Moms.....I need suggestions and sensitivity traing.

[BuckeyeBama]

If my husband discussed vacation plans with our children before me, even on a "what if" basis, I'd absolutely veto that vacation idea.

OP, I think you knew this was a bad idea before you even asked here.

You have "veto" rights in your family? Neither my wife nor I have veto rights over anything that the other suggests. We have the right to express our opinion, but we do not draw lines in the sand or make demands. We make decisions together. We each try to push the agenda of the other - putting them ahead of ourselves. And we still go on separate vacations every few years because our schedules don't always allow us to do otherwise.

I would not have discussed something like this with my boys before my wife, but I know that every marriage is different. I won't criticize him for his methods because they may be exactly what works in his marriage. How the heck would I know?

 

[skateshome]

oh....one last thing. I told he kids I was thinking about it and that I was not sure if we would or could and that I would be the one deciding. DW was never even brought up as being the one that would or would not let us go. After 20 years even I know better than that. LOL!!!

 

[eliza61]

Eliza


Eliza thank you for taking up the "battle" that has apparently ensued. LOL!!!
I'm terribly sorry about the loss of your husband. I've had a terrible fight with cancer as well about 3 years ago....everything seems to be going okay now. Guess thats one of the reasons I try to do as much as I can with all my family and try to make as many lasting memories as possible.

Love that I'm totally self absorbed and selfish as well now for wanting to spend time with one or both of my daughters. The youngest can absolutely go if she wants but there is nothing worse than dragging a child around an amusement park that doesn't want to be there. I do tons for my wife and kids.....seems like that would be obvious but perhaps it's not.

I think this thread may has run its course.....should we just have it deleted and
All get back to talking about the happiest place on earth instead?

Can mods delete threads on this forum?

Thanks for the warm wishes skates, and doubly glad you're doing well. I wouldn't worry much, threads go off track all the time.

If anything it just reaffirms my belief that different strokes for different folks. One thing about a serious illness, it puts stuff in perspective really quick.

Hubby taking care of himself and the kids = big deal
Hubby going to Disney without me= not even a blip on the importance scale.

Good luck with the dvc, we are members at BCV's. one perk is that we could take different vacations at low cost.

 

[Spunky946]

I just took dd 7 by herself for her birthday. It was fantastic. Dh, is not a Disney nut like us stayed home and ds 11 was at sleep away camp and encouraged it.

We are going on a family trip to August to California and doing Disneyland.

Dh will take ds on a sports trip sometime in the next year. I think dd will always be my dd buddy.

 

[KBoopaloo]

Since it is her busy time at work, I think in some ways it would probably be nice for her if you could take BOTH girls on a little getaway and if I were your wife I think I would be totally on board with that. But I think leaving one daughter behind during what you know is a busy time at work is a terrible idea. Your wife will likely feel obligated to make sure that your DD at home gets to have some fun and do some special things while you are away so she doesn't feel slighted that her older sister is getting a trip to WDW. I would guess that during a busy time at work she is stressed and tired. It would be annoying to add on making sure that DD7 is entertained and not feeling left out on top of all that work stuff. So for me it wouldn't be you going to WDW without me that would be the issue at all, it would be all that would come with having one DD left at home without your help during what is already a busy and stressful time that would be frustrating.

 

[danny1649]

Looks like you are getting great information from many moms.I can't think of any thing I can add.

 

[Maleficent Dragon]

There is nothing wrong with you asking your wife if she would be okay with a father/daughter trip. It happens all of the time. If you have the funds and your wife is okay with it, you should go. Hope you get to make the trip and more importantly, make those special memories.

 

[Maleficent Dragon]

Lol, op said he was considering a trip. he's not planning an underground escape tunnel. He's been married 20 years so he says so I thinking he's figured it out.

Me, Don't know about the divorce rate, I had 30 years under my belt before my fabulous hubby lost his battle with cancer. I guess I'm the opposite, all the post of people having meltdowns because they can't go on vacation reaffirms my belief that my husband was one of a kind and I probably won't be getting remarried.

All good though

Mine is a one-of-a-kind, too. I am so sorry you lost your beloved.

 

[mummabear]

We recently did one-on-one trips, and they were both amazing - me with just our 6-year-old son, and hubby with just our 8-year-old daughter about a month later (3-year-old none the wiser about either)

That's awesome. I know the 3 year old doesn't care now but they will later if they don't get a special trip too (You may have already planned it )
As the baby in the family I was always very hurt growing uo that my siblings had/did things I didnt (like my whole family had matching Christmas stockings except me-because they were bought before I was born, silly I know but it made me cry every Christmas, baby books completed, photos taken, travelling done, Mom was an at home mom for some of the time for them but not me) as a parent know I get it, you plan for it but the more kids the harder it is both time wise and financially but I am very rigid about fairness with my own now (drives my DH insane as he is a twin and so they were always had things exactly the same!)

 

[mummabear]

We both.love Disney. While we would both be ok with our spouse taking a solo trip, and we are fine taking an adults only trip, I dont think either of us would be ok with the spouse also taking our DD while the other spouse stays home and works. If DD is going, we both go

I get this Last trip to DLR I was going to do the Walk in Walts Footsteps tour and DH was going to look after the 3 kids so I could do it but I couldnt bring myself to miss 1/2 a day at Disney with them, what if I missed something awesome with the girls. So WIWF will wait for a adults only trip one day.

So I would feel more bummed about missing her in the parks rather than me missing the parks but not so bummed that I wouldnt want them to go (well maybe a little but I would suck it up and not be selfish), and more worried about how DD7 really feels (which may very well be that she is fine with it-maybe she would like to do Disney but as her dad said their touring styles are different and she would rather not go then get up for RD and commando it through the parks)

 

[Indy Denise]

First of all.....we have 7 and 8 year old daughters and are all big Disney fans. We are waiting to close on DVC in the next couple of weeks for BLT. We've gone he last 4 years in a row in May and will be staying with DVc points at BLT again this coming May 2016.

Would you do this and if so any suggestions on a good way to present my case or how to go about bringing it up?

Silly post I know but i possible there could be some hurt feelings for even thinking about it. LOL!

Help me Disboards....or set me straight!!

If you have to present a case and/or worry about hurt feelings then the answer is clear. Keep your rear home, seems to me you already know that this is the right answer... even if you don't want to admit it.

 

[smiths02]

Maybe it is immature, but I would be a little sad because I love Disney, but I wouldn't get mad or say never. My other jealousy issue comes from use of resources. Maybe OP has a lot more money than most and travels all the time (hence DVC). Our family saved for 4 years for our last trip. A vacation is a big use of resources.
I would really only object about not taking both girls unless there was something father-daughter planned with the other girl.

 

[missbrooke06]

For what it's worth, if I was your wife, I would probably be disappointed that daughter 2 didn't want to go. I'm looking forward to taking my kids to a couple places that my husband isn't interested in by myself and I'm equally looking forward to him taking the kids on some trips and leaving me home alone.

 

[Summertinkerbell]

My Mother-in-law is a world traveler. Before she retired, she took each of her children, grandchildren, and even a niece on a trip abroad. One year after we were married, she took my DH and I to Sweden and England. It was a wonderful experience for all of us to share a trip of a lifetime with her. When one child went to Italy with Grandma, the others had either already been somewhere amazing with her or had a trip to look forward to.

The only negative is that my DD and her cousin were born after she retired, so they missed out on that wonderful travelling experience.

I think there is nothing wrong with you having a special November trip to WDW with one child as long as the other one has an equally amazing trip planned with you as well. Your wife is choosing to meet her professional responsibilities, but the child that you are leaving behind may be scarred by this if she doesn't have a special trip with you as well.

You sound like a good Daddy. I'm sure you will come up with a plan that will make everybody happy.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

My husband took my son by himself one year. I was "jealous", but in the sense that I wish it was possible for me to go. (We lived in Virginia at the time and had a vacation planned 7 months later anyway.). I had no issues with my husband taking just one child. Said child was 5 and siblings were older. So if your one child is saying she wants to stay home with mom, I don't think you are out if line or insensitive for asking/offering to take the other child to Disney. (Depending on your financial situation, of course. This should not be a hardship.)

 

[wdwobsessed]

I can't believe some of the comments on this thread… If a relationship is so attached at the hip that you can never go into anything off on your own then that's a serious problem.

Making sure the younger daughter is OK with it that would be my primary concern… And it seems that she is… So my suggestion would be to take a quick trip with your older daughter but then make sure you also do something special with your younger daughter.

I think some of the responses would be highly different if it was the mom wanting to go on a quick trip

 

[happymommy]

I wouldn't see anything wrong if you decide to take just one daughter or both. It's really up to what your family chooses!
I've been taking my kids alone to Disney for years; DH doesn't have the time to go often, and he's not really into it anyway. First trip (the kids were 4 and 6) without DH, he kind of thought it was an odd thing to do, but didn't stop me or anything. He had never realized that folks do this. Now I go sometimes with another friend and her kids, and last two trips DS didn't go. Last trip was just me and DD (the one before that DH did go, but didn't do parks much). Just me and DD was so fun that we're doing it again two days after we drop off DS to college!
One thing I've found is the less people in my group, the more fun it is. We don't have to worry about what others feel like doing!
I'm sure my in-laws think it's weird, but they don't vacation like we do at all. And I don't care what anyone thinks anyway!
I'd say talk with your wife and decide what you want to do. Nothing wrong with wanting to go with just one child, as long as the other says she really doesn't want to go and doesn't mind! My son this past spring said he wanted to hang out with friends at home instead, so we canceled his portion of the trip.

 

[North of Mouse]

First of all.....we have 7 and 8 year old daughters and are all big Disney fans. We are waiting to close on DVC in the next couple of weeks for BLT. We've gone he last 4 years in a row in May and will be staying with DVc points at BLT again this coming May 2016.

Here's the problem......I would really like to go in November for a short trip. however, my wife's part time job has its busy season then so there is no way she will even ask for time off. Our 8 year is just like me. Up early and go all day. Our 7 year old is a little more like Mom. They like to take their time in the morning and generally go at quite a bit slower pace.

I've had a couple of "what if" conversations with my girls and the 8 year old would love for just me and her to go and 7 year old would just as much like to stay at home with mom. I explained to them we will probably not do this and they know we're going next May anyway.....so no big deal to them.

So here's the problem. Wife is big Disney fan herself.

Am I out of bounds for even considering this? Am I a bad husband? Will she divorce me after 20 years? LOL!

Would you do this and if so any suggestions on a good way to present my case or how to go about bringing it up?

Silly post I know but it's possible there could be some hurt feelings for even thinking about it. LOL!

Help me Disboards....or set me straight!!

I say the persons to ask are 'only' your wife and daughter. If they are fine with this, just go. Who's else business would it be but yours?
This is only your family's concern. If your wife wants a divorce after 20 years it won't be because of this one trip! LOL

We're an 'all go' family or none, when it comes to vacations. We do not enjoy fun without each other even though our children are long grown, but that doesn't make other ways wrong - it's just what works for us and makes us happy.

 

[North of Mouse]

Great reply kathy884!!!
Thanks for the honest responses from all of you!

A few of you need to keep in mind that you have no idea what our family dynamic is....this is simply a question on a message board. I know my daughters and I know my wife.

OK, there's your answer from your own self!! NO one can understand your family like y'all yourselves can - IMO message boards can 'never' be the answer as NO one knows your true situation. Boggles my mind some of the personal family questions asked on the boards which can sometimes be very upsetting to the OP's. Please yourselves (family) in these type situations and don't worry about anyone else opinion.

 

[Angel Ariel]

So let me ask, is the problem that he wants to go to Disney or is it because he wants to go without her? would it be ok, if it were some place she had no interest in?

I can only speak for me. I don't think dh or I would be ok with one spouse taking Dd to Disney alone because we both love it so much. If it was not Disney, I think we would both be totally fine with the other taking Dd alone.