DD is a terrrible driver. Help!

[Gumbo4x4]

She's been permit eligible for 14 months & has actually had one since February. She isn't fast, nor has she hit anything (yet). But, she just has no clue.

Which way do I turn?
Which lane should I get in?
Do I have to stop?
Is it okay to go?

The kicker was today. We're approaching an intersection, needing to turn left. Light is green, but no green turn arrow, oncoming green truck with the right of way.
DD - which lane?
Me - the left turn lane (pointing)
DD - should I wait?
Me - just duck in behind the green truck

What happens instead? She cuts in front of the green truck barreling at us at about 50 MPH. And not deliberately. She does it slowly so as to be in his direct path for the longest possible time. Realizing her mistake & that there was still time to correct it, I scream "BEHIND THE TRUCK, BEHIND THE TRUCK!!!". But, she kept turning into his path. Thankfully, the pickup driver recognized the issue & was hard on his brakes. And when I realized we were too far gone to correct, I screamed "GO!". DD did respond to this, gassed it hard, and managed to get us out of the intersection alive.

I should note that as we approached the intersection, the green truck was far enough away that a more experienced & more aggressive driver could have easily and safely cut in front of the truck. But, not the way she tried it, and that's why I told her to go behind him.

This is a smart kid, good at math, physics, bowling, shooting. But, the trajectory of a car escapes her. And the constant questions about the most basic things say it's just not sinking in. Obviously, more practice (if we live through it) will help. But, her development is painfully slow. Professional help in the form of drivers ed is only available in Summer. Not getting a license really isn't an option. We live in a rural area with zero public transportation. Thankfully, she's one of the oldest in her class, so her friends are all without licenses as well (for now). But, we need to get her better - much better - and now.

Her basic operation of the car is fine. But, she needs to handle traffic & intersections better. Would something like an online driving simulator maybe help? Other ideas? Help!

 

[kimblebee]

I'd say just get her on the road as much as possible.

My sister was a very tense driver. When she drove, her back didn't rest against the seat back..she was straight as a stick the whole time. As she drove more, she relaxed and now she's fine.

I don't think anything online will help..as tense as it may be for now she just needs to get more experience.

How old is she?

 

[mnrose]

I feel your pain. I have twin 17 year olds. My son has had his permit for two year, has driven well over 100 hours, and is still absolutely terrible at driving. Just awful. He's a wicked smart kid (for real, his IQ is in the genius level), but driving...OMG...so awful. Can't begin to describe the number of near misses we've had. My daughter got her license as quick as anything, and is a very good driver. She went from permit to license in the minimum required time.

Not sure how to make my son a good driver except more practice and more practice and more practice.

Either that or he will have to live where Uber is extensive.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I feel your pain as well.

We have to teach our 20yodd to drive over winter break. Trade you, lol? We are thinking driving school and maybe taking her to the go cart place just to get a feel for driving on a not so scary level to start her out.

This kid needs her license although she manages to get around traveling the USA at the moment.

Good luck dad...

 

[Squirlz]

There are no private driving instructors available? Maybe just keep riding with her and instruct the best you can.

 

[ColoradoDisneyFreaks]

When you're driving with her, do you explain the rules of the road, and how everything is supposed to flow as you're going along (not in the heat of the moment, but rather along a straight away before hand)? I do this with my DD, and then I'll quiz her say at a 4 way stop asking who has the right of way when there's no one else at the stop and we have time, so that these things tend to sink in. I'll give her directions, and then ask her what lane she needs to be in, rather than telling her which lane to get in, that gets her thinking about it in terms of being proactive herself, rather than just reactive to my instructions. We started just being reactive, and then progressed over time to the proactive, and she's gotten to be a pretty good driver.

 

[godders]

Maybe try a private driver. I've had my license coming up on 10 years (got it at 17) and I still feel slightly anxious when I'm driving one of my parents versus my friends. Partly because most of my friends are awful drivers but also it's the pressure of a parent. My Dad is a nightmare and I can feel how tense he is even though he himself is a bit of a speed freak. It puts me off and I've never even had an accident.

Maybe you're unintentionally making it worse?

 

[BigAlsGal]

I don't know what I'm gonna do. I still freak out on my DH sometimes. I'm the worst backseat driver. I'm just gonna put on a blindfold and hold on for dear life.

 

[Micca]

Gumbo you need to get your DD a private instructor. Parents teaching their kids to drive is just a bad combination--it's not you, it's not her, it's the pairing. Perhaps you could find someone who has a basic 6 step program that allows you to bail if she gets the hang of it prior to the last lessons (save money.)

 

[scrapquitler]

She's been permit eligible for 14 months & has actually had one since February. She isn't fast, nor has she hit anything (yet). But, she just has no clue.

Which way do I turn?
Which lane should I get in?
Do I have to stop?
Is it okay to go?

The kicker was today. We're approaching an intersection, needing to turn left. Light is green, but no green turn arrow, oncoming green truck with the right of way.
DD - which lane?
Me - the left turn lane (pointing)
DD - should I wait?
Me - just duck in behind the green truck

What happens instead? She cuts in front of the green truck barreling at us at about 50 MPH. And not deliberately. She does it slowly so as to be in his direct path for the longest possible time. Realizing her mistake & that there was still time to correct it, I scream "BEHIND THE TRUCK, BEHIND THE TRUCK!!!". But, she kept turning into his path. Thankfully, the pickup driver recognized the issue & was hard on his brakes. And when I realized we were too far gone to correct, I screamed "GO!". DD did respond to this, gassed it hard, and managed to get us out of the intersection alive.

I should note that as we approached the intersection, the green truck was far enough away that a more experienced & more aggressive driver could have easily and safely cut in front of the truck. But, not the way she tried it, and that's why I told her to go behind him.

This is a smart kid, good at math, physics, bowling, shooting. But, the trajectory of a car escapes her. And the constant questions about the most basic things say it's just not sinking in. Obviously, more practice (if we live through it) will help. But, her development is painfully slow. Professional help in the form of drivers ed is only available in Summer. Not getting a license really isn't an option. We live in a rural area with zero public transportation. Thankfully, she's one of the oldest in her class, so her friends are all without licenses as well (for now). But, we need to get her better - much better - and now.

Her basic operation of the car is fine. But, she needs to handle traffic & intersections better. Would something like an online driving simulator maybe help? Other ideas? Help!

it sounds to me like she just needs lots more practice.

 

[clh2]

My advice-every time you are driving and she is the passenger-you state what you are doing and why. When she is driving, she needs to do the same.

When my niece was learning to drive, she did some things that would have horrified the entire Disboards. It was so bad, it was like she had never been in a car observing anything before, ever. She has now had her license for over a year.

As far as drivers ed not being available until summer-are there any driving schools in any nearby towns, where you could do a private lesson or two, that may be helpful as well!

Good luck!

 

[mustlovecats]

My parents tried to teach me to drive and it did not go well. It stressed me out so badly that I refused to drive (or try to drive) from age 17-20. I finally got my license when I turned 21 but continued to refuse to drive for several more years.

The story you just described is very similar to something that happened while my dad tried to teach me. That was about the time that I gave up. I recommend finding an instructor and have her spend hours driving with him/her. I recommend you stop trying to teach her yourself.

Another thing that really negatively impacted me was my parents kept telling me I was not a good driver. Even though I was a bad driver and they weren't wrong, driving requires confidence and my parents killed mine. I'm still not confident about driving.

 

[Hikergirl]

Private lessons. They worked great for my dd. She wasn't bad, but I think she was more comfortable driving with someone other than me or my dh.

 

[diznygirl]

She's been permit eligible for 14 months & has actually had one since February. She isn't fast, nor has she hit anything (yet). But, she just has no clue.

Which way do I turn?
Which lane should I get in?
Do I have to stop?
Is it okay to go?

The kicker was today. We're approaching an intersection, needing to turn left. Light is green, but no green turn arrow, oncoming green truck with the right of way.
DD - which lane?
Me - the left turn lane (pointing)
DD - should I wait?
Me - just duck in behind the green truck

What happens instead? She cuts in front of the green truck barreling at us at about 50 MPH. And not deliberately. She does it slowly so as to be in his direct path for the longest possible time. Realizing her mistake & that there was still time to correct it, I scream "BEHIND THE TRUCK, BEHIND THE TRUCK!!!". But, she kept turning into his path. Thankfully, the pickup driver recognized the issue & was hard on his brakes. And when I realized we were too far gone to correct, I screamed "GO!". DD did respond to this, gassed it hard, and managed to get us out of the intersection alive.

I should note that as we approached the intersection, the green truck was far enough away that a more experienced & more aggressive driver could have easily and safely cut in front of the truck. But, not the way she tried it, and that's why I told her to go behind him.

This is a smart kid, good at math, physics, bowling, shooting. But, the trajectory of a car escapes her. And the constant questions about the most basic things say it's just not sinking in. Obviously, more practice (if we live through it) will help. But, her development is painfully slow. Professional help in the form of drivers ed is only available in Summer. Not getting a license really isn't an option. We live in a rural area with zero public transportation. Thankfully, she's one of the oldest in her class, so her friends are all without licenses as well (for now). But, we need to get her better - much better - and now.

Her basic operation of the car is fine. But, she needs to handle traffic & intersections better. Would something like an online driving simulator maybe help? Other ideas? Help!

I feel your pain. We actually did get rear-ended while my son was driving. We've only recently got him back in the car driving again. We will be paying for driving lessons in the summer and I hope that helps. In the mean time, he drives around town and that's it.

Good luck to all of us!

 

[DisneyOma]

Have you tried drawing some diagrams? Visuals of intersections, left and right hand turns, etc. I bet there are some tutorials on YouTube as well. Drive over and over again in familiar areas. Go around the block over and over. Don't go anywhere new until she has mastered the neighborhood, etc.

 

[Bluestars]

One time, after my son got his permit, he was driving to school and there was a car that had pulled out in front of us from a side street. The car stopped in the middle of the road by the median waiting to turn, with the back blocking our lane. I yelled at my son that there was a car and he needed to slow down. For some reason, he didn't. So I had to grab the wheel and turn us out of the way. It scared me so much.

I would highly recommend taking your daughter out on the roads early in the mornings on the weekends when there is very little traffic. Also, I would be clear when giving her instructions. Instead of saying, "duck in behind the green truck," I would say something like, "let the green truck pass and then turn." (Or whatever it was you needed her to do). I would make sure every instruction was very clear because kids can get nervous and need very simple instructions. It is a good idea to give her plenty of experience turning at stop lights so she will know how to do it safely. People run lights all of the time, so just because the light is turning red doesn't mean the car is going to stop. My son had to learn that the hard way.

 

[lennyd]

Some people are slow learners , in time she will become a great driver , she need more practice then some one else.

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

During the first month my DD17 was learning, she pulled out of a parking lot, turned right way too hard and couldn't correct in time. She hit the curb so hard that she took out both tires on the passenger side. Had to get a flatbed tow truck to haul the car to the garage. She and DH were pretty traumatized, but he got her back in the fixed car and made her practice, practice, practice. She is a good driver now.

 

[marlynnp]

Been there, done that... actually still doing it because DD hasn't yet passed her test due to the parallel parking requirement.

Practice, practice, practice. There's a whole lot going on that you, as an experienced driver, no longer have to think about. Learning drivers have a lot of focus on keeping in the lane, keeping a set speed, etc - things that we just 'know' without having to actually devote any brain power to them.

The best advice I can give is to use continuous play-by-play. I started by having her drive a set route through a nearby development and giving me continuous feedback about what she saw and what she was doing.

Example:
I see someone walking their dog ahead on the right. The dog is on a leash. There is a car coming toward me. They are in their lane. I see a stop sign ahead. I'm going to turn right. Signalling. I'm slowing down. Stopped. I'm now pulling up a bit so I can see better. Looking, left, right, left. Turning. Going up a hill, giving more gas to maintain speed. There are children playing in the yard on the left. I will keep an extra watch to make sure they don't go near the road as I get closer.


Additionally, I started to also do this stream of consciousness when I drove with her in the car, so that she knew what I was actually thinking about in situations where a lot more things were happening.

 

[dclpluto]

Have her drive on back roads. Once she gets use to driving on bcak roads have her drive in a little more traffic and so on and so on