Introverted people what do you do at a party

[wishesuponastar]

I am very introverted and not able to carry on a conversation that well. Anyone else here like that and what do you do at a party/social gatherings?

I was at a graduation party with my DH and daughters. My DH didn't sit next to me, I sat next to my daughter on one side and SIL new fiancé that we have only met 3 times. Across from me was an uncle's girlfriend who recently bought a house. I asked her how are things going and she answered me then that was the end of conversing with her. No one initiates a conversation with me. Maybe it's because they know I don't communicate well?

I even have trouble finding things to say to hubby and daughters....It's a good thing hubby likes to talk so I'm a good listenener.

 

[DisneyLuver2013]

YESSS! Excited for answers on this!

I'm introverted and parties/weddings/other social gathering get draining because I never know how to carry on a conversation. I want to talk more, but get stuck in a rut of being quiet - KWIM?

 

[wishesuponastar]

Sorry you have this problem too. Do you find that people don't initiate conversations with you too?

 

[DisneyLuver2013]

Sorry you have this problem too. Do you find that people don't initiate conversations with you too?

Sometimes yes, and sometimes no. It all depends on the setting of people and the time. If I'm in a large group of friends, then generally people won't initiate conversations. But, if I'm with a small-medium sized group of family, then they will initiate conversation.

It's hard too, because I get nervous and get awkward when speaking to people other than close friends/family, so when someone does initiate conversation, I get all awkward... It get's so frustrating sometimes!! LOL

 

[cjbcam]

I hear Ya!! I get really nervous and say the wrong things. I feel really awkward all the time. My DH and I are the same way. I hate meeting new people and would rather spend my time just with him because I feel embarrassed.
I have a great group of friends that know I'm like this. They go out all the time and party and such but they know I'm not like that and accept me the way I am. They know I will only go out once in a while and I'm definitely not the life of the party.

 

[macraven]

i dread doing small talk.

how are you
how old are your kids
what do you think about this weather we are having
what's your favorite tv show........

i always let mr mac do the conversations when we are around new people.
he talks enough for the both of us.
when he does, i nod my head as if i'm really listening.

 

[Luv2Run]

I'm an introvert, as well, and hate hate HATE small talk. With my bf being in a band, I'm around a lot of strangers 3-4 nights a week, and really struggle with small talk. I have to force myself to make eye contact, which is really difficult for me. Usually I try to compliment them on what they're wearing ("Oh, I really like your shirt, that's clever!" "Where did you get it?" "I saw something similar when I was on vacation in Scotland"). Those types of specific things tend to go over much better than the usual chit-chat about weather and current events, which leads to better, more in-depth conversations that don't drop off and get awkward after the first few sentences.

 

[kamik86]

I'm an introvert as well. Generally I end up breaking off and conversing with one or more people that I am comfortable with.

Sometimes that is DH who is also introverted. Sometimes my parents etc. Depending on the group that may be several different people during the night as they go around and speak to everyone. I find that I do fine with 2-3 people its when the group gets bigger that I tend not to converse so much. AT an actual dinner where I can't really break away so much I generally just stay quiet and listen to everyone else. The above is more for what I do before everyone sits down to dinner and is just milling around.

 

[anniemae]

UGH! Introverte here~I also hate small talk and parties. I avoid gatherings like the plague. I have a couple of friends who are true extroverts and they just don't "get it" I hear, "you should go out more" or "just put yourself out there!" Um, no thanks. They don't understand it's not something you can change.

When I do have to attend a gathering, I try to smile and ask questions to get attention off of me. Another trick is to get into a group discussion and just "follow along" with the conversation by looking at the speaker and nodding, smiling, saying "wow" or "how wonderful" when appropriate so you appear to be contributing etc. Usually there is someone in the group who wants the attention. Or find one person, preferably another introvert and talk to them After these events, I usually have to go home and rest, it exhausts me being in a large group. It seriously is a huge effort and I need quiet time to relax after.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I drink

 

[Dizlvr]

I just stay around people I do converse with and pretty much avoid everyone else.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

I drink

My wife is very much an introvert in social settings and does the exact same thing. Thanks for the laugh.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

I'm beyond introverted - I know I have some sort of anxiety and/or panic disorder and it's virtually impossible for me to go to any type of party. I usually avoid them completely.

DH was a groomsman in his best friend's wedding 4 years ago, just before ours. Of course I was invited as well, but I was in panic mode for hours while I was alone. I knew nobody. I walked into the church and sat alone in the back. At the reception, I was seated with some of the bride's extended family, and while they were nice, they didn't really talk to me very much. I was SO relieved when dinner was over and DH was free to be with me. He's an introvert, too, although not to the extent that I am, but he was really uncomfortable all day as well, he said.

I had my baby shower on Sunday and I LOATHE being the center of attention. Honestly, I didn't even want a shower (my MIL and 2 SILs insisted). I was shaking the whole time. My blood sugar was running REALLY high. I wanted to run away when they made me go around to each person for a game. I don't speak loudly, so when opening gifts, although I think I was shouting who the giver was, my mother repeated it every time. I absolutely cannot make announcements to a room full of people, so my mother did it, which prompted my MIL to take me aside and sort of lecture me that it had to change, that I have to start doing things for my son. I didn't have it in me to explain to her, this isn't just "shy," this way beyond that and it's out of my control.

I've been to 6 psychiatrists and tried about 3 different medications trying to fight it. Not only has it not helped, it's made it worse

 

[mamamary]

Another introvert here. I actually feel more introverted now than when I was younger. I've been a SAHM for a long time now so I'm wondering if that contributes to it. I am also not into parties where I need to mingle with people and make small talk. I'm fine around family and friends but not strangers or people that I don't know well.

 

[gemini2727]

I'm beyond introverted - I know I have some sort of anxiety and/or panic disorder and it's virtually impossible for me to go to any type of party. I usually avoid them completely.

DH was a groomsman in his best friend's wedding 4 years ago, just before ours. Of course I was invited as well, but I was in panic mode for hours while I was alone. I knew nobody. I walked into the church and sat alone in the back. At the reception, I was seated with some of the bride's extended family, and while they were nice, they didn't really talk to me very much. I was SO relieved when dinner was over and DH was free to be with me. He's an introvert, too, although not to the extent that I am, but he was really uncomfortable all day as well, he said.

I had my baby shower on Sunday and I LOATHE being the center of attention. Honestly, I didn't even want a shower (my MIL and 2 SILs insisted). I was shaking the whole time. My blood sugar was running REALLY high. I wanted to run away when they made me go around to each person for a game. I don't speak loudly, so when opening gifts, although I think I was shouting who the giver was, my mother repeated it every time. I absolutely cannot make announcements to a room full of people, so my mother did it, which prompted my MIL to take me aside and sort of lecture me that it had to change, that I have to start doing things for my son. I didn't have it in me to explain to her, this isn't just "shy," this way beyond that and it's out of my control.

I've been to 6 psychiatrists and tried about 3 different medications trying to fight it. Not only has it not helped, it's made it worse

I'm so sorry, that must be really hard for you. Isn't it strange how extroverts are allowed to be themselves while introverts are told something is wrong with them? There's nothing bad about being a quiet, introspective person! And it's not a sin to dislike social situations! I don't think it was kind of your in-laws to force a shower on you when you said you didn't want one.
It does sound like your anxiety is taking a toll on you. I hope you find someone or something to make you feel better sooner than later.

 

[KimR]

I am very introverted as well and I avoid parties and social gatherings like the plague. If it's something I can't get out of, I do what a previous poster does - drink. Or I'll try to hang with my husband as much as possible because he knows I have trouble interacting with people and he is very good at covering for me. Although I can only do that for a limited amount of time because he is very outgoing. mingling with anyone and everyone and I don't want to follow him around like a puppy. It's awkward and exhausting and I've long since realized that since I bring nothing to the table, my presence will hardly be missed so I usually stay home and save everyone the grief.

Not surprisingly, our social life is very limited. DH has tried on several occasions to invite other couples out to dinner with us but I never click with the wives. Now, we're due to go in a few weeks with a coworker of his that we've gone out with before and by some miracle she seems to like me well enough. I have no idea what I've done differently from the hundreds of other attempts I've made and I'm incredibly nervous because I do not want to ruin this! Each time we've gone out I've been convinced it will be the last but no, they keep inviting us out again. After one of our evenings out DH told me that while I was in the restroom she mentioned that she liked me and my first response was 'but....WHY????' LOL! He just looked at me and laughed but I was totally serious - I wanted to know what in the heck I did/didn't do so I could keep doing it/not doing it. I'm very eager to see if anyone has any tips or advice on how to talk to people other than 'just be yourself'. That DOES NOT WORK when you are introverted.

My main strategy is to ask questions....about their kids, vacations, what is going on in their lives, etc. The only problem is I don't want to come across like I am interrogating. I also try to observe other people talking and interacting so that I will know how to respond properly when a similar comment or question is put to me. Because that's really my main problem - I have a hard time coming up with responses to comments and even direct questions I will often misunderstand and then I get 'the look'. I also feel like I'm just awkward - not only in the actual content of what I say but the way it's delivered: tone, body language, etc. It is embarrassing because I'm actually an intelligent, educated person but I'm afraid I come across as an idiot. I think I make people uncomfortable because I am uncomfortable so they simply avoid me. And it doesn't help that I've struggled with this my entire life and by now I've failed so many times that I have no confidence whatsoever.

 

[weeniecat2442]

If theres a cat or dog in the house, I usually hang with them

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Another introvert here. I actually feel more introverted now than when I was younger. I've been a SAHM for a long time now so I'm wondering if that contributes to it. I am also not into parties where I need to mingle with people and make small talk. I'm fine around family and friends but not strangers or people that I don't know well.

I feel the same way and think the SAHM thing does factor in.

I was always pretty popular and social and then DH got stationed in TX and I was a stay at home mother of twins. I did make friends but they were all in the same boat as I so it was easy to socialize. Now when I find myself in situations sans kids I am very awkward. I make references to things and people from like the early 2000's and strange jokes and no one gets. I've always had a very dry sense of humor to begin with but now I'm just kind of weird. I'm okay with it though

 

[kirstenb1]

Me too! I make a conscious effort to look at the news, You tube, etc before I go out. At least I have something current to joke about or comment on.

 

[lizabu]

My strategy is to get others to talk about themselves. You shouldn't wait for someone else to initiate a conversation. If it's someone I don't know well I will compliment something they are wearing. If they just say thanks I might ask where they got it and the answer might make me think of something else to say. If not I start asking questions. Where do you work? What's that like? Have you tried the something food? Most people love to talk about themselves so it only takes a few questions to get things rolling.