College freshman bringing home

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by java, Dec 4, 2012.

  1. Buckalew11

    Buckalew11 2013 1/2 Marathon Finisher!!! Woohoo!!

    Oct 15, 2004
    This happened to me also. It was awkward, to say the least.

    It just seems like a relationship that just started in August (maybe) evolves awfully quickly into a sexual relationship by Thanksgiving and Christmas break.

    I suppose the majority of kids are doing it but I know a few who aren't so to put them in that situation sure can be uncomfortable.
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  3. Colleen27

    Colleen27 DIS Veteran

    Mar 31, 2007
    I agree that there is much more to it than finances, but when it comes to young people and sex I think it is impossible to separate finances from the question of readiness. I'm not a religious woman and I don't discourage pre-marital sex at all (quite the contrary, actually) but our kids have been taught all along that sex is something to be enjoyed by mature adults capable of dealing with the potential consequences. If they don't meet that standard, whether they're 16 or 22, I won't be comfortable condoning their choice to engage in something for which I don't believe them to be ready.
  4. MouseMomx2

    MouseMomx2 DIS Veteran

    Nov 10, 2006
    The thing is, I don't think this is about sex. If they want to, kids are going to have sex whether it is condoned or not. Even if they are not allowed to share a bed in their parents' house they are going to have sex if they want to. Even if they are not financially ready for the potential consequences they are going to have sex if they want to. I full understand and accept that. Sex is a separate discussion.

    For me, this issue is about something else. Once my children earned it I treated them as adults. There was no magic switch that flipped at 18 and it happened at different ages for each of them. I now trust them to make smart, responsible decisions. Sometimes they slip up but for the most part they handle their lives and issues well. I leave it up to them where they want to sleep. It seems silly to me to let them go off and live at college and have the freedom that goes with that and then take those decision-making responsibilities away from them when they come home.

    I agree with the my house my rules philosophy and think everyone has to set the rules that work for them. Here those rules include honesty, respect, responsibility, tolerance and kindness. Where people sleep is not important to me. For what it's worth, I do not believe that either of my kids have ever had sex in this house. I can't imagine either of them feeling comfortable enough to do that with the rest of us so close by.
  5. disykat

    disykat DIS Veteran

    Jun 5, 2000
    I was using a very random example of when someone might want to do something in someone's home and the "but I'm an adult and I can do what I want argument" won't fly. As an adult, you know to follow the behavior "code" for the environment that you are in. There are MANY rules, spoken and unspoken, everywhere we go. Someone claiming they don't have to follow anyone else's expectations because they are an adult and get to set their own rules is ridiculous.

    If you don't like my analogy, you are free to ignore it. You and I seem to be on the same side on this one (respect the rules of the house or go elsewhere) so I'm not sure why you want to argue with me.
  6. mimmi

    mimmi DIS Veteran

    Sep 11, 2010
    I'm guessing you talk about pregnancies. Wouldn't the consequences be the same no matter where somebody gets pregnant?
    Pretending that there are no activities is hardly a contraception.

    It's not the social norm, you are uncomfortable with it, so don't allow it, in the end you don't have to defend you position as you shouldn't be uncomfortable in your own house.
  7. NHdisneylover

    NHdisneylover DIS Veteran

    Feb 26, 2007
    It seems a lot of people think the son was out of line to ask his mom. Dd I miss something? I don't get the impression that he was demanding to be allowed to sleep with his girlfriend. I get the impression that he realized that he does not KNOW what the "house rules" are for him as an adult with a visiting girlfriend--it is likely the first time it has happened in the house (heck, Mom s not sure what her house rules are yet, from the OP ;))

    Personally, I think it shows a lot of maturity that the young man thought ahead about the potential for the situation to cause confusion and/or embarrassment and made an effort to speak with his parents and sort things out before he and his girlfriend arrive. It is likely not an easy topic to roach with parents--but he s working to spare both his parents and his girlefriend embarrassment later on--good for him!


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