Is this tacky or are we being cheap?

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Yes, I think we're only hearing one side of the situation and I get the vibe that there's a lot of issues between the SIL/family and the OP.

I was just curious and peeked at some older posts by the OP. Apparently, she is sending her dd to overnight camp, has different ING accounts, flew to FL, and spent $$$ on different WDW dining experiences. Sure doesn't sound like they are really strapped for cash.

I can understand the principle of it all and that there may be issues, but an 80yo woman shouldn't be "punished" for it. Celebrate her life!

So what is your point.

By my ticker--you would probably assume things. It is best not to assume.

WE have budgets and if someone plans a big fluffy event and then tells noone except come bill time--well, as I said before--unless telepathy is a dominating gene in the family.....

It is poor manners to do this.

What is it they say about weddings--do what you can afford...

Same is for any party that one hosts regardless of the circumstance. If you plan it yourself and asks for contributions after the fact--it is tacky.

(And yes we would probably give the $200--but heck...the $$$ is not the point).

 

[dvcgirl]

So what is your point.

By my ticker--you would probably assume things. It is best not to assume.

WE have budgets and if someone plans a big fluffy event and then tells noone except come bill time--well, as I said before--unless telepathy is a dominating gene in the family.....

It is poor manners to do this.

What is it they say about weddings--do what you can afford...

Same is for any party that one hosts regardless of the circumstance. If you plan it yourself and asks for contributions after the fact--it is tacky.

(And yes we would probably give the $200--but heck...the $$$ is not the point).

I think your last sentence says it all. Even though the OP said that $200 is a lot more to her than it is to her DH's siblings, clearly the OP's original comments are not about the money. With family it's usually more involved than that.

I also think that the OP probably could have called the SIL back and said..."Sure, we'd love to chip in what we can for Mom's BD party....is there anything I can do to help with the planning?" That would have given her a good idea what the plans were...

Also, there's more than one side to this story. Imagine the SIL hearing the comment by the OP in the background. And imagine asking your brother for $200 for his Mom's 80th BD and then getting flack from his wife over the amount (The OP did say that $200 is a lot for them)....for $200....after they just took an $8,000 trip to Walt Disney World and now have plans to go back.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I think your last sentence says it all. Even though the OP said that $200 is a lot more to her than it is to her DH's siblings, clearly the OP's original comments are not about the money. With family it's usually more involved than that.

What point does it make? That other people have the right to dictate my finances or the OP's?

 

[jennifer293]

I think it is funny that when people post threads about finances and such some are so quick to go and pull previous posts to find out what they have been spending money on...

It is NONE of your business. When they ask a question they want and answer to that question. They are not looking for your approval as to why they took an $8,000 vacation. With all this talk about being tacky..Pulling posts so you can belittle them for what they spend their money on is very tacky!!!!

 

[dvcgirl]

I think it is funny that when people post threads about finances and such some are so quick to go and pull previous posts to find out what they have been spending money on...

It is NONE of your business. When they ask a question they want and answer to that question. They are not looking for your approval as to why they took an $8,000 vacation. With all this talk about being tacky..Pulling posts so you can belittle them for what they spend their money on is very tacky!!!!

I didn't pull the post or even search for it. However, I did assume that the OP's original issue was not really over the money, and if it was....well, I wondered how anyone who can't afford $40 a month for five months toward a party can afford to own a computer, pay for on-line access...and is hanging around a Disney board where people mostly plan trips to WDW. It's a given that just about every poster here has taken a fairly recent trip to WDW or has one in the works. I don't know why people get so uptight about the fact that someone finds a recent post...it's not exactly a secret that most people here are planning on going to Disney.

The OP asked if it was cheap to not want to give $200 towards a party...and painted a picture of her and her family as not being able to compete with her DH's siblings financially. And so it sounded like they were on a really tight budget, but then someone pulls a post that shows that they've recently taken an 8K trip to WDW...and has another one planned. And so I don't see how those two things can co-exist. It's difficult to paint a picture of poverty when taking those kinds of vacations.

I think that the SIL probably could have handled the whole thing better as well. She should have included the OP in the discussion before asking for money. However, having planned many parties, it would be quite difficult to make everyone happy when there are 9 siblings and all of their significant others involved. Sometimes someone has to take the bull by the horns, and in all honesty, I don't think chipping in $200 for a Mom's 80th BD is a whole lot to ask.....regardless of finances in most cases.

 

[runwad]

I think another poster hit the nail on the head when they said we don't all think of our MIL as our Mothers. I know I sure don't. I think it's amazing that some of my friends actually prefer their MIL's to their Mother, cause for me this is so NOT the case. I wouldn't want to contribute a dime of my hard earned money to a party for her and I don't care if she was turning 100!! When you don't like someone you find offense in almost everything they do and all things that pertain to them; maybe that is part of the ops problem. She'd rather spend her money on something she likes, I'm right there with ya sister

That being said I should state I'd fork over the $200 anyway for my husbands sake, but would still complain about it here on the Dis

 

[agoofylover]

Hi,
My Grandma turned 80 last year. My grandma has three kids..my mom and two sons. My mom came up with the idea...and then checked with my uncles first. I think that was smart...both uncles make way more money than my mom...but they all decided to split the cost. My mom and I did a lot in other areas...making her a scrapbook with special things her kids and grandkids remembered/loved about her. We (mom and I ) did almost all the work, but my uncles were kept informed as we went along. I can't say that our party was big. Her 3 kids, 7 grandkids, 9 great-grandkids and spouses of kids and grandkids. I think it should have been discussed with you and your husband before any plans were made...but now that it's done, what can you do? You could see if there was something you could contribute in some way to cut down some cost...maybe?
good luck!!

 

[jennifer293]

I didn't pull the post or even search for it. However, I did assume that the OP's original issue was not really over the money, and if it was....well, I wondered how anyone who can't afford $40 a month for five months toward a party can afford to own a computer, pay for on-line access...and is hanging around a Disney board where people mostly plan trips to WDW. It's a given that just about every poster here has taken a fairly recent trip to WDW or has one in the works. I don't know why people get so uptight about the fact that someone finds a recent post...it's not exactly a secret that most people here are planning on going to Disney.

The OP asked if it was cheap to not want to give $200 towards a party...and painted a picture of her and her family as not being able to compete with her DH's siblings financially. And so it sounded like they were on a really tight budget, but then someone pulls a post that shows that they've recently taken an 8K trip to WDW...and has another one planned. And so I don't see how those two things can co-exist. It's difficult to paint a picture of poverty when taking those kinds of vacations.

I think that the SIL probably could have handled the whole thing better as well. She should have included the OP in the discussion before asking for money. However, having planned many parties, it would be quite difficult to make everyone happy when there are 9 siblings and all of their significant others involved. Sometimes someone has to take the bull by the horns, and in all honesty, I don't think chipping in $200 for a Mom's 80th BD is a whole lot to ask.....regardless of finances in most cases.

I was not calling you out...I was talking about people in general and on other threads. It has happened on pretty much every thread in which the OP has asked for some sort of advice.

I DO NOT think that 200.00 is asking for a lot either especially for her Dh's 80 year old mother. As someone has already stated the woman gave him life the least they can do is give 200.00. I AGREE with you!!!

I do think there are some hard feelings between the OP and her SIL and there is more to the story.

There are plenty of people who spread themselves so thin that there is not an extra $40.00 a month to give for a party and I understand that and computer and internet may be that luxury they refuse to get rid of just like a bad smoking habit. But that is not any of my business as to why they can or cannot afford it. If it were me and it were DH's mother I would find a way to come up with the 200.00 just because I love her so much!!

Sorry you felt attacked!!

 

[dvcgirl]

I was not calling you out...I was talking about people in general and on other threads. It has happened on pretty much every thread in which the OP has asked for some sort of advice.

I DO NOT think that 200.00 is asking for a lot either especially for her Dh's 80 year old mother. As someone has already stated the woman gave him life the least they can do is give 200.00. I AGREE with you!!!

I do think there are some hard feelings between the OP and her SIL and there is more to the story.

There are plenty of people who spread themselves so thin that there is not an extra $40.00 a month to give for a party and I understand that and computer and internet may be that luxury they refuse to get rid of just like a bad smoking habit. But that is not any of my business as to why they can or cannot afford it. If it were me and it were DH's mother I would find a way to come up with the 200.00 just because I love her so much!!

Sorry you felt attacked!!

I didn't feel attacked...it's all good. I just wanted to point out why I made my original comments about $200 not being a whole lot for most people on this board. When I was in college and working part-time, $200 was a lot for me, but back then I didn't own a computer and I certainly wasn't planning a trip to WDW. At any other point in my life, even with my first job, I could have scraped together $200 for something important (which this party may or may not be to the OP). I guess my point is that I have a tough time buying that $200 for a party five months out is *that* tough for just about anyone around here to scrape together. Just by the pure fact that someone is here on this board...it says to me that they are thinking about a trip to Disney, or have taken one in the last few years. To me, that says you have some money to burn....

 

[kizmac]

I think it is funny that when people post threads about finances and such some are so quick to go and pull previous posts to find out what they have been spending money on...

It is NONE of your business. When they ask a question they want and answer to that question. They are not looking for your approval as to why they took an $8,000 vacation. With all this talk about being tacky..Pulling posts so you can belittle them for what they spend their money on is very tacky!!!!

You're right! I did copy her post and that was tacky. I do appologize OP! I honestly didn't even think to look though until someone else mentioned it. Still doesn't make it right and I do feel bad. I think I had too much time on my hands today.

Anyhow, she did ask the question if it was tacky and if they were being cheap. Then stated that $200 was a "big" deal to her family and how much all the others made. She brought the issue of finances to the table not us. I could careless if she takes 15 trips to Disney a year and spend $8000 each time, but she asked for the opinion and then didn't bother to post any more info. So forgive me and anyone else that had too much time on our hands and looked at her prior posts. I am in no way concerned what they spend their money on nor did I want to belittle them for what they spend their money on. I love Disney (of course) and think it's a great place to spend money but sorry if I don't break out for someone that claims $200 is a big deal for MIL's 80th...5 months from now....when they post on a public forum about their trips.

That said...maybe she doesn't like MIL..maybe MIL is a real stinker, then I could understand her not wanting to pitch in. OP hasn't been back to add input...but she asked so she's getting answers. Wasn't that the purpose? I hope she has a great trip and MIL has a great party.

 

[jennifer293]

I think another poster hit the nail on the head when they said we don't all think of our MIL as our Mothers. I know I sure don't. I think it's amazing that some of my friends actually prefer their MIL's to their Mother, cause for me this is so NOT the case. I wouldn't want to contribute a dime of my hard earned money to a party for her and I don't care if she was turning 100!! When you don't like someone you find offense in almost everything they do and all things that pertain to them; maybe that is part of the ops problem. She'd rather spend her money on something she likes, I'm right there with ya sister

That being said I should state I'd fork over the $200 anyway for my husbands sake, but would still complain about it here on the Dis

I know a lot of women who feel the way you do about their MIL's and there are just some MIL's out there that REFUSE to get along with the DIL and vice versa.....I am SO fortunate that I got a great one. I talk to her more than I do my own mother. It is not that I love her more than my mom. I just have more in common with her I mean heck I live with her only son and nobody can understand where I am coming from (when it comes to him) more than his mother right? I love her to pieces!!!
Sure she gets on my nerves from time to time and I am sure I do hers, but we get over it and move on. I cannot imagine not having a relationship with her.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I'd rather give from the heart than to be cornered for it.

Me saying I'd do the $200--woudl be so that people wouldn't feel ill of me for any reason. Not quite the gift that says "I love you".

Just by the pure fact that someone is here on this board...it says to me that they are thinking about a trip to Disney, or have taken one in the last few years. To me, that says you have some money to burn....

And DVCgirl--mere presence on this board does not indicate an ability to go to Disney nor that they have money to burn. You offer so much advice....I can't believe you actually stated that.

 

[dvcgirl]

You're right! I did copy her post and that was tacky. I do appologize OP! I honestly didn't even think to look though until someone else mentioned it. Still doesn't make it right and I do feel bad. I think I had too much time on my hands today.

Anyhow, she did ask the question if it was tacky and if they were being cheap. Then stated that $200 was a "big" deal to her family and how much all the others made. She brought the issue of finances to the table not us. I could careless if she takes 15 trips to Disney a year and spend $8000 each time, but she asked for the opinion and then didn't bother to post any more info. So forgive me and anyone else that had too much time on our hands and looked at her prior posts. I am in no way concerned what they spend their money on nor did I want to belittle them for what they spend their money on. I love Disney (of course) and think it's a great place to spend money but sorry if I don't break out for someone that claims $200 is a big deal for MIL's 80th...5 months from now....when they post on a public forum about their trips.

That said...maybe she doesn't like MIL..maybe MIL is a real stinker, then I could understand her not wanting to pitch in. OP hasn't been back to add input...but she asked so she's getting answers. Wasn't that the purpose? I hope she has a great trip and MIL has a great party.

I don't think you need to apologize...it's human nature to be curious. Also, many times on these boards I will be reading a thread about someone planning a trip, or a trip report about a recent trip and then run across the same poster on the budget board asking for credit card consolidation advice a month later. That's why it's usually a good bet that a lot of the people who post about financial issues or a tight budget have been to WDW recently, or they are planning a trip. I'm not making a judgement on their behavior...to each his own, but it's tough for folks to really feel for people who cry poverty only to find out later that a major amount of $$ was spent at the House of Mouse.

 

[dvcgirl]

I'd rather give from the heart than to be cornered for it.

Me saying I'd do the $200--woudl be so that people wouldn't feel ill of me for any reason. Not quite the gift that says "I love you".



And DVCgirl--mere presence on this board does not indicate an ability to go to Disney nor that they have money to burn. You offer so much advice....I can't believe you actually stated that.

What does that have to do with giving advice? How did you find your way here? Most likely because you're a Disney Fan correct? And while there are many here who post about the incredibly frugal trips that they take, even the most frugal trips for some here would be very expensive to someone making a modest income. The fact that someone finds their way to this board means to me that they have either taken a trip to WDW, have one in the works or are at least thinking about it. Now, "in the works" could be four years out for someone on a tight budget. But since many people can't afford to *ever* go to WDW, well, if you found your way here you at least think it's a possibility.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

What does that have to do with giving advice? How did you find your way here? Most likely because you're a Disney Fan correct?

Well according to your statement it is because I had "money to burn".

It has everything to do with advice b/c you counsel many people here--and most often it is for stuff other than the money they have to burn to go to Disney.

I guess I found the comment very interesting.

 

[kizmac]

And DVCgirl--mere presence on this board does not indicate an ability to go to Disney nor that they have money to burn. You offer so much advice....I can't believe you actually stated that.

I think that is a little harsh a comment. I don't think DVCgirl is that off in her assumption. It is a Disney board and MOST here are planning or have been to Disney. Sure that does not mean that everyone has money to burn if they go to Disney, I know I don't, but really, if someone is truly hard off, I don't imagine that the Disboard would be their hangout. DVCgirl only stated what she felt. It doesn't discredit her ability to give advice, it's her feelings.

 

[simpilotswife]

-------------------
That's a pretty nasty comment - "You're being cheap" - when you don't have a clue what her financial situation is..

I would be very annoyed that I wasn't consulted first - and depending upon the circumstances I would contribute what I comfortably could or nothing at all if I couldn't afford it..

NO ONE has the right to dicate how another person spends their money.. It's rude, presumptutous, and extremely bad manners..

The title of this thread "Is this tacky or are we being cheap". She asked, I answered. Considering the post above yours with the quote about how much she has spent to go to Disney, I'd say my answer was spot on.

 

[runwad]

I know a lot of women who feel the way you do about their MIL's and there are just some MIL's out there that REFUSE to get along with the DIL and vice versa.....I am SO fortunate that I got a great one. I talk to her more than I do my own mother. It is not that I love her more than my mom. I just have more in common with her I mean heck I live with her only son and nobody can understand where I am coming from (when it comes to him) more than his mother right? I love her to pieces!!!
Sure she gets on my nerves from time to time and I am sure I do hers, but we get over it and move on. I cannot imagine not having a relationship with her.

Funny I too am married to my MIL's only son and she's never gotten over the fact that he's picked me over her. You truly are lucky that your MIL doesn't resent you for taking her precious baby boy away from her!!!

 

[mommyceratops]

I would be put off if I was told to pay that. Split between 9 people it means the party is $1800 and that sounds a bit to much and over the top for any party! JMO

 

[Deb & Bill]

They were very tacky to plan something without your input and expect you to pay as much as everyone else. You are not being cheap. My SILs did the same thing to us. If if had been now, it wouldn't have been a problem. But when they did it to us, we didn't have the money to give them, nor the means to get to the party (we were 1500 miles from the rest of the family). So we didn't go. We sent a separate gift to my MIL and FIL from the three of us.