Discussion in 'Community Board' started by Mac4life30, Feb 1, 2013.
Does it happen that you currently have teenagers?
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How'd ya guess
No. My children are individuals, not an extension of me.
I'm kinda late to this, but I just HAVE to add my input here.
My parents are both Cuban as well, the only difference is my brothers and I were raised in Broward and not Dade.
When I was 17, I applied to Nova, USF and FSU. All my friends and my boyfriend at the time got accepted to FSU and I was rejected. I was pretty upset about it, but I couldn't accept it, so I appealed it and got in. Let me tell you how furious my mother was when I told her that I not only got into FSU, but I had about 20 days left at home before I had to start classes....
I tried really hard to go home as often as I could, but that 7 hour drive was just awful. She was hysterical every time we had to say goodbye and it killed me that I was the cause of that. After my second year of living in Tallahassee she stopped crying.
I just have to say that moving out is one of the best things you can do for yourself. I didn't know how to cook, do laundry, pay bills, etc. until I left home. Hispanic mothers have a tendency to baby their children and do everything for them...it feels so good when you cook your first delicious meal, in your own apartment, that you paid rent for..rent money that you worked for and earned yourself. Moving out forces you to grow up and learn how to fend for yourself. You establish your own sense of pride.
Most of my cousins (in their 20's) still live at their parent's houses in Miami...it's like they just got stuck there. My brother will be 20 next week and he lives with my parents as well. I keep telling him to move in with me (I live in Orlando now) Not to be mean, but how is he going to meet a girl and bring her home when my parents sleep down the hall? My mom is even encouraging him to leave the nest.
It goes to show you that they eventually see your side of things, at least my mom did. Now my family loves to come to Orlando to see me. We go to the theme parks and have nice dinners together. I think you should absolutely move out...she WILL get over it one day
I would not consider my child ungrateful for wanting to move elsewhere. I'm trying to get my daughter to spread her wings and experience different things. I don't want her to feel that she has to stay here forever just because we live here.
I'd consider my job well done that my child can strike out on his own in a new place. No disrespect to your mom, but it pains me to see anyone held back from an opportunity or their wishes because their parents can't cut the chord and are thinking only about themselves.
This is first year both DD are away at college and we like it.
Although the older is graduating in May and is moving back...
Just taste of them both gone this school year has been very nice.
Totally agree with this!
I think Independence from you parents can be a great thing. I also, however, can't image at this point living far from my parents. Not hispanic, but one of 4 kids that all live within 15 miles. I would move if it was really necessary for my family to survive or significantly improve our job prospects. I would have move for a few years when I was young and single or married without kids - but if I knew that I could come back. For me, having grandparents as a regular part of my child's life is priceless. If my son decides to move someday I will respect that. Once we retire, however, my dh and I will probably move to be closer to him. It is like the country song says "do what what I did when your mama left me, I just backed up my bags and went with her".
What a bunch of crock. Our youngest son lives in NZ. They have the right to choose just like the parents did. Some people need to *cut the apron strings* and let their kids fly the nest. It's not our right to tell our grown children what to do/where to live. That would be the best way to make them want to leave.
You would have had a rough time if you were my mom. We've been transferred several times with dh's job. In our case, you would just have had to stay *unhappy*, or get over it.
When I graduated HS, I went to college in Indiana (we lived outside Philadelphia at the time.) When my brother graduated 3 years later, he moved to Florida (my parents were still in the Philly area.)
I remember having a conversation with my Mom because she was upset we were moving away from her. I said to her, "it's because you've raised us to be confident and to try new things. You also raised us to know where ever we are, whatever we do, you will always be there for us." It helped. She would never consider stopping us from following the opportunities, but it was still a valid feeling. We're still a really tight-knit family even though until recently, there has always been a ton of distance between us.
My parents moved to Florida 2 years after my brother, and I moved with my husband last year....we're still 2 hours from my parents and my brother (and they're an hour apart too.)
So while I don't have the cultural background as the OP, I think it's something that all parents go through. You raise your kids to be independent adults, but when they finally leave the nest, it's hard to let go.
When I was young, we moved across the river into South Jersey. We were less than an hour from my Mom's family. We always traveled over to their houses because they refused to make the trek all the way over to Jersey.
Can't help myself but to wonder if this is one of the extreme cases of not letting go or she just simply hates that team?
Whoa Nelly!!! That's a bit.... extreme!
My MIL is hispanic. I know all about the apron strings. She sobbed hystrically after her daughter's wedding. "I'll never see her again!" Her daughter and new husband lived a block away. To MIL's credit, she waited until after the ceremony to make a scene. I can only imagine what happened after our wedding. We have her on video running after the limo.
Anywho, we've pretty much ignored her drama while still trying to be sensitive to her feelings. And moved 3000 miles away. She has come to terms that her children need to put their families first, just like she did when she was raising her family. It just takes time for her to get used to things.
I really think this is the overall difference.
Everyone posting expects that adult children will move away and be independent. But for some, like the OP's family, that is not what they were anticipating to be the "normal" course of life.
DH grew up in a multi-generational house with his grandparents, single mother, single aunt, and cousin. When DH decided to move to NY and also go to college two years after I did, it was not well received by his family.
I was convinced that they just hated me, but then certain things made me say "Did they not expect you to grow up, move out, and have your own family?" And truly, the answer was yes. Of course moving 24 hours away did add to it, but they honestly would have had the same issues if he had moved into an apartment in the same town.
They were trying to protect him from failure-- in his finances, relationship, and education.
He was always told that he could never be successful, wouldn't be able to afford to pay all his expenses without help, that he wasn't smart enough to go to college, etc. I think that they really believed they were doing the right thing and that it came out of fear and love, but DH still has some resentment over them trying to hold him back. I think seeing him disprove everything they tried to tell him is what made them finally realize that it was possible to be independent. Eventually they got over the fact that he moved away and I think they are proud that he has found success and happiness despite their expectations.
These are our exact thoughts and what we hope we are instilling in our children. Our oldest will be graduating in 3 years and while it makes me sad to think about not having her around all the time, I am genuinely excited about the prospects of her having new experiences, traveling, and making a life for herself.
Shoot, I hope my 3 kids all move to different places so we have a variety of places to visit...though they all have to be warm weather places
ANd as a mom of 3 teens...I too can say that that day can't come soon enough
I expect my son to eventually move to wherever makes him happy. I don't expect him to hang around here unless his life takes that turn.
Of course, my father was in the Air Force and moved overseas. He met my mother in Europe and then she moved overseas. I guess that I kind of expect people to scatter as they move on to live their lives.
This is soooo very true. I moved out when I was 20 and about 35 minutes away. My parents were soooo upset and thought I was ungrateful and so on and so forth. Even going away for college was a huge fight.
When my husband and I married and then had children and moved over an hour away...you would have thought it was the end of the world. My husband was then offered a transfer in another state and when we were ready to take it, my parents were ready to cut off all ties. It was and is insane. Yes, I am Hispanic and the Italians are the same way. (off the boat straight from Italy Italians). They expect us out and with family every.single.weekend and if you are not there it's silent treatment.
I am Mexican and Husband is Italian. Ughh...
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