DD is a terrrible driver. Help!

[Aliceacc]

Has she had driver's ed? The best thing about it, as opposed to taking her driving yourself, is that additional brake pedal on the passenger side.

The only thing that will cure "lack of a clue" is lots and lots and lots of practice." And instruct her on every detail--- "See that kid on the bike? There's no such thing as one kid on a bike; be on the lookout for his friend." type of stuff.

 

[mom2rtk]

Has she had driver's ed? The best thing about it, as opposed to taking her driving yourself, is that additional brake pedal on the passenger side.

The only thing that will cure "lack of a clue" is lots and lots and lots of practice." And instruct her on every detail--- "See that kid on the bike? There's no such thing as one kid on a bike; be on the lookout for his friend." type of stuff.

I think the ongoing instructional narrative is really important. Even if DD isn't driving, she should be in the passenger seat listening to the narrative.

"This is what happened to me once when I almost had an accident."

"I once had a bicyclist pull out here going against the traffic and it would have been so easy to hit him if I wasn't looking"

"See that car? He hasn't made eye contact, so I have to assume he might pull out in front of me"

"This is a particularly bad intersection for this reason...."

 

[Aliceacc]

OP, not sure where you are, but this is something I did with my son, will do with my daughter this winter, and remember my dad doing with each of us:

The first time you get a real decent snow, find an empty parking lot. Have her drive at a normal rate, then hit the brakes. "Steer into the skid" means nothing until you actually have to do it. Far better to learn how to deal with a skid in an empty parking lot the first time than in traffic.

And use every single opportunity to get her behind the wheel before she gets her license. Those moments are golden-- you can give unlimited advice. Once she gets her license, she's on her own.

 

[mjkacmom]

Here they have to get (and pay for) behind the wheel if they want their permit at 16. Dd20 was a VERY cautious driver, but she's finally better now. Rural sounds easy, here in NJ, outside of NYC, it's pretty brutal, and if you can navigate the roads and highways here, you are good to go anywhere. She did knock down a big section of our fence parkingin the driveway. Unfortunately, there is only one way - practice. She only passed her test because the driving school took her.

Ds18 was a natural, but dd15 gets her permit soon, and I think she'll take after her sister.

 

[punkin]

My niece just passed her drivers test and my husband is in shock because she really is a pretty bad driver. Later today she will be driving alone to the strip mall about 2 miles away to meet a friend for lunch...I will be praying for her and everyone else on the road. Practice is really the only way to get better, unfortunately.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Mine had Driver's Ed, but they took it through the high school, and IIR they'd had their permits for months before they actually got time with a driving instructor - which may have been a good thing, lol, as their drives seemed pretty relaxing once DD learned how to take turns and DS got in some practice, too.

In retrospect, I think those first hours behind the wheel are the toughest, until they actually get a feel for driving a car!

 

[spacemountainmom]

When I taught my dd to drive, I spent every moment that she was in the car with me giving driving lessons. I talked about every aspect of driving and cars. It didn't matter who was driving, we talked about what to do and how to respond. Most of the time she did better with me, dh was just a little too laid back with her.

She loved to go out driving with her grandpa. It is a different relationship and she took advice from him differently. I wish grandpa lived closer and could have worked with her more.

One thing I will offer is that I am guessing that your daughter didn't understand your comment about "ducking in" behind the truck. Try saying something like "pull into the left turn lane and wait for the oncoming truck to pass." Some kids need very clear, direct instructions.

My dd drove me nuts because she had no idea what any of our local highways are called. I remember being just frustrated the first time I told her to "turn left on Highway 36" and she had no idea what I was talking about. She eventually figured it out.

I would start checking around online to see if you can find something to help. I know State Farm insurance has some online resources for teaching your teen to drive. You might want to look into their website.

Good luck!

 

[willowsnn3]

Check with your state's driver's license office to find a driving school. They are usually the ones who license the driving schools so they should have a list of approved schools for the whole state. Here in Georgia it is the Department of Driver's Services and on their website there are links to the certified driving schools.
There has to be a Driving School somewhere in your state. I work for a driving school and we go out to rural areas and if you feel you are too far out you can meet the driving instructor at the school itself. We offer an online driver's ed class for $29 that can give a lot of info for a new driver. In car training with a professional is better as they know the laws better than most parents, lol.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

When I taught my dd to drive, I spent every moment that she was in the car with me giving driving lessons. I talked about every aspect of driving and cars. It didn't matter who was driving, we talked about what to do and how to respond. Most of the time she did better with me, dh was just a little too laid back with her.

She loved to go out driving with her grandpa. It is a different relationship and she took advice from him differently. I wish grandpa lived closer and could have worked with her more.

One thing I will offer is that I am guessing that your daughter didn't understand your comment about "ducking in" behind the truck. Try saying something like "pull into the left turn lane and wait for the oncoming truck to pass." Some kids need very clear, direct instructions.

My dd drove me nuts because she had no idea what any of our local highways are called. I remember being just frustrated the first time I told her to "turn left on Highway 36" and she had no idea what I was talking about. She eventually figured it out.

I would start checking around online to see if you can find something to help. I know State Farm insurance has some online resources for teaching your teen to drive. You might want to look into their website.

Good luck!

To the bolded, I think it's a good idea to start talking about these things - like thinking as a driver, and what roads are called, how to figure out directions, etc. - well before they actually start driving. It's really a nice "gift" to be able to drive and travel well.

My mother got her license later in life, like in her 40s, only at the urging of my older sister, who needed her to drive her places. She did ok, but was never 100% comfortable driving. I never realized how much until someone gave her a "new" car and I had to take her for a test drive to show her how things worked as it was a newer model than she'd had before and the buttons and whatnot were different. Well we stayed on our small street but before we'd even left the driveway she'd started turning cold and clammy and was beginning to shake! I literally worried she was about to have a heart attack, so we had to end the lesson early. It made me sad to see how frightened she really was to drive! (And one of the reasons she became that was was the very first day she got her license we went for a drive and the city street around the corner from our house was very narrow and fully lined with parked cars. As she was driving very slowly down the street a child rode his bike into the street from between the cars without looking, and went under our car. He wasn't hurt, thankfully, but his bike was broken and the boys parents, instead of disciplining their son, blamed my mother for the "accident" and made her buy him a new bike. She was completely devastated thinking she hurt a child. Like, I mean, crushed. This affected her so deeply she apparently never got over it. She could drive ok when she was alone, but when anyone else was in the car, she couldn't.) My sister also really never learned to drive well, she's a city person and uses public transportation mainly, but when she does have to drive, it's never pleasant for her. Again, sad. I try to think of them when people are on the road driving slow (which I know can be a hazard in and of itself) because honking and screaming at them doesn't help the situation. (DD also had someone swear and scream at her on one of her first outings as a new driver.)

 

[spacemountainmom]

To the bolded, I think it's a good idea to start talking about these things - like thinking as a driver, and what roads are called, how to figure out directions, etc. - well before they actually start driving. It's really a nice "gift" to be able to drive and travel well.

My mother got her license later in life, like in her 40s, only at the urging of my older sister, who needed her to drive her places. She did ok, but was never 100% comfortable driving. I never realized how much until someone gave her a "new" car and I had to take her for a test drive to show her how things worked as it was a newer model than she'd had before and the buttons and whatnot were different. Well we stayed on our small street but before we'd even left the driveway she'd started turning cold and clammy and was beginning to shake! I literally worried she was about to have a heart attack, so we had to end the lesson early. It made me sad to see how frightened she really was to drive! (And one of the reasons she became that was was the very first day she got her license we went for a drive and the city street around the corner from our house was very narrow and fully lined with parked cars. As she was driving very slowly down the street a child rode his bike into the street from between the cars without looking, and went under our car. He wasn't hurt, thankfully, but his bike was broken and the boys parents, instead of disciplining their son, blamed my mother for the "accident" and made her buy him a new bike. She was completely devastated thinking she hurt a child. Like, I mean, crushed. This affected her so deeply she apparently never got over it. She could drive ok when she was alone, but when anyone else was in the car, she couldn't.) My sister also really never learned to drive well, she's a city person and uses public transportation mainly, but when she does have to drive, it's never pleasant for her. Again, sad. I try to think of them when people are on the road driving slow (which I know can be a hazard in and of itself) because honking and screaming at them doesn't help the situation. (DD also had someone swear and scream at her on one of her first outings as a new driver.)

I honestly didn't think that I needed to spend time identifying roads and such. I just assumed that after 16 years of riding in a car would take care of that. I always knew where I was and how to get there and just assumed dd would have picked that up as well. Guess not!

In second grade, my Girl Scout troop went to the apple orchard. My mom didn't know where it was and really wanted to go there. I told her that I could show her how to get there. I was able to guide her right there after only being there the one time. I thought everyone could do that.

I am sorry your mom had such a horrible experience. It's a shame that those parents did not accept that their child was in the wrong as well. I can imagine that she doesn't like to drive after that.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Has she had driver's ed? The best thing about it, as opposed to taking her driving yourself, is that additional brake pedal on the passenger side.

The only thing that will cure "lack of a clue" is lots and lots and lots of practice." And instruct her on every detail--- "See that kid on the bike? There's no such thing as one kid on a bike; be on the lookout for his friend." type of stuff.

She's not had drivers ed. It's a very limited class & priority is given to older kids. So, we tried to get her in it this past Summer, but it filled up. It won't be available again until next Summer.

 

[mjkacmom]

She's not had drivers ed. It's a very limited class & priority is given to older kids. So, we tried to get her in it this past Summer, but it filled up. It won't be available again until next Summer.

Here you take your written test at school in sophomore year, but you need 6 hours of private instruction (about $350). Aren't there driving schools there?

 

[mnrose]

For all of you who say "driver's ed" and "drive with someone other than a parent," my son (terrible driver, still has instructional permit after 2+ years), has had 30 hours of driver's ed, has had 6 hours professional instruction, has driven a ton with his grandmother (the patience of Job that woman, plus she figures she's lived a long life...LOL), and he is STILL just terrible.

I think the sad fact is that there ARE people who will always be terrible drivers....we've all seen them on the road, right? Not everyone is good, or competent at every life skill.

I'm at a loss to figure out what to do to help my son be a better driver. We've tried a LOT of different things, and none of them seem to help. Each time he gets behind the wheel, it's like it's his first time. Really. He's just awful. And, I won't turn him lose on unsuspecting motorists.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Here you take your written test at school in sophomore year, but you need 6 hours of private instruction (about $350). Aren't there driving schools there?

It's funny to hear how different locations have different options. Going the private route where we live cost around $750, but only about $500 through the school. For our two it was a $500 difference in cost. I heard even the private lessons had a back up, too, for driving time. The big advantage I saw was that they took them to the driving test in the relatively small car they drive in. That would've been an advantage for us (although we didn't realize it ahead of time) because as it turned out, we had to take our kids in a rather large SUV because that was the car we had that had a pull up brake, and that's required for the driving exam in our state (MA). Where DS had to do his three point turn was on a tight little unused, overgrown dead end and, put it this way, it would've been a lot easier in a smaller car. DS also automatically failed his driving test the first time for a "safety violation" when the door stuck and didn't close all the way. I saw him stop and re-close it, but the fact that he drove off with it while the door light was on caused him to fail. DD was screamed at by the same guy when she was told she did a "five point turn" instead of a three point, but he was cutting her a "big break" by passing her anyway, yada yada yada. She got out of the car upset and in tears even though she'd just gotten her license. That guy was a piece of work. We went to a different location the second time with DS, but the guy he got there was no prize, either. Not sure why the registry people have to be so mean-spirited. (It is the running joke here in MA, not sure about other states.) I mean, I get tough, but mean is unnecessary.

 

[tvguy]

Has she had driver's ed? The best thing about it, as opposed to taking her driving yourself, is that additional brake pedal on the passenger side.

The only thing that will cure "lack of a clue" is lots and lots and lots of practice." And instruct her on every detail--- "See that kid on the bike? There's no such thing as one kid on a bike; be on the lookout for his friend." type of stuff.

Never thought about other states and Drivers Ed. In California you can't get a permit without the classroom portion, and your permit isn't valid for you to drive until you start the behind the wheel portion.

OP. Here, the Community College parking lots on the weekends are a great place to get driving practice without traffic.

 

[mjkacmom]

It's funny to hear how different locations have different options. Going the private route where we live cost around $750, but only about $500 through the school. For our two it was a $500 difference in cost. I heard even the private lessons had a back up, too, for driving time. The big advantage I saw was that they took them to the driving test in the relatively small car they drive in. That would've been an advantage for us (although we didn't realize it ahead of time) because as it turned out, we had to take our kids in a rather large SUV because that was the car we had that had a pull up brake, and that's required for the driving exam in our state (MA). Where DS had to do his three point turn was on a tight little unused, overgrown dead end and, put it this way, it would've been a lot easier in a smaller car. DS also automatically failed his driving test the first time for a "safety violation" when the door stuck and didn't close all the way. I saw him stop and re-close it, but the fact that he drove off with it while the door light was on caused him to fail. DD was screamed at by the same guy when she was told she did a "five point turn" instead of a three point, but he was cutting her a "big break" by passing her anyway, yada yada yada. She got out of the car upset and in tears even though she'd just gotten her license. That guy was a piece of work. We went to a different location the second time with DS, but the guy he got there was no prize, either. Not sure why the registry people have to be so mean-spirited. (It is the running joke here in MA, not sure about other states.) I mean, I get tough, but mean is unnecessary.

Our school no longer offers driving instruction (it did back in my day, my guidance counselor taught me), and we have the parking break rule. I think the only reason dd20 passed was because we had to use the driving school vehicle (we only have minivans). I later learned that it appears having the driving school take you makes it more likely to pass. Dd did her 6 hours when she turned 16, and didn't drive again until 2 days before her 17th birthday.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Here you take your written test at school in sophomore year, but you need 6 hours of private instruction (about $350). Aren't there driving schools there?

No

 

[spacemountainmom]

Funny how requirements are so different in different places. Here (MN) if you are under 18, you are required to take a 30 hour classroom driver ed course before you can take the permit test. The driving schools do 6 hours of behind the wheel with an instructor but it is expected that students have already done some driving with a parent. A student must have had their permit for at least 6 months and have completed at least 50 hours of driving time (15 of them must be at night) before they can take their road test. That requirement can drop down to 40 hours if a parent takes a class.

It seems strange since we have so many requirements that there are places that don't seem to have many at all.

 

[IDoDis]

Both of my kids went to driving school, did the required 6 hours with the instructor and the 50 hours with DH and myself which was scar! DS didn't get his license until over a year later. He just wasn't ready. I dont know how he passed his driving test! We had many near misses, including one time when he swerved and we were up on 2 wheels where the car almost rolled.

Six months after getting her license, DD had a minor accident when she merged incorrectly. Six months later she was in another fender bender when she made a u-turn and hit a car. Four months after finally getting his license, DS rear-ended a car when traffic came to a hault during rush hour and he wasn't prepared to stop in time. Luckily there was no damage to the SUV he hit and that driver was in a hurry and said not to bother with a police report, so at least we didn't have ANOTHER insurance claim. DS's front end was damaged though.

Becoming a good diver who can anticipate potential problems and have an acute awareness of what is going on around them takes more time than what the states require for a license. Word to the wise -- Give your kids as much time as they need until you feel that they can drive safely. But even with that time, they may eventually have an accident. Therefore, don't buy them an expensive car. Get a less expensive used car that won't break the bank and cause financial problems if the car is in an accident.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Funny how requirements are so different in different places. Here (MN) if you are under 18, you are required to take a 30 hour classroom driver ed course before you can take the permit test. The driving schools do 6 hours of behind the wheel with an instructor but it is expected that students have already done some driving with a parent. A student must have had their permit for at least 6 months and have completed at least 50 hours of driving time (15 of them must be at night) before they can take their road test. That requirement can drop down to 40 hours if a parent takes a class.

It seems strange since we have so many requirements that there are places that don't seem to have many at all.

Here, we require 6 months with permit before license, 50 hours of road time (10 of which must be at night). Permit can be granted at 15th Birthday, license at 16.

When I was young, we had no requirements at all. No permit until 16, but you weren't even required to GET a permit. Many kids took their driving test immediately after passing their written. I had my permit for all of 45 minutes LOL