Is this tacky or are we being cheap?

[nbodyhome]

Just because I am willing to put in the extra hours to pay for a trip for DD & I does that mean I need to work more hours to pay for MIL's party? Would you work an extra 23 hours over the next few months for that, because that is what I make $9/hour?

If you are asking if over about a 4 month period of time, I'd put in 5 extra hours or so a month to make a very special day for my MIL or my mom, or anyone in my family, then yes - I'd do that. Or my husband could do it, he makes more money so it'd take him much less time.

I wish I'd done more for my grandmother. You'd mentioned spending $8000 as a once-in-a-lifetime trip to make your daughter happy. For only $200.00, you can share in the same experience for your MIL. We are planning to do Europe this year (on a budget, even moreso than last time). I invited my MIL, she probably wouldn't come - but some of that would have come from the money I make. And that would have been fine, even if I'd had to work a bit more.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

I which case, should you decide not to contribute, I'd encourage you to be honest in your response "our money is already committed elsewhere, we choose not to participate." Don't claim broke and then take a vacation. Certainly don't claim broke if they've ever heard any of the details of your last splurge. At least that way you will be defending your choice from an honest position, rather than one that leaves you defensive about your trips.

Oh, and make sure your husband is 100% on board if you choose not to participate. Not doing the "just getting along" thing husbands can be very good at. HE is going to bear the disapprobriation of his family. HE is going to have to be the one's that listen to them tell him how selfish you are. They are your inlaws, but his family, and if he doesn't completely agree with your position, it will be much harder on your relationship. In fact, HE needs to be the one to deliver the message and to defend it.

I agree 100%.

It is the OP's husband's responsibility to tell his family their decision and why. The MIL's 80th birthday should be a big celebration of her life, not a dispute over a few dollars, which is what it is when you read the OPs answers. I understand the OP opinion regarding the SIL and how she handled the situation, and I agree that the SIL was inconsiderate, but why make the MIL and the rest of the family pay by being involved in such petty behavior. Also, why put the husband in that situation.

My mom passes away two years ago, and I wish I could be planning an 80th birthday party, regardless of the cost. Instead I can go and pay my respects on that day.

I love my inlaws, they are fantastic people and I would do anything for them, but I was raised that family always stayed together and did things together. Even if I wasn't close to them, they raised a wonderful son who is my loving husband, so I would honor them for that.

I think the OP should just remove herself from the situation and let her husband make the decision and tell his family.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I may have missed the answer to this question. OP does your DH want to contribute the $200, something less or no at all. All we have heard is what you want, but he does have a say.

 

[calie_j]

It is a very interesting perspective you bring up. To me 200,000 for a house is alot for a home and out of reach tho I do know that's a fairly normal price especially in the city. We live in a rural community where the median price of a house is probably 80,000 and of course wages to match that. I'd love to own a house like yours but at the same time I wouldn't trade it for the small town & good schools while my children are growing up; not that city schools & neighborhoods are bad this is just my preference for our family in our state at this time.

I well know the prejudices against vacations as luxuries; there's plenty of threads on the boards about "how do you handle people who roll their eyes at another trip to WDW" & "what do you sacrifice to go to WDW". As my sister pointed out to me years ago, she prefers to spend her extra money on furniture & decorating & cars & clothes and I prefer to spend the extra on trips. Nothing wrong with that if you realize that these inlaws spend their extra $ on the same thing my sister does yet aren't as understanding with our priorities of vacations coming over "things". I don't normally talk about our vacations with the inlaws, they wouldn't be excited for us anyways and we really don't see them that often for it to come up. I'm sure they know where we go but it's left to their own imaginations what we spend since that seems like an inappropriate topic of conversation.

Sorry, this all is off topic from the post I just find it interesting to ponder on different people's views & perspectives. It gives me a better understanding of the differences in us all

Well, family issues are always challenging, and I think this one is much more about family than it is about money. However, your posts are sort of interesting. On one hand you find that $200,000 is a lot for a home, which is actually below the median price of homes across the country. You also think that $1,800 is a lot for a major party and is wasteful. However, you actually spent $8,000 on a week at WDW. And that's a pretty big number. I'm not judging that decision...to each his own. But most people I know who would think that 200K is a fancy house or $1,800 is more than they spent on their wedding and reception would never in a million years blow 8K on a one week vacation.

I probably will spend 8K on a week's vacation in the future, but to date, we haven't. And my house is worth far more than 200K and I spent oodles more on my wedding than $1,800....and even I think 8K is a lot to spend on a one week vacation. I think the vacation element you bring up is a valid point. While I have heard many people say that a vacation is a "Must Have" in their lives, but a vacation could simply be time off from work spent at home. Any vacation where money spent is typically viewed as a somewhat of a luxury because most people think of vacations as an "extra". Something you do with extra money, after all of your other obligations are met. A vacation to WDW is likely to be viewed as a slurge, and an expensive vacation to WDW is a big splurge. This is where you could run into trouble with the in-laws....

I read another post in this thread from a person who is on disability and they bring in 1,000 a month. She said that to her $200 really is a big deal (now *that* I get), and that they come here to read about WDW, get budget ideas...and go ever 4 years or so. But someone like that, at least in my mind, would take that trip as frugally as they possibly could. I don't know too many people who would save for nine years and then just totally blow it out with the idea that it's a once in a lifetime....never to be taken again. I just find the idea of that interesting I guess.

Of course, not that any of this matters, and you certainly owe no explanation to me or anyone else here, but I just don't know anyone like you who can profess to be very frugal in one regard and then take a high-end vacation in another regard. I guess it is possible though...I'm sure that there are folks who live fairly frugal existences and then just blow it out on vacation. I just don't know how to do this...I'd have to change who I am. If you give a really frugal person 8K, I bet that they'll figure out a way to take 4 one week trips to WDW.

 

[calie_j]

I may have missed the answer to this question. OP does your DH want to contribute the $200, something less or no at all. All we have heard is what you want, but he does have a say.

Now that would be an entirely different thread He agrees that it was tacky of his sister and he will talk to her about this not happening in the future. For the record WE WILL CONTRIBUTE OUR SHARE, it just won't be at my sacrifice for his family while H does nothing which I think would be unfair to me & DD. If that makes me petty and selfish so be it, but that is between H & I how we will work this out. So please don't flame me for this, you don't know how many sacrifices I've made over the years before I drew the line either and I really don't want to go there.

Calie

 

[mickeyfan2]

He agrees that it was tacky of his sister and he will talk to her about this not happening in the future. For the record WE WILL CONTRIBUTE OUR SHARE, it just won't be at my sacrifice for his family while H does nothing which I think would be unfair to me & DD.

No I don't see this as selfish. I am glad you are contributing and telling the SIL never to do this again. I also think that your DH should work extra to pay most if not all of the cost. No you and DD should not be the only ones to give up something for this.

 

[kizmac]

Now that would be an entirely different thread He agrees that it was tacky of his sister and he will talk to her about this not happening in the future. For the record WE WILL CONTRIBUTE OUR SHARE, it just won't be at my sacrifice for his family while H does nothing which I think would be unfair to me & DD. If that makes me petty and selfish so be it, but that is between H & I how we will work this out. So please don't flame me for this, you don't know how many sacrifices I've made over the years before I drew the line either and I really don't want to go there.

Calie

Does he think it's tacky because you told him it was? I do not think what SIL did was wrong, but that's just me and that's not knowing how it was actually communicated. I think since you have decided to contribute, the best thing for all involved is to say no more about it. Let SIL know when you'll have the $200 and move on towards thinking about what you'll wear to the big event. I think you need to look beyond your SIL's lifestyle. This is not about her or your H's other siblings, it is about your MIL. I understand you have issues with her and I know how that goes. There is no great love between me and my MIL so I totally understand. As a mom though I can respect the relationship between MIL and DH. One thing my MIL has taught me over the years is how not to act when I am a MIL. So, in the end it's all good. God is just preparing me for the 4 DIL's I will have someday, so there is a reason for the madness.

Anyhow, I'm sure DH will come up with the money and your trip won't be affected so just let it go, so that no more bad feelings are created over a celebration. Besides, I doubt there will be many more big parties for MIL that SIL will be calling about. I do hope for your sake that MIL has prearranged funeral plans. I'm being serious because that is one thing to consider.

 

[Newfie2000]

I'd just like to share a story that happened to me which just might help you put some of this in perspective. About six years ago my parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary. I have one older sibling who lives out of state whom I knew would not make the effort to attend. So my husband and I approached him (he is single) and asked what his input was on the whole ordeal. He said that he definitely felt a celebration was in order. I had just started a life with my new husband and to be honest money was very tight. In all fairness I must add that my brother is about 12 years my senior and has decided by his own choice to live life pretty much day by day and thus is self-employed - so I know that money is also always an issue with him too. In talking with him we decided that the best way we could afford to honor Mom and Dad's special day was to invite all of our closest relatives only and take everybody out to a nice dinner and pick up the bar and food tab. We also decided to get a cake and bring it along. My brother and I decided JOINTLY that I would plan this and he would share the costs. Okay, so inviatations go out that borther/sister are holding a dinner in honer of, yada yada. Now the day finally arrives and that day I receive a check in the mail for $20.00. This amount does not even cover the cost of the cake we ordered from their favorite bakery. Now... what am I suppose to do? It is obvious that my husband and I are stuck with the tab yet the brother is sharing the credit! Should I make a point of announcing this to the 20 family members present? I chose not to, rather I just bit the bullet than cause either myself, my brother or my parents any embarrasement. (I think it was bad enough that their own son did not show!). That night after shelling out several hundreds of dollars that I really did not have to spend I decided that I would never go on another joint adventure again. I felt had by my own sibling! That is an awful feeling. I never brought the issue up but in a future conversation with my brother made a point of telling him just how much the day had cost me. It is years later and I will be honest... the issue has been left well enough alone, I get along great with my brother... but will never ever stick my neck out financially for him again! If the occasion or need arises I discuss costs with him down to the exact penny and make sure I get a check well in advance of any planning. After all it was I that put the thought and planning and effort into this and even not that was given any due credit. So in some ways I can relate to both sides of the story... but ultimately although I do not necessarily think things in your situation were handled the best way possible I say kick the $200.00 in... it might hurt your pocket book briefly but in the long run it will be well worth it! Afterwards you can always lay down your terms for any future "contributions"!

 

[disneynewbee]

I cannot believe someone would suggest for op to cancel her trip and disappoint her dd to give 200 towards a party for someone she does not really care for. It's her dh's mom and his responsibility to come up with the money for the party. If he doesn't want to or chooses not to he should let the family know but op should not be expected to give up a trip she has worked hard for to give towards this. I just cannot believe some of these responses. She is taking a trip to make memories with her dd give that up for a mil she doesn't like HECK NO. I like my mil so I would give money for a party for her but if I did not like her I would never work extra hours for a party for her. It is her dhs responsibility not hers. Besides she has planned and budgeted for the vacation now someone just pops up and wants money without any prior information and she is just supposed to give up her hard earned money no way. If the family says something about her not contributing but taking a vacation she can simply explain that the trip was planned and budgeted for and that she was not prepared for an expense not in her budget and was not given enough notice. If they don't like it so what. If her dh was unable to work due to disability or something fine but he is a capable person and able to earn the money himself so she should not have to work extra hours for this. Op I hope you have a great time in disney and that you and your dd build lots of happy memories.

 

[nbodyhome]

I guess I missed the part where the OP doesn't like the MIL at all?

I don't think it matters who pitches the money in - there was plenty of heads up (it wasn't like "oh, please pay tomorrow"), and they could certainly turn it down if they chose to for whatever reason. While his sister was on the phone, H could have said "let me talk with my wife, and we'll see what we can do for the party". The $200.00 sounds reasonable to me, and I think each person has to make sure on their conscience if it was worth it. If MIL passed away right after the party, would you be okay with the fact that you didn't pay the $200? I am serious, I can't think about my grandmother without thinking that I should have spent a little more time and a little more money on her. She wasn't the nicest person to be around, but she was my grandma. She remembered our birthdays, and our anniversaries, and Christmas, and I should have done more (I think overall that time is much more important than money).

 

[patsal]

I'd just like to share a story that happened to me which just might help you put some of this in perspective. About six years ago my parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary. I have one older sibling who lives out of state whom I knew would not make the effort to attend. So my husband and I approached him (he is single) and asked what his input was on the whole ordeal. He said that he definitely felt a celebration was in order. I had just started a life with my new husband and to be honest money was very tight. In all fairness I must add that my brother is about 12 years my senior and has decided by his own choice to live life pretty much day by day and thus is self-employed - so I know that money is also always an issue with him too. In talking with him we decided that the best way we could afford to honor Mom and Dad's special day was to invite all of our closest relatives only and take everybody out to a nice dinner and pick up the bar and food tab. We also decided to get a cake and bring it along. My brother and I decided JOINTLY that I would plan this and he would share the costs. Okay, so inviatations go out that borther/sister are holding a dinner in honer of, yada yada. Now the day finally arrives and that day I receive a check in the mail for $20.00. This amount does not even cover the cost of the cake we ordered from their favorite bakery. Now... what am I suppose to do? It is obvious that my husband and I are stuck with the tab yet the brother is sharing the credit! Should I make a point of announcing this to the 20 family members present? I chose not to, rather I just bit the bullet than cause either myself, my brother or my parents any embarrasement. (I think it was bad enough that their own son did not show!). That night after shelling out several hundreds of dollars that I really did not have to spend I decided that I would never go on another joint adventure again. I felt had by my own sibling! That is an awful feeling. I never brought the issue up but in a future conversation with my brother made a point of telling him just how much the day had cost me. It is years later and I will be honest... the issue has been left well enough alone, I get along great with my brother... but will never ever stick my neck out financially for him again! If the occasion or need arises I discuss costs with him down to the exact penny and make sure I get a check well in advance of any planning. After all it was I that put the thought and planning and effort into this and even not that was given any due credit. So in some ways I can relate to both sides of the story... but ultimately although I do not necessarily think things in your situation were handled the best way possible I say kick the $200.00 in... it might hurt your pocket book briefly but in the long run it will be well worth it! Afterwards you can always lay down your terms for any future "contributions"!

Yes but there is a difference here. In your case you conferred with your brother and he agreed then stiffed you. In the op's case she and her H never agreeed, they were just told what was expected of them. No one has the right to set up financial expectaions of you that you do not agree with. Not so much an issue of like MIL or don't like MIL as it is 1. her H's responsibility and 2. no one else has the right to spend your hard earned money or tell you you need to give up something to cover what they consider your share.

 

[dvcgirl]

It is a very interesting perspective you bring up. To me 200,000 for a house is alot for a home and out of reach tho I do know that's a fairly normal price especially in the city. We live in a rural community where the median price of a house is probably 80,000 and of course wages to match that. I'd love to own a house like yours but at the same time I wouldn't trade it for the small town & good schools while my children are growing up; not that city schools & neighborhoods are bad this is just my preference for our family in our state at this time.

I well know the prejudices against vacations as luxuries; there's plenty of threads on the boards about "how do you handle people who roll their eyes at another trip to WDW" & "what do you sacrifice to go to WDW". As my sister pointed out to me years ago, she prefers to spend her extra money on furniture & decorating & cars & clothes and I prefer to spend the extra on trips. Nothing wrong with that if you realize that these inlaws spend their extra $ on the same thing my sister does yet aren't as understanding with our priorities of vacations coming over "things". I don't normally talk about our vacations with the inlaws, they wouldn't be excited for us anyways and we really don't see them that often for it to come up. I'm sure they know where we go but it's left to their own imaginations what we spend since that seems like an inappropriate topic of conversation.

Sorry, this all is off topic from the post I just find it interesting to ponder on different people's views & perspectives. It gives me a better understanding of the differences in us all

I understand your preference to stay in a rural area, and of course your desire to visit WDW. And I certainly understand the looks from people when they hear that we'll be visiting WDW again...Been there heard that for sure . I also totally get that some people choose to spend all of their money on their home, or clothes, or cars. I know people like that too.

I was speaking more to the idea of one being relatively frugal in all aspects of their lives and then dropping 8K on a one week vacation. Most people I know who are really frugal, which it sounds like you are in almost every other aspect of your life....could never bring themselves to spend 8K on a vacation. I know this, because I'm like this too . We have the money, and yet when it comes to trying to plan a higher end trip, we both automatically think of ways that we could take the same trip, lose none of our enjoyment and do so for less money.

In fact, we're going through this right now. We have been looking at cruising the Med for our 10th anniversary. We don't want to go on one of the massive ships and so were researching a pricier smaller ship. The total for the two week cruise with everything included would be about 20K. I have no issues spending money on vacation, and like I said, we're in great shape financially, but I can't get past that 20K figure. And we're not that far off from what you spent...we'd be at 10K for a week, you're at 8K. The more we evaluate it, the more we're convinced we could take *two* very nice, 2 week trips to Europe for what this one cruise would cost us. And we know we'd have just as much fun. So, I guess my point is that it's interesting to me how you are able to switch gears and go from having $200 be a big deal to you....to spending over $1,000 a day on a vacation. Like I said, to each his own....I just find it interesting. Like people say....different strokes....

 

[crisi]

disneynewbee,

My comments to cancel the trip were based on a few things. And I'm glad it sounds like she can do both.

I don't know how money works in your household, but in my household its a limited resource. If I spend $100 on dinner out, that's $100 I don't have for new shoes. The OP said money is a limited resource for her.

I don't know how money works in your household, but in my household its a shared resource. If I want to spend $3,000 on a trip, my husband needs to agree to it. I know some families where each adult has their own (and sometimes significant) bank accounts to do with as they please, but since the OP said she needed to get her husband to agree to their trip, I don't believe that is the case here. She may have some of her own money, but it isn't sufficient for the trip.

The OP said money was tight and that they'd need to work overtime to get that $200. I'm assuming that means that the budget is already pretty pared down - they can't just drop the lattes David Bach believes we all buy. However, with $200 being a lot of money, she is willing to spend six times that on a second trip within a year.

I don't know about your family, but regardless of how much I like or don't like my current mother in law (and I do like her, though sometimes she drives me nuts), she is important to my husband. My husband is important to me. So my mother in law is important to me. This isn't true in all families, but I'm assuming that the OPs husband and his mother are not estranged, and that the OP cares about her husband enough to care about the people he cares about.

With the last point, I believe its important that they contribute, even though I think SIL was way out of line to make the commitment. I don't believe its ever appropriate to commit someone else's time or money.

Because of the first points, the money has to come from somewhere. The only thing that she has said is discretionary is the vacation. Because of my personal experience on the other side I believe, claiming broke for reasonable family obligations (especially with your inlaws) and then spending a much greater amount on yourself is bad for family relationships. And, because of my own experience, I think that is often bad for a marriage. Disney trips are great, but I wouldn't risk even slight harm to my marriage over one.

As I said, I'm thrilled that they will be able to do both.

 

[calie_j]

I understand your preference to stay in a rural area, and of course your desire to visit WDW. And I certainly understand the looks from people when they hear that we'll be visiting WDW again...Been there heard that for sure . I also totally get that some people choose to spend all of their money on their home, or clothes, or cars. I know people like that too.

I was speaking more to the idea of one being relatively frugal in all aspects of their lives and then dropping 8K on a one week vacation. Most people I know who are really frugal, which it sounds like you are in almost every other aspect of your life....could never bring themselves to spend 8K on a vacation. I know this, because I'm like this too . We have the money, and yet when it comes to trying to plan a higher end trip, we both automatically think of ways that we could take the same trip, lose none of our enjoyment and do so for less money.

In fact, we're going through this right now. We have been looking at cruising the Med for our 10th anniversary. We don't want to go on one of the massive ships and so were researching a pricier smaller ship. The total for the two week cruise with everything included would be about 20K. I have no issues spending money on vacation, and like I said, we're in great shape financially, but I can't get past that 20K figure. And we're not that far off from what you spent...we'd be at 10K for a week, you're at 8K. The more we evaluate it, the more we're convinced we could take *two* very nice, 2 week trips to Europe for what this one cruise would cost us. And we know we'd have just as much fun. So, I guess my point is that it's interesting to me how you are able to switch gears and go from having $200 be a big deal to you....to spending over $1,000 a day on a vacation. Like I said, to each his own....I just find it interesting. Like people say....different strokes....

I totally get that point and skipped over it 1. because of fear of getting flamed and 2. because as earlier stated I did go overboard on that trip (it got a bit over the top before I realized it) and really don't need other people to make me feel guilty about that. The biggest misconception here is that I live relatively frugally, in all honestly I do try to and have been working at being more frugal for the past few years thanks in large part to this Budget board, which is why I stick around whether I have a WDW trip or not. But there are still areas that I need to work at and alot I could learn to do a better job so I'd say it would be a better description that I'm a student of living frugally and didn't get to the lesson on vacation yet . You have a really good point that it would have been better to take 3-4 budget trips instead of 1 splurge trip; live and learn and I'm sure I will be looking at that aspect more carefully in the future to get better mileage from my vacation $$'s since I would prefer more time over a fancy room we only sleep in and some of the other extras. I'm still glad we had our splurge trip since it was very special, and there's nothing I can do to change what was spent now so why regret it or feel guilty over it and ruin those memories

Calie

 

[luv2nascar]

Just a word of caution. We did a shared 60th birthday party/retirement party for my FIL some years ago and boy was it a mess. DH has two brothers. BIL/SIL did all the planning would not let us help and invited who they wanted but expected us to pay. Okay we said we would split tap three ways. It was a picnic in summer agreed to $200 ea. SIL invited 70+ people and 50-60 showed up. She over bought somethings like plastic utensils from Sam's club box of 500 etc. She took all the extras home like cups, plates, etc. I thought the food she was buying sounded like not to much variety and store bought etc. I spent my own money and made 10# hamburger BBQ and rolls, homemade coleslaw, 2# macaroni salad, rice pudding and on and on it went. BIL had the nerve to ask for another $100 the day of the party. DH was like come on we just brought how much stuff here??? BIL asked to see receipts?? We did this out of the kindness of our hearts we weren't asking to be paid for it just not pay more money.

We did not end up paying anymore money and I felt that was fair. I never want to have a shared party with them again. It is a bad idea all the way around.

 

[crisi]

I totally get that point and skipped over it 1. because of fear of getting flamed and 2. because as earlier stated I did go overboard on that trip (it got a bit over the top before I realized it) and really don't need other people to make me feel guilty about that. The biggest misconception here is that I live relatively frugally, in all honestly I do try to and have been working at being more frugal for the past few years thanks in large part to this Budget board, which is why I stick around whether I have a WDW trip or not. But there are still areas that I need to work at and alot I could learn to do a better job so I'd say it would be a better description that I'm a student of living frugally and didn't get to the lesson on vacation yet . You have a really good point that it would have been better to take 3-4 budget trips instead of 1 splurge trip; live and learn and I'm sure I will be looking at that aspect more carefully in the future to get better mileage from my vacation $$'s since I would prefer more time over a fancy room we only sleep in and some of the other extras. I'm still glad we had our splurge trip since it was very special, and there's nothing I can do to change what was spent now so why regret it or feel guilty over it and ruin those memories

Calie

That's really easy to do....especially if you hang here (not the budget board, but the DISBoards in general). It doesn't take long for someone to say "You HAVE to stay concierge, its so wonderful and it will SAVE you money because you can get breakfast in the morning" (Like a few rolls and coffee are going to cover a $300 difference between a value and a deluxe.). Then someone else chimes in with "You absolutely NEED to eat at the California Grill when fireworks are happening." Someone mentions that 10 day tickets are only a few more dollars than seven days (but its three more room nights!). And its ONCE IN A LIFETIME, how could you NOT do Hoop de Do or an Illuminations Cruise? Before you know it, this little trip you were going to take - that you could have taken - for $3,000 - turns into an $8,000 spend every penny trip.

(I've been going to Disney for over twenty years. I've never stayed Concierge (though I did spend three nights at the Poly on my honeymoon), never eaten at the CG (on our list for sometime), never done Hoop de Do or an Illuminations cruise. So far, me and my family seem to be surviving without significant psychological damage from this major holes in our Disney experience.)

But you are right, it is done, no use in regretting it. Enjoy the memories.

We just went over budget on our next cruise. We'd invited my parents along over a year ago (we sail in October). I was giving them the cruise as a thank you, they've really helped with my kids a lot over the years, they were going to pay their own airfare. Well, my little sister has had some health problems and personal issues, and they've been on planes a little more than their budget could take this winter. So I picked up the airfare. With gas prices, the $1200 I'd thought I'd spend when I booked the cruise for 4 was now $2400 for six of us.

 

[dvcgirl]

I totally get that point and skipped over it 1. because of fear of getting flamed and 2. because as earlier stated I did go overboard on that trip (it got a bit over the top before I realized it) and really don't need other people to make me feel guilty about that. The biggest misconception here is that I live relatively frugally, in all honestly I do try to and have been working at being more frugal for the past few years thanks in large part to this Budget board, which is why I stick around whether I have a WDW trip or not. But there are still areas that I need to work at and alot I could learn to do a better job so I'd say it would be a better description that I'm a student of living frugally and didn't get to the lesson on vacation yet . You have a really good point that it would have been better to take 3-4 budget trips instead of 1 splurge trip; live and learn and I'm sure I will be looking at that aspect more carefully in the future to get better mileage from my vacation $$'s since I would prefer more time over a fancy room we only sleep in and some of the other extras. I'm still glad we had our splurge trip since it was very special, and there's nothing I can do to change what was spent now so why regret it or feel guilty over it and ruin those memories

Calie

I don't think you should feel guilty....I'm sure you had a great time. It really is okay to spend money, well, providing you can afford it. Lots of people on these boards stay in the deluxe disney resorts. Some probably do go less often to be able to stay there. We used to pay to stay at the Y&B years ago, mostly because we lived in an apartment at the time and enjoyed a little luxury. Once we built a big home with a pool, it was funny, we no longer felt like we needed to stay there. We bought DVC when were still in that apartment and figured we'd always want a one bedroom unit, but then we found that we did just fine in a studio. It's been a gradual process for us too. The older (and hopefully wiser) we've gotten the more we find that we don't need a luxury hotel when we vacation. Just about every person I know only has a finite amount of money to spend on vacations. And like you, I prefer to stretch those dollars into longer vacations instead of more luxurious vacations at this stage of my life.

 

[SleepyatDVC]

Just finished finding and reading this thread.

I really sympathize with the OP.

We are going through something similar in that my MIL called us this past Christmas to make sure that we "save" next Christmas for her. She wants the whole family (3 kids plus their families) to come down to TX for Christmas. She wants to "celebrate" her and FIL's 40th wedding anniversary at the same time.

SIL, who lives in TX also (the parents moved within 2 blocks of her), called a few days later to let us know that Mom has "informed" her that the parents WANT a dinner party from the kids to celebrate the event. Obviously, the 3 kids will need to split the costs 3 ways.

So, what are you going to do? I actually feel sorry for SIL who will need to do all the work planning everything since she is the only one in town, plus chip in her monetary share.

I actually resent the loss of vacation time (DH only gets 2 weeks a year) for a family event more than the money, even though it will be a lot.

For the OP and others who thought that $1800 divided between 9 siblings was a lot, a Chinese banquet with 10 courses costs about $300-$500 per TABLE of 10-12 people. The prices actually higher for weddings. The dinner party will definitely be a Chinese banquet. We have Chinese banquets for "regular" family dinners. So, the costs for just my family of 4 would be around $150-$200. The parents will probably want at least 8-10 tables.

Aside from the costs of the meal, we will have to purchase airfare for 4 from NYC to IAH which will run us about $1200-$1500 since the drive would be way too long.

I keep thinking that we could have a very nice WDW trip with that money!

It's a big chunk even we won't starve if we shell it out.

I have a feeling the parents in law will give all the kids and grandkids "Red Envelopes" of money to help us with the expenses. But I wouldn't expect it or count on it.

It would only be fair, I guess. I threw a Chinese dinner banquet to celebrate my Dad's 70th birthday a few years ago with invitations and everything. My Dad had a blast! We supposely picked up the whole tab for 20 tables since I am an only child. But in reality, Mom helped us out.

So, we will suck it up and "do the right thing" even if it winds up costing us a few grand even without the airfare. DH is the one that is complaining more about the cost and trouble. He's not too close to his parents or family and thinks it's ridiculous to go to all this trouble. Me, I understand that family is family. We might not like it but we will do it.

Besides this splitting the Dinner Banquet thing, we have run into the split gift thing before too. We have nothing against the split gift thing at all. It's easier (for the parents who have everything and needs nothing) and makes everyone "equal" in a sense. It happens very infrequently and usually for "special" occasions only.

But one year, we were proud of ourselves for getting DH's parents' gift early. We got them a new digital camera with photo printer. Their big screen projection tv died soon after. DH had talked about getting them another one much earlier. The other siblings decided that we should all chip in and get them a new big screen projection tv. We would have no trouble doing so except that we had already purchased an expensive gift already. So DH declined to chip in and it was a bit of a mess but we just ignored it. The in-laws got their tv but I'm not sure of the details - DH knows but I never bothered to find out.

 

[nbodyhome]

I actually resent the loss of vacation time (DH only gets 2 weeks a year) for a family event more than the money, even though it will be a lot.
.

Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't delegate my husbands time like that. I mean, I do in the sense that I am planning on going to Europe this year again (for my 40th birthday) and he's going with me. I am planning the dates and such out, but he knows he can opt out if he wants. (he doesn't want to, and I'm fitting things in that I know he'd like).

There are times when my dad says "bring your H" when I visit, but I never forced my ex-H or my new H to go. Each has been able to choose when to visit.

My father always insists on paying when I visit, though I do lose time from work and he always has me doing things for him when there. It's actually a bit of a hassle, but I love him and he's my father and who knows how long he (or any of us) have left.

Anyway...a couple of hundred dollars would be my pleasure to part with if there was something important for my family. A few thousand or more including airfare - I'd have to think about it. If it was a problem financially, I'd definitely say something.

 

[nbodyhome]

Just about every person I know only has a finite amount of money to spend on vacations. And like you, I prefer to stretch those dollars into longer vacations instead of more luxurious vacations at this stage of my life.

I do as well - like I love the Polynesian, but I can stay 4 or 5 nights at the Pop for the same price. It makes it hard to book a deluxe for more than an occasional special night, it's just too pricey.

We plan to go to Europe this year, and the hotels I'm choosing should average out at about $100.00 a night. Some nights will be around $80, 3 nights will be higher for an apartment hotel in Edinburgh, etc. I would rather stay cheaply and spend more time than to spend a lot in accomodations. We plan to buy a house next year, and I want to incorporate things there - like a Heavenly Bed from Westin, etc. - so that I don't feel a need to splurge on luxury outside the house.