Introverted people what do you do at a party

[scrhsa]

For me I found that I have to force myself to be the one to ask the questions. I've even thought up somewhat interesting questions in advance so I would be ready. Extremely hard for me to do!! I think it also depends on the person I am talking to. If the person I'm with is just as shy as I am....forget it. Conversation is awkward and dead. If the other person is more outgoing, I'm ok. I have come a LONG way. When they say "painfully" shy they aren't kidding. It hurt to be in those situations. Getting married and moving 4 states away forced me to handle things on my own. And to this day my husband has a hard time understanding why I have a hard time with being social. He'll talk to a stump

My 19 yr old is the same way. She has a hard time just buying something at the store by herself. But at Disney--totally different person. She was even singing out loud in front of people. It was a crazy transformation.

 

[SEA333]

DH and I are both on the introverted side, and so are our kids. I can "fake" it and be friendly enough, but it really does drain me. If I know I have to be at a school function or gathering where I have to be upbeat and perky, I take Advil first because I know I will walk away with a pounding headache LOL I tend to be more comfortable when I am the one in charge, and it is important for me to be a visible presence at my kids' schools and activities, so I am usually the room parent, or chairperson of an event, or even a coach - that way other parents are forced to have to talk to me, and we always have *something* to talk about!

I found that using my kids when they were little was an easy way to strike up a conversation with just about anybody. It's harder now that they are older - for some reason 15, 11, and 9 year olds are not so cute! It helps that my kids play sports - I automatically have something to talk about to anyone interested in those sports, or other parents who have kids involved in sports, too. I love to talk about my work, but nobody wants to hear it LOL, and when I am really comfortable with someone and I know they can take my sarcastic humor, I can really start being myself and it is a lot of fun! I am pretty good one on one, or in a small group, but I've never been one for the bar or big party scene. Intimate gatherings are so much more fun for me. Unless I am drinking....then I can handle it. I come from a big family (so does DH) so I think that this has helped me figure out how to both isolate myself when I need to get away from a group of people, and how to break into a conversation/group when I have to.

DH is introverted, but also outgoing, if that makes sense. He can talk to anyone and be friendly and likable and make people feel comfortable, but only when HE wants to. For him it's a choice. At other times, he is perfectly fine to just sit by himself and not talk to anyone. Sometimes I think I want him to be the conversation starter with someone until I get comfortable in the situation, and when he decides that that is the time he wants to be introverted, I get annoyed (j/k - kind of...) that he won't be my ice-breaker! Once I get rolling, though, I can keep a conversation up unless it's someone super-shy who only gives me one-word answers that go nowhere. You can only ask so many questions in a row! If they don't expand or ask any back, I get the vibe that they don't really want to talk, and I excuse myself.

Our kids have a mix of both our personalities. DS15 is very assertive and will not hesitate to share his feelings or perspective on things to anyone. He is a leader. However, he is not a loud, in-your-face kind of person, and he has yet to have a real girlfriend because he never knows what to say to a girl he likes. He has lots of friends that are girls, so I'm pretty sure the block comes when he likes-likes one. LOL It's OK...he has too many other things to focus on right now! DS9 is probably our kid with the most "fun" personality - he will be the one in college with the "Yeah! Let's do this!" attitude. But, he can also be shy. He has the most trouble of the three of them in speaking up for himself. DD is very reserved, but not shy. She has a hard time breaking into a group of girls if she sees them somewhere (even if she knows them), and tends to want to hang around one person at a time rather than a gaggle of girls who drain the energy out of her. Even when she has sleepovers with her group of friends, she will sometimes leave her friends in the family room and come sit with me for a minute just to regroup. However, if she wants or needs something, or has something to say, she will tell you straight out. We are working on her filter...haha

The older I get, the more I am able to express my opinions and thoughts on a subject without worrying about what people think of me. In my opinion, if they debate or disagree back, it makes the conversation more interesting and longer! So, don't be afraid to say what you think...people might surprise you once in a while.

 

[Mizzoufan]

I don't go.

 

[Minnesota!]

honestly, alcohol.

I am extrememly introverted...painfully. I cry almost every morning about having to go to work and associate with people.

But, give me a few beers or mixed drinks, and it is not nearly as painful for me. I can almost act human!!!

 

[DisneyLuver2013]

You people are my kind of people!! I understand every one of these posts!

I think all of us should have a party together, and it would be the funnest party ever - because we understand and just accept each others awkwardness and quietness and would feel more comfortable in the presence of other introverts!!

Introverts, unite!!

 

[wishesuponastar]

LOL I would love a party for us.

Now, see I can't think of anything to reply to all of your comments. I just hope you have a good day.

 

[KimR]

honestly, alcohol.

I am extrememly introverted...painfully. I cry almost every morning about having to go to work and associate with people.

But, give me a few beers or mixed drinks, and it is not nearly as painful for me. I can almost act human!!!

I'm with you on that. A few years ago we went to a party only to arrive and find out it was dry - I was in a panic. No, I am not an alcoholic but I do 'need' a few drinks in order to deal with my social anxiety. I pretended to have an interest in their landscaping so DH and I would have an excuse to go outside and wander around the yard for a bit. After we came back in I had no idea what to do with myself. I was very uncomfortable and felt so ill-at-ease I eventually wandered into another room and spent a good chunk of the evening playing with their dog. I'm sure people thought I was the biggest snob but I honestly have stopped caring. But don't you all agree - one of the best feelings ever is the immense relief and relaxation that descends upon you once the evening is over and the door closes behind you on the way out to the car. ahhhhhhh.....freedom!

 

[3Gsandme]

This is where my husband, the extrovert, comes in.

I can carry a conversation really well once it's started, so I kind of rely on dh to get me going and then I can take over. Once I know you, I'm comfortable so it's not too hard for me to talk to that person again or continue the conversation.

Otherwise, I kind of have a pat list of questions that I ask people to get them talking about themselves.

 

[puffkin]

My husband is like that. He comes across as such a snob/prick but he just isn't good in social situations. He is fine one on one but terrible in group settings. I am the opposite. I talk way too much and I tend to turn every conversation to me. I am THAT person who know something about everything and has an opinion on everything. I know I am doing it and just can't stop. We are terrible people to invite out socially and we really don't have many social friends. Heck, I wouldn't be friends with us! My husband is more of a homebody so it doesn't bother him, but it does bother me. We have tried really hard to get better at this but it is exhausting and we end up reverting back to old behaviors so generally we just don't go to work events and we get very few personal invites to worry about.

It is kind of depressing actually and something we need to address once the kids get older and we aren't so wrapped up in their activities.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

This is where my husband, the extrovert, comes in.

I can carry a conversation really well once it's started, so I kind of rely on dh to get me going and then I can take over. Once I know you, I'm comfortable so it's not too hard for me to talk to that person again or continue the conversation.

Otherwise, I kind of have a pat list of questions that I ask people to get them talking about themselves.

This is exactly what my wife does with me.

 

[ELSA711]

DH and I are both introverts so we typically just don't go...LOL
If we do, we drink and hang out together and hope to God no one approaches us

 

[PlutoRocks]

If theres a cat or dog in the house, I usually hang with them

YES!! This is so me - and honestly they are usually the most interesting person at the party anyway so...

 

[bethbuchall]

I don't have much to add, but I'm glad that I'm not alone. I went to a graduation party last weekend that was such an awkward experience for me because I really didn't know anyone other than the host. No one initiated a conversation with me, and I didn't see anyone who I could approach. I had my teenage son with me, but he didn't know anyone either. It was supposed to be an outdoor party but was inside because of rain, so there wasn't really anywhere to stand that wasn't right in the way. Finally, we just sneaked back out, but I felt like I was some sort of freak for not being able to handle a simple party. My husband is basically the same way, so we just don't usually go out much and don't really have a social group. I do find groups of people exhausting, too. I am happy to know that it's not only me.

 

[threeboysmom]

Can we start an introvert club? I'm in!

I'd say I'm much more than an introvert. I truly feel I'm socially awkward. I really don't know how to communicate with people - it always comes off so awkward when I try to make conversation. I don't know what to say, I don't know how to react to what THEY say, I struggle with making eye contact - that's VERY hard for me to do. So, I avoid people as much as possible - if I see someone heading for the elevator as I'm on my way towards it, I'll walk slower or even stop to pretend I'm looking in my bag for something just to avoid being in the same elevator with them.

Absolutely hate any sort of social gatherings - I avoid them if I can. If not, I try to think up a few questions in advance, but even those tend to come out awkward. I don't know how to start a conversation naturally and I certainly don't know how to end one other than with extreme abruptness.... "Um, ok.. bye!" lol

I have very few friends in my life. I think most people just tend to overlook me - it's like I'm invisible at times. I'll see other women in my office building pass each other in the hall and they can just start yapping away, and I always think to myself, "HOW do they do that??"

The biggest irony is when I'm online, I have NO trouble communicating with others. But face-to-face, I'm horrible at it. WHY is that?

 

[wishesuponastar]

threeboysmom - I think we can talk online easier because we have more time to think about what we want to say.

 

[TLSnell1981]

I've never met a stranger, so conversation is easy for me. Walk up introduce yourself , make eye contact AND smile. It never hurts to start out with a compliment/pleasantry. It can be personal ("love your dress") or about the event (so and so's home is beautiful). Ask questions, comment on a variety of subjects and watch body language....test the water. If you have some knowledge of the individual bring up their interests. Don't talk about yourself. People have a tendency to open up more, if they feel you are genuinely interested in getting to know them...not just passing time or making small talk.

 

[wishesuponastar]

I think It's almost easier to try and talk to a stranger than family because I think family expects you to be so chatty.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

Can we start an introvert club? I'm in!

I'd say I'm much more than an introvert. I truly feel I'm socially awkward. I really don't know how to communicate with people - it always comes off so awkward when I try to make conversation. I don't know what to say, I don't know how to react to what THEY say, I struggle with making eye contact - that's VERY hard for me to do. So, I avoid people as much as possible - if I see someone heading for the elevator as I'm on my way towards it, I'll walk slower or even stop to pretend I'm looking in my bag for something just to avoid being in the same elevator with them.

Absolutely hate any sort of social gatherings - I avoid them if I can. If not, I try to think up a few questions in advance, but even those tend to come out awkward. I don't know how to start a conversation naturally and I certainly don't know how to end one other than with extreme abruptness.... "Um, ok.. bye!" lol

I have very few friends in my life. I think most people just tend to overlook me - it's like I'm invisible at times. I'll see other women in my office building pass each other in the hall and they can just start yapping away, and I always think to myself, "HOW do they do that??"

The biggest irony is when I'm online, I have NO trouble communicating with others. But face-to-face, I'm horrible at it. WHY is that?

I relate to this so much!

Elevators...if I get in alone, the first thing I do is SLAM the close door button (obviously not if there is someone just about to walk in) because I hate being in elevators with people.

My only two friends are those from elementary school who have stayed close with my over the years. I used to have a somewhat larger circle of friends when I was college age/young twenties and single and "needed" to have friends to do things with. Most of those friends have moved on now that I'm married and have a child.

I love going to family gatherings, but I really dislike going to parties like DH's Christmas work party or anything like that where it's a large group of people familiar with one another and I don't know anyone.

I work from home now (which is perfect for me) but I felt the same way about other co-workers--I was never friends with anyone at work even though I "thought" I was friendly and cheerful.

Honestly, I'm grateful that I have my daughter now...we take her just about everywhere and I can spend my time playing with or caring for her instead of having to make small talk. The neighbors invited us over for their 4th of July party on Saturday, and I'm dreading it.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Hard reading this thread as I feel for all of you who have this issue. I am shy by nature but learned to overcome it when I was mostly in my teens. The way I overcame it was by taking care of others, I think. (If you think things are awkward at a party, try touching someone's naked body while you're washing them up or cleaning their private parts, lol - it's an "art" learning tactics to make conversation to make the "patient" feel comfortable then.) I also grew up in a city with a large group of friends that I spent most of my time with, so I had to learn to get along with people. (Home life wasn't great, so I didn't spend a lot of time there.) Today I am pretty social and can talk to just about anyone. Sometimes when I am at a party I might notice someone who feels uncomfortable and see what I can do to talk to them, etc. I often wind up in long conversations with people I don't know - at parties and elsewhere - my friends and family sort of tease me about it because sometimes they have to get my attention to leave. I enjoy meeting different types of people because I know everyone has a story to tell. I like hearing their stories and find that often I have lots of things in common with them.

So for people who ask how do you do it, for me it was a combination of asking people about themselves and sharing some of myself, too, and forcing myself to let down some of my inhibitions and put myself out there. I also appreciate, from talking and getting to know others' vulnerabilities, that most people have some inhibitions, so nobody's alone in that. And if they don't have inhbitions, they usually have some sort of skeletons in their closets, too - nobody has really had a perfect life! We (general we) tend to think that everyone's got it so much better, but when push comes to shove, everyone's got something they don't like about themselves, or some sort of trauma in their past, or some way their feeling badly about themselves, etc. Try to keep that in mind. They have their own demons they're dealing with, believe me. I have heard so many stories from my patients over the years that I can say with absolute certainty that almost everyone has something. Tragic things nobody knows about. Hurts and heartaches. Difficulties they've overcome. Abuses they've endured. Family traumas, etc. Sad, really, that we're all walking around with this baggage! I had a friend once who said she learned in her family that no matter what was happening, their #1 priority was to put forth a good appearance to the rest of the world. No matter what. So many things were happening in that family, yet they took pains to act like everything was normal. I sometimes wonder how many people do this. I also think that social media has only highlighted this issue and made it more difficult for shy people - they look at everyone's pictures and think they've got it so much better than they do, but people need to realize that people mostly post the "best" things going on in their lives and don't post much, if any, of the ho hum or the worst.

 

[DeaverTex]

My wife and I are both introverts, although me more so than her. Our friends aren't the party crowd, so the only actual party that we are invited to is my boss' annual Christmas party at his house. We both hate it, but he gives great presents and his wife makes incredible goodies for the party. Really, it would be OK except that he invites all of his friends and our clients as well, so I usually don't know more than the people I work with. After the Christmas presents are handed out, we just eat and then slide out the back door as soon as we can manage.