Introverted people what do you do at a party

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

I lean against the wall to hold it up. It's quite effective too. Not a single wall has fallen down under my watch.

 

[wishesuponastar]

DeaverTex - do you say anything to anyone when you are leaving? I would feel like I have to tell the host and if it's "early" in the party it would make me nervous to leave so early and come up with some excuse why. Plus I can never leave a party early because my DH is an extrovert and loves to be at parties so he makes me stay.

 

[22Tink]

Can we start an introvert club? I'm in!

I'd say I'm much more than an introvert. I truly feel I'm socially awkward. I really don't know how to communicate with people - it always comes off so awkward when I try to make conversation. I don't know what to say, I don't know how to react to what THEY say, I struggle with making eye contact - that's VERY hard for me to do. So, I avoid people as much as possible - if I see someone heading for the elevator as I'm on my way towards it, I'll walk slower or even stop to pretend I'm looking in my bag for something just to avoid being in the same elevator with them.

Absolutely hate any sort of social gatherings - I avoid them if I can. If not, I try to think up a few questions in advance, but even those tend to come out awkward. I don't know how to start a conversation naturally and I certainly don't know how to end one other than with extreme abruptness.... "Um, ok.. bye!" lol

I have very few friends in my life. I think most people just tend to overlook me - it's like I'm invisible at times. I'll see other women in my office building pass each other in the hall and they can just start yapping away, and I always think to myself, "HOW do they do that??"

The biggest irony is when I'm online, I have NO trouble communicating with others. But face-to-face, I'm horrible at it. WHY is that?

This is me exactly!! It feels like I'm reading about myself! I also have very few friends, never get invited out or included, and I feel like I'm always overlooked because I don't put myself out there. Sometimes I get really depressed because it feels like no one likes me. It hurts to be overlooked all the time, but at the same time I don't know what I'd do if I were invited because I'm such an introvert! I just tend to sit quietly and awkwardly at social functions, or just follow DH around. I've done the slow walk or 'bag check' to avoid interaction, too. Cell phones are great for that, too. It's such a relief to know I'm not the only one who deals with this. Sometimes it's a very lonely feeling.

 

[Minnesota!]

 

[threeboysmom]

threeboysmom - I think we can talk online easier because we have more time to think about what we want to say.

That makes sense! BINGO!

I relate to this so much!

Elevators...if I get in alone, the first thing I do is SLAM the close door button (obviously not if there is someone just about to walk in) because I hate being in elevators with people.

Haha, that's me! Hurry, hurry, HURRY up and close! I've even been known to fist pump when I can get the elevator all to myself, lol.

This is me exactly!! It feels like I'm reading about myself! I also have very few friends, never get invited out or included, and I feel like I'm always overlooked because I don't put myself out there. Sometimes I get really depressed because it feels like no one likes me. It hurts to be overlooked all the time, but at the same time I don't know what I'd do if I were invited because I'm such an introvert! I just tend to sit quietly and awkwardly at social functions, or just follow DH around. I've done the slow walk or 'bag check' to avoid interaction, too. Cell phones are great for that, too. It's such a relief to know I'm not the only one who deals with this. Sometimes it's a very lonely feeling.

Yes, yes, yes. Sadly I feel the exact same way. I'm hurt that no one seems to like me or invite me to their gatherings... but yet, do I REALLY want to go to a cookout or out to dinner with people? No. I guess I just want the invitations so I can decline? lol.

Cell phones... yup! Gotta love them! How many of you have pretended to read a text that wasn't really on your screen, lol.

 

[threeboysmom]

Oh my gosh, that is too funny! I'm stealing that for FB! lol

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I am very introverted as well and I avoid parties and social gatherings like the plague. If it's something I can't get out of, I do what a previous poster does - drink. Or I'll try to hang with my husband as much as possible because he knows I have trouble interacting with people and he is very good at covering for me. Although I can only do that for a limited amount of time because he is very outgoing. mingling with anyone and everyone and I don't want to follow him around like a puppy. It's awkward and exhausting and I've long since realized that since I bring nothing to the table, my presence will hardly be missed so I usually stay home and save everyone the grief.

Not surprisingly, our social life is very limited. DH has tried on several occasions to invite other couples out to dinner with us but I never click with the wives. Now, we're due to go in a few weeks with a coworker of his that we've gone out with before and by some miracle she seems to like me well enough. I have no idea what I've done differently from the hundreds of other attempts I've made and I'm incredibly nervous because I do not want to ruin this! Each time we've gone out I've been convinced it will be the last but no, they keep inviting us out again. After one of our evenings out DH told me that while I was in the restroom she mentioned that she liked me and my first response was 'but....WHY????' LOL! He just looked at me and laughed but I was totally serious - I wanted to know what in the heck I did/didn't do so I could keep doing it/not doing it. I'm very eager to see if anyone has any tips or advice on how to talk to people other than 'just be yourself'. That DOES NOT WORK when you are introverted.

My main strategy is to ask questions....about their kids, vacations, what is going on in their lives, etc. The only problem is I don't want to come across like I am interrogating. I also try to observe other people talking and interacting so that I will know how to respond properly when a similar comment or question is put to me. Because that's really my main problem - I have a hard time coming up with responses to comments and even direct questions I will often misunderstand and then I get 'the look'. I also feel like I'm just awkward - not only in the actual content of what I say but the way it's delivered: tone, body language, etc. It is embarrassing because I'm actually an intelligent, educated person but I'm afraid I come across as an idiot. I think I make people uncomfortable because I am uncomfortable so they simply avoid me. And it doesn't help that I've struggled with this my entire life and by now I've failed so many times that I have no confidence whatsoever.

I like you, Kim! We have had some nice conversations! What stood out to me in your post, though, is your "negative thoughts", or "negative thinking" about yourself. I bolded them. They are common in people who have social anxiety. There are things you can do to help overcome them. (Basically learn to push them aside and replace them with positive thoughts about yourself.) I'm sure you've heard this before. But maybe try again to work on it. Make a list of your positive qualities. Take a good, long time to think about them. Every time a negative thought like the above comes into your head, push it aside (or "sweep" it aside, literally picturing a broom) and welcome a positive thought in to replace it. You can even find one favorite phrase to revert to quickly. These are known as affirmations. Say them to yourself enough and work on believing them. Make it automatic so that when a negative thought comes in, it's swept away and right away replaced with your positive one. Practice it. Believe it.

There is a book called the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. Check it out. It might be helpful to some of you. There are exercises in there that might help you make some positive changes if that's what you want.

 

[wishesuponastar]

Pea n me- thank you for the advice to replace negative thoughts with positive. I will work on a list of good things about myself.

Several years ago I had ankle surgery and the woman sharing my hospital room was so friendly to me and oddly enough her and I had good conversations with her doing most of the talking. She said we should become texting friends and so far its been 3 yrs and we are still friends. We might meet up this summer with our hubbies and I am actually looking forward to it.

 

[smadath]

In a group setting such as OP described, I listen. There are plenty of people talking that they don't need me chiming in. If someone asks me a direct question, I of course respond. But, I find people don't mind me actually listening to what they are saying, rather than half listening while trying to think of something to say. I'm still 'involved', and not feeling the need to speak takes the pressure off, so I usually end up joining in without thinking about it. (eventually )

 

[wishesuponastar]

At the graduation party, it was hard to hear people talking...we were all seated at a restaurant and I didn't hear those around me what they were talking about so not only was it awkward for me not to say anything much but that made it boring too. I think I will make it a point to sit next to DH in the future he is a talker so then I can go into listening mode.

 

[Neesy228]

DH and I are both introverts so we typically just don't go...LOL
If we do, we drink and hang out together and hope to God no one approaches us

This is totally us too. I am much more introverted than my DH, but we usually drink, sit together and hope no one comes over to make small talk. If someone does approach, my DH will quickly cover for me by jumping into the conversation. I join in if I can or I just sit and smile if I can't figure out anything to say. He understands and just rolls with it. I appreciate that he's never told me that I need to change.

I am also a SAHM and I do think it's contributed to me becoming more introverted over the years. What used to be "painfully shy" as a child has become "anti-social" as an adult.

The thing is, I really don't mind being introverted. I enjoy the peace and quiet. I don't miss the parties or the dinners out. I would much rather sit in silence with someone than attempt to make idle conversation. When we do go out it is most often with the few close friends we have or with family. So, it's all good.

 

[anniemae]

OMG all of us at a party!

 

[tcufrog]

My older son is pretty extroverted but can be socially awkward (he is borderline Aspergers) and can find loud, chaotic places overwhelming. I've taught him that when he's overwhelmed a fool proof excuse for going somewhere quieter is needing to go to the restroom. Spending a few minutes taking some calming breathes in a bathroom stall often calms him and resets him.

 

[wishesuponastar]

This is totally us too. I am much more introverted than my DH, but we usually drink, sit together and hope no one comes over to make small talk. If someone does approach, my DH will quickly cover for me by jumping into the conversation. I join in if I can or I just sit and smile if I can't figure out anything to say. He understands and just rolls with it. I appreciate that he's never told me that I need to change.

I am also a SAHM and I do think it's contributed to me becoming more introverted over the years. What used to be "painfully shy" as a child has become "anti-social" as an adult.

The thing is, I really don't mind being introverted. I enjoy the peace and quiet. I don't miss the parties or the dinners out. I would much rather sit in silence with someone then attempt to make idle conversation. When we do go out it is most often with the few close friends we have or with family. So, it's all good.

I don't mind it too much either that I have a lot of alone time and am not the life of the party....other people can do that. But it would be nice to have made a few friends along the way.....I only had two friends in high school and we are not friends now. My one true friend lives 5 hours away so we talk on the phone....mostly her talking though. We used to get together for lunch when she lived near me. That was nice to do and honestly that was enough for me.

 

[Neesy228]

I don't mind it too much either that I have a lot of alone time and am not the life of the party....other people can do that. But it would be nice to have made a few friends along the way.....I only had two friends in high school and we are not friends now. My one true friend lives 5 hours away so we talk on the phone....mostly her talking though. We used to get together for lunch when she lived near me. That was nice to do and honestly that was enough for me.

If you lived near me, we could totally go out for an awkward lunch!

 

[3DisneyBuggs]

Introvert here! My DH is a big extrovert so I usually Let him do the talking. Last week we went to DH's friend's BBQ where we met 3 other couples. The kids all played together, DH fit right in and the other wives were all friends. I spent my time sitting on their couch. I did join the women once but felt awkward since they were talking about "their" stuff. I was always more comfortable with one or two friends and still am. I do prefer to people watch, even at family parties. It's silly that we quiet ones feel bad or self conscious. We are who we are and that is great!!

 

[Jaime4004]

I avoid parties. DH is an extrovert and loves people. I have no problem with him going without me. I don't think he cares either, doesn't have to worry about me and leave early because i'm miserable. I like being an introvert. I have no desire to talk to people I don't know and make superficial conversation. I have enough friends, don't really want anymore. I like my alone time (which is already rare with 3 kids.) I work in homecare so it's just me and the patient, sometimes some family members. I don't miss working in an office with tons of people around! My youngest child is very shy, the other two take after DH, they'll talk to anyone who will listen.

 

[Earstou]

I'm also an introvert and I'm now hearing-impaired, so it's gotten much worse. At parties it's almost impossible to hear other people and when other people start talking to me, I have to keep asking them to repeat themselves. Ahhhh, just what an introvert wants!
Anywho, I used to play with the kids at the gatherings, because you usually don't need to have a conversation with kids if you are playing!
Now, my trick is to hide behind my camera, taking photos, then I share my photos after the party with the host and/or family members. Works well!!

 

[JaxDad]

As an engineer, I always liked this joke:

How can you tell when an engineer is extroverted? He looks at YOUR shoes when he talks to you!

 

[ELSA711]

I like peace and quiet
I think I am the only mom at our kids sports events that sits in the outfield alone to avoid all the chit chat. I am there for the kids and dont need the mom's 'fill the silence' every second bs
Shut up and watch the damn game
My perfect weekend before my family was a six pack, a book, maybe a hockey game and my labrador