 and into Kentucky, I felt like we made the right choice. Once we got through Paducah, Kentucky it was like being in an end of the world movie.
Everything turned white and gray, everything! The road was clear, for the most part, but once in a while it would disappear in a swirl of blowing snow. But that wasn't what scared me.
There were NO other cars on the road! None, either going or coming. That was spooky enough, but it was the color, or lack of it.
I remember being little and looking at my parents photos when they were little, and it wasn't until I was older that I discovered that they DID have color in the world back then. YOu just never saw it in the pictures. Guess I thought that at some age before I was born, Ted Turner went around and added all the color to trees, skies, etc.
Well that's what the world looked like today, every where you looked was silver.
At first it was pretty, then you saw the destruction set in.
Cars in ditches, trucks wrapped around trees, power lines that crossed the road overhead so encased in ice that we wondered if some tall 18 wheelers would clear them.
Saw a barn that had collapsed from the weight of the ice. The most shocking thing was the trees though. They were all bent over with ice, tons of them busted in half looking like they took a lightning strike, and adding to the whole scene of desolation.
Many times I drove in the left lane, I wanted to stay as far away from the trees as possible as some where hanging over the interstate and looked like they would go over at any moment. But again, the road was open, and there was almost no traffic.
About 30 miles from Nashville it started to improve and by the time we hit the city most of the ice was gone and the sun even tried to peek out occasionally. Man, you have no idea what a relief that was. From staring at silver for 2 hours, my eyes were just shot, and it doesn't take much to shoot my eyes.
It was in Nashville that I said what turned out to be extremely profound words........"Tra-cee, or not Tra-cee, that is the question."
It's like this: We have studied the Atlas searching for ways around Atlanta, and we could see that it is possible if you get on the same afforementioned route 65 in Nashville, and head south. You will enter into Alabama, go through Bimingham and in Montgomery, there is a road that takes you southeast past a couple of small towns and eventually through a town called Dothan, and into Florida and route 10.
We have never tried this way before, and I'm leary because it isn't an interstate, I don't want to be traveling at 65 miles an hour on a two lane highway with somebody changing their radio station whilst heading right at me.
Then we found out that there was somebody who not only lives kinda near us, but also took the exact same route.
Enter, Tracy, aka TyRy.
Soon to be Dead Meat!
She also happens to be a Berwynian, which is about 38 miles southeast of where we live.
hmmm, must be the town
She sent us an e-mail distinctly supplying the correct directions on how to pick up State Road 231 out of Montgomery. So back to the original question, Diane answers,,, " I say Tra-cee." Like a fool, I respond, "Why Not?"
But first we have to find somewhere to sleep TONIGHT, which is where the welcome center comes in.
This has become a routine for us, once we have an idea of where we are going to stay for the night, we always stop at the welcome center when we enter the same state. This usually works for most rest stops too.
But first, a word from our sponsers:
I wanted to show a pretty picture, that I forgot to do earlier and If I don't, TIggerwannage will get mad. This was taken right before Christmas, which turned out pretty cool cuz our grandson Jackson was coming over the next day for and early Christmas, and before we set out the cookies and milk, I showed him the picture and told him that Rudolph sent out a reconnasan,,,reconaisenc,,,,,,scout team for our area before he dropped by himself.
DId you ever get the feeling that somebody is looking at you?
I did,,,,and one of them had their face about a foot from the sliding doors, but by the time I found the camera, they had moved off a bit. I shot this right through the glass.
[IMG]http://i111.photobucket.com/albums/n126/nebo100/popboardwalk/deer.jpg
For a change, it worked out pretty good. I got a "WOW, did they see you?"
Just thought I'd share that with you.
Meanwhile, back in that useless state of Alabama,,,,(sorry ZZUB, I think he's from there, but I hope the Tide lose every game next year, and I'm especially glad they lost to the Gators this year in the championship game.),
we picked up some hotel coupon books at the welcome center.
There really wasn't a whole lot of choices from the state line until Montgomery, but one place sounded ok, just north of Montgomery, a Day's Inn.
It was pedal to the metal time by now to make it before dark, so let's do a check up on the physical condition.
Those of you that know me know about my foot and all it's related problems. There is also the issue of the back, and especially an issue that comes into play on a long drive.
Which brings us to another introduction,,,,,,,
Meet my little friends as Jeff Foxworthy's grandmother would say.
That's right, I am a fulblown believer in Vicodin. One thing about this trip, I have my smallest supply ever and somehow it has to last me over two weeks, so I don't want to be frivolous with there useage.
The back is ok, after all my foot has been through again over the summer, the driving and being in one position doesn't seem to be bothering it too much.
However the tailbone is screaming. Oh man, one of those dumb doughnut rings that you sit on would have helped enormously. I have almost considered driving on my knees, Hey, I got the cruise control set, how often do I have an emergency come up that I need to slam on my brakes?
No, I didn't, take it easy, but I thought it! DId the same thing once when I had a hard time keeping my eyes open...... Hmm, looks like the road is going straight, and right now I've got the car pointed straight with the cruise control on,,,, hmmm,,, I can take a little nap,,,,,
heh
funny how the mind works at times.
Ok, according to the hotel book, from monday to thursday the days inn is 35 a night, plus tax. I normally budget 45 for the overnight stays, so this would fit in.
I think I'm going to leave it right here for now,,,you have no idea the scare I just had when the puter locked up posting that picture, so we'll pick right up at the Days Inn next time,,,,, and talk about someone named Tracy.
But perhaps that's why we gave you the directions we did 
Aw shucks, twern't nuthin
For a minute it sounded like the next Ice Age was upon us!
She then clarified. She was. 
For all you other guys who are lurking out there, or watching over your wives shoulders, heed the advice of a saying on a shirt my wife gave me:
I would say the same one, but then I wouldn't be wearing it, would I? 
Sorry Nebo, gotta ramble a little for an intro.
