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Is it just me??

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by ilovedisney1982, Feb 21, 2013.

  1. smitch425

    smitch425 DIS Veteran

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    I would have a serious heart to heart with her to find out how she really feels. Lots of kids have the desire to skip practice from time to time, but are ready for "gameday", so to speak. My kids are in martial arts and some days they are ready to go to class before they need to be, and then there are days when they slowly drag all of their gear to the van. :rotfl:

    Try not to take the comments too personally. Obviously you are not the ONLY one because your daughter has competition. I'm sure the grandparents and in-laws of some of the other girls feel the same as your family. Only you know your daughter and are responsible for how she is raised. It really is up to you and her to decide if it is part of her path or not. :goodvibes
     
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  3. LiveYourLife

    LiveYourLife Living in the Chiefs Kingdom

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    Sooooooo, what does Princess do when she loses? Wait, don't tell me.....she never loses, right?!?! Riiiiiiight!

    Your Daughter is 10. Sit her down, and ASK her if she wants to continue them. Reassure her YOU won't be upset if she wants to stop, because I just know this is all about her feelings and not yours.
     
  4. ilovedisney1982

    ilovedisney1982 Loving Disney Every Day!

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    My daughter isn't a perfect pageant girl. Like all girls, she can turn it on or just keep it off. When she loses (that's when the value and virtue of grace comes in), she has to accept the fact that it was someone else's turn and that she will have her day.
     
  5. StephMK

    StephMK DIS Veteran

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    That's good that you've left that open with her. My kids are pretty vocal about telling me when they want to start/stop activities so I'd guess she probably enjoys them. And I think it's normal to not like the practice but love the "game time". Mine do that w/their activities too.
     
  6. ilovedisney1982

    ilovedisney1982 Loving Disney Every Day!

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    I 100% agree. DD is very open with me. She would tell me if she didn't like pageants. And, I would pull her out if she honestly hated them. But she looooves the actual day! She likes picking her dress, getting her nails done, doing her beauty walk, her OOC routine, and basically everything! Except practice, hair, and makeup. I think that's typical of any child, really.
     
  7. LiveYourLife

    LiveYourLife Living in the Chiefs Kingdom

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    OP, have you asked her for just a yes or no answer on whether or not she wants to continue? She is 10, so some of the discussion about continuing vs not continuing may be going over her head if you're not being direct with her.

    I know pageants are quite a bit of a financial investment, do you want to continue funding a hobby that your Daughter is just "meh" about?
     
  8. alex9179

    alex9179 DIS Veteran

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    Is it just you?
    No. You know plenty of people who don't think glitz pageants are inappropriate. However, I think that you all are in the minority.

    Teaches grace, passion, and poise.
    I'll give you the two. At least that those can be taught, not necessarily from pageants. You can't teach passion. A person either feels it, or they don't. In my limited experience, little girls are passionate about certain animals, sports, books, etc. If you are "pretty sure" she likes it, maybe her passion lies elsewhere.
    I don't think the way they are taught to present themselves is very graceful. That weird hip and arm swing thing isn't graceful. The bell thing they do for beauty is awkward. I really hate the pursed lips/nodding head/finger on chin move.

    Yes, I've watched the show. There have been times when I haven't had a good parenting day. When I watch this show, I feel like I have some room before I've hit bottom. I'll grant you, it's edited to make everyone look their worst. There have also been PLENTY of moments that are disturbing, even taking the editing into account.
    I think it's strange to judge these kids on how well they wear the accoutrements. The before/after pics demonstrate how unreal it all is. I laugh out loud when the judges discuss someone's hair-it's not her hair! Or the dress- that doesn't define the child. Or how the make-up is applied? What do those things have to do with poise, passion, and grace?
     
  9. LiveYourLife

    LiveYourLife Living in the Chiefs Kingdom

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    But in your previous response you said "my daughter has never openly told me Mom take me out of pageants". Yet, here you say she is very open with you and would tell you if she wanted to stop. Which is it?

    You may be giving her some sort of cue that if she does want to stop, you would be upset/disappointed. YMMV.
     
  10. allison443

    allison443 DIS Veteran

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    How about when she loses? How does she feel?

    I don't like pageants. Like others have said, it's promoting very shallow values in girls. Tying their value to their appearance (and often a sprayed, glittered artificial appearance). I don't understand why a parent wants their kid to be judged on that by some random judges at these money-making pageants. I mean, there's no objective standard. So what is the accomplishment to be proud of? Some creepy middle aged male judge thought you were pretty? Or some ex-local beauty pageant winner thought you were cute? (that seems to be who judges these things).

    I prefer my kids to develop poise, self-esteem etc. from things like sports, academic competitions, dance, helping others, wherever their talents lie.

    JMO.
     
  11. allison443

    allison443 DIS Veteran

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    Rereading your post, this seems rather disingenuous. Your parents hate pageants. Your in-laws disapprove. Yet you're asking the dis why? Don't you value your parents' opinion? Haven't they told you why they hate pageants?
    :confused3
    Does your dd do any other activities?
     
  12. badblackpug

    badblackpug <font color=blue>If you knew her you would be shoc

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    I smell a troll, but ....

    The problem is you are sexualizing your young child and teaching her superficial values. You are painting a small child up to look like a 30 year old prostitute and telling her that it is okay to judge people based on appearance. Appearance that they don't even have because they are painted, teased, extended, bonded, and acryliced. It is very shallow.

    I want my girls to be accomplished and proud of the things for which they have worked. There are so many other worthwhile things that could teach your child poise and grace, as well as pride in themselves for doing something other than painting themselves up and shaking their tush.

    Dance, music, art, sports....

    ...and think about what is it in you that feels the need to paint, tease up, and spray paint your daughter and display her at such a young age that she doesn't even know what she is doing or can possibly have any say in it?
     
  13. LiveYourLife

    LiveYourLife Living in the Chiefs Kingdom

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    I think the DD wants out of the pageants, and is afraid to tell Mom. I think the DD may have shared her feelings with her Grandparents, and that is why they are so vocal about it.
     
  14. allison443

    allison443 DIS Veteran

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    Interesting!
     
  15. smitch425

    smitch425 DIS Veteran

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    Maybe, but maybe not. My cousins were competitive swimmers at a very young age (including the one who is a model). People used to judge my aunt and uncle a lot, but the kids enjoyed and excelled at it (though they did hate the very early morning practices). One was the state champ a couple of years ago and they both got college scholarships out of it, so sometimes it seems as though parents are pushing too hard, but in reality, that is not the situation at all.

    My mom had 3 kids and my aunt had 4. My mom got the funny kid (my brother), the wild child (my sister), and the dependable, "boring" (as my sister says) one (that'd be me). My aunt got a baseball star, a softball star a state champion swimmer and a model. :rotfl: My brother played football and I was a dancer/actress, so at least we had some minor accomplishments in life. :rotfl2:
     
  16. NHdisneylover

    NHdisneylover DIS Veteran

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    If your DD has been doing pageants since she was a few months old, she really does not know life without them to know if she would like to stop?

    I have only known one girl who participated in pageants for whom that "hobby" did not seem to e the main link between her and her mother. By that, I mean, the other kids i knew, their mothers talked about their "pageant girls" or what dress or what not A LOT. They rarely, if ever, spoke of their daughters in any other context. The VAST majority of the time they spent with their kids were at pageant related things (hair, nails, practice, dance class for "talent" or else at least talking about those things otherwise (like, inevitably the conversation turns to the new dress or new routine and dinner, whole grocery shopping, etc).

    I think the way in which it becomes a whole lifestyle, often from efore the child had ANY choice in the matter, and therefore makes it virtually impossible for the child to conceive of what life would e like without it, or how to relate to the parent outside of the context of the pageants, etc is what others me the most about these things.
     
  17. DeluxePrincess

    DeluxePrincess DIS Veteran

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    I think the pageants are fine if the child wants to be involved in them. If a parent signs their daughter up just because everyone else does it, then it is wrong. I do hate to see the under 5 crowd involved in them though. By 5, a child is old enough to say if it is something they would like to do.
     
  18. bballmom56

    bballmom56 DIS Veteran

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    How about the next time it is time to send in an entry for a pageant, ask your DD if she wants to enter it. Give her the option of skipping it. See what she says. Don 't give her the pros and cons of that particular one (oh, you won it last year, or the judges there loved you, or all your friends will be there, or eh, you didn't win that one last year so maybe you can skip it this year). Just put that thought out there plain and simple and see how she responds.
     
  19. SLP958

    SLP958 DIS Veteran

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    I think this is another faker to stir the pot.
     
  20. luvmy3

    luvmy3 <font color=green>When I drink I find its easier t

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    Well considering your 10 year old has been in them since she was an infant and still has temper tantrums like a 5 year old, I'd say they haven't taught her poise and grace. Maybe its time to try a different approach for that :confused3
     
  21. auntfrannie

    auntfrannie DIS Veteran

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    :rotfl2: :rotfl2: Hilarious!
     

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