College freshman bringing home

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by java, Dec 4, 2012.

  1. punkin

    punkin <font color=purple>Went through pain just to look

    Nov 28, 2001
    Weird question. When DD20's BF (of a year) stays here, he is in a separate room. I never discussed it with my DD (nor the BF). I just told him where he would be sleeping. My house - my rules.
  2. Avatar

    Google AdSense Guest Advertisement

    to hide this advert.
  3. Buckalew11

    Buckalew11 2013 1/2 Marathon Finisher!!! Woohoo!!

    Oct 15, 2004
    Separate rooms. That's the way my parents did it and we abided by it. I'd choose the same. I do not think DD would even pose the question (esp. as a college freshman).
  4. fae

    fae Mouseketeer

    May 31, 2011
    At my parents' house, my boyfriend and I share a bed. I don't think my 8 year old little sister is going to be scarred for life over it. Just because we share a bed at night doesn't mean we're doing anything other than sleeping in it.

    At his parents' house, we sleep in separate rooms and we're totally fine with that, as that is what makes his mother comfortable.
  5. SaraJayne

    SaraJayne <font color=red>Stop moving those smilies! <img sr

    Mar 6, 2009
    There would be no questions about where DS and his girlfriend would sleep. If you aren't married, you won't be sharing a bed in our house.
  6. Keeblerelf928

    Keeblerelf928 Earning My Ears

    Oct 28, 2011
    My boyfriend and I shared a bed at my parent's house and his parents. My brother, than 4 at the time, now 8 has never questioned it. When my boyfriend and I bought our first home my brother 7 at the time said "now will you get married already???" We all laughed. 10 months later we still aren't married, but we did finally get engaged :).

    I don't think sharing a bed will do anything to the younger ones unless a big deal is made about it. More than likely they won't care. My younger brother just wants to call my boyfriend his brother.

    For what it's worth we were 19/21 when we shared a bed and I was a college sophomore and he was senior. We are 25/27 now and still more in love than ever :)
  7. aaarcher86

    aaarcher86 DIS Veteran

    Feb 17, 2010
    Whatever you choose will set the precedent for the younger children.

    I imagine at some point they'll even push the envelope - 'well I'm 18 now (in high school). I'll have Jimbo sleepover since mom let xxx do it when they were 18.' Ya know?

    I'm not a stickler for marriage before living together/sex/kids... I'm more of a whatever works for you girl and I'm not sure how I'd feel about it in my own home with my own kids.
  8. SC Minnie

    SC Minnie <font color=purple>Are we there yet???<br><font co

    May 18, 2001
    THis is what happened when I on all visits to DH's family before we were married. Once when we were engaged. I was shown the room I would be staying. Period. No discussion. And DH was 35 at the time.
  9. Katy Belle

    Katy Belle DIS Veteran

    Jan 20, 2004
    I have a son that will be a Freshman in college next year. If we end up in the same situation, I will have him sleep on the couch and give her his room.

    Thinking back, I would not have been comfortable sleeping with DH in my parents house, or his parents house, before marriage.
  10. Acklander

    Acklander DIS Veteran

    Sep 14, 2004
    I'm 52 years old and while I've slept with DH a gazillion times while at my parents or his parents house, i don't think I've ever had sex with him while there (or in anyone else's house for that matter). Am I the only one who uses the bedroom just for sleeping while a house guest???
  11. mhsjax

    mhsjax DIS Veteran

    Mar 3, 2006
    No, I never have done anything either, but it is the idea. I was raised that once you are married, you share a bed, not before. I still stand by that rule. My kids know it. And yep, I know that they may live with someone, they know how I feel about that also. Like my mom, even if you live together, you won't share a bed in my home until married.
  12. christineann

    christineann DIS Veteran

    Jun 22, 2000
    It appears this is an 18 year old and a girl he met less than 4 months ago. If they are mature enough to sleep together, they should be mature enough to not sleep together for a couple of nights.

    I would say no anyway, and I seriously doubt my kids would ask.
  13. Colleen27

    Colleen27 DIS Veteran

    Mar 31, 2007
    A college freshman with a relatively new relationship (meaning measured in months rather than years)? My expectation would be separate rooms, and I'm not especially conservative on the matter. If we were talking about a couple that was living together, for example, I'd respect their relationship enough to allow the same sleeping arrangements at my home that they are accustomed to in their own. But it doesn't sound like your son's relationship is even close to that level, and while I don't have a moral objection to premarital sex between consenting adults I do think sharing a bed in one's family home is a milestone of sorts that should be reserved for serious/long-term relationships.
  14. NHdisneylover

    NHdisneylover DIS Veteran

    Feb 26, 2007
    DH and I started dating as college Freshman. We never asked anyone ahead of time--we just slept where ever they showed us.

    His parents always put us in separate rooms (and we stayed there about one weekend a month, as it was about a 2 hour drive from the school down). For a few years the room I ended up in was known as "Hadley's room" :lmao:

    We never really stayed at my house overnight that I recall (my dad is really shy).

    His older siblings and my grandparents (yes, my grandparents!) put us in one room together.

    Other than laughing amongst our selves that my grandparents were more liberal than his parents about this stuff we never much cared--it was just a few nights here or there.

    My own kids will be 16 and 14 this month. I THINK I would just put my child and their SO n a room together by the time they are coming home from college. I would not worry about what the two year younger one thinks--it fits my morals and he will be treated the same when visiting from school, so no big deal FOR ME.

    Basically, I do not think there is anything wrong with you enforcing your rules if you want those rules, but I also do not think there is anything wrong with you being okay with it and your younger kids knowing that.

    I'll join you in the mnority:thumbsup2
    I agree--either just put them somewhere and assume, or discuss with your son ahead of time--but do not have the conversation with the poor girl there.
  15. DebD4T

    DebD4T <font color=blue>I cannot sleep in an unmade bed.

    Jun 8, 2000
    Last year DS had his girlfriend come stay overnight during Christmas vacation. I told them both that they were not sharing his room and that the door to his room was to stay open.
    He slept on the couch and she took the bed. (Don't know what they did after I fell asleep though. :rotfl:)

    What he does when he is away at school is his business, but as many other poster have said... "my house, my rules"
  16. SaraJayne

    SaraJayne <font color=red>Stop moving those smilies! <img sr

    Mar 6, 2009
    No! I have been married for over 16 years and have 2 children. I still won't have sex in either my mother's or MIL's house. :scared:
  17. marcyinPA

    marcyinPA <font color=blue>I'll never forget the strong, pun

    Apr 2, 2001
    Yup- pretty much sums up my feelings too!
  18. zurgswife

    zurgswife WDW is my Shangrala...and I'm is bett

    Jan 9, 2000
    For the past few years DD and her BF of 3 yrs have slept in separate places. Which usually is a couch for one of them. That causes problems because our house is very small and the only couch is smack dab in the LR.

    My youngest is now 16, my dd and her BF have lived together for 2 yrs. So we did a bit of shuffling. Now this past Thanksgiving my oldest son slept on a pull out couch in the newly cleaned and straighted basement. My dd and her bf slept together in the smaller of our guest rooms (which last year was someones bedroom) and the other son and daughter slept in their room.

    They never asked and always assumed that it was separate sleeping when at our home it just got to inconvenient for me to do with so many bodies on one small home.

    So, it would depend on the ages of your other kids in the house and how you personally feel about it.
  19. mimmi

    mimmi DIS Veteran

    Sep 11, 2010
    Interesting. Maybe this is a cultural thing, but I don't know anybody who would suggest seperate rooms for adult couples.
    When I had my first boyfriend he was allowed to spend the night after a few weeks and even my mother told me, that she could bring her boyfriend home in 1971, and of course they stayed in the same room.
    It's a total non topic over here.
    I would doubt that they would even do something that could anybody make uncomfortable in a house full with family.
    Doesn't it feel somewhat weird and forced,putting two people that are together in different rooms?
  20. DDRManiac

    DDRManiac Derek S

    Apr 9, 2006
    This is indeed a cultural thing... one that I will never understand.. Essentially in most of these cases we have parents who are fully aware their child is engaged in a physical relationship but like many Americans... have adopted the out of sight out of mind philosophy. When it has the chance of happening at home that might be awkward for the parent so they instead make the entire stay awkward for their son/daughter..

    I know that paints the parent in a negative light but honestly thats how it usually seems to be..... denial

    Also I'd just like to point out... forcing your children to follow a rule like that when for some of the posts I have read is clearly based on a religious ideal is really wrong...IMO anyway
  21. SaraJayne

    SaraJayne <font color=red>Stop moving those smilies! <img sr

    Mar 6, 2009
    Do you have children? If you don't, your opinion may change once that happens. I know mine did. :)

    Religion has nothing to do with my feelings on the matter. ;)

Share This Page