Is it just me??

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by ilovedisney1982, Feb 21, 2013.

  1. kacaju

    kacaju DIS Veteran

    Mar 4, 2007
    She is 10...does she REALLY scream and kick like a 5 year when asked to practice??

    I have 3 girls who all are very involved in different things

    DD 19 on her college dance team...but has danced since she was 3. She NEVER kicked and screamed when it was time to go to dance...were there times she didn't feel like going..I am sure there was..but I do not remember..she loved it.

    dd17 shows dogs...she started when she was about 9...I let her pick how many shows she wanted and in the beginning she would do 1 day over the she wants to go to every show possible...again..never screamed and kicked when asked to go work with her dog.

    DD13 is our softball player, she has played (starting with Tball) since she was 6. You can't keep this kid off the field. She is chomping at the bit right now waiting for her middle school to hold try outs. Again..not one to fight us to take her to practice.

    All my girls picked activities THEY ENJOY and dh and I support them...along with our family and friends.

    I KNOW my girls love their activites, and if I was so unsure...we would be having a sit down and honestly discussing how they felt.I have no problems traveling all over for them..but only if THEY wanted it and LOVED it
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  3. aprilgail2

    aprilgail2 Guest

    I HATE HATE HATE those pageants- I don't agree with dressing your child up like a hooker and putting them out there to parade around in front of judges, some of who are males (which just adds another whole ick factor in!).
  4. goofy4tink

    goofy4tink No tags...not needed! Transportation moderator Moderator

    May 2, 2002
    Do I like pageants? Nope. I have an issue with any type of competition before a child is even in elementary school. When you start a child in something like this, as a toddler (or infant), they grow up knowing nothing else. They watch their 'regular' friends going off, doing 'normal' things. But not them...they go get their 'flippers' and their extensions, and have their nails done. They get spray tanned. They put on dresses worth as much as my first new car!! IF these kids were being judged on their natural appearance and their natural abilities? Whole different story. But they aren't. When you have to 'doctor' them up, and they look nothing like the child that got out of bed that same morning??? Nope, not a good thing.
    As far as dd telling mom that she doesn't want to do this anymore?? Seriously doubt that is going to happen. This child has been doing this her entire life. While she may want to be out of the whole pageant scene, she probably knows how invested mom is. Mom started this before dd could speak a word. She was doing this before the child could walk. So, yeah, it's more for mom. And this kid knows that!!! Naturally she is going to be very hesitant to say anything.

    I get the whole 'scholarship' thing. But in all reality??? You don't need to put little children in competitive anything in order to get scholarships for college. Jeez Louise!! I remember back when my dd was 4 y/o. She had been in the same preschool for almost two years. Some of the kids were starting to play 'competitive' basketball. One mom came up to me and asked if my dd was going to play...after all, she was very tall for her age. I told her no, she was not, and that I didn't see the reasoning behind putting kids in the competitive world at this age. 'Oh no....we don't keep score. It's all about having fun and learning!!!!' was her response. Yeah, sure. Kids don't automatically keep score in their heads. They know who the good players are, they know who isn't very good at all. There is no need to put young children in that type activity. Wait until they are older and can handle losing. Having melt-downs and hissy fits is not 'graceful' or 'poised'. It is showing a 'I want to win or nothing' attitude. No, no one likes to lose, but it's part of competition. If you can't walk away gracefully, congratulate the winner, and go on to the next competition, then you need to stop.

    I think the OP's family knows how this little girl feels. I think that perhaps the little girl doesn't want to break her mother's heart. Perhaps mom may want to take a year off from pageants. See how her dd is at the end of that year. IF dd starts saying that she misses the whole pageant life, then fine, go back to it. Otherwise? Walk away.
  5. A_Princess'_Daddy

    A_Princess'_Daddy DIS Veteran

    Jan 5, 2010
    As long as the daughter is wearing a purity ring while she competes, I don't see any potential negative issues with parading around in front of a bunch of old men and women whose sole role is to judge her (and the ones who aren't judges but just like to watch because they are passionate fans of the "pageant circuit")... No, it all sounds perfectly kosher to me... :rotfl2:

    Seriously, I don't get pageants for young children, but by ten years old they just strike me as deeply, let's say "unusual" and leave it at that...
  6. mnrose

    mnrose Queen of all she surveys

    Jun 18, 2009
    There are many ways to teach a child poise and grace. Glitz pageants are not the best way, IMO. Besides being expensive, they are teaching a child that appearance matters more than anything else.

    My DD dances (real dance...not the Dance Moms type of dance....and NOT competitive) and acts. She is in a musical theater program. It is teaching her all the skills you mention, and useful skills as well (like how to stand up in front of people and perform).
  7. MIGrandma

    MIGrandma Lives in the middle-of-the-mitten.

    Aug 12, 2009
    That's what I was thinking too. :(

    If she hasn't expressed WANTING to be in pageants, she shouldn't be in them.

    And you've had her in pageants since she was 2-3 months old? :(

    Personally I think they're ridiculous. When a child is old enough to ASK her mother about being entered in pageants and it's the CHILD'S choice, then fine, but not before and certainly not as an infant.
  8. goofy4tink

    goofy4tink No tags...not needed! Transportation moderator Moderator

    May 2, 2002
    Yep....nothing like theatre to teach you about grace under pressure, or poise when losing!!! All lessons my 19 y/o has learned after auditions that didn't go her way!!! :thumbsup2
  9. LiveYourLife

    LiveYourLife Living in the Chiefs Kingdom

    Aug 25, 2012
    Courtney Stodden ( :scared: ) was in pageants. Look how much poise, grace, and dignity ( :lmao: ) she turned out to have!!!
  10. mhsjax

    mhsjax DIS Veteran

    Mar 3, 2006
    Wow, that was rude. It puts you in a place not much different that the people you are talking about.
  11. eliza61


    Jun 2, 2003
    first,let me say I am not trying to be mean also I know in my head that not all pagents are run like the one we had experience with.

    I had one year experience with the pageant scene when we were raising my niece, let me just say that the bad far outweighed the good. and that's putting it nicely. My niece had a pagent coach also.

    1) The mean spirited, nastiness and down right hostility shown back stage at these events BY THE MOMS absolutely floored me. Sorry toddlers and tiaras doesn't have to go far to make the adults look crazy. I have heard and seen moms say god awful things to 11 year old girls.
    Case in point, the mom who said to the young lady standing next to me. "Oh sweetie,you better lay of those chips or your sequines are going to go flying off" :scared1:

    2) emphasis on superficial things and a very narrow "definition" of beauty. the circuit my neice was in, emphasized one version of beauty. Long flowing hair, big eyes (complete with fake lashes) and perfect teeth. So it's all fake. Fake hair, fake lashes, fake caps on the girls teeth.

    3) promotion of "win at all cost" attitude amongst the young ladies.
    It was like an episode of "mean girls" to the nth degree.

    Now that was my only exposure to the world of pagentry and I agree with many of the other posters. There are many, many other organizations and activities that will help young ladies have positive self images. Heck, the girls scouts advocate poise and grace, along with leadership, compassion, giving back to the community and without the emphasis on how you look.

    I don't support them.
  12. cabanafrau

    cabanafrau DIS Veteran

    May 10, 2006
    You think that's typical of any child because it fits with your wishes to keep your daughter in pageants. I'd beg to differ.

    Is your DD unaware of what the rest of her family thinks about the pageants? No. Does she know mama likes them? Yes. Child wants to please mom and ain't going to rock the boat. When they become teens pleasing mom is likely to drop significantly on the totem pole -- possibly with severe repercussions in your case.

    As several other people have pointed out, poise, grace and confidence don't solely spring from participating in pageants -- and thank goodness. Particularly in the case of glitz pageants, which promote the ideal that to win, or even to compete, you must mask your face with makeup, cover up dental "imperfections", correct hair deficiencies with extensions/falls. How much confidence can you possibly be fostering in these kids when they're told over and over again that to win they cannot be themselves?
  13. LiveYourLife

    LiveYourLife Living in the Chiefs Kingdom

    Aug 25, 2012
    Perhaps a little harsh, but no more than people calling the OP a troll or hoping that Ashton Kutcher jumps on the thread and says "surprise you've just been punked". The OP asked, and I shared. I have a very dry sense of humor. Lighten up, sheesh.
  14. luvmy3

    luvmy3 <font color=green>When I drink I find its easier t

    Feb 24, 2008

    The "perfect" version of yourself is a fake version of yourself. That isn't something I'd want to instill in my dd.
  15. Granny square

    Granny square Always planning a trip!

    Feb 10, 2012

    I swear, what is being taught is that unless you are "perfect" and when first place you are a loser. Nice thing to teach young women. Pageants are for moms not for kids. They are living vicariously through their girls and it is creepy to he nth degree.
  16. okeydokey

    okeydokey Frosty the Snowman scared me as

    Aug 9, 2006
    She started as an infant, so that is all she knows. She never had any say about her lifestyle at the beginning. Have you talked to her about sports, music, scouting, or any other activity or is pageants all she has going on?

    I dislike pageants because they teach young girls that their worth isn't based on who they are, but what they look like. Yuck.
  17. happywanderer2

    happywanderer2 Mouseketeer

    Aug 5, 2008
    I didn't have a clue about child pagents until the jon-benet case, and at that time I was working with a woman who's daughter went to pagents-so I asked her about them. Her daughter had been doing them since she was 8 or so and enjoyed them. She said the minute her daughter told her she wasn't interested anymore then they were out of it. She also didn't put up with any brattiness and if her daughter gave her attitude then they left the pagent-it only took one episode for her daughter to understand that rule.

    Over the years I've gotten to know the daughter and she is a poised, self-assured, well-rounded young woman who still occasionally does pagents but does have other interest as well.

    I think it comes down to how the parents handle the experience--because they certainly can be educational. You can learn poise and self-discipline and how to handle yourself in front of an audience--and how to take criticism. You can also learn about the pettiness of others and how to handle difficult people.

    So, if your daughter enjoys it and you are doing it for your daughter to help educate and inform her--then I would just ignore the detractors.
  18. SarahWeasley

    SarahWeasley Mouseketeer

    Jul 28, 2010
    At 10 years old, I would think your daughter is old enough to decide for herself if she wants to put in the practice and other work involved in pageants. It sounds like you force her to do all of that, but then she doesn't mind the actual performance and is happy if she wins, so you use that to justify forcing her to put in the work for the next one.

    When I was about that age, I was in a choir. I liked the concerts, but I hated going to rehearsal, and would even try to get out of it, until my dad asked me point-blank if I wanted to be in the choir or not, and I decided I did, and stopped resisting the rehearsal because that was part of my decision. Until a year or two later when I decided I didn't want to keep doing the choir at all, and that was fine, too. 10 is old enough to understand those kinds of consequences.

    My general concerns about putting kids in pageants:
    -kids who don't enjoy it but are forced or bribed to do it anyway
    -an enormous waste of time and money (unless you have absolutely no money issues, no concerns at all about how you'll afford college or anything else, it seems quite ridiculous to spend thousands of dollars to compete in a contest where the single top prize is half that)
    -subjecting kids' self-esteem to the arbitrary judgment of others
    -teaching kids that the best things to be are pretty and cute and charming and demure, and the best skills to have are posing and performing and remembering to smile
    -obsession with WINNING a competition that essentially just measures your ability to win pageants (i.e., winning an essay contest is about your ability to express your ideas in writing; winning an ice skating competition is about your athletic abilities; winning a pageant is about holding your arms in the way the judges want while you stroll around a stage)
  19. lil mermaid

    lil mermaid DIS Veteran

    Jul 28, 2000
    I googled "glitz pageant" to make sure that I knew what I was talking about. Evidently there are two kinds of pageants, "glitz" and "natural."Glitz pageants use makeup, wigs, false teeth, spray tanning, colored contacts, while these things are not allowed in the natural pageants.

    I don't like pageants. Not only do I think they are a waste of money, I don't think that they emphasize the wrong things, period.

    I have an eight year old daughter. She is learning "passion, grace, and poise" from soccer, gymnastics, Girl Scouts, and school. She is also learning lots of things that she wouldn't learn from pageants.

    She loves dressing up like a girly girl and loves lip gloss. But there is no way I would put her in full on makeup and hair, and a "flipper."

    Op, just curious how much money you've spent on these things. Maybe that is part of the Grandparent's concern?
  20. Granny square

    Granny square Always planning a trip!

    Feb 10, 2012
    Ugh. I can't imagine being a grandparent and watching my granddaughter be made into a, well, can't say, so that men could ogle her and women judge her. That makes me sick to my stomach.
  21. Wishing on a star

    Wishing on a star DIS Veteran

    Aug 7, 2002
    Well, if this post is legit.. I will chime in.

    I DID pageants when I was young.
    I won our cities pageant when I was 5.

    My older sister did pageants for a few more years, and competed at State level. She might have had a shot at winning too, if she hadn't been both very ill that weekend, and had injured her foot a week before. (talk about luck!!!)

    BUT, that was back in the day.... Without all of the paint and plastic and thousands and thousands of dollars in wardrobe, training, etc.... (my mom actually sewed some of our dresses!) Instead of a string bikini, my sportswear costume was some denim shorts little red checkerboard plaid top tied in a big bow, little cute straw fishing hat..."Girl goin' fishin'". No makeup, no dental work, no sequins, no crying thru hours of practice and training...

    Today, no way in H E double-hockeysticks would my daughter be doing pageants. Period.

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