Moms.....I need suggestions and sensitivity traing.

[mom2AidanAndEli]

Maybe its because my spouse owned his own business so i know first hand that sometimes schedules don't align, so no I don't think of it as selfish if my husband and kids planned a vacation when I couldn't go.
I guess im not the type of person who would get mad because my husband is having a good time and I had obligations.

Like I said sounds selfish and more like grade school basketball. " it's my ball and if I can't play I'm taking it and going home".

2) Is she NEVER going with them??? one time not going to a theme park translates to not sticking with them??? lol, he's not leaving her to have chemotherapy by herself.

Hopefully my kids saw our example and will follow it, lol. I would never whine or throw a hissy fit because I got stuck at work and thankfully neither would he.

My notes weren't to the OP, but to your comments. They seemed very one-sided and I was pointing out there's two sides to the story! You see it as the wife being selfish. I see it could be the husband not taking the wife's feelings into account.

 

[eliza61]

My notes weren't to the OP, but to your comments. They seemed very one-sided and I was pointing out there's two sides to the story! You see it as the wife being selfish. I see it could be the husband not taking the wife's feelings into account.

Oh I took it as the wife knows that he had this particular week planned and she couldn't get off.
For example when I went back to school for my graduate degree, I couldn't get off for 2 years, it seems the consensus here is that my husband should have never went to disney because I couldn't go. Seriously???

Or when my dh started his business he was working 24/7, thankfully he encourage me and my son's to head south to the mouseworld.

We had many vacations together, one or two separate wasn't cause to get mad at him

I guess i was surprised at how many people would throw hissy fits if their spouses went on vacation without them

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

Oh I took it as the wife knows that he had this particular week planned and she couldn't get off.

Actually just the opposite! The OP knows this is the wife's busy time at work, but it's when he wants to go!

As far as we all know, he's only discussed it with his daughters and his wife knows nothing about it.

 

[eliza61]

Actually just the opposite! The OP knows this is the wife's busy time at work, but it's when he wants to go!

As far as we all know, he's only discussed it with his daughters and his wife knows nothing about it.

Yes but she's been every year with them in May and they are about to close on a dvc, which means she'll be going again.

So yeah basically she'll get po'ed because this ONE time she can't go.

Lol, I took a Girlie trip to the world with my sister and girlfriends, so glad my wonderful hubby is who he is, a guy who enjoys seeing his wife have a great time, at a place she loves, with or without him.

Love that man!!!

 

[BugsDaddy]

It's interesting to see the conversation get skewed against the wife. I see a lot of people inferring that if she is not on board with this, then she must be against his being happy.

I was taught that marriage is a partnership. You don't make major decisions without consulting the other person. It's just inconsiderate and disrespectful of the other person. And you do not especially tell the kids what you are planning and keep it from the wife. And yes, if he has not told the wife of his plans by now, he is playing a game and keeping it from her intentionally.

To see so many people agree with this tactic is disappointing but probably speaks to the high divorce rate.

 

[Dizlvr]

I'm a wife and a mother and I wouldn't mind at all. I'd be disappointed that I couldn't go but its not like a once in a lifetime trip for you guys, you'll have DVC.
My only stipulation would be that my dh also plan something just as special for the other dd too.

 

[mefordis]

I think you should speak with your wife. I would be all for my dh going on a trip even if I couldn't go. I'd expect to be able to do something similar myself at a different time, though. I would encourage him to take both daughters, though.

 

[eliza61]

It's interesting to see the conversation get skewed against the wife. I see a lot of people inferring that if she is not on board with this, then she must be against his being happy.

I was taught that marriage is a partnership. You don't make major decisions without consulting the other person. It's just inconsiderate and disrespectful of the other person. And you do not especially tell the kids what you are planning and keep it from the wife. And yes, if he has not told the wife of his plans by now, he is playing a game and keeping it from her intentionally.

To see so many people agree with this tactic is disappointing but probably speaks to the high divorce rate.

Lol, op said he was considering a trip. he's not planning an underground escape tunnel. He's been married 20 years so he says so I thinking he's figured it out.

Me, Don't know about the divorce rate, I had 30 years under my belt before my fabulous hubby lost his battle with cancer. I guess I'm the opposite, all the post of people having meltdowns because they can't go on vacation reaffirms my belief that my husband was one of a kind and I probably won't be getting remarried.

All good though

 

[eliza61]

So let me ask, is the problem that he wants to go to Disney or is it because he wants to go without her? would it be ok, if it were some place she had no interest in?

 

[BugsDaddy]

Lol, op said he was considering a trip. he's not planning an underground escape tunnel. He's been married 20 years so he says so I thinking he's figured it out.

Me, Don't know about the divorce rate, I had 30 years under my belt before my fabulous hubby lost his battle with cancer. I guess I'm the opposite, all the post of people having meltdowns because they can't go on vacation reaffirms my belief that my husband was one of a kind and I probably won't be getting remarried.

All good though

Why would he consider a trip and discuss it with his children without having that discussion with his wife? It also sounds like this is a lot more than just a passing thought. Based on the fact that he felt the need to come to the Internet to validate his behavior indicates to me that he knows he jumped the gun and is now looking for people to tell him that he is in the right. By the way, the length of someone's marriage is not necessarily indicative of happiness. I've known more than a few people who have been married 15, 20, 30 years that are absolutely miserable but don't feel like they have any other options.

 

[BugsDaddy]

Lol, op said he was considering a trip. he's not planning an underground escape tunnel. He's been married 20 years so he says so I thinking he's figured it out.

Me, Don't know about the divorce rate, I had 30 years under my belt before my fabulous hubby lost his battle with cancer. I guess I'm the opposite, all the post of people having meltdowns because they can't go on vacation reaffirms my belief that my husband was one of a kind and I probably won't be getting remarried.

All good though

And by the way, I don't think the biggest issue is that he wants to go to Disney without his wife and child, she or they might be fine with that. The biggest issue I see is that he is more comfortable discussing the issue with strangers on the internet than his wife.

 

[eliza61]

And by the way, I don't think the biggest issue is that he wants to go to Disney without his wife and child, she or they might be fine with that. The biggest issue I see is that he is more comfortable discussing the issue with strangers on the internet than his wife.

Ok, well I'm out, I definitely did not delve that deep into the psychosis of a dis internet question. You'll have to ask the op about the state of his marriage. I pretty much take stuff here at face value.

Lol, guy ask for suggestions, I don't take that as a sign of not being comfortable in taking ith his SO. go figure.

So op, you ask for suggestions in bringing it up, simply go for it and tell her what you'd like to do. me? I'd make you take both girls and enjoy the rare moments of "me" time.

 

[mefordis]

Why would he consider a trip and discuss it with his children without having that discussion with his wife? It also sounds like this is a lot more than just a passing thought. Based on the fact that he felt the need to come to the Internet to validate his behavior indicates to me that he knows he jumped the gun and is now looking for people to tell him that he is in the right. By the way, the length of someone's marriage is not necessarily indicative of happiness. I've known more than a few people who have been married 15, 20, 30 years that are absolutely miserable but don't feel like they have any other options.

Harsh! I enjoy reading threads like these. I see no problem with asking a bunch of internet strangers for advice. We don't know him -- it's completely anonymous. Questions such as the OP's help make this forum interesting. Obviously you agree to a point since you clicked on the thread.

OP - imo you did nothing wrong. I hope your wife supports your trip and gives you the green light.

 

[IrishNYC]

If my husband discussed vacation plans with our children before me, even on a "what if" basis, I'd absolutely veto that vacation idea.

OP, I think you knew this was a bad idea before you even asked here.

 

[mefordis]

I am trying to understand what the big deal is here. I picture my husband asking my girls if they would like to go on a little trip while I am going through a busy period at work. I can't see myself stopping them if we had the money. The OP doesn't bring up any money issue so I fail to understand why I should keep them from having fun just because I have to be at work.

 

[IrishNYC]

I am trying to understand what the big deal is here. I picture my husband asking my girls if they would like to go on a little trip while I am going through a busy period at work. I can't see myself stopping them if we had the money. The OP doesn't bring up any money issue so I fail to understand why I should keep them from having fun just because I have to be at work.

The issue (to me) is that he
1. discussed it with his kids before talking to his wife
2. he's only taking one of his kids because the other kid is happy to stay home and polish her nails
3. his wife loves disney
4. he discussed it with his kids before his wife. (yes, to me it deserves to be mentioned twice)

 

[BugsDaddy]

I am trying to understand what the big deal is here. I picture my husband asking my girls if they would like to go on a little trip while I am going through a busy period at work. I can't see myself stopping them if we had the money. The OP doesn't bring up any money issue so I fail to understand why I should keep them from having fun just because I have to be at work.

I think just the fact that he posted on this forum looking for a way to break it to the wife he has been married to for 20 years is an indication that he already knew that she might not be on board with this. If she doesn't agree to it, he has put her in a losing situation. Kids are not stupid. They will know where the denial came from and that puts the wife in an awkward situation. That is the part that is inconsiderate IMO. Not the idea itself. It seems to me that he knows his wife won't like the idea and going through the kids first may be his way of forcing the issue.

I don't know what goes on in people's lives but by posting his dilemma, he opens the subject up for debate.

 

[mefordis]

The issue (to me) is that he
1. discussed it with his kids before talking to his wife
2. he's only taking one of his kids because the other kid is happy to stay home and polish her nails
3. his wife loves disney
4. he discussed it with his kids before his wife. (yes, to me it deserves to be mentioned twice)

I guess I'm more laid back than I thought I was because none of the above are issues for me except for #2, but that wouldn't make me angry. I'd just say he needs to take both of them.

 

[mefordis]

I think just the fact that he posted on this forum looking for a way to break it to the wife he has been married to for 20 years is an indication that he already knew that she might not be on board with this. If she doesn't agree to it, he has put her in a losing situation. Kids are not stupid. They will know where the denial came from and that puts the wife in an awkward situation. That is the part that is inconsiderate IMO. Not the idea itself.

Okay, I understand where you are coming from. I just hope the OP comes back and lets us know how it works out.

 

[skateshome]

Eliza

Ok, well I'm out, I definitely did not delve that deep into the psychosis of a dis internet question. You'll have to ask the op about the state of his marriage. I pretty much take stuff here at face value.

Lol, guy ask for suggestions, I don't take that as a sign of not being comfortable in taking ith his SO. go figure.

So op, you ask for suggestions in bringing it up, simply go for it and tell her what you'd like to do. me? I'd make you take both girls and enjoy the rare moments of "me" time.

Eliza thank you for taking up the "battle" that has apparently ensued. LOL!!!
I'm terribly sorry about the loss of your husband. I've had a terrible fight with cancer as well about 3 years ago....everything seems to be going okay now. Guess thats one of the reasons I try to do as much as I can with all my family and try to make as many lasting memories as possible.

Love that I'm totally self absorbed and selfish as well now for wanting to spend time with one or both of my daughters. The youngest can absolutely go if she wants but there is nothing worse than dragging a child around an amusement park that doesn't want to be there. I do tons for my wife and kids.....seems like that would be obvious but perhaps it's not.

I think this thread may has run its course.....should we just have it deleted and
All get back to talking about the happiest place on earth instead?

Can mods delete threads on this forum?