Moms.....I need suggestions and sensitivity traing.

[Angel Ariel]

No, the fact that you choose together doesn't mean you are joined at the hip, but the fact that you are saying that if your spouse decided to bring your child without you would be a no, no says more. There isn't a place on the planet my Dh couldn't bring one of our children or all of them without me if the opportunity made sense in every aspect except I couldn't go. Hawaii is our place so I get that feeling, but if the opportunity came up where he could take them and I couldn't go I wouldn't feel right letting jealousy (because that's what it is) prevent them from going and making memories and an already special place more special. It just means the next time we all go they can share that experience with me and all that they did, and that would make me happy! That's just me of course. I don't understand the mentality that something is off limits to my family if I can't go because it is special.

Wow. This is the judgment that I was talking about. it's not jealousy, and it's not me saying it's a "no no". You are inferring more than is actually there, in our case.

It's something DH and I *agree* on. Neither of us have a *desire* - at the moment - to take one on one parent/child trips to WDW. That is not the same thing as what you're passing judgment on. Neither of us have a problem with the other taking a solo trip to WDW, but if DD is going, we both want to be there. I get that you may not make the same choice, but I don't get why that's so difficult to understand. If one person *wanted* to take the other and the other spouse said no, that would be an issue, but that's *not* the case for DH and I. If ever there came a time where one of us *did* want to take a one on one parent/child trip to WDW, we'd discuss and re-evaluate then. I didn't ever say it was "off limits", so please don't put those words in my mouth.

DD is 3. Yes, she's been to WDW - at 8 months and 15 months. She's an entirely different child now. Going with her now will be an entirely different experience than it was before. So no, neither of us want to miss out on that.

 

[starsweeper]

I took my 4 kids to WDW for Easter week without my DH, but he isn't a huge Disney fan. He was fine with us going. However, if he were going without me, I'd likely not be very happy about it. If he took the kids camping, something I hate, I'd send them happily on their way. So, if you wife would really hate not going, I'd wait until your next trip with the entire family.

 

[nugov2]

Wow. This is the judgment that I was talking about. it's not jealousy, and it's not me saying it's a "no no". You are inferring more than is actually there, in our case.

It's something DH and I *agree* on. Neither of us have a *desire* - at the moment - to take one on one parent/child trips to WDW. That is not the same thing as what you're passing judgment on. Neither of us have a problem with the other taking a solo trip to WDW, but if DD is going, we both want to be there. I get that you may not make the same choice, but I don't get why that's so difficult to understand. If one person *wanted* to take the other and the other spouse said no, that would be an issue, but that's *not* the case for DH and I. If ever there came a time where one of us *did* want to take a one on one parent/child trip to WDW, we'd discuss and re-evaluate then. I didn't ever say it was "off limits", so please don't put those words in my mouth.

DD is 3. Yes, she's been to WDW - at 8 months and 15 months. She's an entirely different child now. Going with her now will be an entirely different experience than it was before. So no, neither of us want to miss out on that.

Then if you both agree it is a moot point and the scenario doesn't apply to you and is no judgment on you. This applies to dh's or dw's who would want to do it and the spouse's response is basically over my dead body. It is no more of a judgment then those saying it is inappropriate or mean to both the child or the wife. It is a difference of opinion and my opinion is what I stated. Your opinion while valid doesn't apply because you *both* feel that way and obviously the op and his spouse may have different views. If two spouses agree to anything that is great and what works for them. I'm just of the opinion that it is okay to want to take a kid (s) on a vacation without their spouse shouldn't be ruled out when it otherwise wouldn't be just because it is WDW. I also never put words in your mouth and said you said it was off limits. I specifically said it was just me and don't understand that mentality, not that it was yours and only your specific mentality. It only applies to a person with a spouse who wants to and the other puts their foot down and says no and as you already stated doesn't apply to you.

 

[Angel Ariel]

I appreciate your clarification, thank you.

If two spouses agree to anything that is great and what works for them.

ITA

I'm just of the opinion that it is okay to want to take a kid (s) on a vacation without their spouse shouldn't be ruled out when it otherwise wouldn't be just because it is WDW.

If that's what it seems I was saying, then I apologize as I wasn't saying that at all...I was just speaking for DH and I and trying to explain that we view WDW separately...not that everyone else should too. I don't think any vacation options should ever be entirely ruled out by one spouse or another...vacation should always be discussed and decided on together (even if the actual vacation is not taken together).

 

[littleblackegg]

I do not have small children but I work with them and their parents. As much as one parent insists she or he doesn't need to be present for vacations or family pictures or school events (I see this a lot with professional parents who work crazy hours), he or she does want to be there. And the kids want him or her them too. It's no crime to teach kids that a trip is going to be delayed for an EVEN MORE AWESOME TRIP. I mean, think of the messages: gratification can be delayed, it's better to wait to have everybody than to have somebody wait behind, we do wonderful things as a family because that's what's families do, the good messages go on and on! It's a win-win situation.

 

[littleblackegg]

There is always that issue of how the mom actually feels and how the mom feels she must present herself to be the perfect parent. Mom's get a lot of grief. They are under pressure to be the perfect breastfeeder, the perfect early childhood development expert, the perfect education coach to guarantee your young darlings an Ivy League education, the perfect wholesome, organic chefs, etc. They are the one's charged with knowing when school projects are due. What the soccer practice schedule is. Appointments. Jean sizes. Standardized test schedules. In most households, mom handles all of this. The dads I know would make it about five minutes in a mom's world. Plus, they work full time jobs. AND then has to the heavy and the person who says NO. So, to be the "fun guy" who comes up with the Disney plans (which don't include her and the "stay at home kid") is really a kick in the gut. I'd brief her on any awesome dad plans you have in the future.